Shreeming Untill He Is Horse!!!

Updated on October 08, 2009
B.J. asks from Rochester, MN
10 answers

My almost 2 year old (he will be 2 in November) has been screeming since he was just a few months old. At first we let him get away with it because he was so little we thought he was exploring his own voise. Then as he got older we started giving him time outs and taking his toys for screeming. He is, for the most part, good at home, but in the car is another issue. He screems so loud and so long that his voise starts to go horse. Don't think for a second that that stops him. He just keeps going!!!! It is very destractive and had to drive. In fact just a few days ago we got into an acident, not a bad one, but enough that it was a wake up call that this needs to stop now!! I have read all the books and tried everything. We tell him he will get a BIG suprize when we get home if he doesn't screem, we have tried taking him for a ride when he is hungry and then feeding him in the car to try to keep him busy, we bring books with, toys with, fravorite stuffed animal, etc.... The whole thing is that he does not like to be put in the car seat. He tried driving down the driveway with him just in his seat and he was just fine. He has a older brother that just has a booster seat so that is what he wants to. He is very smart for his age and is definatly defiant. When he was 10 monthd he said no to diapers. He will not go in the potty because that would be doing something for us. He will not use a diaper, he can pull his pants down and up. He knows when he has to go, but he does it on the floor intead of the potty.(yes he does not what he is doing, he starts to go in front of me and so I grab him and take him to the potty. he stops going potty and waits till he is off the potty and then continues on the floor. He thinks this is very funny and laughs so hard!) We have tried rewards for going in the potty and there is always a time out or some punishment for going potty on the floor. I am at a loss of what to do with him. Nothing phases him at all. Please help and save what sanity I have left :)

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K.P.

answers from Fargo on

Wow! What a determined boy!! He sounds REALLY smart and confident, which are definitely admirable qualities... until they result in a battle of wills with you (of course).

I speak from experience that my youngest was BY FAR the most challenging, because of her independence, strong will, etc...

First we ruled out any medical issues that might be a factor - ADD, autism, etc...

In 2005, when she was 3, we worked with a behavioral specialist (who observed my daughter in multiple settings: pre-school, daycare and home) and we received a written plan which we implemented - with some assistance, I might add. I will include some of the written portions for you to see part of the plan that really did work for us.

Give Effective Directions;
1. Come down to eye level
2. Explain what the direction is using a matter-of-fact voice
3. If child resists, bring her away from ANY distractions and explain that she will have to sit in that area until she is ready to.... fill in the blank
4. Cease all communication until she complies with the direction, only restating the direction every few minutes (remember to state it exactly like the first time, DON'T ARGUE)
5. Once she has complied, give praise. Let her know how much you appreciate it nomatter how small the task is.

We also received instruction on 3 different "discipline techniques": Time out, physical restraint, and object aggression.

It took a little while (for me more than my husband) for me to put it together and realize that I had a bigger role- or responsibility- than I realized. The biggest change was that I CHANGED, which seemed to miraculously help her to make better choices.

I found that one of my biggest challenges in being a better parent was my failure to address behaviors when and where they occurred. I had to let go of the clock, which meant that I no longer had "getting to work on time" as my number one priority. Secondly, I had to address the behaviors where they occurred. Once, this meant sitting on the sidewalk outside a strip mall in my work suit (in the rain- no less) for the amount of time that it took, again changing my priorities. In the past, we would remove her from situations, or just avoid taking her with (restaurants, grocery store, etc)

She is now in 1st grade, and is the JOY OF MY LIFE. She is still strong-willed, independent, confident, and smart, but is almost never disobedient. Miracles do happen.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.G.

