Should We Have a 4Th Kid or Not?

Since you have an infant I would say you have time to think this through. I think the bigger the family the better. So I would say if you don't feel done you are not done. If you find you really want another child then by all means, have another child.

My thought is...what's the hurry? Enjoy your baby and give this question some time. At 29 you have lots of time.

One is perfect for us. We felt complete. We can financially support her and give her a secure, stable home. NON spoiled... But appreciative.

We will not allow her to come out of college ( never an option) in debt. We are very educationally focused as well and she is an officer in our company.

That said, I have 2 close relatives. One with 4 living in England and US and managing well and one who is newly pregnant with #4 who is on Facebook with non stop complaints.

If you choose and go that direction, don't complain, manage your schedule. It gets old hearing all the complaints while my blood relative is the one busting his a$$ in a residency while his wife is online complaining.

Only you know what is right for your family. Best wishes.

you will never regret having a fourth baby, but you might regret NOT having one:) Go for it! You are young.

Well, IMO, you are not done if you are questioning it. I KNEW when I was done. Children are such a delightful blessing but yes, they are needy, do require money to raise but as I have found mostly want attention and love. As far as one of the posts on here from someone who has one child stating they are happy with their one and the huge difference between 3 and 4, sounds like one works for her family but yes is very offensive when stating fact as she has not ever experienced the love of 3+ children. And as far as taking out a family larger then 1 or 3+, it is called discipline, boundries are set and the kids know what is expected when out to the store or eat whatever, if there is a problem it is usually the parents not being clear on public behavior. I wasn't promised a perfect baby with any of my SIX, proud of them, pregnancies, so a beautiful "special needs" baby could of happened, never worried with it. Financially, I found that all the "extras" are what add to the budget, not the diapers and I nursed so no need for formula. We have never been on any form of government assistance while completing our family, while it is not and has not always been easy, we knew and acknowledged our limitations. Lastly as far, as far as the earth, usually those who stand on that soap box do all kinds of "ungreen" things behind closed doors but yet stand in judgement of others having babies or whatever their opinion is on that particular day, I often wonder why then it was ok for them to choose to have any children themselves?
I do not want to offend anyone either, just responding to some of the other thoughts thrown out here.
I say go for as many babies you and your hubby can afford, without govenment assistance, and can agree to!

I know this might make offend some people but I really don't understand at all why someone would plan to have 4 or more children. It just seems a little nuts to me, honestly. I think there is a huge difference between 3 and 4 children. In case you are wondering, we have 1 and we are happy with that. It bothers me a little when people say that because they aren't infants, they aren't "cute" anymore. Every day I treasure my son and he will never not be cute to me. I love when I see him become more independant and I do not at all miss the sleepless nights and the complete helplessness of an infant. My friends who have 3 kids rarely go anywhere because it's too stressful and/or expensive. Have you thought how you would handle a child who has special needs?

I think some of us (me included) will always want one more. But for me, after 3, I realized that #1, my body just can't do it again-this recovery was the hardest, and #2, it is hard on my older kids, even though they love this one, there are things I just can't do as much with them right now, and I think another one would be even harder on them, and #3, hubby is done (he was done after #2 but I convinced him to go for #3)! I am a bit older than you so I don't know how things will go for you in the future. A friend of mine had 4 kids by the time she was 29, all girls mind you, and her hubby said he could only produce girls and was not going to try for a boy. She came from a family of 6 kids and I know she would have liked more, but 4 kept her busy enough. I think you will have to wait and see. You have time.

This is something you need to keep discussing with your husband.

I, too, wish my only child wouldn't grow up so fast. Why is he five already!? And I LOVED being pregnant and giving birth--I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But this does not mean that I truly want another child. This would put incredible stress on my husband, to have to provide for another person, to start over again with the sleepless nights, and to rethink our family.

It's nice to want more. My sister went through exactly the same emotions that you are describing right now when her littlest was about two. "No more babies." she said sadly. But now, with her kids being 10,8, and 6, she's loving how capable they are, how they don't need her every second of the day, and how much fun they are as older kids. She now has time for her own pursuits and has no regrets about not having a fourth child.

Let your husband lead a bit on this, especially if the financial burden falls into his lap. Men carry a lot of stress because of their obligation to provide for everyone. He might have missed out on the 'baby' time for your third child, but consider that with less stress, he's going to be a better father to all of the kids in the years to come.

Like everyone said, you're young enough that you can put this decision off a bit. See how you feel in a year or two.

The thing I wanted to add is finances. I know, this topic is no fun, but it's pretty dang important. How will a 4th impact your pocketbook? Are you saving up for college for your other three? If so, do you have enough surplus to do so for a 4th?

If your husband is certain that he doesn't want more children and has expressed that in no uncertain terms then you're going to have to decide if having a healthy marriage is more important than "having" another baby. I would have loved one more child, but my husband is adamant that we're done. It wouldn't matter if he had missed the babyhood of one of our children... we still have those children. Babyhood is just a stage that passes like all other stages.

It sounds to me that you miss the stage of newborn and infant than actually wanting another baby. If your family feels complete, drop it.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but I have to speak up for the world. We're already over populated. If we continue producing children as we are doing now the world will not support everyone. We have limited resources already and there is poverty in over populated countries. Do we want to add to the population and risk losing a comfortable life for future generations?

