Should He or Shouldnt He

I suggest that he forgive her and then go on to act as he would if the incident hadn't happened. Except to protect himself he should expect the worse from her and be ready to be pleased if she is pleasant. Holding onto anger damages our own well being. We cannot change anyone else or their attitude. We can change ourself and our attitude. A good question to ask is "do we want to be right or do we want to be happy?"

I don't understand specifically what he's wanting advice about doing. If it's what to do for his sister who is hospitalized, what would he do if he weren't angry? He could send her a card reminding her that he loves her no matter what she's said and done. I suggest that the incidences in the past may be her mental illness speaking rather than herself and how she'd be and feel if she were mentally healthy. I suggest he show her compassion.

Holding onto our hurt and anger mostly only hurts ourselves. When experience has shown us that the other person will hurt us then we do need to protect ourselves. Learning how to do this while still showing love is tricky but well worth it. He can send her a card while not expecting love in return from her. It's a matter of focusing our ourselves and what we need; thus not allowing what someone else says or does get to us. It's a matter of building good boundaries.

The way I am with my siblings (there's 5 of us) is based off something my Dad said last year before he passed away due to cancer. He said, You guys don't always have to like each other but you do have to love each other. So, the way I am with one of my sisters who drives me nuts is I only communicate with her when necessary. But when she is in need or going through something bad, I'm there for her. I don't like her but I do love her. I think your husband should do the same, be there for his sister in her time of need.

Quarrels between siblings need to be resolved between them--the sooner the better. I think he should pray for her AND visit her.

I say he should go see his sister and let her know that regardless of their quarrel he still loves her. When she is better, they can deal with apologies.

Its tough, but the best thing I think you can do is get him to open up about what he thinks and feels. Dont share your feelings so much and support whatever he thinks is right. You dont want things to be mended one day and then he remind you of what your opinions once were. It can get ugly. If he feels/wants to visit her, he should. But if he is ready to cut all ties then he can do so and yes reply that his thoughts are with her.

It is hard to respond since I don't know what they manipulated him to do. But, it sounds like they (his family) do not feel sorry for what they did...so he needs to accept that he will probably not get an apology. The big question for him is....is he afraid that if he starts having contact with them again, that they will manipulate him into another situation. If so, then I would agree to respond with an email and continue to have no contact with the family. If not, then it depends on if he feels ready to forgive them and move on.

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I am sorry for the loss of your stepson. We lost our 22 year old son in June and the numbness and pain is unbelievable. Unless his sisters went through losing a child they will never truly understand why he is hurt by the being pushed into something he didn't want. It is like being punched while being down. I think that responding to the email giving your thoughts and prayers is a good start but I would also add "if there is anything I can do for you, let me know" This isn't his nieces fault and if she knows her uncle will be there for her even with the bad feelings, it will start the healing. He also needs to make a stand and not be pushed into things. He should say "I will think about it" whenever they suggest something and think it through. Remember the only ones who can take advantage of us are the ones we allow it with. Let him use you as an excuse by his saying "I will talk to D. about it" and you can be the strong one if you decide it isn't right. As far as her saying he isn't her brother anymore, that is her way of lashing out, ignore it.