Follow up Question.

My husband has a drink (one) a few nights a week. I almost never drink. I used to have a drink every few months, but alcohol in any amount triggers a migraine for me so it's just not worth it anymore.

When we first got married my husband drank a lot more and would occasionally drive when I didn't think he should. It was a bit of an issue for us for awhile. We got through it; mostly I think he grew up. Now we've been happily married for 20 years.

My dad died of alcoholism, and both of my grandparents were alcoholics, too. I don't mind my husband having a drink, but I'm thankful he isn't a big drinker.

I drink about one alcoholic beverage every two to three years.
My husband does not drink. He is a recovering alcoholic, 12 years sober.
We never drink together.

I have adult beverages maybe twice a year. My husband has a beer or two a month. I've been drunk once, in Vegas, and my friend's drink got drugged, so I've never felt the need to get drunk again. My husband has a genetic disorder that effects his liver, so he doesn't drink more than a beer at a time.

sweetie, you're going to have a hard time finding a 'normal', because in people who AREN'T alcoholics it varies so wildly. the question i'm sensing underneath your question is 'how much is it okay for my husband to drink before it freaks me out?'
and i do hope that he's sensitive to YOUR sensitivity and keeps it to a minimum, especially since he's prone to rash decisions when he's gone past his limit.
i dodged the big A bullet, despite it being rampant on both sides of my family. my husband has been sober for 30 years. i do keep a little alcohol in the house to use as offerings to my gods, and i take a little sip during the sacrament but that's about it. outside of religious ritual i have a drink maybe 4 or 5 times a year.
but i have friends whose meals always include a glass of wine, or whose weekends will include a 6-pack over the football games, and have no issues.
i do worry about my kids, who are grown, and do drink. they're so genetically programmed for issues. but we've discussed it with 'em their whole lives, and it's no longer ours to control.
'normal drinking' has a huge arc. you really can't base your comfort level off the answers you'll get here, although i can certainly see why you'd ask.
khairete
S.

My husband is a homebrewer, we drink a beer, sometimes more, every night of the week. Brewing is like chemistry got together with cooking and had a kid. Got some yummy yummy beers in this house!

My mom was an undiagnosed bi polar. My childhood was challenging. There are triggers, there always will be. The trick is knowing what is only in your head and facing that, not giving in to it. Otherwise you are continuing to give it power.

You will always see alcohol and feel your past, don't let it color your perception of what you are feeling now. I have friends, that I would trust with my life, when in doubt I go to them with does this make sense or am I being a nut? They will tell me the truth and in return I don't attack them for telling the truth.

I have wine with dinner almost daily. I have a mixed drink when out with friends, or on weekends.

My ex is now in end stage liver failure. I worry about my kids, and their respective 'relationships' with alcohol. They are 18 to 25 now. One of my children drinks heavily. I worry about him, but it is his choice. He can plainly see where similar choices have landed his father. Some of my other kids do not drink at all (or very rarely). 3 are still under 21...so do do not drink (lol).

One thing *I* have learned is that *I* cannot control other people. I can control *my* reactions though. I could not control my ex and his drinking. I decided divorce was my best reaction to his self destructive behavior.

Not sure I have really answered your question though. I know that ALL of my kiddos will have issues regarding alcohol based on our family history. We were ALL in family counseling during the divorce process. I imagine that some of the kids will have a need for counseling in the future...

There are support groups for children of alcoholics. I might suggest a google of that.

I wish you the best!

My husband is an alcoholic and has not had a drink in over 25 years ... so never. I probably have a drink once a month, but this is really only because he recently told me he is ok with me having the occasional drink (even inside our house). He previously had not wanted alcohol in the house, which I respected, so I only had a drink when I was out with friends.

There really is no such thing as normal. Have you ever had to answer a question about alcohol when you visit the doctor? The form I fill out asks how many drinks I have each day or week. I always have to change the word to "month." My guess is that many patients would talk about it in terms of the number of drinks per day or per week.

I have never been a big drinker (too expensive), and I have never been hungover. Recently my husband told me that there was a time when he thought hangovers were just a part of life.

There is no such thing as normal. Alcoholism is not about how much you drink but about whether or not drinking controls your life. Does everything in your life revolve around getting that next drink. It's not completely unlike smoking. While smokers don't get "drunk," heavy smokers will plan their schedules around having that next cigarette.

There is no such thing as normal.

