She Broke My Heart Last Night :(

My son (age 3 at the time) asked me when I was going to die. I said I didn't think it would be for a long long time. He said (in a very saddnend way), I don't want you to die, cause I would miss you too much." then he looks puzzled for a second and then says, "no, I won't miss you", i asked why? and he said, "cause I will be grown up and can drive myself and get my own food." I cried inside for a couple reasons, it was so funny how his mind worked that one out but sad too that he won't "need" me someday.

I don't have kids yet, but hopefully soon. :) But I remember when my 2 brothers and I were young, and if I started crying, both of my brothers would cry, then my mom would cry because she saw the 3 of us crying. So occasionally we'd have a big bawlfest!!

Your story took me back to when my sons were young. My oldest, who is now 18, had a lovey - a koala bear. He named him Koala Bear - ha ha! He slept with Koala every night, and when we traveled, whether by car or plane, we had to take Koala Bear and train blankie with us if we were spending the night. Same thing with my younger son and Purple Rabbit and Pikachu and Pooh Bear blankie. (Why couldn't they give their lovies nicknames?!)

Anyway, when my son was in 7th grade, and he was going to go to sleep away camp in the summer for the first time, he asked me about Koala Bear going with him to camp. I told him that he could take Koala, but he might get awfully dirty. How did he feel about that? He acknowledged that the other kids might not understand. I told him that if he wanted to leave him with me, I would take good care of him for a week. He thought about it for a while, then he asked me what to do about Koala Bear and college. I told him that I was sure that if he brought his lovey to college, his roommate would too, and it would be fine. He accepted that answer, and left Koala with me for stay-away camp from then on.

I'm not sure exactly when Koala stopped being in his arms - probably 8th grade. Since then, he has given away many of his stuffed animals, but certainly not Koala. Koala stayed on his bed for a good while because I always put him on the bed when I made it. (I don't make his bed anymore, so there's no telling what ends up on the bed as a rule!) However, Koala is still in his room, and though I highly doubt that he will take Koala this fall to his new college dorm room, I'll take good care of Koala while he's away, like always.

I don't know if you can use this somehow to make your daughter feel better - she's a lot younger than my son was when he was worried about leaving his lovey. But know that you aren't alone in appreciating something that your child can have so much love for!

Dawn

I remember sitting outside my parents closed bedroom door, late at night, sobbing because I didn't want to grow up. I was probably around six years old or so. I wonder if kids do that when they are, strangely enough, feeling particulary content and happy? Maybe she didn't want to lose that wonderful, safe, loved feeling. So if you turn it kind of sideways, she was really saying how much she loves her life now. Which means you, 3boysand3girls, are doing something very, very right.

I still have my first teddy bear - his name is beddy bear - and I am 51 (52 next week). He has gone EVERYWHERE with me. When I moved to washington state, beddy went with me. when I moved to colorado, beddy came too. I used to put a box bottom up on the passenger seat of my car and belt him in for the ride. I got pulled over on my move back from washington and the cop just busted up when he saw beddy sitting there looking out the window! he is at this very moment perched atop my dresser in my bedroom. I plan to have him cremated with me when I go. please tell your daughter that gaga can be with her always, just like beddy and me!!!

my daughter did something similar recently, the other day (shes 4) she told M. shes gonna miss M. and got all sad...and I said I'm not going anywhere...and she said I know you're not now but you;re older and when I get older so will you and you will go to heaven before M....and she started crying...ughhh they break your hearts sometimes

Wow she sounds like a really bright child to have deep thoughts like that at 5. Mine would come out with cute observations, or jokes, but no deep sadness like you describe. They had fears of fire after going through a fire drill at school, or burglars when neighbors discussed a string of break-ins nearby. Nothing as deep as your little sweetheart. Did someone she knows die recently? I would tell her that dying is VERY far away, perhaps note a grandma's age (even 50 seems old when you are 5, not so much now unfortunately). When my kids were afraid of fire I would list all the houses I have lived in and never yet experienced a home fire. Big cuddles with mom in bed sounds like it was the perfect solution.

My oldest, almost 4, will cry when we tell him that someday he'll grow up and have his own house. He says he wants to live with us forever!!

Oh mama - these kids will just break our hearts. Now we can understand our mom's gray hairs, wrinkles, etc. ;o)

Clearly she jsut adores this stuff animal and it helps her to have it at bedtime. I have to imagine that she either talked to a friend who lost a pet or a grandparent or something since she was contemplating daeth. Kids can have these really deep moments and jsut as quickly pass right by them. What a blessing for them!

