J.C.
I would just tell her the facts, and all the facts. Pay special attention to the section of STDs and babies.
when is a good age to talk to your daughter about sex. you should take into consideration that my child is 7 years old now and thinks she already knows enough to start to mimic this behavior with her friends while playing house. she has been over exposed by the media, and believe me i already know that this is MY mistake, but basically her opinion is that sex is something she "cant wait to do" and she is uncomfortably preoccupied with it. i have tried to explain things the best i can and i'm afraid of giving out too much information at a young age but i need my child to know why this type of behavior is wrong, in bad taste, and DANGEROUS for a child. i won't go into detail but i'm afraid i'm already given her too much information in my attempts and wish i would have posted this before i had this conversation with her. i just want to fix this problem for good.
I would just tell her the facts, and all the facts. Pay special attention to the section of STDs and babies.
Giving information about sex to children does not make them sexual, they (we) are born sexual. Masturbation starts in babyhood for some, toddlers and preschoolers even more likely. My mother had to tell me not to "do that" at school before she sent me to Kindergarten. It is also not so unusual to try out behaviors with other children. I had sibling to "play doctor" with.
You can't take back what you've told her, but you can talk with her about what is appropriate in public, with friends, and in private. Don't stop having conversations with her, continue them. Seven is not too young to hear about sex.
It is never to early to establish the lines of communication. My daughter, now 16, has known about sex, body parts, diseases, etc from early on. No topic is off limits at our house.
The children need to know that sex is not "dirty" so they don't grow up with outlandish attitudes toward it but they also need to know it is an adult thing and there are boundaries.
Use the TV she is watching as an example to explain what is right and wrong. Cutting off her regular routine cold turkey right now will signal to her that something she is doing is very wrong.
Whatever you do, keep your lines of communication open so she will come to YOU and talk to YOU because you don't want her getting info from friends, etc who may not tell her truthfully.
I have a seven year old little boy and I feel that the sex talk is never too soon. There is age appropriate answers. That is very important!! I was putting on sex shows for the neighbor kids when I was in kindergarten. I was always very sexual and I still am. Just because someone is very knowledgeable about sex does not mean that they are going to practice it. I have a 20 year old daughter and I started talking to her when she was very young. I never had any issues with her. At the tender and innocent age of seven I think the best thing that you can tell her is that her body is very special!! Empower your child and teach them because you are not always going to be with her. As she gets older you can add more details. I am a very open person so I had no problems. I know most schools have maturation programs that help and there are also several books that you can share.
I doubt you've told her too much...I mean she's curious and is obviously getting some info from somewhere, so you need to be proactive. I personally think "sex ed" needs to begin when your kid is a toddler, and no that doesn't mean I talk about intercourse with my 3 year old, but part of it is giving correct names for organs and talking about masturbation, and discussing how to keep those private parts private! At 7 tell her as much as you think is necessary, and if she' already trying to act it out, find out where she's getting her info and correct her misperceptions. I love Dr. Drew and he said that (I think) by 9-10 it's already too late to open the lines of communication with your child if you haven't done so already, so you're right on the cusp. Make sure you give her facts, address her questions and make her feel comfortable in talking to you. It's scary how much information is out there for our young people and how easily accessible it all is! I think you're on the right track!
I have an 8 yo and, although he knows all of the proper terminology for body parts, he has NO idea about the mechanics of "sex" and what that really means. He HAS asked me what "sexy" means, and I told him it means attractive--like when a boy thinks a girl is very pretty and nice.
I think you need to figure out where she is getting this info from.....is it tv, movies, etc......and make SURE she knows this is an adult-only thing!
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Hang in there, Mom! You will get through this. You have a great learning opportunity for your daughter here.
As others here have noted, talk about sexuality--when done at the right age level for your child--is important. When sex comes up--in conversation, in play, in something she sees or hears--it's an opportunity for you to communicate with her about what you think is most important for her to know. But you need to be ready to communicate those messages. Spend some time thinking about what you want her to understand.
Maybe some of these points would be helpful. I'm betting you have your own ideas.
- Sex is for grown-ups.
- Her body (and herself) is special and deserves to be respected.
