Seriously Need Advice, Babys Father Moving Away

The only person he needs to see is the urologist for a vasectomy. Who in the hell does he think he is? What makes him think that any judge in his right mind would ever give him custody? He's going to fight you legally?With whom-the "Dream Team"? (Don't wind up like the little gal today who let the son go with the dad and she hasn't seen him now for over a week-the dad changed his number and moved! ) Your son's father is posturing and trying to intimidate you-and seems like he would be a risk. Your son is too young to be shuffled back and forth 2.5 hours each way-in a perfect world-and this is not a perfect situation. If his father would like to see him-he can come to you. Go to family court and file a motion for full custody and child support. Good luck.

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Sounds like you need to contact your lawyer and see what his rights are and what you can do about this.

I would talk with a lawyer, then I would put in place a typical every other weekend schedule, and require that HE comes to pick up the child and bring him back. I agree with the other responders who doubt that he will follow through. He only sees your son for 4 hours a week now? If he wanted to see him more, he would be doing it now. Get a lawyer so that you for sure get any child support due and get something in writing.

Look into the Child jurisdiction and enforcement act: I was not allowed to leave a 100 mile radius of my baby's daddy if I had her in TN, so I moved at 7 months pregnant, to avoid being stuck in Tn regardless of whether he saw her or not. There may be some legal jurisdiction that will keep him from moving. He can not just 'take' your children and give them to someone to watch if you don't want him to. Where is the child while you are at work. If you are paying someone to watch them, then there is an excuse right there...you shouldn't have to pay the sitter if the kid is not there. I would say no. You don't know these people, and for all you know they could have a criminal record. Contact free legal aid and find out what the laws are in NY. Don't let those kids out of your sight. Yes, you are being fair. It is his choice to leave...I bet that legally you wouldn't have a choice if you wanted to leave.

--- Technically you do not have CUSTODY of a child unless you file legally. My daughter is 4 yro and has never seen her father. If I die tomorrow, she will go to him. There is nothing I can do because I don't have the $1000+ to file for custody. BECAREFUL.

I wouldn't say you are being unfair. You really need to get a lawyer though. If there is a legal document in place, it can't be violated with out repercussion.

I'm going to be flat out honest with you: Chances are, once he moves he's not going to see his child. He already has a history of abandoning children. I doubt, to him, that your son is any different.

You REALLY need to seek legal counsel though. You can get visitation rules set and you will be entitled to child support.

Don't you have Custody orders?

And NO... NO NO NO 'strangers' babysitting him, while your Ex is at work. What the?
No way.

I would BACKGROUND check all of them. AND have their phone numbers/addresses too.

Be careful, your Ex, may even if he is not supposed to... have whomever babysit your child. Without telling you.
I would not trust him.
Your Ex, does not seem to have any wisdom or well formed parenting.
And he is flaky.
And he is unreliable.
And he is, capricious.
And he is, unstable.

Again, don't you have Custody orders?
DOCUMENT everything, your Ex says and does.
Ya never know, when it will come in handy.

Next, he will be living 2.5 hours away. That is NOT real handy for your son. And if emergencies arise, then what?
You are not even there nor close by.

Everything, is for your Ex's 'convenience.' NOT for his child or you.

As your child gets older and IN school... as well... then what? He can't just go back and forth 2.5 hours away and miss school. He won't even be IN his school district. Then what?

YES you NEED an Attorney. A good bulldog Attorney.

Its good that you are putting your child first. Its what should be happening but it doesnt sound like its what hes doing though.

Maybe you all need to go to a mediator, and decide which days he can see your son. It might make everything alot easier. They will let you discuss what will work for you, when, how long, and where pick up, drop off, etc, etc. They can help you sort it all out and figure out what is best for your child.

Hope everything works out for you!

I would NEVER allow my child away from me with a man other than my spouse for more than 2 days - and even then... 2 days is long enough for me giving up my child to someone else.

You are 100% within your rights and responsibilities to say NO!

Sometimes... a sporadic relationship with the paternal DNA isn't the best outcome for children of single Mothers.

your talking about 4 hours a week!! nothing really big in a childs life, on the contrary why he wants to take a child when hes going to be working??? its doesnt seems right, I thing the best for your kid is when hes off work he can travel to your place and see his child.
you need to file for legitimation , child support and full custody of your kid, you'll problalby dont need a lawyer if you get the right forms of get one for better chances, because you never know when he is going to turn against you

You REALLY need to get a court ordered visitation schedule in place - as well as a child support order in place.

