Should I Get Involved??? Any Advice Is Welcome.

I think you should call the school social worker, and tell them they need to keep an eye on this girl. but frankly what you have described here is a typical teenager seeking attention. it is what i think

In situations like this, I don't stop and think for a second. I'd immediately go and tell the school counselor. There's SOMETHING wrong, and it involves a CHILD. There's no time to consider anything else. Children come first.

I assume this is at a public school They usually have set guide lines
about what to do. My daughter and a friend once had a friend (male) who
was talking about killing himself. One conversation with a teacher. led
to the office contacting the parents. All was very professionally done.
So perhaps you daughter can talk to a teacher......

Talk to the school counselor yourself.
Also try to find times when this girl can come over.
My daughter had a couple friends who were abused, she befriended them and for the time they were living near us I took them in anytime I could. I knew when they were at my house they were fed healthy meals, got a shower and were not being hit.
I had called DCFS on both families, both came out of it smelling like roses. It gave me a very poor impression of the whole system.
We would have the girls over to make sure they didn't have bruises. The girls would have sleepovers.
When they moved away I gave them our phone number and they have our new address if they ever need to come to me they can. They both keep in contact with my daughter, they are all 15/16.
Find out who the mom is and see if she too is being abused. One of my rescue's had a mom who was powerless against the father.
Encourage your daughter to come to you and talk to you about what is going on. Ask her how "Jenny" is doing.
Take the girls to a movie.
Gain this child's confidence, she may need you.
Start documenting.
Maybe take her to church youth group if your is part of one.
A friend of mine who grew up abused says she wishes someone cared enough to call the authorities.

This child may not know how to treat you daughter very nice sometimes. Let your daughter know it's part of the package. She is fighting so many demons.

I didn't read all the responses so I'm sorry if this is a re-post. I have actually been in this situation a couple of times with friends of my kids. What I have done is called the school counselor myself and told them what was being said and I was very concerned for the child's safety. I'm not sure where you live..but here they are obligated by law to look into the situation. I always ask that the source of the information be kept confidential. I just did this a couple of weeks ago and the girl was removed from her home...so there was something to the rumors I was hearing. I know kids make other kids promise not to say anything...I don't even tell my kids I'm doing it. That way they have a clear conscious and so do I. Good Luck! Oh..and you're very lucky to have such a big hear ted concerned daughter!

Call the guidance counselor and explain the situation. The GC deals with this kind of thing all the time and should be able to reach out to the girl for a check in in such a way that she won't suspect that your daughter said anything. If there is anything that warrants alarm, the GC has the expertise to follow up in an appropriate way.

It sounds like you've done a wonderful job in raising your daughter to be compassionate, a good listener, and someone other kids can trust. I also admire that she is willing to share this with you. You are obviously doing something right, so keep doing what you're doing mom! Do encourage her to nurture this friendship to whatever degree is comfortable. I bet having your daughter in her life during this difficult time means more that you'll ever know, but also don't let your daughter get too wrapped up in her drama because that might be too stressful for her.

I would let the girl come over and let your daughter befriend her. If something is going on at home with the girl that is a good way to find out and figure out how you can help. If this girl is not being honest, you will find that out too and your daughter will know not to believe her anymore.

I would let the girl come over, even if you are having a party for Grandma.

let her come over. meet her, listen to her, and be the judge. she could be reaching out for attention, or an escape.
will it hurt you to give either? if not, then think about it.
i know she is not your responsibility, but maybe the universe has brought her to your attention for a reason.

I wouldn't let her come over.
She's using your daughter like a counselor, but your daughter isn't trained for this and at some point it might get to be a bit much for your daughter to handle.
She needs some professional help and you (and your daughter) are not in a position to give it to her.

I would open my home to her and give her a listening ear. I would encourage your daughter to tell her that she needs to talk to her school counselor. If she is nervous, your daughter can volunteer to go in with her to be a support while she talks to the office. Your daughter can tell her that because she is worried about her and needs help, that she will have to tell the school counselor if she doesn't, and would only do it because she cares for the girl and wants her to get help.

I would notify the school counselor and ask that your daughter be kept out of it.

You have no choice but to get involved, actually. You already are- it's just that the girl in question isn't aware of it. Call your daughter's teacher, tell her what you suspect, and she (as a mandated reporter) will call and have this child's situation evaluated.
You are not alone-my son shared with me that a friend of his is 'cutting'. this is serious enough on the face of it, throw in a working knowledge of psych issues, and it's alarming to say the least. I don't have any first hand knowledge. I told my son's teacher so; but I have a responsibiliy to this child. She is better able to asses a course of action as she is on site. I did the right thing in terms of priority-that's what you need to do, I think. This girl's possible danger trumps any concern over everything else.

God bless you!

you need to get involved. civil courage is one of the most important ingredients to a healthy society. do not leave this girl to her fate. children are everyone's business!

Yes, someone needs to get involved and you are the adult.

Call the school councilor and tell them what you know, before it is too late.

Too many kids stay in horible situations because no one wants to get involved. I know, I was one of them.

Then you need to talk to your daughter to prepare her, because this girl may be very upset with her for telling you, then again she may not, she may have been looking for someone to help. Your daughter needs to be prepared in case she is angry.

Good luck!

