I have to go to a work related conference that will require me to be gone from my family for 2 nights (leaving Sunday late afternoon and returning late Tuesday night). I have only spent one night away from my 6 year old ds when he was 3 months old and have never been away from my 3 year old dd. Besides being at work, we are just always with them, rarely even get a babysitter and if we do it is MIL for a couple hours in the afternoon. The kids will be with dh during this time I am away, but I occasionaly get comments from him about not being there at night for the kids or choosing work over family and it leaves me feeling guilty. I really need to go to this conference and deep down I know I shouldn't feel bad, that dh should be able to "handle" it, but I can't help it. Anyone else feel this way? What helps not to think like this?
Thank you everyone for your comments. It re-enforces what I already know, but it sure feels nice to hear it from you all (and a couple suggestions that I may actually say to him)!! Thanks again!
It takes a village to raise a child. Even though you are their mother, it is good to allow them to develope stong relationships with other responsible adults. Alone time (with dh or even MIL) will help these relationships bloom. Also, you cannot live with them for the rest of their lives. Small separations on a controlled environment (weekend away) will help them to develope a sense self-reliance and more heathy adults.
I think you feel guilty enough on your own without your husband laying it on you, too.
You and your spouse are a team - so you face work/kids/home together.
Would he like it better if he were the sole wage earner?
He should be dealing with the trip as matter of factly as possible and he should also be showing some gratitude for what a great job you are doing.
Geesh, you are going for work, not a weekend of debauchery with your girlfriends. You hubby should be a little more supportive, IMHO. (of course, my opinions like that may be why I eschew marriage LOL) I don't get comments about husbands not being able to "handle" the children when the wives are gone. I mean, aren't they parents also? But I digress.
I had a job for 8 years, when my son was 5 to 13, that required me to travel at least one night a month, and once a year (some years two of three times) for a week. My son stayed with friends, or I had a sitter stay at my house with him when I traveled. Maybe I am weird, but although I missed him like crazy, I never felt guilty about it. It was part of my job, and my job provided a nice life for him.
When I was not at work (either in town or out of town) I spent 98% of my time with him.
He is 15 now, and wishes I would travel for work again. LOL
Why should you feel guilty? It's not like you're going to Vegas to party (and even if you were -- hey, we all need a break sometimes!)
If your husband does not mind being the main breadwinner so you don't have to work at all, then you won't have conferences to worry about in the first place.
Your husband, all due respect to your family, needs to man up a little. Not being there at night? Choosing work over family?? Oh please. It's called working for the betterment of your family in the midst of a recession. How about showing a little gratitude for the fact that your wife has a job at all, a gift during this recession? And while you are at it, some sympathy for a mother who will miss her dear children. It must be so hard to leave them.
I wonder what others will respond, but, if it helps, I bet that you are in the minority here. Never having spent more than one night away from your kids is pretty impressive so far, at least to me. I have gone a week or more away from my kid (3 years old) because of work or day care drama issues that have forced me to leave him with his grandparents at times. The fact that you are that close to them and that committed to always be present as a mother speaks volumes already. Good for you!
I think that your husband's attitude is not helping. Don't feel guilty; we all have to do what we need to do to support our families.
Your husband can't handle two freaking nights alone with his kids? Would he rather you not work?
I think two days away is a minor blip on the radar. Go and enjoy your conference and don't feel one bit guilty about it. That's silly! It's your husband's problem, not yours, if he can't handle it. If he were gone, you certainly could handle it right? I have neighbors who both travel for their jobs -- a lot -- and spend many nights each month away from their daughter and they handle it just fine. If your husband continues to whine at you about it, tell him you know he can handle it and it will be good for him, you and the kids. Think positive. Be strong. It's only two nights.
It's normal to feel bad. But don't! Your kids/DH will be fine. Tell your DH it would be nice if he could stop being a baby & be supportive of you, instead of worrying about himself.
Last time I checked, dads helped make the babies, so they can do childcare as well. I really feel bad for you ladies who have men that aren't comfortable watching their own kids... it seems so bizarre to me.
Ask him, light-heartedly, if he wants you to quit your job? Or what would he do if it were his job sending him away for 2 nights? Then let him know that this is a special time for him to bond with his kids, to have some 1-on-1 time without you in the way.
I have left my kids with my husband for as much as 4 nights. It was mostly for sort of work stuff (I was in a direct sales business and it was training conference). I reminded myself that it was giving him time to really be a parent, to get to know the kids, etc. They had a great time while I was away (and probably broke most of my rules about tv and bedtime, but who cares!) and it has helped their relationship so much to have dad time without mom.
I also called each day to check in and tell them I love them!
If you have to go you have to go... your husband should be understanding and supportive rather than trying to make you have a major guilt trip. It really pisses me off that most Fathers consider being a Father as babysitting. You babysit someone ELSE'S child, not your own!
Tell him to grow up, get some balls (since he knows how to use them in other ways) and be the Father your kids need while you are away.
Never feel guilty for doing what is responsible. You are responsible for yourself as well as your children. You make decisions that balance providing for everyone's needs. Nothing to feel guilty about!
Know for yourself that you are doing the best that you can and refuse to let anyone else, including your husband, make you feel guilty.
Shoot I left for four days to go to my best friends graduation! If my husband had said anything about it, I would kindly remind him that he has left TWICE for classes and such. Don't feel guilty, I know it's hard not to, but trust me you are NOT going to emotionally damage your kids or anything. I would tell your husband that you are feeling bad enough about it without his snarky comments, if he wants you there all the time then he needs to figure out a way to make more money. Geez men can be knuckleheads sometimes! Good luck at the conference!
I'm guessing you work to provide a better life for your family, right? And, if this conference is required for your job...you need to do it, and shouldn't feel guilty. 2 nights away will be good for everyone, Dad will have time with the children, and vice versa, they will all miss you, and you them, and everyone will appreciate each other more when you return.
Pick up some small gifts for your hubby and the kids to show them how much you missed them, and do something together as a family: a picnic or barbecue, a trip to the zoo, stay at home game night...something fun for the entire family when you return.
One of my grandchildren stays with dad while mom travels around the world for her job frequently, granddaughter and dad do great : )
Your husband needs some time alone with the kids, and they will have a different dynamic than times when all of you are together. This is a great time for you to enable your children to grow in their relationships with their father. How can that possibly happen if they are never alone with him for an extended amount of time?
Your husband may feel a little anxiety about handling it on his own while you're away, even if he is completely competent. That may be coming out as criticical comments. Or, he might be feeling lazy and not want to be the only one responsible those times, ha!
Try to put a positive spin on it about the kids getting "dad time", and then ignore it if they gush about fun times they had when you weren't there. Don't feel left out or guilty, because YOU made it possible for them to have those fun times that happened by having a different dynamic than normal. It's good for them.
No you should not feel guilty. A break will be good for you.
Your DH could use time to have fun with the kids.
Unless you are a workaholic and stay at work when you don't really have to.
My husband used to so that. He would let his boss intimidate him into coming in on the weekends when he really didn't need to.
Sometimes a little break is actually healthy. I rarely have to travel from work but I find that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" in that my son doesn't take me for granted as much when I get home. I call home once or twice every day just to talk to him. I just got back from a trip. Before I left, I copied off the next 3 stories in the book of short stories we are reading. Then I called home and read him a story at night. He could look at the pictures while I read to him. That actually helped him. Hope this helps you.