In grade school they'll come home with a broken heart because some kid was mean to them, or they got left out of a social situation. In middle school they'll be excluded from the cool group and the mean girls will say soemthing awful. Then they get to high school and someone breaks up with your dear child. It's just devastating!

We have to develop thick skin (or we'll want to beat up every kid that looks sideways ar our child) and figure out how to coach them through the painful moments. As much as I tend to want to tell them how to handle things I'm learning (now that they're 12 & 14) to ask them questions which allow them to come to good conlusions on their own.

This parenting stuff is not easy - and I don't think it ever gets easier. ;o)

my daughter had something similar to this. i did as you did console her and let her sleep with me. kids this age are dealing with a lot of complex emotions that you just have to deal with as they come. i have always been open with my 4 year old daughter about death. she has had fish that died and such.

oh my daughter went through a phase like that... talking about death all the time, i blame my mother, my grandmother died young and it is important to my mother that "her grandchildren" know who she was and all that. but not at 4 says i... but anyways
she went through this phase around four always talking about death and it was morbid and disturbing, especially since my daughter didn't seem emotional about it at all... but she's gonna be 7 in two weeks and she hasn't talked about this stuff in a loooong time. so i'm guessing it's just a phase.

My daughter has not said anything to this affect but I completely understand how it was heartbreaking for you to hear. We found a tiny dead baby bird in our backyard yesterday and my daughter kept telling me it was 'dead'. We buried it in the garden (she wanted to keep it!) but I told her that it needed to go back into the ground so that it could become part of the earth and then new animals could be born. I would tell her (if she brings it up again) that she will have Gaga when she dies because she can bring whatever animal or toy she wants with her! Explain that Heaven (if you believe in that) is a magical, wonderful place where you go when you die. If she asks more (as in what about my body), try to explain the circle of life and how her body may be here but her heart and soul will be elsewhere.

Awwwww!!! Very cute.

My grandmother passed away before Christmas 2010. My son is 5 and doesn't really understand the true meaning of death. He believes that when we die we go up to a planet named Heaven. I say this because he graduated Kindergarten this past Wednesday. My grandfather attended proudly. When his teacher came to introduce herself to my grandfather, my son suddenly mentioned "my great grandma is dead but she's watching me from space." I was a little worried about how my grandfather felt but I just saw a big grin on his face. My son has not mentioned his great grandmother since her death so we were a little taken back by the whole thing. It was very cute.

My 4 1/2 year old suddenly started telling me a couple of weeks ago that he didn't want to die and go under the earth where there are volcanoes. My husband and I talked to him and told him he wasn't going to die and tried to explain death to him. He said one of the kids at his school was telling him about dying and what happens to you when you die. We then explained to him that different people believe different things happen to you when you die but no one really knows, especially not this little 4 year old that was telling him. Well almost nightly he was really worried about dying and said he didn't want to die tomorrow because he really wanted to stay with us or play with certain toys. We let him ask us whatever questions he has and try to reassure him daily and now finally he seems to be worrying about it less. When I was asking him why he was worrying about it so much, he said it was something he had never heard about until the kid at school started telling him all about it.

We asked him to come to us anytime he hears about something he doesn't understand because we will help explain it to him. Since the 4 year old at school had told him about it first, he seems to think that this kid knows everything. Sigh.

Unfortunately our kids will hear a lot of stuff from other kids who are exposed to a lot more and I just have to try and not freak when he comes to me with something like this. I just felt so bad because he was really worried each night he went to asleep that he was going to die the next day.

I can just say that I feel your pain.

My mom died of a stroke very quickly and completly un expected 9 yrs ago. We all lived with her and its was a sat night and we were coloring easter eggs (she passed easter sunday) and my son who was 5 just looked up and said, nana im sure gonna miss you and I looove you! We all kinda looked at each other and wrote it off. She died 8 hrs later. I will never forget it and it still breaks my heart to think of it. If only time could stand still sometimes!

My daughter mentions death often... because we've talked about it often. Thankfully after talking with her about it so much, death doesn't scare her as much as makes her sad - but not to the point of crying about something that hasn't happened yet.

I was a CNA for a year and 3 of my patients died after I stopped being a home CNA - patients that were close to my daughter as well - since I'd bring her to cheer them up. She has seen death in that form as well as our beloved animals have died too... My daughter will be 6 in Sept.