I would call the school counselor myself. I would repeat what your daughter said about her father throwing something at her, and her being too sick or anxious to eat much lately, about the things she told your daughter she and her boyfriend have done, about the girl repeatedly asking your daughter if she can come home with her. I would let the school take it from there for awhile. I would not have her over on Grandma's birthday. I would not be opposed to having your daughter invite her over at some point in the future, but not quite yet. Something *may* be going on and she has some issues that *may* need to be addressed first. Or she is an attention seeker. Too much for your daughter to be expected to handle. She can/should be friendly with her at school. I think I would wait to invite her over if and when your daughter wants to do so on her terms, and not just because the girl is asking her to invite her over.

I would invite the girl home and try to figure out first if what she is saying is true. Some kids say things because they want the attention and your daughter may can't see it but I think you could better.
If what she is saying is true and she really seem in trouble then call the school and see what they can do.
If what she is saying is obviously a lie, I would suggest to my daughter to keep her distance.

I agree with many of the posts, I just want to add, however, that it's important that your daughter NOT be swept up in this, or that either of you feel it's your duty to "fix" this girl's life.

Which means that if this girl isn't able to be reasonably nice to your daughter and respectful to your family, it's important that you see to your own daughter's/family's needs first. You can't sacrifice your daughter's happiness to take care of this other child that isn't yours. To this end-- good boundaries.

The only reason I say this is because I have seen well-intentioned parents take on sometimes more than is healthy, so know when to say when. Be sure to have clear boundaries and rules at your house, too, if she comes over. No matter what her situation, if she wants the safety of your family life, she will adapt and prove that she is trustworthy.

Just keep your eyes open, and yes, talk to the counselor yourself. This absolves your daughter. And remember, even people in terrible situations don't like change. This is why so many abused partners do not leave their spouses. Once you get this ball rolling, there could be a lot of anger directed at yourself and/or your daughter, from this girl and/or her family. So be aware of this.

I had a similar situation in high school, too, where I was hoping to 'rescue' a friend who was living in an abusive home and had some big acting-out issues (much as this girl has with her engaging in sexual activity, etc.). My high school counselor at the time said a wise thing: Oftentimes, when one person is swimming and the other sinking, the swimmer wants to save the sinking one. Unfortunately, it's rare that the swimmer can bring the 'down' person up to their level and instead, they may be drawn down instead. So again, good boundaries.

Otherwise--- best wishes. You sound like a very caring parent.

I would talk to the counselor. But, I would also have your daughter distance herself from this girl. She is young and doesn't need to be caught up in the drama of what is going on. If she is an attention seeker, your daughter doesn't need to be involved. If there is a problem at home, your daughter can't fix it and she doesn't need the guilt of not being able to fix it on her either.

This girl is reaching out to your daughter and needs help. If I were you, I would call the school counselor and tell them what has been said. I know it's none of your business but if it was reversed, wouldn't you want that girls mother to get help for your child?

This kid needs help - but I do think that your daughter should distance herself from someone with lots of issues like she has. I had a friend like that and it was all bad until I finally went my own way. My life is great - hers was very distructive.

Lots of good advice from everyone. I wonder if the girl would go to the counselor if your daughter walked with her. She doesn't have to get involved, because she CAN'T fix this girl, but moral support to take the step to get some help might be a good compromise. Poor thing!

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I don't have a child of school age yet, but I think that you as the parent need to have your daughter tell the counselor. Yes, the girl may hate your daughter for doing that, but that is much better than letting a possibly abusive situation continue (the whole "she can't eat bec. she throws it up sounds like maybe morning sickness, or maybe really bad stress due to anxiety; either way, she needs adult intervention, now).

If your daughter won't go, go and report it yourself. Get this girl help now, and don't want. It really sounds like this girl is in crisis, and very close to the edge.

Schools are mandatory reporters. So hopefully if the girl already talked to the school counselor or nurse, CPS has been called. I know this is a difficult situation, you don't know this girl and maybe don't want to take her in. No matter what you do her parents are probably gonna be angry at you for stepping in and getting in their private business. I would invite her over after school and for dinner and sit her down and talk to her. This could backfire if she feels your daughter told on her. You can hopefully get past this by reassuring her that she only meant to help and you are better equiped to help than a child of 13. Let her know she is welcome at your home and if she needs something to eat she can eat with you. You may be the person who saves this child. Take a breath, she was sent to you for a reason.

Oh my goodness, what a situation. It's tricky because 1- if this whole situation blows up, your daughter could be upset with you and not tell you things in the future, 2- this girl could get mad at your daughter and make things unpleasant for her.

That said, you do need to do something. I would start by explaining the severity to your daughter. Telling her that if something awful happened to this girl, you would both feel terrible for having done nothing. Then explain some options to your daughter and let her help decide. She could tell the girl that she is very concerned about her as a friend, and that if she doesn't see the counselor you will have to tell the counselor or a teacher what you know. She could let you make an anonymous report to CPS. She could let you call the school. All different approaches with likely the same result. But this lets you daughter feel a bit of control in the situation.

If your daughter is the only girl she has said any of this to, and an anonymous call is made, she will know it came from your daughter. Direct is probably the best, but your daughter may not feel comfortable with that.

It is tricky, and if this girl is making things up for attention it will get ugly. But bottom line is now that you know, you really should do something about it. And even though you probably don't want your daughter caught up in drama, maybe she could reach out a few times to check in on this girl. Just a thought!

Hello, I will suggest two things, but the final decision is up to you and your daughter. I would say that your daughter could tell the girl that she will go with her to the counselor at school so that she can tell the counselor what she has told her. The other is that you could call and make an appointment to speak to the counselor about what your daughter has told you. The counselor is mandated to do something to protect this girl.
Your daughter is a very special girl to have taken this on. Good luck with her in the future, she is a sweetie.
K. K.