Single Stuck Mama

Get him into a play group or day care half a day three days a week. You'll get well deserved breaks and he will get to play with other children. A total Win/Win for each of you.

My advice is to get a reputable sitter -even if you find them off of sittercity or care.com. Get someone who isn't suddenly going to ditch you to go out of town. Go out sometime -especially for special occasions like a concert on your dad's birthday! Your son needs to learn to be with other folks and you need it too! You don't have to go out all the time, but once in awhile will help you and keep you sane!

aw friend. I hear ya! I'm all the way in Grand Prairie or I would tell you to let him come play with my kids for the day. Have you met all your neighbors? I've worked out a trade program with my neighbors. Sometims they keep my kids, sometimes I keep thiers. So, noone is out money. I also found a woman at work whos mother keeps her kids, so I have her mom keep mine too. They've been watching my kids for years now and they are just like family to my kids. I dont have to feel guilty for leaving them every now and then to go have fun. Your son will survive a babysitter! There is nothing to feel guilty about and he probably would absolutely love it! Theres a drop in child care at the Arlington Highlands that my kids think is the funnest palce they've ever been. There are tons of toys and friends toplay with and they get to just go nuts.

Definitely get in some play groups, either within your neighborhood or through the library or church. Then take turns babysitting for each other's children. Cultivate a list of babysitters so you aren't reliant on just one person. Try some local colleges - sometimes they have students who want to make more money. Depending on your situation, you could consider renting a room to one in exchange for some nanny services. Obviously you'll need references and have to work around an academic schedule, but it might work out.

Your son needs to know that other people are capable of caring for him. There's no real reason he couldn't skip a bath one night unless it's important for his routine and feeling of security. Feeding, bathing, reading - that's what sitters do!

So yes, you will be able to do things as soon as you are willing to delegate some responsibilities to others. You have only had yourself to rely on for a long time, and now you are stuck. Your son is entitled to a mommy who has a fulfilling life - you are woman, not just a mommy, and you need to take care of your entire self.

I personally think it's good for kids to get to be around other people sometimes. They can have fun and benefit from the interaction and they do come to understand that sometimes Mommy goes out, and then she comes home. I don't think you should feel guilty for getting a sitter so you can do something of an adult nature with your dad on his birthday.
What about someone from the single group at your church? I've been a single mom for a long time and moms and I took turns watching each other's kids. They kept mine so I could go to my high school reunion and I kept theirs so they could get away for their anniversary. Our kids were back and forth at each of our houses even if we were just at home and the kids wanted to play. It's good for kids to have a bit of a social life too. I don't think you need to wait for that until he's 7.
The fact is that leaving our kids is usually harder on us than it is on them.
I would start practicing by getting him used to you leaving for a little while, even if it's just to go to the store. You'll gain the confidence that he's perfectly fine and he'll gain the confidence that you will be back.
I think it's easier to do this earlier than later. The longer you wait, the more the kid thinks that mom has no reason to do anything that doesn't involve the child and by then they're old enough to argue with you about it and REALLY lay a guilt trip.
You sound like a great and loving mother and it's not like you're out galavanting and never spending any time with your child. I think some adult time for mom once in a while will be good for you both.

Just my opinion.

I can sympathize... I had the same pulling need to reassert my individuality while also wanting to be with and enjoying being with my child. Don't feel guilty or that you don't have a right to vent. Things will get easier around 4-5 y/o when playdates and spending the night at a family member's house is much more appealing.

You don't have to do all or nothing either... I met my husband (locally) thru a social networking website. We dated for 6 months before discussing moving in together and getting married. We had already clicked emotionally and intellectually online while chatting for months with the occasional date before things progressed to relationship status level.

it'll be ok girl...i know how you feel

I have a MUCH younger child, but I do feel where your coming from. I do most of the stuff myself. His dad is around, but isn't really all into babies and so I end up doing everything and I have him full time.

I will say you should really get a babysitter. He will survive. Find a nice, competent college student who has some experience or something. I started babysitting a girl when she was around 2 while I was in grad school. After a couple of times staying with her, we both fell into a good pattern and routine and her mom used to joke that she was better for me then she was for her own parents! We had so much fun together. Don't feel like all that they would need to do with him is a lot of ask. That is what they are there for! He may only be used to you, but he will get used to someone else. Also, I'm assuming that you have childcare while you work and such so he should be used to the idea that you are coming back, but if he's not, he will get used to it. He can't get used to you leaving and living your own life until you make him basically. So yea, get a sitter and go have some fun!

I know exactly what your feeling. My ex left when I was preg and has never been around babies or kids. He also had supervised visitation when he started seeing him at 6 months. Now, my son is almost 6 and Autistic. I did feel guilty for a very long time plus he had severe separation anxiety from 10 months-2 yrs. My parents watch him from time to time when I go out after I put him to bed or a friend that is a mom and her daughter was classmates with my son, or someone from my church or support groups. Your child will get used to others watching, playing and taking care of him. I do think you do need a break from time to time and It's good for your son too to have a break from mommy as well. I am also a childcare provider with over 20 years of childcare experience so I would be willing to help you out and by the way dinner, bath and bed routine is what babysitters do and it's not a lot, at least in my eyes. lol
I hope this helps and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to message me.

M.

When I had a two year old and a small infant, I met another mom who had the same. We'd trade off sitting. She'd need to go to class and drop off her 2 with me. I'd need to go do something and she'd watch mine. We never left them for more than a few hours and they grew up together as friends for 5 or 6 years - until they moved away. Join a mommy group and find a friend w/child the same age as yours. Visit one another's home a couple of time so the kids get used to playing over at their "friend's" house. There's no guilt when the child is excited to go and play!

I understand how you feel. My ex and I seperated when my son was 18 months and divorced a year later. He got supervised visitation only and I felt like I couldn't leave my son ever unless it was to go to work. I got more and more depressed and went to see a counselor who convinced me I had to have some adult time that wasn't work related. I found a great sitter at www.seekingsitters.com and got out just 2 weekend nights a month and did something grownup. I am a better parent for doing it and my son was at the clingy stage when I did that. I had the same sitter each time and after a few times he could hardly tell I was gone. My son is 5 now and we still have the same babysitter and now that he is older I have a backup teenager who can come when she is not available. It's always good to have a backup when you are a single parent. Hang in there! It will get easier.