The Party and the Pit Bull

I think it is perfectly acceptable to ask about the dog and let the parent know you are concerned. It would be the parents choice to step up and say they keep the dog outside while there are guests in the house.

We have a rottie. She is asleep most of the time and loves kids. At the same time, she is 117 lbs., is a breed with a bad reputation, and the kids are not mine.

When most kids come over, she goes outside. There are a couple of kids that are comfortable with her and she just goes to them for some attention and then goes and lays down.

And yes, my precious little sister was mauled by my mother's friends precious pit bull. This was a case of the kids opened the door and invited the her outside and the dog ran up bit her.

If you are not comfortable with the response, don't go.

I would call, introduce myself and then find out where the pet will be. I cannot imagine they are not planning on crating the dog. Facial dog bites are a HUGE issue. It has little to do with the particular breed and a lot to do with a dog being overwhelmed with little humans who do not know how to interact with it. I would not send my child to a home with an uncrated dog, or a gun for that matter.

Would you be concerned if it was any other type of dog? If not, then why would you worry now? I know pits get a bad rap, but they are not bad dogs. At 5 my kid wouldn't go to the party alone anyways, I would be staying with her, so it would not matter any ways.

I grew up with pit bulls & w/pit mixes all my life.

Please hear me when I say,
You should be free to inquire/meet/observe any dog your children are going to be around and you SHOULD with ALL breeds.

Pits can be more dangerous because of the bite power & pure muscle strength, we all know this & should never dismiss it b/c it's uncomfortable. As a Pitbull owner these parents know the score. If they give you gruff your daughter should not attend. Easy.

you're going to get deluged in 'poor misunderstood pitbull' responses.
i'm sure they're mostly big ol' sweeties, but when they're not, they can be devastatingly dangerous.
so i'd ask. i mean, if you don't know the family at all, you have to, don't you? you don't know ANYTHING about them. i don't subscribe to paranoia, but letting kids go unattended into a home where you don't know anything is never a good idea. guns and dogs are two of the most important things that require some investigation.
if you're going with her, be prepared to leave if the dog is roaming freely and doesn't seem to be trained. if you're thinking of dropping her off........well, the presence of the dog is a good reason not to.
i gave homeschool classes out of my house quite frequently. i expected and was never offended by parents asking questions about the pool, dog, horses and ordinance.
khairete
S.

oh S. mother of God...really?? When you've seen her walking her Pit - has he attacked someone? Has he done ANYTHING to make you think he's a vicious dog?? Have you EVEN tried to get to know the dog???

it's NOT the dog - it's the OWNERS!!!

I have a Boxer/Pit mix. He's a good boy. He's a Boxer and LOVES to jump. So we have to work with him on this. He's 4 years old and is really good about it, however, there are people who get him excited and let him jump on them - we've talked to them and asked them NOT to encourage it. Because my dog doesn't KNOW it's NOT good for EVERYONE.

I have a friend who has a Chihuahua - he nips at people. I'm more concerned about **THOSE** dogs than I am about a Pit Bull. Stop buying into the hype.

ANY responsible dog owner - of ANY BREED - would put their dog in a kennel or a room during a party - that's a LOT of new people for a dog to handle in their territory.

Have you bothered to ASK the owners what their plan is with their dog? If not? You are making guesses and feeding into the hype of the breed. It wasn't long ago that Pit Bulls were BABYSITTERS.

I'm sorry that you don't trust Pit Bulls. It's not the DOG - IT'S THE OWNER!!!

Talk to the owner and find out their plan for the party.

ETA: Pit bulls do NOT have locking jaws!! Oh my God people!! Get educated before you start spreading false rumors...

http://realpitbull.com/myths.html

Like others have said, I've had more trouble with Chihuahua's and Shitz Zu's than Pit Bulls.

I got a chunk taken out of my ankle by a Chihuahua about 5 years ago. I'm not afraid of them. I call them Ankle Biters for a reason.

Yes. I would let my child go to a party. I would either stay or talk to the parent and ask them what their plan is for their animals.