Later: I'm not saying your shouldn't have another child. I'm suggesting that you add this information into the mix of whether or not to do so.

BTW I have not given birth to any children. I adopted my daughter. I did not do this for the world's sake, tho. That concern is new in the last few years. When I was of child bearing age green wasn't popular yet, tho there was some concern building about over population. If I were to have children now, I would consider their impact on the world right along with other variables such as my ability to care for them, emotionally and financially.

Your youngest is 12 months, you are only 29... you have a few years to contemplate this, enjoy your baby and the others for now. For us, the choice to have another stems from what we can financially, emotionally and physically handle as a family. Plus, there is a lot of prayer and contemplation involved.

Just so you know, my friend had 3 boys... they tried for a girl and ended up with 4 boys. It happens!

You;re young and have time to wait for your husband to be ready, I would go with that. But yeah if you want another then you just do and will always feel that way if you decide not to, well at least I'm told by my mom, all the time that is how she feels i was her last baby because my dad did not want anymore, and she has a void she is still trying to fill, and she has some resentment too! But i feel like couples raise babies and if my hudband didnt want another i would feel ok with that because of the way i feel about it being a partnership, but some women feel like they are the ones raising the kids so it does not matter either way so take time and soul search, cause you dont want your husband resenting you either if you have another without him being on board. Good luck!

All I can say is, you definitely don't sound done. And you're both really young. Shelf it for a year or two. I have a feeling you guys will have at least one more, if not two.
My husband didn't want ANY of our three, but now he loves them all to death. If I was younger (I'm 41) I'd have one or two more for sure.

*****Puh-leeeez people with the overpopulating.....Smaller families do not greener families make. I know one couple with ONE KID, three big houses, six big SUV's, enough toys to fill a beach, they never recycle or conserve in any way, they use gazillions of gallons of water in their hot tubs and pools (plural) the mom doesn't work and shops her butt off and the kid is super greedy and self-centered. Meanwhile, My step sister has SEVEN kids in a tiny home, they all wear hand-me-downs and do tons of community and missionary work helping OTHERS building low income housing etc. My family (3 kids) is very conservation oriented, and I am determined to make helpful citizens of my kids, so don't let anyone tell you how many kids you should have. There will always be room for good people.

A couple of things...

You are 29 years old, so you should have several years to decide whether you want to expand your family. At least you have time on your hands...

My other thought is, if your husband wants to be done, I would respect his feelings about this. Both people should be in agreement about adding to the fam =)

I'm 30 and have 3 girls. I wanted another but my husband was done. I also had to *pursuade* him to try for our third and neither of us can imagine our life without her :)

I've always believed that the partner that's done, wins this particular discussion. My husband had his vasectomy almost a year ago and I regret it every day. I know he's happy with our 3 girls and would adore another child just as much....but I could never be "that wife" that forced her husband to have a child he didn't really want.

I do agree with most of the other though....being 29 leaves you plenty of time to revisit the 'do-we-or-don't-we' question. Personally, I find that the farther I get from the infant stage with my youngest (she's 16 months now), and the easier life is getting (only 1 nap per day, no more nursing, she eats everything, etc), the less I'm regretting our decision. Though I don't think I'll EVER say "gee, I'm SO glad we didn't have a 4th!" :o)

I have a thing for even numbers so when we had three there was going to be a four. Of course ours went boy girl boy girl so there really wasn't any gender pressure.

Well, financially can you afford it? I would never say adding another child is overpopulating the world. That is cruel way to put it.. it sounds like another child is a burden to the world. But make sure you can afford it and emotionally handle it~ Every child is a blessing! but make sure your husband can handle it... I have one child and love him, but feel that is all i can handle financially and emotionally. Its important you are both in agreement

Well you are young, so you could totally go for it if you don't feel done!! I just had my third and I am so done and my husband went for the good ole' snip ;) So the other day I was going through my 5 month old little dudes clothes and pulling out everything that is now to small. I have never given even one stitch of clothing away bc I knew I was having more. So there I was throwing the clothes that my first little baby boy wore in the give away pile and there came the tears. It was soooooo much harder to let that stuff got than I realized bc really I am not the most sentimental person, so it truly caught me off guard. I was surprised and very very sappy. So I say wait a bit. I have had baby fever with each of mine at 12 months and I am full expecting to go through it with this one as well. We already closed the door and I am so confident that was right for us and even so, I am totally emotional about my little babies growing up. So maybe give it a few months and let this one start talking and using that lovely word 'no!' and see if you still have another round in you!!! You have time! But whatever you decide, children are a blessing and if you are up for it, go for it!

My first 3 were born within 4 years...... and at that time, (age 29), I just didn't feel that I was "done" .... so we didn't do anything permanent. (August 1982, April 1984, and August 1986.) BTW.... hubby is about 5 1/2 years older than I....

About 4 years later, we both decided it was time for another..... it was mutual, and we agreed to it.

I didn't have the difficulties of hubby being away for extended periods of time like you, and that is tough.

I will say, though.... our first 3 are girls.... and yes, we got the boy on #4.... no, we weren't trying for a boy... we would have been just as happy to have another girl. #4, the son, was born November 1991..... the day after hubby's company announced we were all (about 100 employees) being transferred from Iowa to Texas!

I love all my kids, as I know you do also, and frankly, I can't imagine my life without my son.