I and my husband have at least one glass of wine daily. Sometimes two. Maybe twice a week I have a mixed drink or two. On rare occasions I will have three, but then I feel a little crappy.

A couple of weeks ago I was obsessed with watching Breaking Bad, and my treat was to have a martini while watching it in bed at night, for about a week.

We enjoy wine, and mixed drinks like margaritas, or other drinks involving usually rum, tequila or vodka. We are both very healthy and physically active. We are not alcoholics and never will be. Most of my friends drink about the same way, with the exception of the former alcoholics, who abstain.

I was drunk quite a number of times in my partying 20's, but even then I wasn't an alcoholic. The nice thing about knowing how to moderate, or knowing when to quit, is that then you CAN drink alcohol.

A recent study I saw on tv or read somewhere showed that people who drink alcohol live longer. Yay!

Everyone has their own comfort levels around alcohol consumption.

In the afternoons I might have a bottle of beer open-- I have been known to nurse a glass of beer for hours while I do housework, make dinner, etc. Many people like a cup of coffee in the afternoon; I choose to mellow those tired nerves instead of jangling them up, I suppose. In any case, a good craft beer can be a fine complement to start the evening with.

Maybe I'll finish this beer with dinner or have a glass of wine. Depends on what I'm making and what works for the meal. We rarely have hard alcohol at dinner.

Later, we'll usually either have another beer or glass of wine or something like a martini (winter) for the rest of the evening. Something we can enjoy while we watch something nice after kiddo is in bed.

Here's the deal: I *hate* being drunk. Really don't like it. I don't get stupid or out of control, just feel wretched. My tolerance is probably higher than some, but I tend to stop at 'buzzed'. I don't want to be unreliable or incapacitated because I have a child to think of. And because I'm just not that person. Alcohol is like truffle chocolate or dessert- it's something to be moderately enjoyed, not over-indulged in.

well, tonight I had a beer with dinner, just because it tastes good with chili. DH had 2. If I'm having a steak for dinner, I'll have a glass of red wine, again because they just taste good together. All told I probably have 1-2 drinks per week. DH probably has 2-3 week. It's not a cause of stress or even discussion at our house, beyond the polite "I'm having a beer with dinner, do you want me to get one for you?"

I can't remember the last time I had a drink with alcohol in it. While alcohol was around growing up - it was NEVER made taboo for me or my siblings. It's not an important factor in my life.

My husband drinks wine and beer.

I'm glad to hear you are seeking counseling. Your anxiety and sensitivity to alcohol is holding you back and causing problems in your marriage.

I have one VERY dear friend is a recovering alcoholic. She's been clean and sober for going on 22 years now. Wine was her vice. Like you, she came from a family of alcoholics...her mother died of alcoholism and one of her brothers did as well.

I have one friend that has a glass of brandy every night when he gets home from work. And drinks wine with dinner. Other than that? Doesn't touch alcohol.

What's NORMAL for me? Might be extreme for you, given your history. You need to talk WITH your husband and tell him what you NEED to feel secure. I would STRONGLY suggest that you attend Ala-Non meetings so you can hear other people's stories and wrap your arms around your past and learning from it instead of having anxiety over it.

I've bn reading your posts too and kinda wanna give you a hug. Your poor brain is reeling from all this it seems.
Anyway, I think you're just trying to see an average type thing of what ppl drink, which is probably good info.
Let's see I'm thankfully single, so I'm a single parent and bc of that my opportunities to drink are different. So when my son visits his dad I usually have a couple beers on that Friday night bc I can and then 2-4 beers when/if I go out and listen to some music on Saturday. He goes 2x/month. So...that's pretty much my average/normal. Gd luck with therapy.....hope this gets easier and better for you.

I usually drink a bottle of wine and 2-3 beer over the course of a weekend. My husband may have 1-2 beer.

How often do I drink- Maybe once a week. If we have a date night or a holiday, then maybe a second day in a week. Sometimes not at all for a few weeks.
My husband- About the same, maybe a bit less because when we go out he usually drives and does not drink when he drives.
What do we enjoy drinking- Most often, wine. Reds, I like zinfandel, malbec, syrah, pinot noir. Whites, I like pinot gris, riesling, good chardonnays. Conundrum is a nice blend.
I like beer sometimes, usually with certain foods like pizza or fried seafood in the summer. Sam's Summer is my favorite, or Kronenberg. Most legit German beers are awesome.
Cocktails, not very often. Margaritas with Mexican food at restaurants. Other than that, maybe something vodka based on rare occasions or on vacation. Akvavit at the holidays.
I think our consumption is pretty "normal," within the wide range of normal. I had my college years of drinking to excess several nights a week, and I have no desire to do that again! Well, maybe once every few years in Vegas with my BFF...lol...

it really isn't about when or how much.