- There's good touch and bad touch. Define them. Let her know to always tell a grown-up (mom/dad, etc.) about any bad touches. And respect other people. (Don't give anybody else bad touches.)
- Sex is a way for people (who are committed to each other) to express love.
- It's the way that babies are made.
- There's a right time and place for it and wrong time and place.
I hope this helps.
I have a 6 year old daughter, and I haven't really had to have any talks with her too much about it yet, although I'm sure I will have to soon. She says she has a "boyfriend" at school. I asked her what that meant to her and she said "he is nice to me and he is my best friend". SHe has had a hard time fitting in with the kids in her class. We just moved across country half way through the year, so it was a hard adjustment. The girls in her class have not been very nice to her and this little boy has friended her. She says she loves him, but I think it's just an innocent thing. She likes him because he is nice to her. I'm sure if the girls in the class were nice too, she would "love" her girlfriends too. Growing up, I had NO idea what sex was until I was 14, a freshman in H.S.. My parents NEVER said a word about it to me. I heard about it from a friend at school. I was horrified about how "it" happens. I though it was soooo gross! I was even 18 when I had my first boyfriend and my husband is my one and only. So, I do think you should keep the comunication open with your daughter, but I don't have any experience with how to talk to her or what to say
I see you got a lot of replies already but decided to share my experience. My daughter (now almost 14) started asking questions in 2nd or 3rd grade after hearing older kids talk on the bus. I started off the first talk of several with asking her what she knows once you know what they think it's all about you can tailor the conversation to their level of maturity and understanding. I don't recommend lying or telling them part of the truth as they're going to figure it out anyway and it's better if they know you'll be honest and open -- otherwise next time she has a question she won't ask you....you have to build their confidence now or it'll be too late when she really needs to be able to come to you....if she thinks it's all fun and can't wait to do maybe a very blunt talk about the birds and bees and all the things that can happen because of that is in order. Let her know what you believe (waiting for marraige, etc) and that not everyone has the same belief but you feel very strongly about your beliefs and explain what is and isn't appropriate at her age....they're very curious about their bodies which is fine but that is a private thing not to be combined with group play....make sure she's not punished or chastised in the talk as you want her to go away feeling you're on her side and willing to talk openly about any and everything...it really does pay off....my daughter and my son (10 yrs) tell me a whole lot more than I want to hear at times but I'd rather have that than them not confiding in me or asking for help....best of luck! Feel free to private message me if you need to chat!
I'm not sure if you think she's been exposed too much through media, or from what you have told to her or tried to explain to her so far. I think the biggest thing that you need to emphasize with her is that sex is something that ADULTS do - it is not something that little kids are supposed to do! She needs to understand that having sex results in babies, as well as sometimes in becoming sick with diseases, and these are situations that grown-ups are better able to handle. Besides being overexposed to sex in the media, is there any chance she's already been subjected to or engaged in any inappropriate behavior? I only ask this as another possible reason why she seems preoccupied with it. Do you think it would be helpful to discuss this with her pediatrician and see if there is some kind of therapist they might recommend? Because at this age, the only thing they need to really know is that sex is something Mommies and Daddies share to show their love for each other and to have a baby. If you are looking for an age-appropriate way to give her information, there are some good books out there, such as "It's So Amazing!" as well as others.
Just another reminder of fast they grow up *sigh*
I've been looking through amazon.com trying to find some puberty type books for my oldest. He is 8 and hasn't asked many questions but I worry that its coming and I better be prepared!
I think its not about what age is a good age but what is proper for them to know at the age they start asking. I honestly don't know the answer. I remember my mom taking me to a class of some sort, I don't remember what it was called but it was all about puberty, sex, pregnancy and birth-it was very basic but enough to prepare me for what was coming.
I wish I remembered when they sent me! I guess I'm not helping much but know your not alone! Good Luck *hugs*
I would get a good book regarding this. I learned about sex with my girlfriends when we found a book in the school library and the approach was this is how babies are made. I was in 4th grade. It had pictures using paper cut outs. Hard to explain. Nothing too detailed but made the point. I had no clue that sex was for anything other than making babies. I knew I didn't want to have a baby so I didn't think about it anymore until I was MUCH older! Keep it simple.
Read the book Diapers to Dating...good advice there.