My 3rd son went to a reptile party. He held a constrictor snake, he started getting scared when the snake started wrapping around his arm. It took the handler a minute or two to get the snake off my son. Having a child "calm down" is hard.

I love Pit Bulls! They are a wonderful breed of dog! They are animals and ALL animals of ANY size or breed need to be respected. Have you taught your child how to approach a dog she does not know? Have you taught her own to respect an animal?

This goes both ways, you know? I don't like having people in my home that don't know how to treat animals or fear an animals based on a reputation that really crappy people gave it.

Info on the bite/grip of pit bulls: (tomato/tomahto)

There is no physical locking mechanism in the jaws of a pit bull, their jaw physiology is no different from any other breed. What is different about pit bulls is their psychology, which is why you can not train even the most biddable dogs like border collies or the easy peasy lab to hang on a rope. The jaws of a pit bull do not technically lock but pit bulls often grab hold of their target and refuse to let go - sometimes even after they have expired. They are hard-wired for this behavior.

Original:
Nope. Unless I knew he would be crated.
Lots of small kid around ANY dog can be overwhelming.
While I realize that many putties are S. and child friendly? Many are not.
I would not take that chance with my child face and a locking bite.
My .02

I would probably approach it like: "hi Madge! Susie is looking forward to centering Janie's birthday. But she's a bit apprehensive about dogs. I wouldn't want her to startle or otherwise annoy the dog, since she's not familiar with large dogs, so are there any plans to crate him/her during the party?"

If no? "I'm so sorry, she's not going to be able to make it. Thank you for the invite!"

ETA:
IT can certainly be THE DOG.
Or The OWNERS!!
Or...BOTH.
I wouldn't let a 5 year old investigate which it is. No responsible parent would. PERIOD.

This is a great time to introduce yourself. I assume you have their address. Go over and say hello, introduce yourself. Then you can ask about the party and mention you are nervous about the dog. My kids went to parties that the owners had dogs. When they had the party, the dogs were kept in another room. Dogs can get excited with a lot of people. This kept both safe.

ETA: OH good LORD Kelly....... I said that about my poodle in jest because ALL dogs are capable of attacking someone. Good grief.... I need a glass of wine after that nonsense.

ANY responsible pet owner would have that pet securely AWAY from any children or party for everyone's sake. There are so may sue happy people in the world, one could be sued if a dog looked at them the wrong way.
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First of all, why have you not introduced yourself to the mom if your children are friends? That is more concerning to me than the paranoia of a dog.

You can't introduce yourself when you see her walking her dog? What keeps you from just saying "Hi, I am Susie, Jackie's mom" Gees... we've met a ton of people in our neighborhood just by saying hi and introducing ourselves on a nice day when out with dogs and children.

Is there an underlying reason you are so paranoid about the dog and not about why you do not know this family when your children are friends?

I realize pit bulls have received a bad rap. I am a firm believer that it is all about the training and the owners of the dogs. Yes, pit bulls have been responsible for a lot of accidents, so have smaller breeds. I have had dogs all of my life. I believe in proper training. A hard part of being a dog owner is educating the non-owners and people who think it is ok to simply approach a dog. It is not ok just to go up to a dog. If you scare them, they will react to defend themselves.

I can tell you one thing.... people should be more afraid of my 9# toy poodle than some of the teddy bear big dogs in my neighborhood. I have children want to pet my dog when we are walking and what they cannot comprehend is that.. he has NEVER been around small children. Small children freak him out. We are AWARE of that and we keep him away from small children. I am amazed that after I make that statement, some try to pet him. IDIOTS

I would assume this mom is fully aware of the HYPE about pit bulls, therefore their dog will be safely away from children at the party because they are not looking to be sued.

It concerns me more that this family (mom) is judged based on the breed of their family pet vs simply introducing yourself and getting to know who they are. I for one, knew the parents of my daughter's friends.. that was priority #1 over any pet.

