She Has a Mind of Her Own!

I have a very strong willed son. My sister bought me the book The New Strong Willed Child. By Dr. James Dobson It is a good but old book that was rewritten for todays generations. Hang in there.

I would say read Dr. James Dobson's "parenting the strong willed child." My daughter had her first fit at 10 months and is VERRRRRY strong willed. Strangers will comment saying things like "You are really going to have your hands full when she is a teen ager." I am sure other people think we let her run wild but again we pick our battles. She is 3 1/2 and if she wants to wear one pink shoe and one white one then this is what she wears. She has a definite idea about clothes, hair, toys, playing etc. She bosses kids that are older than her. Dr. Dobson talks about shaping the childs will and not breaking it. A strong will can be an asset and often these kids grow up to be leaders. I would say just be consistent in your parenting. I hope this helps.

I also have a very strong willed child,and i was begining to think something was wrong with mine. He is an adorable 2yr old boy who one minute will love you and the next is hitting,bitting,pinching or throwing something if he gets mad. We have tried timeout,spanking and ignoring his tamtrums but nothing seems to help. It is a day to day learning experience for me and my husband. We make him apoligize if he tries to hurt us and pick up anything he throws but he will be screaming one minute and you ask if he is sorry and he will stop screaming to tell you no and then con't screaming. My pediatrician also recommended the strong willed child book, i have not read it yet. I think it is going to be very difficult now but the kids being strong willed will be in our best interest as they get older.

As different as the responses are,both Jennifer D and TSF are correct. There are definitely times when you have to show your child who is boss(and to repsect authority) yet you also want her to maintain her strong willed nature. Now, I know I may offend some of the Moms by saying this, but there is a difference between a strong willed child and...a brat. A child who says or reacts in a way that says," i want it and I want it now and you will give it to me or I will scream" is a brat. Think of the girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who whined,"but DADDY... I want an oompa loompa NOW!!". Or think Lindsay Lohan. Brats,right?. Now on the otherhand,think Hilary Clinton,Oprah Winfrey...those are strong willed,independent,and successful women. I highly doubt their parents let them rule the household as children. ;)
ps- i love the swimsuit with built in lifevest suggestion!!!or try floaties. and tell her not to yell at mama!

It seems to me that you are by far not alone! Here I was thinking I was the only one with this type of child, but apparently not! Thank you for having the courage to write your concerns down. I was afraid that I was doing something wrong in raising my daughter because she is my first and I'm a new mommy and all. She is now 2 1/2 and strong-willed as ever!! I have noticed a lot of mother's mentioned that book by Dobson...I guess I need to buy it! She was the same way with the pool, but I felt like a bad mom when I just let her go and I was afraid lifeguards were watching me and I'd get into trouble, so I went to my parents pool and let her go(with me by her side of course). She went under and I let her up but it didn't slow her down. I have learned that she enjoys the arm floaties. She can swim by herself in the arm floaties and I can be a little at ease!;P...she likes to jump into the pool all by herself and won't let us catch her now! She goes under and pops back up with her arm floats on!! I am not worried now, but we steer clear of public pools! She is a determined little girl and I am determined too. Although we have all these "strong-willed" moments, she is an extremely bright little girl and I like the fact that one mom suggested having her daughter sing her abc's or count to calm her-we do the same with my daughter and it really does work! It takes her mind off what her determination was.Good luck to you, and I hope one day our strong willed kids will make a difference in the world!!

I was a strong-willed child, & I just had to learn things the hard way. Let her try some of the things she wants & let her make mistakes. My son was the same with the pool. We had to let him realize that he can't swim without us. He went under several times, but he learned. And who cares what people think? You just
have to have the confidence in yourself that you're doing the best you can!

My goodness... my daughter of 15 months is the same way, she is so demanding..and resistant to my guidances...

I understand..my son wasn't so head strong.. I have to really be patient with her...

might be the girl thing.. maybe the youngest child thing? maybe that I am so busy all the time and that is how mine has evolved..

not sure, but it is very difficult to keep peace at the house with her domineering demands...

We should get them together, maybe they would learn to yeild more and in turn be more responsive to thier mothers...

have a great day!

I'm not trying to be rude, and I'm sure it's very hard for you. But it sounds to me like yall need to put your foot down, and let her know who is boss and she needs to do what she's told to do. She also needs to know that she will not have her way all the time and learn to have patience. Try not to give in to her, and you may have to start having "time-out" for her to learn consequences of her actions (if you're not already). It's called Tough Love! :) Hope this helps.

