Sitter Issue

If you trust this sitter overall and like her, don't let this one incident end the "relationship". Like others said, the "parent's" bedroom might not have been off limits her in house and honestly, a messy room is not a deterrent for a teen or college kid!
I could easily see one of the kids saying, "Let's watch TV in my mom and dad's room...it's more comfortable in there".
If a child I was babysitting for said that, and it seemed normal routine for them, I would likely follow their lead as long as nothing is being disrupted or hurt. Now, if there was a sign on the door saying "Do not enter" or I was told by the parents NOT to go in there...I would absolutely honor their request no matter what the child said.
Just wanted to put a different spin on the issue. ALSO, do the kids dislike this girl? I remember as a child having a babysitter we didn't like...and we came up with all kinds of ways of getting her in trouble and "tattling" on her after we "baited" her (poor girl, now that I think of it! LOL)
Good luck!
(I'm still hesitant to use a sitter other than good friends and family, and my daughter is 19 months old already!)

I'm not sure if there was something in your room that really embarrased you but I do think that your making a bigger deal out of this than you should. Did your kids like her? Did they break anything? Was your baby's diaper full? I would use her again if everything was ok and ask her to stay out of my room and the kids shouldn't go in the either.
I've been embarrassed before and sometimes we let anger take over when we feel that way. (insecure)
God Bless

I agree with the others who said that it is very possible that she grew up in a home where the parents' room was not off limits. And if she has grown comfortable with you it is possible that she took the re-organization mess in stride as just another part of your life. It is sometimes difficult as a babysitter to know what the boundaries are in someone else's home, so it might actually be a relief for her to know which areas are and are not off limits. I don't know what the other problems are, and they may be things that really are deal breakers, but the best way to handle the bedroom issue is to mention next time that you feel that you should mention that the parents' bedroom is off limits. I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker on its own though. You could very well lose a valuable sitter over a small lack of communication. If something else, or the combination of issues, is a deal breaker, you should probably call and calmly and reasonably explain why you feel that you need to find someone else for your children. Good luck!

As one poster wrote, different families have different rules. Don't take her going into your room as disrespect...she may be one of my sitters, whom I tell TO watch TV in our room :). If she does a good job with the kids and they like her, have her babysit again but be sure and tell her any hang-ups like that you might have.

I would have to say that if i was the siter i would want to know why i was not talked to. I would like a chance to tell my side of the story and then go from there. i to have 3 kids ages 4, 6, and 8 and they can be caniving some times if you know what i mean. are you sure that she was truly in your room? the kids could have been in there and just said they where all in. or no one could have been in there at all. you should always get both sides of the story before assuming what happend.

Hello! Well I do think you need to get rid of her because it doesnt sound like you trust her anyways. Is this the only thing she has done? To me it wouldnt have been a big deal other than the fact that I would be embarrassed that my room was a diaster, we are remolding a room too and all the stuff from it is also in my room! But I wouldnt consider that grounds for dismissing her. Iv never been through this because we have only had family watch our kids and I could care less what room they go through, but this is my family and I trust them. Maybe find someone you can trust better and their misunderstandings wont bother you so much. Please dont mistake this as me saying that your being mean to her, if you dont trust her you dont trust her. Moms have instints so if you think somethings ify about this girl you should find someone else. Also something I was wondering, Is she just a babysitter for when you and your husband go out or does she watch them everyday while your at work? I think if shes just once in awhile you could find someone else and she wont think its a big deal, but if its everyday, I think you should just be honest with her and let her know. Good luck!

First thing you need to do is calm down.

When I was growing up, my parents bedroom door was open all of the time. We could go in there any time we wanted to get something we needed. We never had to ask. We did have to ask before opening any drawers, but that was our house rule. Imagine my shock when in junior high, my best friend was not allowed to go into her parents room. We were at the house alone and she needed something that she thought her mother had left in her room. I told her to just go get it. She absolutely refused, she was not allowed to go in without permission. I was flabbergasted. Now with my kids I understand the rule and have the same one. But, you can not assume that your baby sitter was raised the same way.

Maybe in her home there is no special rules about the master bedroom. So, why would she show a special respect for yours, she doesnt know any better.

