My daughter will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and I have a question about setting schedules and routines for newborns. Is she still too young to try and establish a routine for sleeping and eating? I am doing good with the eating routine, whether she nurses or not I can at least attempt to feed her every 2 or 3 hours. But what about sleeping? Some days she sleeps all day and other days I can't get her to nap for anything and then she's up late at night screaming because she's hungry but too tired to eat. Or she falls asleep 40 minutes before her next feeding and I have to wake her up so she can eat. Any advice for this first time mom?
Okay Part 2 Question: It is my first child and she is gaining weight properly. But my pedi wants me to try and feed her 8 to 12 times a day which means I have to wake her to get even just 8 feedings in per day. I hate waking her but she'll sleep 4 or 5 hours if I let her and then she's too hungry and starts cluster feeding. (cluster feeding where she's starving and wants to eat but doesn't want to take the timeto actually put the work into nursing). So I'm torn about what to do with the whole letting her sleep or waking her up to eat.
*Sigh* Thank you so much Ladies! I felt like it was too early to put her on a schedule but my husband came home with "advice" from the guys at work that have kids suggesting that we needed to get her on a schedule right away. I'd really like to know where these guys were during the first couple of months during their children's lives! (maybe they dont' remember from sleep deprivation!) The baby and I are constantly together while we are working on nursing so my husband is trying to contribute and I wanted to consider his input and let him know I value his efforts to be part of this process (and let's face it, sometimes stressful!).
I shared all your input with my husband and we instantly relaxed. We had a much better night with feeding and a good morning so far. She woke up on her own every 2 - 2.5 hours to eat; she doesn't always eat well or very long and falls asleep at the breast. But I won't wake her up, I just let her sleep. She may wake up in an hour to try again or she may sleep for awhile before waking up. But the absence of stress is working better for her which, in turn, is working better for me.
Now if I can just get her to sleep in her bassinet instead of on my chest or in the crook of my arm so I can get some sleep too!
We may have some good days and bad days but I feel like we are on the right track and I love that I now have a great support resource in Mamapedia to get me through!
Is this your first child?
Is she gaining weight properly?
If so, no need to wake her to feed. Allow her to sleep. She'll let you know when she's hungry, trust me!
Your best bet is actually to start a journal. Write down the times of day she starts and ends her naps, her feeds, which breast she feeds from, when you change her diapers, etc. I'm talking about everything. You'll not only not have to remember everything this way, but you'll start to notice natural patterns and be able to predict when her next nap may be and when her next feeding will likely be.
I would advise against waking her simply to eat if she's growing appropriately. Babies produce the most growth hormone and grow the most when they're sleeping.
At night, keep the lights dim. Don't talk to her, don't make eye contact, don't do anything to stimulate her. If you have to change her diaper and feed her, do so, but make any interactions to soothing her only. She'll learn that night time is for eating and resting, while daytime is for eating, playing, napping, playing, etc. But at night, don't wake her for feeds. Let her sleep if she's sleeping. If she's upset, try soothing her with white noise like a fan or shushing in her ear.
EDITED TO ADD: I just want to add that there's a practical reason for not making eye contact and speaking to the baby at night. First, it will help teach her to adjust her day/night sleep/wake cycles. Secondly, when a parent makes eye contact with his/her baby it has a physiological affect on the baby: the baby's heart rate speeds up and blood then flows faster which wakes the baby up more, and at night that's the opposite of what you want to have happen. You can still soothe, feed, change diapers, but doing it with the minimum interaction and without excitement will help reinforce that night is not for playing.
I don't know about waking her to feed her, it really depends. As long as she's getting at least 8 feedings in and gaining weight well, she needs her sleep just as much. If she wakes up really upset and wants to nurse & nurse & nurse, it may not be because she's hungry. She may be overtired and need the comfort, or she may be upset about something else.
As for the sleep schedule, I recently learned (with my 2nd child) that babies completely change their sleeping patterns right around the 3 month mark. So it's a waste of time to try to put them on a sleep schedule before that. It's not a bad idea to start establishing routines, but don't fret if the times vary from day to day. For example, if you want to give her a massage and read her a story before bed each night, go ahead and start doing that. Just don't be too strict about putting her to bed at 7:30 on the dot. Just do the bedtime routine in the evening when she seems relaxed and drowsy. You can start teaching her the difference between day & night without being too rigid about it.
Around 3-4 months you can start sleeping training IF you want to. But any sleeping or eating habits she gets into before that will probably change anyway.
Some resources that may help you...and they'll also lead you to other websites that may help.
http://www.attachmentparenting.org
Also, the book 'The Vital Touch' by Sharon Heller may help as well. Your local library should have a copy or you can grab one from Amazon.com.
Good luck.
She's a newborn, she has her own schedule so just go with the flow. You will only stress yourself and her out to try and schedule her eating. If you follow her cues you will both be alot happier. Feed her when she's hungry, let her sleep when she's tired, and soon enough she will be on an acceptable schedule of sleeping at night and wake/eating/playing during the day.
You can try to set a routine if you'd like, but just keep in mind it may not work and it will change as she grows.
My second is now 7 months and still isn't on a strict routine. I feed her when she's hungry and put her to sleep when she's tired. The only real routine is when she gets her spoon feeds.