I am more in agreement with Kara. The day my 12 yr old was born my Dr. said "boy that is a strong willed baby". I won't go into detail as to why he said that. She has not stopped being strong willed. We do NOT want to squelch that aspect of her personality. You just have to re-direct and help her be more independent. I have used the same tactics Kara mentioned. "Mom is putting dinner together right now, you can help by______, and then we can go outside, etc"

Of course we continue to have differences and we pick battles but I have a child who is not afraid to speak up in class or stand up for herself. I'd rather her be strong willed and know it is ok to tell her friends "No" and not feel pressured to do something she might not want to do (Ex: drugs and alcohol) She knows that we are always there for her and she takes a lot of comfort with that knowledge.

Good luck.

my daughter is very strong willed too! so you have my sympathies! maybe at the pool you could get her a swimsuit with the life vest built in so then you wouldnt have to worry about her going under & she could be a little more independent in the water.
mostly with my daughter i just have to talk to her constantly, like if i am making dinner & she wants a drink i tell her okay momma will get you a drink after i cut up this onion, see i have to cut it up & drop it in the pan....you know kinda talk her through what you're doing so that she understands when you are done then you can help her. i try to avoid things like in a minute or phrases like that bc she doesnt understand what a minute is. i also try to distract her by getting her to count or say abc's until i can help her...you know like if you can count to ten for me then i will be done & i can help you....your daughter may be slightly young for this but it might be helpful in the future.
i understand about trying to pick your battles!! i do this too, but i also let her do things on her own...like if she wants a sandwich then she can get everything out to make the sandwich & then i help her put it together....(we have plastic zoo pals utensils for her to use) this lets her be independent & i dont have to fight with her....
i hope this helps some! i know it is difficult sometimes but mostly i try to find ways to let her be independent & a big girl but giving her a safe way to do it!!

I have a day care and take my children swimming every day. Three have life jackets and one 2 and half has found he likes to keep his head under water too. I just let him. He comes up happy. He is my most promising to swim. I teach him to cup his hands and reach pull then kick. It amazes me all the moms sit there and watch the kids while they visit but they are not teaching their children to swim. This little guy is now blowing bubbles out too. He is floating on his back and rolls over. I feel very safe with the kids. I just have to make sure they are not holding down someone or junping in on top of
others. No running and I see many doing that. Years ago we went swiming and they had washed the bathroom floors. We had two children slip on that floor and my daughter cut her teeth on her lips. I worry about them falling and it just is not safe. I got mad today at a teen who took the life ring and decided to use it to play. I went over there and told her to put it up. She laid it down and I told her to hang it. Then this man stood up and I asked him if she was his daughter and he said no. A woman was sleeping raised up and said it was her daughter. I told her we need that up there to save a life if we need it. Another time some people were playing with those life savers and left with the ropes all over the place. They are fom another country. But a gal had to spend her time straightening out all the tangled ropes and put them up. Some children are very hard. Just hang in there and it may be a stage, if not read the Strong Willed Child by Dobson. Good parenting is all Tough Love is. I went for a year. Now there are classes you can take online for about $7. 888-ARK-store These are classes for day cares but I would think they would take anyones money if that is their business. G. W

I thought that I had the most strong willed child. You described my son who is 19 months old. He pushes me away in the pool, too and doesn't realize he can't swim. He still can't use a spoon but when I try to show him how, he pulls it away and screams. He is SO independent. I figure I'll let him try what he can on his own but I have to "battle" him if he's running a risk of hurting himself.

I love this website. Everyone has bits of information that are so helpful! My daughter is strong willed as well. I'm sure people think we are very permissive parents as well, but I do agree that you have to pick your battles. Better yet, try to anticipate the outcome of a situation and try to plan around it. Basically resolve the problem before it starts. I know it sounds weird, but anyone who has kids that are grown realize that you have to learn each child's personality and individual needs. It may sound like you're catering to your child, but what you are really doing is the same thing that you do for anyone else in your life. Your daughter is so young and these quirks about her personality are what is going to make you love her in the unique way that only her parents can.

Hi Lindee,
I have one too, and a couple of things are helping us. We watched "Happiest Toddler on the Block" (DVD==amazon.com) and we are learning the Love and Logic materials now...great stuff.

www.loveandlogic.com

The Love and Logic has helped me know when I am letting her push me too far and that I need to take care of ME and put the consequences/responsibility on HER. This was a light bulb moment...take care of ME??? :-) LOL

Hang in there.

My daughter is 19 months, and I feel that she was very strong willed from day one. She's doesn't try to be in the pool by herself, but we have similar experiences. She actually prefers kiddie pools where she can get in and out as she wants. When we take her to a swimming pool she likes it for a second but then want to get out so she can walk around by herself...then wants in and has no concept of falling in.

I love my daughter, and will be proud if she is the kind of person that knows what she wants and is not affraid to have opinions. However, I know its difficult at this age. I can not brag about my parenting abilities to any degree, but I know all the books say that for your child to understand their parameters and whats right and wrong you have to be more determined and never give up. So its harder for us to have strong willed children, but we have to be even more determined!!!

Good luck!