I am a 23 year old single mom w/ a beautiful 7 month old son. He is the world to me and I would do just about ANYTHING for him. I was w/ his father for 3 years, and our relationship was horrible. He did just about everything to push me away so September of last year i left. I gave birth to my son in October and moved back in w/ my mother and younger sister. My son's father was around for the first few months of his life, but never got too close. Soon I found out that my baby's father had a new girlfriend (who I think he cheated on me w/) and she is now pregnant too! A month after I gave birth to his first son!! He doesn't pay child support and hasn't seen his son since Dec. He has made ZERO efforts to see his son. I havent even spoken to him in a few months. ALthough the last time i talked to him he said he "misses his son" and "wants to see him badly" I have no idea where he is, where he works, or anything. I just dont understand how a father could have no relationship with their own children. I have so much anger towards my baby's father...I feel as if he has completely replaced me and my boy. But in NO way have I ever prevented him from seeing his son. I am doing SO much better now than I was when i first found out he was having another baby. I am soo happy and enjoy life to the fullest. What his father did, I cannot control. I am super close w/ my son and I have all the support in the world from my family and close friends. My main concern here is my son having no relationship with his father. I am still single, and don't plan on being in a relationship for a long while. My mother and sister (and other family members) are all close to him and spoil him rotten, but how bad could it be if he has no father figure? I know a few people who have had no father figure in their life and they turned out ok (me being one of them) Can anyone give me advice on this? Any single moms out there going through anything similar?
Are you separated or dvorced? I would pray the father of your baby has a change of heart. In the meantime perhaps a big brother figure, uncle or Grandfather could fill-in as father for your son. I'm sorry.. This is really difficult for you. You have my prayers. AF
Hey S.. I admire you for cutting ties with someone who didn't appreciate you. That will free you up for someone more caring to enter your life.
As for the baby, he sounds like he's surrounded by lots of love, support and care, I wouldn't worry about it. I have a few single mothers in my family and their kids are doing better than others with both mom and dad in the home.
You're doing the right thing.
~L.
My mom was a single mother for the first five years of my life. Of course, I don't remember much of that time, Im now 28, but she did remarry. He has been the only father I ever knew, and I'm greatful. My mother never spoke badley of my father just that he was always working and could never come to see. He never paid child support or came to see me. When my mother remarried, she did it right. My dad is the best thing that ever happened to us as children but for my mother as well. My mom was happy with him and that made her a happier mom. I think being more concerned with your son than his father is the way to go. Many people have grown up without a two family home and have made it out ok. The most important thing is the baby and the type of people he does have and not what he doesn't. You sound like a great mom with a great support system so just be greatfull and enjoy this great time of your life. It may be hard at times but it is all worth it when the baby smiles back. As for you I am sure someone will come into your life and love you and your baby because happiness shines through. I wish you all the luck and God bless.
Hi S.,
I have no advice to give, but you have my full respect. You sound like a strong, independent and wonderful woman. I think your son will have everthing he needs to become a good man from you.
S., I have not had this happen to me personally, BUT....my 16 year old daughter has....I call her my daughter, because I have been with her longer and been essentially her mother since she was 6. Her bio mother(and this is very hard for me to comprehend....Because I have 2 boys since me and my husband got maried, and like you, I would give or do anything for them.......but her bio mom just up and left, she took her for about 6 months, and then when she didn't get along with "mom's" boyfriend, my husband was called and told he had to take her...so he flew her home and we have had her ever since, with bio only seeing her 2 times since then. I do not understand how a MOTHER can do it....I have seen it alot with guys...but moms....that just blows me away.
I didn't mean to tell you so much about me, but that was just to let you know, I do have a clue of where you are coming from...I would suggest, even though it sounds as though you have a great support system....there is nothing like friends....I found MOPs..Mother's of Preschooler group....it is so supportive and just a great "time out" and relaxing "me and my girlfriends" time....there is a brand new one starting at Mannassas Baptist this fall. You can emial me directly if you want more info, or you can also go to www.MOPs.org if you do not live clse to VA...they have them across the US.
Also, if you get into a church that you can feel really comfortable in, you can find some great Dads out there that will be like a "father figure"..mentor type person, not talking about a personal relationship between you adn a man there, just other married dads who teach in a class he would be in, or a VBS during the summer. Things like that. He can still have a "father figure" in his life to look at for a role model.
I wish and pray you continue to be strong and find where you need to be to get what you and oyur son need in your lives
C.
I would be VERY CAREFUL about spoiling your son. I am a single mother but made sure that I was careful on what looks cute at a small age isn't so cute when they get to be teens. My son is now 31 and has turned out ok and was also without his father. What I did was to make sure that I had married friends and single friends who took part in our life in so many ways. My family was in another state so I didn't have as much help from them but they visited and we always went and visited them. I have found that their help, encouragement and providing things for us was what I needed to stay sane. I will tell you that there are times when you both need a break from yourselves to be renewed and refreshed. I did it by going on Women's retreats through my church and friends would babysit for me so I could go out with other single friends, gatherings, etc. and have some "me" time. It helped relieve my guilt and stress about not having a father for my son always there to help with that and other things. I balanced my job and home life as best as I was able and as I stated before with the help of my friends and church family. I would never have made it otherwise. I wish you the best and know that God has a plan for each of you. Just remember you are the head of the house and will sometimes need to be firm when you and others just want to give in to the child to keep peace but don't. Make your boundaries and the child WILL EVENTUALLY thank you for it.
