Should I Let Her Go This Weekend?

I would NOT send her. And I'd tell the grandmother why. When adults in her life tell her to keep secrets, they don't get the honor of being with her. That aunt is in the doghouse and needs to be.

She can see her grandmother the next visit.

Btw, you are right about worrying about how the dogs will get along...

NO-don't let her go-children should not be around people who put their pets needs ahead of the well being of a child

Rottweilers eat kids. I would keep her home.

No I wouldn't let her go. The whole secret thing is odd. If her dad asks why she changed her mind he should be told about the aunt.

You say you have a bad feeling about this situation and that your ex also would be upset. So what is the confusion, you do not let an 8 year old innocent young girl go into a situation that neither of you want her in.

Also, her aunt is wanting her to NOT tell you something, RED FLAG !!! I'm sure its all a bit confusing to an 8 year old especially if you let her go you would consider keeping a secret from her father. Huh, isn't that lying by omittion?

Don't let her go. You have a bad feeling because you are a good mom who loves her little girl.

Good luck,
DH

Is this your ex's home? I don't think I'd agree with keeping it a secret from him that his sister will be in his home while he's away.

I'd keep your daughter home and keep her out of that drama.

Lovely answer from Doris Day!! It is not acceptable for an adult to ask an 8 year old child to keep a secret from her parents. Period. Good for you for trusting your daughter. That is probably why she trusted you back and told you this "secret". Good job mom!

I wouldn't personally not allow my kid to go somewhere because two dogs were going to be there.

However Idon't know anything about the personalities of these dogs. If one of them is a vicious killer, then I wouldn't let my kid go.

As to the aunt keeping a secret? I don't know why she would want her and her dog's presence to be a secret, but I don't think the aunt's secrecy is a good reason to keep your daughter from visiting her grandma.

We taught our daughter to say, "I am not allowed to keep secrets from mom and dad."

I would first find out how the dogs get along. I would not want my daughter to witness dogs injuring each other or hurting a human.

Could you all pick up grandma and take her to lunch and the park? Or invite her to meet you all somewhere? I know it would be a lot of effort, but it is sweet that she misses her grandmother.

I am on the don't let her go bandwagon. For two reasons, first: if the aunt asked her to keep the dog a secret it's most likely because she knows she isn't/won't be allowed to bring the dog, and a Rottweiler is reason enough to not introduce a new animal, second: and on a more personal level, when I was six, it was my birthday actually, my mother specifically asked her cousin to not bring his normally well behaved dog to my party because we had two dogs of our own and she was concerned about how they would get along. They didn't and I almost lost an eye when the cousins dog, a Great Dane and normally a docile breed, grabbed me by my face. Needless to say my party was cancelled. I spent the day in the hospital got stitches in my eyelid, still have a scar almost 40 years later and I am terrified of Great Danes. You never ever know what will happen when two strange dogs meet.

So IMO... No no way, no how, would I let my daughter be a part of that.

Talk to some adults in all of this and not just take the word of an 8 year old as being the whole story.
Perhaps the aunt wants to surprise the Grandmother. Is it her mom too?
The dog breed isn't as big of a problem to me. All dogs can be trained to be nice or mean, doesn't matter what breed. Maybe these dogs have been together before.
You need to get the full story from the adults involved. Talk to your ex, talk to the aunt, talk to the grandmother. You do not need to overreact to what may only be part of the story from an 8 year old.
Make a decision after you've talked to the adults. If you don't like the situation after those conversations see if there is something else you can do that you are more comfortable with.

It's nice that your daughter is open and honest with you and felt it important to let you in on the "secret".

I say Trust Your Instincts, Momma! If your guts are saying to not let her go, don't let her.

Let daughter in on some problem solving skills.
Tell her what is not ok with you so it is off the option list.
Let her help you with other scenarios.
You go with her to visit Grandmother.
You take them both somewhere together.
Have grandmother come to your house.
Meet grandmother somewhere.
Wait for another weekend when dad is home.
I wouldn't keep this from ex.
You wouldn't want him to keep it from you.
Good luck.

I like Laurie A's answer so much. I'm a bit late with big girls but I'm still going to tell my little one to come back right away with "I don't keep secrets from Mom and Dad" if she's ever asked to.

Without knowing the ages of the people involved it's hard to judge so I'd just talk to your Ex about it. It's his house and he should know anyway.

Don't be too hard on the Aunt, if she's elderly she has no idea about the recent cultural change concerning "secrets" and child rearing. When I was little my Grandpa would sneak me candy and call it our secret or sneak a puff on his pipe (tobacco of course;) and say don't tell your Grandma. It was fun to be in on those little secrets but sadly those days are over.

I would not let her go. Why doesn't the sister want her brother to know that she is at his house? Something smells fishy to me! And besides if you were going to sneak over to your brothers house for the weekend, and you don't want him to know about it, why the hell would you bring your dog too? Nope, I wouldn't let her go. She's only 8, and unable to fend for herself should the occasion arise.

Glad your daughter didn't keep it from you. Now you are in a tricky spot because if you talk to her dad or grandma they will know and so will your daughter that you didn't keep her confidence. How old is your daughter? If she is an older child I think you talk with her and let her decide. If she's a younger child, you praise her for her honesty but let her know that you have to talk to grandma about it before you can let her go unless she would rather just stay home this weekend.

Just call the aunt and talk to her about it. Maybe your daughter misunderstood, you don't know.
You should never base your decisions solely on the words and here say of a child, ALWAYS talk to the adults for clarification and THEN decide.

Have you talked to grandma? Without knowing how old grandma is or how old your daughter is, grandma may not be up to having her around the whole week-end on her own. If you are on good terms with grandma, maybe you could invite her to dinner, so your daughter can spend time with her without being in the middle of what sounds like drama.

Why does your ex's sister want to keep the fact that she's staying at his house a secret from him? Perhaps he knows or feels something about that particular situation that you are not aware of. Hmmmm ... I don't think I would like that personally, without speaking to my ex. I wouldn't necessarily like ratting on the sister, but when your child's involved ... that's a whole different ballgame.

Always go with your gut feeling!! If you have a bad feeling about it, trust your instinct!! If your daughter doesn't go it's not the end of the world!!

I'm not sure whether you need to be upset that the aunt told your daughter to "keep it a secret" - I don't know how old the aunt is, maybe the aunt is not so good at communicating with children, etc.

But, I do not think that *you* should keep this "secret" from your ex. Now that the cat (or, dog) is out of the bag, I think you need to be open in communicating with your ex about it. Don't "join forces" with the aunt and your daughter to keep secrets from your ex.

"that her aunt is going to be staying there this weekend as well and told her to keep a secret from me and her daddy."

THAT is the reason I wouldn't let her go. People that try to get kids to lie to or hide things from parents are not the kind of people you want them spending time with. In addition, you should inform your ex so that he knows.

Don't worry at all that aunt and grandma find out your daughter told you. That is a good thing and defines a boundary.