Good luck

I'd ask about where the dog will be during the party. If the dog is going to be at the party I would not send my kids there. If be forthcoming that, the dog and my kids safety is the reason why too. While of course being thankful for the invite... :)

Okay TF, not to one-up you, but... :)

We have a Chihuahua. We refer to her as our "four pounds of fury". She is a rescue dog- she is old, grouchy and was not social AT ALL. But she loves us, and if she felt that anyone was a threat to us, she would tear into them. Over the years, she has mellowed, but I will never allow her to be around small children. (Or some adults for that matter.)

When we entertain, she goes into her crate. She's happy, and I don't have to worry about her taking a chunk out of anyone's ankle.

Having said all of that, you need to know the family. If the dog is crated, problem solved. Invite mom over and get to know her.

...also loved the 'pitophobic' phrase AZneomom

I'd find out where the pit bull will be during the party.
Some of them are very friendly loving dogs - but they are huge - and can hurt people unintentionally.
Having a lot of little kids running around with any big dog in the mix could be a problem.

It doesn't matter if it's a pit bull, a creepy uncle, a weird mom...if you are uncomfortable, then the answer is NO:)

My family has 5 pit bulls. My brother has two blue pits, my mom and dad have a rescued pit mixed with something (she looks like a pig), my brother that lives with my parents has a lab/pit mix, and my sister has a pit mix as well. They are GREAT dogs. If I knew the family and trusted them, I would trust their dog would be good around my kids too. But I would hope that at a party the animals would be kept away just because of the pure chaos.

Honestly, I would be more worried about a parent with a 5 year old wanting to drop their kid off at my house when they didn't know me than a pit bull.

I'd ask the hostess. Maybe tell them your daughter is hesitant around larger dogs, and you'd hate for there to be a mishap because she reacted in a way the dog wasn't used to. Hopefully at that point, the mom will say, "Oh, don't worry, Buster will be locked in his dog run during the party, so he won't be around the kids."

Anyone who tells you it's just the owner that makes a dog react in an aggressive way has never owned a dog, that much I can tell you. Dogs have personalities just like people do, and some dogs, despite the owner's best intentions, are not great around kids. Even ones who were raised around kids can still be skittish. The dog I was raised with (a Seppala Sled Dog) was more or less okay with ME, but would growl at other children. So when friends came over, the dog would have to be locked in her kennel. She was a good dog and was raised properly and trained to do all kinds of things, but she just didn't like kids she didn't know. She came from a long line of working dogs that had been bred for physical characteristics (the ability to run forever, pretty much), not for personality. One could argue that many lines of Pit Bulls are the same way. You have no way of knowing if this Pit was bred for looks, personality (and if so, which characteristics), or what, unless you ask.

So I would not send my child to any house with a larger dog if I wasn't sure the dog: A) LOVED children - all children, or B) would be in its kennel during the length of the party, away from the kids.

I would just say that your daughter is a little nervous around dogs and ask if she will be putting the dog somewhere for the event. I'm sure she will. I would put my two dogs outside or in their kennels, first because they would be in the way and eating way too much dropped bday cake ( I dont want to clean up the sick, yuck) and second because I don't want to be liable incase something happened. I wouldn't trust a bunch of kids around my dog, nor my dog around a bunch of kids. Just be honest about the dog but I wouldn't include that the breed bothers you.

Don't judge a dog by its breed.

A dog is a dog is a dog. It's how they're treated and trained as to how they act.

So any dog can be a vicious animal that will attack everyone. A bear can be trained to be submissive and be crawled on by a whole host of kids.

So no, their choice in pets wouldn't make any difference to me. BUT I don't let the kids go to strangers houses without me. If I don't know that person and haven't been to their house several times and them to mine there isn't any way I'd trust them with the kids so they'd never be there without me.