We drink. I grew up in a house with parents that had a drink (scotch) every night with dinner. My husband and I do the same. I drink beer or wine, or the occasional rum and coke. A few nights a week we might have wine, so we have more like 2 drinks. About once a week I will get drunk. My hubby drink a Gin and Tonic upon return from work everyday, and then he will have a beer and a whiskey before bed.

Most of my friends drink in this manner. We are drinkers. Do we have a problem? I don't think so. we don't drink and drive, we aren't mean to people. It effects no one else.

My husband is Irish and he laughs at Americans and their weird relationship to alcohol. Our Puritan history shows.

In fact, my father was raised drinking wine with dinner as a child! His parents were Italian. Wine is "table water." You drink it with the meal.

Normal is really going to be different for different people. It really isn't about the quantity, it's about how people act.

I almost never drink alcohol--don't like the taste of wine, beer, or most alcoholic beverages, actually. There are a few liqueures which I like, and we actually did go buy a bottle of one for New Year's Eve, when the kids were both away at sleepovers. I have one shot glass, and that was it. Maybe the last time I had anything was a year before, also NYE at a party with friends. My husband drinks a glass of wine or a beer maybe three times a week in the evening because he likes the taste and it's available. I have had to train myself not to react with concern because I really didn't see normal use of alcohol when I was growing up, so I do understand your feeling of being triggered. Ultimately, only you can determine whether the gut response you're having at this time is based on current concerns or left-over stuff from growing up with the pervasive issues. Glad you are working on getting stuff sorted out with some assistance, and wish you good luck with the process.

I have one glass of wine a week, maximum. My husband - maybe a glass of red wine every 3 or 4 months when we go to our favorite steak place. We are just not drinkers though. I love wine but it makes me gain weight so I avoid it.

I grew up in a family that loved alcohol so I'm happy we aren't into it. But if my husband liked a glass of wine in the evening or on the weekend it wouldn't upset me.

I drink wine - usually every day, but a lot of days I forget or the glass gets forgotten on the counter. I like a glass when I'm cooking something that takes a while - while I'm chopping or preparing. I just like the fancy glass and the ritual. I may have a second glass later in the evening. One I can drink with no effects, two and I feel it a bit, and three I just get tired, groggy, thirsty and don't usually sleep well. I usually stop after two as the price becomes more than the enjoyment.

My husband will drink wine, but prefers beer. He will drink maybe 2 a day but sometimes will have one mid-afternoon when he's working from home. I do not think he drinks in excess and I mention it to him if I notice he's drinking more than usual, but this is not a source of conflict for us.

My dad was also an alcoholic, but he was not a loud, violent or belligerent drunk. He turned within himself and was more absent than anything. His drinking was pretty much "hidden" from the kids and I don't ever recall it being a source of conflict - at least that effected the kids. I'm absolutely sure it was for the adults though. He was able to remain sober for almost 20 years before his premature death of colon cancer, which may have been precipitated by his many years of heavy drinking.

Alcohol in my house is not a no-no, but also not a focus. I don't want it to be "forbidden" as that makes it more desirable, but it's not a source of contention.

It's worth mentioning that my grandma, who just turned 89, has a beer a day and calls it her medicine. Ha! She recently got a nice pair of slippers for Christmas and said she would wear them when she has her beer - they are her beer slippers now.

My tolerance for alcohol has declined severely, so if I drink, it's never more than one, maybe a few times a month. My drink of choice was always beer - I am sensitive to the tanins in wine and cocktails are often too strong. But I'm now gluten free and most gf beers are gross. A glass of wine or a froufrou cocktail is always an option.

My husband has a drink several nights a week - again, never to the point of tipsy, Typically only one, but occasionally a second one. Typically a bourbon, scotch, or wine.

A bunch of my friends drink wine several times per week with their evening meal or while reading or watching TV in the evening.

Some people go out to a Cheers like bar every Mon-Fri after work, it's actually more like a nicer pool bar, better class of clientele. They have a drink or two and go home.

Some people go out on weekends and drink while they are dancing or playing pool in tournaments.

Some don't drink except when they go to a formal party or reception where alcohol is served.