If the courts state that they feel its OK for your child to go with him 2.5 hours away - then you have to abide by that decision - and if anything ever comes up to where you feel your child is in danger for some reason - back to court you have to go.

Once this order is in place - both of you have to abide by it. You need to keep 'records' of when he does and doesn't come to see the child - along with the 'excuses' of why he didn't come to see the child.

The TEXTING needs to STOP - this child belongs to BOTH of you - and PHONE CALLS are necessary - NOT TEXTING. I know we live in the digital world with texting - but when it comes down to the welfare of a child - the ADULT APPROACH is actually talking on the phone.

Never mind his other children - you need to worry about the welfare of your child.

Go to your local court - see what can be done about getting a visitation order and child support order in effect.

You are not being unreasonable at all. But, you have to face the facts - this man is going to move to Nottingham, and though he claims he wants to spend time with his child also, it's not going to happen. You have to accept the reality that your son is going to grow up without his biological father. You can't change how this man is, nor should you try to, or force a relationship (with your son) on him, OR compromise your son. Tell him if he wants to move to Nottingham, go ahead, but if he wants to see his child, he has to come visit. It's a shame he is such a louse, but if necessary, the best thing is to allow you and your child to move on.

I actually think he’s preparing himself for a life w/out either of his kids. He left you and 8 months down the line, he has another one on the way. Every child deserves to have both parents in their life, but if he’s unstable (breaking visiting dates), then let him get himself together then maybe he’ll be a better father down the line. Right now, I suggest you keep your child home with you.

I 100% agree with everyone else. Get a custody agreement in place and document everything. I wouldn't let my child be moved 2.5 hours away. Especially by someone that texts you to see their child. That is pathetic. I would say to him that you hope he is happy where ever he decides to move to but your son will be living with you, in your town and he can come and see him. Period! I also wouldn't allow him to have strangers watch your child. What about your happiness??!!! This will only make you unhappy. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are.

I would not allow him to take him so far away and have strangers look after him. Who is to say that when he take your son that he won't just drop him off to his friend for a few hours to go do something. I am sure he is not going to be hanging out with him every weekend and not want to go out with his friends now that he is single. He could stop being selfish and visit his son for a few hours in your town then go home. He is not doing much now, what makes him think he is going to do more now. I would say no. Your poor little guy going back and forth.

Dictionary people! Use it! Needs are something you will die without. Wants are luxuries we would like to have.

There are many needs in a persons life... food, water, shelter , safety ... but not happy. Happy is a like to have but not a need. I am not happy about poopy diapers but someone has to change it. If I wait til I am happy about them the kids will never get changed!

It isn't aneed for him to see his dad. It is a need for him to be watched and cared for by a responsible adult. If that means dad doesn't see him so be it.

Any you M. not believe this but happiness is more a state of mind than anything. He won't find happiness running to a different town. Chasing happiness is like trying to hold the wind in your hand. You can't catch it, but you can let it roll all over you. I am not saying it is easy to be happy sometimes but this doesn't sound like depression to me. More like melancholy and dissatisfaction.

Do you have any type of court orders establishing visitation? If yes, you'll need to make sure you follow them. If you don't have a court order, it's time to get one and not only for visitation, but also for child support.

IMO if the agreement (court ordered or not) is for him to see your child once a week for 4 hours then you can keep the same arrrangement. He can travel back to NY. Maybe you could meet him somewhere in between; child and father can spend sometime together, while you have sometime to yourself.

Your son has to stay with you. You are the main care giver. He sees him once a week for 4 hours? and you would let him take him out of state? He is not prepared , able or willing to take care of his son. His place has to be set up with all of the equipment needed to make your son comfortable. He is moving away and he has to be inconvienced and come back to visit. I wouldn't let him watch your son unsupervised- he does not know him. The best predicator of future behaviour is looking at the past behaviour. This man goes around and populates the town and does not care about the consquences.

Don't get too worked up. A lot of daddys want these extreme arrangements that only fit into thier lives. But very few actually follow through. He's bound by guilt to try and ask for as much time as possible. It's a hard thing to move away from your child. So in his mind, he may really want to try the shared custody thing. But, only in theory. In practice, it'll only take once before he realizes what a "pia" is and backs off. Then you can renegotate something that works for everybody. That being said, it is a great time to get a custody agreement set up so you have the power on your side just in case.

i'm very much in the minority here. my daughter's father lives around two hours away. she goes to spend every other weekend with him and she has for the last year. i think that if he would take him on every other weekend when he's not working that would be ideal. it would let him learn to be a father and take care of his son, and it would give your son a male presence in his life. unless his dad has drug or alcohol problems, i don't see a reason to not let him take him.