Signs of Alcoholism in Friends Husband

People drink for many reasons and I agree with Catherine that the only person your friend can help is herself. I once had a stressful job because of a terrible supervisor and it seems just about everyone at that job drank after work days, so eventually I drank after work like they did. I caught myself going down the wrong road of coping with alcohol when I would end my work shift, by daydreaming of what I would drink upon getting home. I don't think that made me an alcoholic, but I didn't like that I was looking forward to drinking without an ocassion/reason. I told myself that I would only drink for a special ocassion or socially with friends, but not to cope with a lousy boss.
The reason I am sharing this is because your friend's husband may have his reasons to 'relax' with beer. Communication is so crucial in a successful relationship and if your friend comes across as judgemental (as she probably already has), he may never open up to her. If she is concerned she should say what she feels when she sees him drinking, but speak only of what she feels when he drinks, not that he is an alcoholic because he drinks. Good luck to your friend.

Gosh, he doesn't sound like an alcoholic to me - but he might become one if she makes such an issue over a couple of beers. I lived with an alcoholic for years and the issue does not really lie with the drinking, but with other behavior. She should go to an Al-anon meeting if she's really concerned because the only one she can help is herself. As for him hiding the drink...maybe it's because she makes him feel guilty and ashamed?

My Father was a severe alcoholic. He would drink and drink and drink till he passed out...every night. He was also a violent drunk ....my mom had to leave him. I feel that anyone who needs a few drinks every night has a problem....Alcohol affects your brain's chemisrty.....that's why people feel the need to drink every day. I tried to have a glass of wine every night for the health benefits....but I found myself wanting to drink more and more...I had to stop. Some people don't see the danger. They only thing that stopped my dad was heart failure.....and that was 5 years after a severe stroke. He quit cold turkey....well maybe it was the 3 weeks in the hospital that helped. He lives with me now. I was never able to stop my Dad from drinking but I also knew the hold it had on him....Your friend will have to go at this very carefully. Maybe ask him to stop drinking to see if it affects his body in any way.....you know withdrawl symptoms. Trouble sleeping, shaking, feeling nervous, nausea, restlessness, sweating, rapid heartbeat. If he refuses to to the experiment then he definately has a problem. She will have to decide if this is the life she wants to live or demand that he stop and go to AA. He has been doing this for 3 years srtaight??? He is probably drinking 8 to 12 beers a night...your body builds a tolerance to the alcohol....If he is really only drinking 2 or 3 a night then maybe it is something she can live with.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR FRIEND!!

I agree with the other posters the only one you and your friend can help is your friend. To me a beer or two is not an alcoholic especially if it is not interfering with the rest of his life. Is he still a good dad? Good employee? Good husband? Mental health professionals consider someone an alcoholic when their drinking is excessive and effects the different aspects of their life negatively. I was raised in a family where adults having beer or wine with dinner was normal. So now when I will pour a glass of wine for myself at dinner, it is normal to me. But my husband was raised in a family where adults only drank for 'special occasions' so when we first began living together he would get terribly upset with me and worried I was an alcoholic (I am not). At first I was very defensive with him about it, which made him angry and more worried. Then we finally sat down and discussed it and came to understand each other's point of views. Now he understands that I like to pair wine with food to enhance the flavor of each, and I have even got him interested in discovering the flavors in wine. I am not drinking to get drunk, as he had assumed. I would suggest that your friend sit down with her husband in a non-confrontational manner and ask why he is having beer every night. His point of view might be different than hers and they need to express that to each other.

The very best thing you can do is attend an alanon meeting and take your friend along. I say this from first hand experience. Alcoholism is a family disease, It is progressive and IF someone is an alcoholic it seems the number of beers would have multiplied to more. Whether he has a problem or not there is NOTHING anyone can do to help that person, but help themselves! Al Anon is for people who have been affected by someone's drinking OR sobriety. By looking at ourselves and changing our attitudes even the most hopeless of situations can improve. This is what has helped me- I hope you'll check it out. Best, H.