I'm in the "never wake a sleeping baby" camp though sometimes you have to make exceptions. If my daughter's been asleep a few hours already when I'm ready for bed I'll wake and feed her then put her right back to bed. You might try just letting her set the schedule for a few days, feeding her when she's hungry and letting her sleep as long as she needs and see what her natural schedule works out to be. Cluster feeding is normal and if she's too frantic to "put the work into nursing" then try pumping or hand expressing before you put her to the breast to make sure things are flowing when she latches. This will ease a lot of her frustration. Also, if she falls asleep eating, try changing her diaper between sides. I had to do this a lot with my first and it always woke her up enough to nurse the second side.
When she's sleeping, let her sleep. When she's hungry, feed her. She's really too young for anything more than that, in my opinion. If she's awake, talk to her and hold her and offer nursing frequently. It will all even out and become a more recognizable pattern when she's older--like closer to 6 months, if I remember correctly. I would not wake her to nurse her, unless you can do a "dreamfeed." Try reading on kellymom.com for lots of nursing tips.
If you're not swaddling her snugly, try that too---some of the screaming might just be sensory upset. She spent a lot of time being compressed in utero, and the sensation of being swaddled is comforting still.
I wouldn't bother trying to set a routine until 4-6 months. How much they need to eat and sleep changes so dramatically between now and then it's just not much worth it. The downside is that you don't really have a pattern to your day. The upside is that you aren't tied to home for naps, meals, etc. You just go about your life and the baby will sleep in the carseat, sling, whatever.
I firmly firmly believe that you never wake a sleeping baby. Some babies can take more in at one sitting and thus can go longer. I was having trouble nursing my son, my second, so I went to a lactation consultant who had a special scale that could measure the weight difference from before and after a feeding. She was shocked to report that he nursed about 4 ounces from one breast in about 15 minutes. And then he ate more from the other breast!
The cluster feeding will slow down as she learns to regulate. If she's so hungry that she can't wait to nurse and is fussy, you can pump a little bit so she doesn't have to work through "let down" and can have milk at the first suck. As she becomes a stronger and more efficient nurser, you won't have to do that so much.
Good luck.
Yes.
#1) Listen to lots of advice from different people, weigh it with what you know and your baby's personality and consider it in light of your pediatrician's recommendations... then make a decision about how YOU want to do things, and do it. Don't listen to anyone tell you you are doing something "wrong". There are lots of strong opinions on both sides of MANY issues (breast/bottle, Cry It Out or not, crib or co-sleeping, scheduling or baby focused, when to introduce solids, pacifiers or not, etc etc etc etc etc). Nobody is right or wrong, but everyone has to figure out what they as a parent are comfortable with and works for their baby and their family. So consider all advice, then don't get dissuaded from whatever you decide.
#2) My children didn't have a predictable schedule for naps for a couple of months. But I tried to keep their routine the same regardless. In other words, they were fed, awake, sleep, fed, awake sleep, fed, awake, sleep. Instead of feed, sleep, awake time, feed, sleep, awake time. Just keeping the order feed, awake, sleep, allowed them to regulate themselves, and it helped with getting them to sleep through the night, which they both did by 3 months old. And sleeping through the night (when you hear people say that) means 5-6 hours without waking. NOT all night long.
#3) This is an amazing place to come for loads of advice on all manner of things. Welcome aboard!
Newborn and schedule shold not be in the same sentence... give her till about 4 months before trying to set up any sort or recurring schedule.
Nurse on demand, offer often and tell your Pediatrician to get real - she's a baby, not a robot. Nursing every 2 -3 hours is pretty standard, maybe you can buy a moby wrap or something and baby wear so she has full access to your comforting body and smells and immediate access to breastfeeding.
I'm a little late but totally agree there's no chance of getting on a schedule until at least 3 months. Mine ate every 1-2 hrs for the first 3 weeks - constant nursing - or so it seemed! Around 8 weeks started sleeping more at night but for months needed to nurse/eat every 2-2.5 hrs, we could never go 3 hrs between feedings. I would NOT wake her up to feed, no way!!
ENjoy the little one and congrats.
At that age - throughout the day, I would feed every 3 hours at the longest. If she was sleeping I would wake her up. I did a schedule something like this 7 a.m., 10 a.m., 1 p.m., 4 p.m., 7 p.m., 10 p.m. - let her sleep as long as she would sleep - when she woke up - fed her and put her back down to bed. Start over the next morning at 7 - you can change this to be whatever time works good for you. You need to try and keep her awake to get a full feeding. I would use a cool (not cold) wash cloth and just wash her face with it to wake her up a little bit if she was falling asleep. That is what worked for me......I don't think you need to do that many feedings unless she is not getting a full tummy each time that you feed her.
She's not too young, but it's not that easy to train a 3 week old. The sooner you develop a routine the sooner she will start to follow it though. I started early with my 1st, but during the time that my 2nd came along I was busy caring for my eldest with his illness, so daddy was in charge of my 2nd & they had no routine, so he was harder to train later.
Anyways, continue to wake her for feedings during the day, babies don't always know to wake up when their hungry, but if they're starving they will. I noticed that with my kids. Sometimes I would let them sleep for 5-6 hours during the day & when they woke up boy would they let me have it. They would scream their lungs out until I got their bottle & even claw their faces because they were so hungry. So keep her up more during the day, play with her, give her plenty of tummy time, & sing to her that way she will be less hungry at night. I believe doctors say that once a baby is 15 lbs they then begin to sleep 5-7 through the night around 3-4months old. I developed a routine with my kids & still have 1 til this day. I try to get them in the bed by 9pm & they always wake up at the same time every morning with me when I get up for work & they even take their naps together during the day so I or the babysitter can nap with them or get things done while they're sleep. My boys are 1 & 2 now. Good Luck!
