"Single Parent" Due to Husband's Deployment

Updated on October 02, 2008
T.H. asks from Rochester, NY
11 answers

My husband is currently deployed to Iraq for the next year and I'm a stay at home mom with two boys under 3. I'm looking for any advice on how to get thru the next 12 months and remain sane. If anyone has been thru this or is going thru this now... please... any ideas?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all your great ideas and support. As hard as this is for my kids and I, I know I'm not alone. Thanks again. T.

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T.C.

answers from New London on

T.,
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is in the Navy but I have no idea what its like for other branches. I would suggest to stay busy and keep those little boys active. I understand how boys can be, I have an almost 3 yr old son. I would suggest join a local playgroup and stay busy. I am a member of a playgroup for SE CT area. Let me know if you are close to here and I'll email you the link. T.

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G.R.

answers from Albany on

I went through this for about 4 months when my sons were 18 months and 3 1/2 and my husband was relocated out of state for a new job. I now your situation is much different, but I was a stay at home mom and felt like I was a single parent. Thankfully I had my parents and his parents and family to help me. Do you have any family that you could spend some time with on the weekends, or find a play group, that might help a liitl. Good luck.

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L.S.

answers from Glens Falls on

Keep yourself busy!! I just became an independent consultant with a company called Arbonne. We sell all natural skin care products. Its a lot of fun, it keeps me busy and I get to meet great new people. On top of that I get to earn extra money. Check out the web site at www.arbonne.com or email me at ____@____.com and i can give you more info.
Hope to hear from you soon.
L. S

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C.S.

answers from New York on

First, God Bless you and your family for the sacrafices your family is making for all of us.. Thank you.

The next year will be difficult for you. Use all of the supports you have around you. Leaning doesn't make you weak it makes you smart and leaves you strong enough to do what you need to for your boys.

I would welcome any emails from you. I have a 2 1/2 year old. I am a stay at home Mom and my husband works 7 days a week. But at least I know he is in a safe place and he comes home at night. Use the supports around you....email me anytime, just to vent or say hi. Hang in there.

C.
____@____.com

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M.P.

answers from Albany on

My sister's husband is leaving today for Georgia and then Iraq. He will be gone for at least 18 months, if not extended to 24. She has an almost six month old...who is NOT an easy baby! I will be watching him during the day while she is at work, but she still has those night times to deal with (he still gets up during the night) and weekends. I went through a deployment three years ago, but we didn't have any children at that point. I know how hard just not having your husband there can be. Like the other two said, the best thing to do is just keep busy....it makes the time pass by a whole lot faster. I also found that filling the bed with pillows made sleeping easier. As far as the parenting alone goes - find lots of people to help out and give you some adult breaks. Take care of yourself and look forward to the next phone call. Also, it will be hard for your 3 year old, so talk about Daddy a lot and make things to send him. I got through the time by organizing fundraisers for my husband's unit. It made me feel useful and passed the time because I was so busy planning. I hope some of that was a little helpful!

If you need/want to chat, both my sister and I would love to talk to you. I have a feeling in a few weeks my sister is really going to need some other women around who know what she is going through!! My email is ____@____.com sister's email is ____@____.com luck to you!!

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M.J.

answers from Burlington on

Get ivolved with a play group with other moms going through this. I was a miltary mom when my children were small. It's not always easy. Stay in touch with family and friends. Make sure you have sometime for yourself now and then. Best of luck!

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J.J.

answers from Syracuse on

I am a "single Parent", or "deployment widdow" also. I have just one little guy, but he'll be 2 in June. My hubby is in Afghanistan, and has been gone since February 25th 2006. Being as he got extended, he won't be home till June now. If you want to message me seperately, i'm sure you are at Ft. Drum. The biggest thing to keep in mind is to KEEP BUISY! For me, I work from home, and between that and "baby butt" I have been ok. The military is hard on families. Probably the only reason we only have the one is in the almost 2 and a half years we have been married, we have only lived together for 4 months, lol. I know we aren't supposed to put phone numbers here, but mine is ###-###-####

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J.C.

answers from Hartford on

I've never been in this situation, and i hope to god i never will. I have a 14 m.o. son, and my boyfriend of a year is in the National Guard. He has already been to Iraq once for 15 months (thank god we were not together at that time and met a month after he came home). He is now re-enlisting, in fear that if he doesn't he could be shipped to any other unit in the country when his active duty years are up...and for the money (not a good reason to me but oh well). I'm praying i will not have to go through the same thing you are. I wouldn't know what to do. I have a great admiration for you that you can do it with 2 young boys. Lets just hope someone will come to office that will end this god-awful silly war. Keep your head up, and god bless you.

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C.B.

answers from New York on

I am also a single mom but I can't imagine doing this on your own PLUS worrying about what is happening overseas. At a time like this you need to rely on friends and family as much as possible and make sure you not only take care of your buys but especially take care of yourself for their sakes, if you are happy they will be happy. My prayers are with you and your family. I wanted to add my email because maybe you will just need to talk ____@____.com, I am from Haledon, NJ

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L.M.

answers from New London on

I AM A MOM OF 3 KIDS AGES 4 7 AND 2 MY HUSBAND IS IN THE NAVY AND IS GOIN OUT TO SEE FOR 6 WEEKS COMING HOME THE BEGIING OF MAY AND THEN GOING TO NEW HAMPSHER FOR 8 MONTHS ON THE 30TH OF MAY I KNOW HOW YOU FELL HE HAS BEEN OTU MORE THEN HE HAS BEEN HOME THIS YEAR AND ALL I CAN SAY IS TAKE THE KIDS OUT ADN DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN WITH THEM JUST TRY TO STAY BUSEY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN IT DOSE HELP AND LET FRIENDS AND FAMILEY TAKE THE KIDS OFF YOUR HANDS FOR A WHILE IF THEY OFFER TO IT HELPS OUT A LOT TO JUST TAKE TIME FOR YOUR SELF IF YOU WOULD LIKE E MAILE ME AT ____@____.com AND WILL CAN TRY TO FIND THINGS TO DO WITH THE KIDS TOGATHER MY NAME IS L.

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J.W.

answers from New York on

My father and mother is in the military along with my fiancee now. The best thing for you is to have friend around you along with family. If you have hobbies, dont give them up, now is the time to do them. Get a friend or family member to watch the babies while mommy has a day or night out. Go dancing or go get a massage. Join a gym, this one has always worked for me. Most gyms have daycares even for 18 months and you can negotate the price usually, most are willing to lend a hand to military families. Find other military moms that are going threw what you are, they will be your best support system other then your family if they are close by.

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