It's not a set in stone thing.

It comes down to this. Either you have to accept your husband will drink or you have to leave. Working with your therapist can really really help you work through your feelings.

I don't know what it's like in your home. I don't know what you aren't putting in this post. If you think he drinks too much and you argue about it or focus on it too much then it's likely he's stressed out about it and therefore drinks more.

I stopped drinking when I got pregnant, I may have had a couple of drinks in the past eight years but that's about it. It was never anything that I was addicted to or needed and still isn't.

My husband drinks a beer or two every night and will have a mixed drink now and then too. He doesn't drink and drive and he doesn't get hammered. He gets up for work everyday and it doesn't effect our relationship in any way. To some he would be considered an alcoholic or a functioning alcoholic but I don't think so.

If you are concerned about your husband drinking then speak to him about it don't accuse him or make him feel badly if he has a problem.

So well said by Diane B.

Truly.. there is no one size fits all answer to "normal."

For the purpose of data collecting only... in our house (neither myself nor my spouse come from families that abused or had dysfunctional relationships with alcohol).

We are both 46 years old. He has 1-3 beers in the evenings after work/before/during dinner a few nights a week. Not every day/night. He enjoys beer when watching football, or listening to music. But he also enjoys exercise, and won't drink if he is planning to work out (running, biking, total gym, lifting weights, etc). He will enjoy a glass of wine now and again, but not his first choice, usually. He hardly ever drinks liquor.

For me, I enjoy wine, but not frequently at home. I tend to only drink A glass, possibly 2, and I have a difficult time bringing myself to open a bottle knowing in advance that half will end up wasted/poured out. So normally, I only drink wine at home when we have guests who will also enjoy a glass with me. When we go out for dinner, I will often have a glass of wine with dinner. Husband will often have a beer, maybe 2, with dinner at restaurants.

I couldn't tell you the last time he drank more than 3 beers in a day. Most days he works he doesn't drink at all.

Our children are not legal to drink alcohol. Son is 16. Daughter is 13. They participate in Holy Communion at church services. Small sip of wine, not grape juice. Son was allowed a half glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, at home, with us.
When I was younger, I partied like a "typical" 20 - something of the time. Vodka/cranberry (3 or 4 in an evening) and a shot here or there (Jagermeister, Goldschlager, Cuervo, etc), or drank ice cold bottled beer (usually on hot afternoon or outdoor occasions). Margaritas were a "mexican restaurant" indulgence.

I drink when I want to and don't have any expectation of driving or exercise in the immediate future. I rarely, if ever, drink when I am the only adult home. Although, now that son is a legal driver, I may (over time) begin to feel more relaxed about needing to always be on my game and ready at the drop of a hat to be a responsible adult and take someone to the hospital, or pick up someone stranded by car trouble. :)

As far as getting trashed... I honestly cannot guess at how long ago I've done that. Probably somewhere around 1994/1995.

I drink one glass of wine or a beer maybe 2-3 nights per week. Sometimes I drink no alcohol at all for weeks. Sometimes during holidays I'll have one or two drinks in a day. I never get drunk. Ever. I never drink more than two drinks.

My ex husband and current boyfriend drink much more than I do. I have rules around the kids for "appropriate" drinking. As in, not getting drunk. Modeling responsibly moderate drinking. Not drinking and driving (of course). Any heavy drinking they do is done out with friends away from home and the kids don't see it.

I doubt I have a drink more then 6-8 times a year which is a recent increase lol. There was some alcoholism in my family to and I've always steered away from drinking to destress. I like light tasting beers that are pleasant - ie Italian beers or Dos Equies. My husband has one or two drinks not every Saturday night but many of them. To me it's fine as lo g as his judgement isn't impaired and it isn't an addiction.

I MAY have one drink per year. Hubby none at all. He won't have a drink when I have mine because we're usually at a restaurant and he is the designated driver (not that I need one since I usually stop at one but have, on occasion, had a second.) We don't enjoy it.

I TOTALLY understand your feelings on this. I too grew up in a home with an alcoholic and it has really affected how I look at my husbands drinking. In my early twenties I drank and partied quite a bit but when I became a mom that really slowed down and now in my early forties I never drink. My husband went from partying with me in our younger years to drinking quite a bit a beer now and has a hard time understanding why his drinking bothers me so much. I do not want my children to grow up the same way I did, I also get alot of anxiety from it, and quite frankly when he drinks he gets on my LAST nerve!!! Anyway, my husband drinks 4-6 times a week. Usually it's when sports are on (he watches almost all sports) and it's in his man cave so he thinks that since he's not drinking in the house it's no big deal. Good for you on getting therapy.

