Seperation Issues.....

Yes it is very possible at her age to be going through this and completely normal. All of her behaviors are normal and to be expected too. She will get better over time. If and when he has a chance to call home, let her talk to him. Let her carry his pictures around if it makes her feel better. What ever she needs to do to cope with him being gone. Just remember, she can't express herself like we can when our hubbys are deployed. Here is a website I thought you might like. They make dolls out of pictures. http://www.daddydolls.com/index.php
You might also want to show her a calendar and mark off the days till daddy comes home or make a paper chain for all the days he will be gone and then cut off a link every day. She won't understand the concept of time but it might give her something to look forward to when the big red heart come on the calendar or the last link is left hanging!

Just hang in there and hopefully she will relax soon.

S.

Hi A.,

I have never dealt with this issue, but I once saw a child with her mom that had a stuffed "doll" that had a picture of her daddy on it. Much more durrable than an actual photograph. I don't know where they got it, but if you are crafty enough, you could probably make one.

It looked pretty simple from what I remember. It looked as if they printed a large picture of Dad (dressed in his cami's) on sometype of transfer paper that ironed onto the cloth. Then, they loosely cut around the picture and sewed a back on it and stuffed it. It was about 10 0r 12 inches tall. On the back it had something about Daddy loves me written on it.

Just thought that might been an idea if you are crafty enough. I live in Jacksonville, but I am not military. Hope this idea helps.

S.

You should see if they have the United Through Reading program where he is stationed. My husband participated when he was deployed on his ship. The way it works is that he reads a book and talks to a video camera and sends the tape or DVD home. You put it on the tv with the same book available for the kid to see. You can make a video or take pictures of your child's reaction to send to your husband. If they don't have it available you can send him a camera and recording media. I know it's risky to send expensive items through the APO/FPO, but that's what insurance is for. The DVDs my husband sent kept the problems to a minimum. Also, there is a Sesame Workshop production called "Talk, Listen, Connect" featuring Elmo about what he goes through when his dad gets deployed. You can get it through family services on base or through Military One Source. Also, if there is a family support group I encourage you to attend not only for your daughter, but to get support for yourself. You will also find resources you may not even know existed. Good luck to you and your family.

Hey my husband is on the tail end of a year long deployment to Afghanistan... ABout one month to go!! I have twin almost two year olds. They were a little over a year when he left. I know thats a bit younger than yours but maybe I can help a little. I think mine really picked up on my positive attitude about everything. Some days were hard but I really made an effort. We talked about Daddy being gone and looked at his pictures. They even play with Daddy's pictures too. I tried to make that postive play. By saying things like "oh sharing your juice with Daddy is very nice I know he really likes that" Also saying that "Daddy will be gone for awhile but he will be back and he loves us a lot" I tried not to be sad when they talked about Daddy but rather happy that he was remembered. We took pictures for Daddy and went shopping for Daddy. I really tried to include him in aspects of their lives. I wanted them to know he was gone but that Mommy was here and she knows that Daddy will be home soon and he loves us very much. So I would encourage her to keep playing with Daddy and try not to let yourself feel too sad because I bet she is picking up a lot of your feelings as well. Don't get me wrong there were really rough days. So hang in there. A year is a long time but as long as he comes home saftly nothing else matters!!!

Hello A.,
She more than likely has seperation anixety. I know she is still very young to comprehend this situation but explain to her that Daddy had to go away for work and he'll be back soon. Kids can't understand time at that age so everyday that goes by is like the day before. I would have her draw pictures and make things for him and send them as care packages to him. Let her also have part in giving it to the mailman to deliver. Also, if possible have him record a special book on a tape that you can play every night before bed to know that Daddy may not be there but he is always thinking about her. Good Luck and I hope you the best :-)

I dont' know if I would call that depression, but I would say that there is possibly some separation anxiety. Talk to her pediatrician/doctor about it, she can help guide you on what to do. See if there is a way taht your husband can send you a video tape of him for her, maybe reading a book (for night time) or something that can help ease the anxiety.

what part my husband is in salerno he is gone for a year also i have three boys 2,3,8 and it is very hard when ever he calls let her talk even if shes asleep put the phone on the ear! i will keep you in my prayers! GOD BLESS!AND EVER THING IS GOING TO BE OK! just keep loving that baby and be there!time will fly!

Children are just little people. Of course it's possible for her to be depressed and miss her daddy. One thing though, she also maybe be copying behavior that she has seen. So, if you are missing your husband and showing it or sad all the time, she may be copying you. It is important to reassure her that daddy will come home. When my husband was overseas we instituted family night for all my children (I have six in total - three older step and three little ones). Every Tuesday night we would always get together for dinner and then my husband would do his best to call that night. We would all be in one place at one time and he could talk to me and each child. Also, if email is available, this in essential. We would send notes and pictures back and forth all the time. It helps him on the other end too. Your daughter can see that Daddy is there and is still in contact with you. I also bought a soft globe (hug a world) and showed my children where daddy was. We would say, he's on the other side of the world for work. I hope things get better for you. It's a very difficult thing to go through. We are proud of our husbands and what they do for us and our country. Be supportive to him and a comfort to your daughter. Best wishes....

I had the same problem about 5 years ago when my husband went to Bosnia. Our youngest was only 6months old, so I figured he would be ok. WRONG. He had a really hard time. The only time he seemed ok was when we got online whth daddy and did a video conference. The web cam was the best purchase. He was able to see him and talk to him every day. I'm not sure if you are able to do that - but it really helped us. Our daughter did better, but she was 5. As long as she had the picture of him with her, she was ok. And she took it everywhere with her. I hope things get better. They don't really get easier, but they do get more..... "deal-able". And I will keep both your husband and family in my prayers!

Hi A.
My, now, 16 year old daughter went through something very similar for about 4 years of my husband being in and out to sea when we were over in Japan...it seemed worse when she was in trouble or tired. I found the key to it was talking about it and making things for daddy (cookies, tshirts, photo collages, calendars etc... at times when things were bad we'd call Grandpa or Uncles so they could chat with them. I'm not sure if they can get depressed but they sure can miss their daddy's. Just be strong, stay busy, and if you know how many days before daddy comes home make a count down calendar by Sundays. My 16 year old still counts down by wake ups...you konw, 18 days and a wakeup and daddy will be home. How long before he returns? One year or less? Blessings to you all. I pray your husband returns safely and as soon as possible! My hubby just got back from the dessert in Dec and our 4 year old son was really all about "where is daddy now, what time is it, can we email him a photo?" It's harder on the mommies when the babies miss their daddy don't you think?
Hugs,
T. K.
Navy wife

I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. I can't even imagine, but I want you to know that I apprciate what your husband is doing, and I hope the best for you and your daughter. I guess there is no great problem solver for this, I would just be honest with her and tell her daddy loves her, and he is gone for now but will return. She is too young to understand but the best you can do is be there for each other. Both of you are going through alot now, hang in there. I wish you the best, just know that you are doing the best you can for your daughter and yourself under these circumstances. I think reaching out to other moms like you will help. Lots of love, Nikki

How about sitting down and having her draw pictures and help write a letter to him. Dont scold her for carrying around his picture all the time or what not as this is how she is dealing with him being away and not forgetting him. If Possible take her to the base or another military place and show her all the men and women that work with daddy to help keep us safe. Also have her help hang yellow ribbons on trees at your house and explain what they symbolize.