answers from Milwaukee on

B.,
I had the same problem when my son was little, he screamed until he was 3.He's grown now but I learned a technique. We started the quiet hands,quiet lips,quiet feet.In a whisper voice I would explain where and what we were doing or going, and tell him that he had to have quiet lips and use his inside voice. I would give him a small toy that he could hold on to,(at the time it was transformers) and tell him quiet lips and then why I wanted quiet lips.EXP: We are driving in the car to the store and you have to use inside voice with quiet lips, give him the toy, when he started talking loud I would tell him we need quiet lips, if he continued I would take away the toy and tell him outside voice is not allowed and take away the toy. When he was quiet I would praise and say good job quiet lips and give the toy back. It took alittle while for him to get the connection, but once he got it, quiet hands,quiet feet,quiet lips became just part of our daily dialogue for good and bad behavior.(There were times I had to pull over in a parking lot to get out of the car and tell him, That he wasen't using inside voice with quiet lips and when he was using quiet lips he could have it back. When he got older he would tell other children quiet lips. It was a good way to teach him to shut up or be quiet in a polite positive way. My son is 29 and has 4 children they all know the quiets.

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B.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Your right screaming is distracting in the car and if you got into a accident because of it your really going to have to put your foot down hard.

This is just my way of parenting call me mean but it works for me.

If my kids scream I will raise my voice and tell them to stop, if that doesn't work I crank the radio as loud as it goes or I will scream at the top of my lungs for them to SHUT UP NOW. If that doesn't work I have never done this but I would probaly pull over, take them out of the car and swat their butt. I have pulled the car over with my 8yr.old and asked her if she would like to walk home. She immediately says no and is quiet. I'm just the type of person I need it quiet to consentrate and I snap quick and hard at naughty behavior.

Just toughen up a bit, show your son you are the adult he is the child. When mom says jump he better jump.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Have him checked for autisim.
About 30yrs ago my sister-in-law started teaching at a home for severly abused and LD children. Displine was an issue because of course you can't hit them. But the behavior such as the screeming has to stop. What they did at the school was toss a small bit of water in their face. Less than a quarter cup of cold water tossed in the face shocked the kids into silence, they were then calmly told that their behavior was not right and to stop. It sounds contraversial but it works, you are not hurting them and they get it. I act out I get water in the face. And no nothing is perfect it doesn't work all of the time but it might be worth a try.

I agree with the person who posted leave him home with a sitter. Tell him big brother and I are going to the store, the zoo, the playground etc but since you WON'T behave you can't go. When he acts up at home put him in his room door open a baby gate in front so he can't get out. "When you can behave you can be with the rest of us but if you are going to screem you can stay in your room."

The potty training thing put diapers on him and duck tape them.
Another mother said he is in control and likes it. Take back your control. If he is like this at 2 what are you going to do when he is 15 bigger and stronger than you and he decides to skip school, steal a car, etc etc. I've been there my youngest was always defiant and I had a going through hell 2 years with him not going to school and hanging with friends until all hours of the night in and out of court for truncy and it's all my fault because he is a minor. Now he's 18 and just finishing High School when the school calls or writes me I call and say he's 18 talk to him not my responsibility.
Actually he has turned out pretty good but that is because I got him a job as a set-up tech (roadie) with some friends of mine all men who are successful and over 50 and they mentored him for 2 yrs. I give them a lot of credit for the way he turned out.

BUT TAKE CONTROL NOW!!!!!

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T.M.

answers from Madison on

You got some great responses and i don't know the answer unfortunatelly, but was just wondering if he could be doing it for extra attention (negative attention is better then no attention to a child)? If you ignore it completely maybe he would realize acting out isn't going to get the attention he wants. This goes for the screaming and the potty accidents. Also, do you make him help clean up his own mess after he goes potty on the floor? Have you talked to his doctor about these issues, they might have some better insight, after all, they've seen it all.

As I said, I don't have experience with this but these are just things I thought of outside of what everyone else said. Good luck and I will be hoping for your sanity LOL.