I read through all the posts and some I agree with and some make shake my head. Here are a few things I think. First off I have a pit bull, a rescue and when have people over in large numbers she gets put in her dog run. She is an amazing dog and when it is a few people she hangs out, of course she is crazy excited when people get there and it takes her a minute to quit licking and all that. Then she just usually lays under the table. We have slumber parties and she loves all the food kids drop and she usually sleeps out with them.
That all being said, you really need to get to know the family a bit, maybe do some one on one with them and tell them you fear their dog. I appreciate it when people tell me that they are scared of my dog, then I can take steps to make them feel comfortable. I have a friend who is terrified of pits but she came over anyway and we slowly introduced Roxy and she likes MY dog, not sure if she will ever be a fan of the breed and that is okay.

Maybe you could go to the party and get to know the family and the dog. I would not send my five year old to any house without me without knowing the family or their animals.

Many blessings

and i love the "pitophobic" term AZneomom. lol

No I wouldn't send my child. The dog is probably fine. Pit bulls can be fine. They can also attack. The breed is chosen for fighting for a reason. My neighbor is an EMT and recently went to the scene of a dead 4 year old mauled by one. My other friend who has been a lifelong pit bull lover and owner had to put one to sleep when it became aggressive for no reason with toddlers in the house. People who refuse to admit that pit bills are ever dangerous are wishful thinkers. Yes it's bad ownership (but not in my friend's case where the dog just turned mean literally for no reason). It's also the breed. How many people are attacked and killed by chihuahuas with negligent owners? Again, these people may be fine and their dog may be fine, but I wouldn't send my child without knowing for sure. The same way I wouldn't send my kids to a house with guns in it without knowing every detail about the family and how the guns are stored.
This goes for many breeds btw, not just pits. I keep my kids away from shifty dogs with owners I don't know. If I see a friendly smiling person with a famously friendly breed of dog cheerfully inviting kids to pet it in park: Fine. If I see the owner giving you the grumpy side eye with a shifty looking dog I tell the kids to stay away. They know not all dogs are nice and to use caution. Sure some perfectly innocent dogs don't get petted that way, but oh well.

It's not the dog, it's the people who own them. My neighbors have 4 pitbulls. Their bark is "Scary" but the dogs are not. They are nice. Why? Because the people are nice and they treat their dogs well. End of story. My son has gone to several parties there - the dogs are kept in a different part of the house during a party.

Now, the problem also comes because if a BIG dog nips, it makes big damage. If a small dog attacks, it makes less damage.

Next time you see the mom, go say hi and meet the dog.

And most people put their dogs in a room or the yard while the party is going on because you don't let a dog run loose during a birthday party.

Just ASK. Don't judge the dog.

When I was growing up, the SCARY DOG was the Doberman, because that's what a-holes were buying and training to be violent. Then it was rotweillers. Then it was german shepards.

I think it should be OK to ask the parent if the dog will be around the kids. Personally, I think no matter what breed it is it should not be out for the party and I don't think it would be rude to politely ask.

When my daughter has play dates or a party I ask my MIL to take our dog to her house (14 lb. Boston Terrier). I know my dog can become very hyper and sometimes will want to play aggressively so I would just rather she not be here. Most of the time my dog will eventually go off and sleep somewhere as long as no one bothers her, its just when people first get to our home.

I am leery of Pit Bulls too, but I think a lot of a dogs temperament has to do with the humans it has been around and learning from.

we've had mishaps with dogs both big and small. My brother got bit by a beagle and a yorkie, I got bit by a great dane. 1. The beagle had to be put down, although my brother was at fault. He messed with her when she was eating. An onlooker chose to escalate the situation (not my parents or the dog's owners), and the dog had to be put down.2. The yorkie probably should have been rehabbed/ put down. That thing was neurotic, wired wrong, and aggressive. It wasn't, because the owners dismissed it as just a scratch. That dog went on to bite many more people. 3. The dane was a doufus, and scratched me during tug of war. I shouldn't have been playing that game. There was a lot of blood and concern, because the dog was big. If it had meant harm though, it could have done serious damage.

If you have any hesitations about the dog, the owner, your child's comportment, or the situation they will all find themselves in, it can be a recipie for disaster. For all involved.