Next, if you told her that they could watch TV in the kitchen they must have assumed that watching TV any where would be fine. There is a lot of assuming going on here. I doubt very much that she deliberately disrespected you. She is probably bright enough to see that the mess was from the work being done on the house.

If she takes good care of your kids then why would you let this one thing upset you so much? The next time you have her over just let her know that the master bedroom is a private place and that you dont her and the kids to go in there.

Is it really that difficult to explain and issue that was misunderstood, a minor issue at that.

Well my feeling is if you don't trust her on any level you shouldn't be using her...but at the same time, my house is often a mess and I have told babysitters that my kids unwind and prepare for bed by snuggling in our bed and even watching TV. I KNOW that has made sitters uncomfortable and I was upset when they DIDN'T do it because it upset the kids and their normal routine. So I guess the basic premise here is if you like her well enough to use her again and trust her then give her another shot...if not, then there is no reason to use her again.

As for the next time. If you don't want them going into your room (or any specific room) then you tell BOTH the kids and the sitter that under NO uncertain circumstances are they to go into X or XX room. PERIOD. Let the kids know what the consequences will be if that should happen. And if they tell you the sitter went in there...well, then you'll be looking for a new one. The point of the matter is we were all raised with different rules and regulations. We may not have agreed with them but when you are in a guests house, you are under their roof and theirfore must abide by their rules. My guess is she found the kitchen uncomfortable and the kids probably weren't comfortable in there either (unless you have one of those really posh kitchens with the extra sitting area with comfey chairs)...that's the only logical reason why I could give as to why she was in your bedroom with the kids. As for calling her back...that's completely up to you. Are you a confrontational person? If she gives you a plausible excuse will you even consider using her again? If not, then there really isn't a point in opening the can of worms. Granted it's nice to know why you weren't called back or used again but it's really not necessary.

I have to say that we too don't have any off limit rooms. Maybe she grew up in a home like I keep for my kids. We all hang out in our room. We used to anyway. I finally stomped my feet and demanded we take the tv out of the bedroom because of my husbands never shutting it off. But for years and years we all hung out in there and the kids went in there anytime they want. My 8 year old still reads and plays on my bed.

You haven't said what the other issues are. So it's hard to say what you should do. But absolutely you should be honest with her. If she feels bad and like she did something wrong she'll not do it again at her future jobs or at least ask the right questions. If she thinks you are a flake she'll do what she wants but at least she'll have the opportunity to decide and know why she isn't being brought back to your home.

I maybe don't sound sympathetic because I really don't think anything should be private. I figure if it's embarrassing somethings wrong. Messy rooms happen. Personal grown up toys don't have a place anywhere in my home LOL! Bills and such...well I don't care. I'm not concerned about identity theft like so many people are. But if I was it would be put away.

Suzi

the thing for me is, whether or not that's how she was raised, that it's okay for the kids to go into mom and dad's room, it's not okay for HER. i think a stranger you barely know going into your room to turn the tv on for them (i'm assuming?) is kinda drawing the line. if you like everything else about her i would give her another chance - lay down the law though, my room is MY space too, and i would be very uncomfortable with a stranger going in there for any reason. being a college aged student i would think she'd have more respect for personal boundaries, but you can't help how other people were raised. tell her clearly the rules, and see what happens. (and pick up the undies just in case for next time!) if it happens again though i would lose her. some people just don't respect boundaries and at her age it may be too late to teach her. nothing against letting your kids into your room by any means, but a sitter along with them is a whole other story in my book. but then i'm a pretty private person. i DO think that before you let her go for good you should give her a chance to explain/correct the behavior. it could be she just didn't realize. good luck!

If your room is off limits, then so be it! Everyone has their own rules and preferences. Don't feel bad because other people don't have any limits. When I was a child my sister and I were allowed in our parents room ONLY if they said it was OK. That was their space... they paid the mortgage, so we respected their rules. My husband, on the other hand, was raised that NO ONE was to go into their parents' room, (could be because there were eight kids!). Anyhow, we've compromised and now it is that our kids can go into our room if we're in it, but they must knock first. (In case one of us is getting dressed) Kids need limits and boundaries so when they grow up, they'll be respectful, responsible adults. As far as the sitter is concerned; if this is the only offense, I'd give her another chance. Just talk your feelings out with her. Communication is an important key in any relationship.

Sorry this was so long-winded. Good luck!! ls