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L.H.

answers from Milwaukee on

Hi B.,
I thought Anne Marie's response was exactly how I would have handled screaming in the car. We have had to pull over and take out a 2year old before. Being strong willed will be a great attribute for many things later in life but it makes for challenging parenting at this age.! :) Stay calm, and be consistent. Pick and choose your battles but wearing a diaper and sitting in the carseat are not negotiable. Try to have a little extra time when you are going somewhere so if you have to stop, you can. I would try to "arrange" a time when you are going somewhere that he would like and he can't go (stay home with you or dad) because of his behavior in the car. He doesn't have to know where you are actually going but he will understand that his actions have consequences for himself.
Let him know how much you love him and be prepared for more challenges in the future. I found when I had a plan and was mentally prepared for a parenting situation, that I handled it much better.
L.

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

Hi B.! This is a frustrating habit! BUT.....DO NOT do as one poster suggested and crank up the radio. That can be very harmful to little ears. You don't want a form of discipline that results in hearing loss......
Try pulling over, stopping the car and calmly saying that you WILL NOT ride in the car with a boy who screams and then get out of the car, turn your back and don't get in until he stops.
I did this with my daughter. She was out of control and it made us miserable. One day I had to stop the car and get out 6 TIMES before she stopped. After that she didn't do it anymore! When it's over, give a hug, tell him he needs to say sorry to mama and then tell him you forgive him. Oh! Also, be sure to leave a window open so you don't lock yourself out! ;)
I recommend reading the book "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. You definitely have a strong willed child on your hands (So do I- haha). It's important for you as the parent to win these battles and be consistent with discipline.
Also, if he won't potty train and will only pee on the floor, put him in a diaper and use duct tape on the tabs so he can't take it off. You have to nip defiant and, ultimately, destructive behavior before it get's beyond your control.
A spirited child is a great thing. Proper discipline will not break a child's spirit, it will break their will so they will be able to see beyond themselves and know how their actions affect others.
Good luck!

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A.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi B., first of all, good luck!! Yikes!!

I liked the idea of another poster of the firefighter; what about contacting a police officer and having him talk to him and tell him how bad that is for the driver.

Also, I agree with cleaning up after himself when he goes to the bathroom on the floor. That is a great idea! Also, the duck tape, if you tape it shut behind his back, and in a secure "tighter" fashion he should not be able to get out of it.

Good luck!

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J.R.

answers from Davenport on

I agree - Pull over - or don't even start driving till the screaming stops - you get out of the car until he is calm and ready to go - explain to him that the car will not move till he is buckled in and quiet/calm. If he cannot control himself, get a sitter and leave him at home and just take big brother....make sure big bro has a great time and you two talk about it in front of the little guy when you get home. Tell him that screaming is unacceptable PERIOD, and that it can cause you to have an accident like you had before, and it could be worse and people could get hurt. So he has two choices (stress that it is his choice) if he cannot control himself and ride nicely then he will not ride in the car at all.

If he is 2, he can probably switch to a booster (one that has a 5 point harness and then will convert later to a belt posisitoning booster)....I would like another poster said, buy him and his brother the exact same seat....he will still have to use the 5 point harness, and actually, if your older one is a good sport, maybe he would use the harness too ( you'd have to try out the seats beforehand to make sure the booster straps are tall enough for your older child if you are going to go this route), to encourage the younger one that it is not that big of a deal.

Like others have said, INGORE IGNORE, IGNORE the bad behaviors, and only reward good. Give him two choices, go in the potty or wear a diaper (or pull up) - if he goes on the floor, he cleans it up, if he goes in his pants (not a diaper) he washes them in a bucket of water and soap (cleaning/washing with your supervision, of course). If he goes in the potty, he gets a big celebration ( you getting really excited, singing and dancing) and some kind of reward - at first for EVERY time he goes, and then after a few weeks of every time rewards, wean in down to every other time, and then every 4 or 5 times, etc.....till you maybe just do stickers on a page and when he gets to 20 stickers (or whatever # you decide) then he can get a big prize.

Good Luck

Jessie

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

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