I have been a dog owner in the past, I have never owned a pit bull (nothing against them but just not my favorite), and here is my take on it:

First, any dog can be a threat and should be supervised regardless of breed or training.

Second, pit bulls do get a bad rap for bad dog owners. Their jaws are know for "locking" and because they tend to be the dog of choice for fighting, it's what you hear about.

Third, I am extremely choosy who my daughter can spend time with especially without myself or her father present. Was the same with my son. So I don't think it odd that you don't consider meeting someone the same as knowing them.

All of that said...your daughter is five. You could allow her to attend the party but stay with her. Then you would be there to supervise as well as get to know the parents a bit more and see what type of dog owners they are. Or you could talk to the mom and say "I know you have a dog, could you tell me where the dog will be during the party?" you can even elaborate that you have had bad experiences with other dogs (no need to specify the breed unless she asks)...if she sees you have a reasonable concern I am sure she'd be willing to reassure you that the dog will be away from the party. However, the dog isn't your only issue because like you said...you don't really KNOW her.

We are going to get a nanny dog, I.e. Pit bull. They are S., loyal dogs. They are only mean when being loyal to a mean owner.

Edited to add: I know personally that it can be the dog. We had to put down are very beloved dog because he bit. He was a rescue, had bad genes, and that was that. I still miss him, and we put him down 6 years ago. I guess I just can't imagine any reasonable parent having a KIDS party with a dog that bites. You do make a fool out of yourself when you assume, but I prefer to assume this family is reasonable.

I also have a lot of expertise with nanny dogs, and they are such a gentle breed. Much more so than lots of other perceived "safe" dogs.

Why not go introduce yourself to the family, have a nice visit, and find out for yourself what kind of personality the dog has?

It's not about the dog breed. It's about any dog and a bunch of kids (all of whom can be wild when revved up on cake and soda and others' activities). I have a little 17 pound terrier and I wouldn't let a bunch of kids run around here without having a designated dog sitter and another location for the dog. I just wouldn't.

So I agree that you a) introduce yourself, b) say that your daughter is nervous around dogs anyway, c) what can you do to help with the event, and d) stay for the party. I wouldn't drop a 5 year old off at a party when I didn't know the family anyway - so find out what the plan is and what the structure of the party is.

If you can't find a way to get to know the family and the house, then decline the invitation. I'm not a big believer in huge parties when kids invite the universe instead of a few of their closets friends, and I never sent my kid to the 25+ child extravaganzas anyway. They're a nightmare. I kept parties very small and the parents usually stayed unless they were close friends and knew us and their kids knew us.

Are you sure its a pit? My daughter and her boyfriend have an American Bulldog and Kilo looks pitish.

I wouldn't want any dog around a group of kids like that no matter what breed. I would ask about the dog and where it will be located during the party. You could even say your child is skittish around dogs.

I think the bigger issue is that you don't know the family, not the dog or its breed. If you knew the family, you would know more about the dog and how the owners handled it. With a 5-year-old, I would either get to know the family better, stay at the party with my child, or decline the invitation. Twice when my kids were at that age I chose to stay at the party. Both were big parties with both kids and adults so my presence wasn't awkward. I think they thought it was a little odd that I stayed, but I said that my child didn't want to be left alone or something like that. In both cases, I didn't know the families and planned to survey the situation when I arrived and determine whether I would stay or not. In one case I wasn't satisfied with the level of supervision provided and in the second case there were a variety of potential hazards, including a broken swing set and multiple pit bulls in the garage (one was either pregnant or had recently had pups). I didn't even know about the pit bulls until I got there and quite honestly the broken swing set pozed more of a hazard to my child than the dogs. In both cases, I'm very glad I stayed at the party and my presence was very useful to my son. Another factor is how does your daughter feel about the party? Is it important to her? If not, it's easy to decline the invite.

