Sex After Children - Aurora,IL

I am going through the same thing (6 month old & a 2 year old) and haven't really solved it yet but have found that reading a racy novel can help a little bit. I have never been a big fan of romance novels but they seem to be good for me right now - they don't require much time or brain power and can kind of get my mind thinking about something other than diapers, feedings, wondering whether I am teaching my kids enough, disciplining them properly...and the list goes on.

Moms get "touched out."
From having a baby, nursing, being a Mommy to their kids/baby.
ALL day, our body is used as a necessity... to comfort and feed our kids.

Then to switch gears, and get/feel sexual about it and being 'touched' is a whole different thing.

My Oldest child is now 8 years old.
I STILL feel touched out.

Once you become a "Mom"... well, these things can happen.
We are on Mom mode.
And we have SO many things on our minds, that we have to do, every single second of the day and night.
Constant.
So then, being 'touched' by Hubby, well, it is flattering but yet can be felt like a chore or just so not in the mood.

You have to compartmentalize your brain, if you can.
Or just do it and have sex. Sometimes just doing it, leads to more things.
And awakened urges, again.

Nothing is "wrong" with you.
But I think it is something only a woman/Mom can understand.
I doubt, a Man can understand that.

Nothing is wrong with you. It's completely normal. You body and hormones take some time to get back to normal. And, if you're nursing, that decreases your sex drive, too.

You didn't say exactly how long it's been since the second one was born, but I would guess it is a combination of sleep deprivation, hormones being all out of whack, and sometimes being "touched out" after holding and carrying babies all the time. Hopefully hubby is the understanding patient type who is also helping out wherever you can. You can also talk with your doctor about getting your groove back.

Sounds perfectly normal to me and I gave birth 8 years ago! LOL

How long since your last baby? Seriously, it's not unusual, as your "focus" has shifted (majorly!). If it continues, I'd talk to your Ob/GYN. Good luck!

I know it can take a while to feel sexual about your body again (it has been through a LOT--not just delivery, but months of rapid weight gain, increased blood volume, stress and strain on bones, muscles, and everything else, crazy hormonal changes, etc.) in addition to the adjustment of having a new baby. I personally hate being touched most of the time (in general not a "touchy" person, but I don't mind my husband). Is it any kind of touch that bothers you, or just sexual contact? If your baby is pretty young this is probably just a normal phase for you, and it sounds like your kids might be kind of close together, so you might not have gotten "normal" between pregnancies. If you're not getting enough casual contact, ask your husband for more of that (hand holding, hugging, massage, nothing "intended" after so it is up to you if you want more, etc.). That might help you get more comfortable with touching in general. Otherwise I am sure you are normal but I haven't had any issues that would relate to that. :( Hope it gets better quickly!

I totally understand - I have 2 and my youngest is 22 months...I do have my drive back, but certainly not with the frequency that it was before babies. I just had the essure procedure done last week (Monday prior to this one) and we can't have sex until Monday...my husband is flipping out and I've just gotten to the point where I'm thinking about it too, which demonstrates the difference between our drive. Fortunately I'm married to a lovely patient man. ;)

I think for me it's just that when I do manage a moment alone, I just want to exist in my own space for 2 seconds, not be groped the second I have a free minute. All day it's like that Family Guy moment when lois is lying in the bed and stewie is saying mommy, mommy, mommy, mama, mama, mama, mama, mom, mom, mom...haha that is so my day! I LOVE it, but sometimes I need a moment of peace, both body and mind!

i was the same after my 2nd and 3rd. i am pregnant with my 4th and it is quite the opposite! my drive is way up! maybe have more kids?? just kidding. :)

i would guess it's just hormonal, and maybe your doctor can let you know medicinal or natural ways around it.

i know, for me, when I stressed about it or would get upset,....it made it way worse! try to enjoy his company and non-sexual things for now, until you can see your doctor. you're not alone, that's for sure! we got through a lot to have babies and sometimes we just need a little help getting back to "normal". :)
good luck!