I drink very little. Wine gives me a migraine and I just don't really desire much else in the way of alcohol. I might have a cordial a few times a year. DH likes one glass of wine with dinner most nights, but not always. I've known him for for over 25 years and I only saw him truly drunk on his 21st birthday.

I grew up being offered (and sometimes taking) a small amount of wine in some soda with Sunday dinners from about the age of 5. It was never taboo. My sisters and I all grew up the same way and none of us are what I would call even social drinkers. One or two drinks at the very most and usually on special occasions. My 84 year old father still has a sip or two of wine with dinner nightly and his health is pretty good. I really don't like being around people who drink too much. I'm not sure why, I just don't care for it.

It really varies for me. I like to have a beverage while I'm cooking dinner (wine or Cayman Jack which is a margarita flavored malt beverage) but I don't have one every night. Sometimes I'll have 2. Sometimes I won't have a drink for a week or two - we are busy with the kids' sports activities. I would say I drink more in the summertime - it just hits the spot more. So overall I'd say I drink 1-2 drinks 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

My husband likes beer and drinks 1-3 beers probably 2-4 times a week as well. He's not a big hard alcohol drinker.

My husband and I have a drink or 2 if we go out to dinner. Sometimes we have Friday night happy hours at our house and have a drink or two.

I can tell you if my drinking bothered my husband in the least, I would never have a drink again since it is just not important to me and if it is in my power to make my husband's life a little easier then I would give it up even if we both knew it was his hangup. It would not be because he controls what I can or can't do, it is because I love and respect him enough to ease his mind.

I drink around 4-5 oz of red wine each night after dinner. My family has a history of heart disease, and this is one of many things I have do to combat my predisposition to the condition. Maybe once in a while I'll have two glasses of wine- but that's more rare than often. My husband drinks a beer about 4-5 nights a week.

I probably have a drink 2ce a week. I cannot have more than 1 to 1.5 glasses of wine because it usually leads to me getting all stuffed up, achey and a headache comes on. We buy sulfide free wine for me and that helps somewhat. My husband has 1-2 fancy beers every night with dinner. Usually one but sometimes a friend is over or it's Friday night or he bought some new kind of craft beer he is excited to try. Every once in a while the neighbors invite us over for a cocktail or my husband will make me a margarita or I'll have a gin and tonic. I really can't drink very much anymore bc it makes me feel so bad...a migraine comes on and I feel so horrible. So, it is not that tempting to overindulge.

I have a glass of wine (or 2, or 3) from time to time. I was at a birthday party on Saturday and had two glasses of wine between 9 and midnight. I had some on New Year's Eve, Christmas Eve, and Christmas day as well. But I can easily go without any alcohol for a month or two - I don't often open a bottle at home unless I'm entertaining, but if I'm out somewhere, it's what I drink.

My husband plays cards with friends every Friday night and will have a few beers over the course of the night. He also has cocktails if we're at a restaurant or party, and goes out with my brother to a bar to watch MMA fights every few weeks and they have a few drinks while they are there.

Stick with the therapy, and al-Anon if you haven't tried it yet, so that you get to a place where this is less of a trigger.

It takes me lots of questioning too and for me..it's less about the specific question and more about my need to bring the topic up again as I am processing it...

I am glad u have a therapist..

Neither hubs or I grew up w alcohol in the house...he drank alot in college and continues that behavior now at 40...it's social for him. @an d I got used to him having and alcohol beverage everytime we are w other people...he has a beer fridge in the garage @@nj hard li+our over the fridgw....we are fighting now bc he wants a bar in the basement for entertaining. ..that is my line...I have 2 preteens. And they don't need to never see alcohol but they also don't need to have it right in their faces...I really should have drawn the line at the beer fridge but he went ahead and did it anyways......

I never used to drink...I do on weekends now because it's always in the house...just like potatoes chips I would never buy them myself bit bc they are there I eat them...I've been very depressed this year and ...well it's just been hard and I know I don't need to have a wine cooler or mixed drink and I certainly feel gross after even just ine...I never get a buzz or happy feeling...either sleepy or crappy....but I would stay he has 5 beers or 3 mixed drinks every other night. Me one a weekend.