I find the poodle discussions ironic. I have a 15# miniature poodle who is NOT trustworthy and is kenneled during parties or kept away from older children who aren't familiar with him. He's not allowed with younger children unless leashed and with me. I consider myself very responsible in handling him around people outside of our family, but because he's cute, white and fluffy everybody assumes he's harmless. It is true that his bite would cause less damage than the bite of a large dog regardless of breed.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I absolutely would NOT go. Politely decline the invitation, without mentioning the dog. For example: Thank you for inviting us. Unfortunately, we have something else planned already for that day. Hope you have a great time! You will never be able to know how that dog is raised behind closed doors, and if you ask about the dog before deciding, they may be offended when you decline.
We had a golden retriever mix who was "GREAT with kids!", who never bit ANYONE, never showed ANY aggression, but one day decide to bite my cousin's face.
To the person who thinks poodles should be feared more than pits: What's worse, stitches or a body bag?

I understand. I don't think this is so much about the dog, as wanting to make sure your daughter is safe.

Obviously if you trust them to look after your child, your hope is that you can trust them to make sure she's safe. Animals (no matter what kind) can surprise you. A golden lab dragged our son around a friend's back yard once. It happens.

I think focus on your child (not the dog or the owner). Assume they are responsible, smart, and would take precautions at a children's party.

Have you responded to the invite? If so, you can just follow up and say "I'm sure this is a silly question, but I just wanted to check with you - my daughter's not used to dogs and I'm a little nervous of how she will react ...." and see how they respond. It's all how you word it. If you make it about YOUR child and not their dog - it will go over better.

You have every right to check out any situation where your child is going to be. Don't feel bad about it. Just be polite, non-confrontational, and assume the best - it will come across in your tone.

Good luck :)

I think I had a similar view of pit bulls .... until my daughter got one. And then got another. And I am in love with these dogs.

A dog is a dog is a dog. It's all in how they are raised. My ex is a vet and he has been bitten right through his finger by a maltese and had his arm ripped open by a cocker spaniel. He's treated many hundreds of pit bulls and never ran into one he didn't like.

It's the media folks. You hear about the breed when it is a pit bull attack, but you don't when it is a german shepherd, rottweiler, doberman, etc. And those dogs attack people too.

Sorry, but I just had to stick my two cents in about pits. But I would probably stay at the party if there were a dog there and I was unfamiliar with it and its owners.

I understand about the hesitance toward pit bulls. I really do. It's something about that strong jaw and the ability to "lock in" their bite that gives us all pause. It is not the same as a bite from most other dogs.

However, I have only had positive experience with pit bulls. My aunt has owned several, and my husband grew up with one. My BIL has an aging pit right now. They ARE the sweetest dogs! Really.

As others have stated, it is about the owners and how they perceive and treat their dog that really should influence your comfort level. So you need to explore that, and don't be afraid to ask. When my first child was born almost 8 years ago, my BIL's pit was 8 years younger than he is now, and the spoiled "granddoggie" of my MIL. I had a no contact rule around my baby and the dog for the whole first year, unless I was present. I love my BIL's pit, I have known him since he was a pup. But I just had to make that rule for my own comfort, because I did not trust my MIL who was over the moon that this newborn babe would be the BFF of her precious granddog.

Now the pit is getting old and crotchety poor thing. And he's proven he has a great tolerance for kids now that I have had 3, and my BIL had one in the meantime too. But I still limited contact when my kids were little and more... vulnerable...

So I don't blame you for your hesitance. But with your daughter being fairly grown (in size, and also maturity as to how to act around dogs) AND assuming the family treats their pit like any normal pet dog, with caution around guests and overstimulation, you should be fine.

I don't see a problem with it. The mom will probably keep the dog shut up, but you can ask if it settles your mind. Also, It might be a good time to teach your daughter how to behave around strange dogs in general. It's a good lesson to have in life.

I understand where you're coming from.
But to me, I don't like to take chances.
Go with your instincts.
Either don't go or go WITH your child. Check out the situation. See if they lock up the dog. If not, leave the present & leave.
Stay with your chld.
It's just not worth the risk!!!