This is fairly common. I think, for me, after I had my kids I wasnt completely happy with the way I looked so if was hard for me to really let go and have the sex I did before. My husband assures me he loves everything about me, but its hard. You are also tired having two kids. Talk to your doctor, for some reason my doctor really wants me to like sex but havent gotten into too much with him. I probably will though after I have this baby, I really miss being intimate with my love. :(

I only have one child, she is 4 1/2, it took about 3 1/2 years for me to get my sex drive back. Partly due to afraid of getting prego again, I was on birth control and used a condom when I concived my little blessing. Had a really rough pregnancy (IVs, meds, always sick) and rough delivery (my heart started to give out) so had no desire to go through it again any time soon, still not sure about trying for another.

So with all that my sex drive went way down because of my fear of the unknown, best way for me to control that is be replused by any sexual advance. The doctor did tell me that it may take up to a year for the body to get back to your norm. Lastly I needed to reconnect with my husband, get comfrotable with him again. So we did date nights, slowly reconnected on a pyhsical level. I was very honest with him that he needs to be understanding that it will take time for me to feel sexy, or the want for sex but I will do my best to get it back as quickly as possible (well it took about 3 1/2 years for me).

Hormones!!!! And tell your doctor about this. Don't be embarrassed, he may be able to help.

If you have a baby you are probably exhausted and hormonal like most new mommies. It takes a while. If your baby is under 6 months I wouldn't worry, especially if you are breastfeeding. It took me around a year to feel like my body was mine again (and not a baby timeshare). My youngest is 2 and I even noticed some subtle changes between when she was 18 months and now. Now that we have 2 kids neither of us have the energy and interest at the same time so that can be frustrating. If I have the time I can relax and eventually get in the mood. But after the second c-section that had complications it was a long while (months) before I even wanted to try.

You are probably sleep deprived and still adjusting from taking care of two kids. It's normal. Especially after the second one. How old are your kids? My first was only 2 when my second was born, and it was craziness taking care of a baby and a toddler and being responsible for the house and everything. So between sleep deprivation and being stressed and tired, it is normal to not have your sex drive back completely. Maybe you guys could get a friend or family member who you trust to babysit, drop the kids off at their house, and go back home to spend the day (or afternoon or evening) together just being intimate. It could be that when the kids are out of the house and you are able to focus on each other, maybe that will help you get back in the mood. It could be stress that's affecting you, so maybe yoga or something else that helps with stress could help wind you down and get you more in the mood to be intimate.

These are just some ideas, because I experienced the same thing. After being in "Mommy mode" all day every day, the stress and tiredness really affected me and put a damper on my sex drive. It should get better over time; but definitely talk to your doctor if you feel like it's a major problem that hasn't improved no matter what you've tried. Good luck! :-)

My 3rd baby is 9 weeks old and i really have no sex drive. Im so tired that it doesnt even enter my mind. My husband and i joke about it because he works long long hours and is exhausted too. It will get better, im sure, but for now, dont worry about it. I do plan to be intimate again, but its not on the top of my list. I do find that i like my husband more when he helps me with things around the house. I start to feel like i could be intimate again. But then he works till 9pm and everything is my responsibility here and i loose that loving feeling. So, im not sure if any of that makes sense to anyone else, but hang in there. It will change.

I saw your post...Sex after children
What's that?

It will get better. I have found that with patients and much spoiling from my Husband :) my sex drive is now better than it was before we had kids. My youngest is 3 now and I couldn't say this when he was a baby, but there is hope I promise. New baby=post partum for many of us, a hurting body, and a mind that is running all of the time on very little sleep. Take your time and I hope that your Husband is sweet and understanding of your needs. That is so important.

I was the same way after my second and now...............im like an animal, your drive will most likely return, your body is allocating its "love' for the new baby right now.