Separation Anxiety....Again!

Kids definitely go thru phases and I think it's best to try to keep consistent with your routines. And while I don't have any great advice for the separation anxiety but did want to offer a word of caution-make sure someone knows where she is when the other is leaving. Such as-the car doesn't move until driving parent has confirmation that other parent knows where she is since she has already run out to the garage when you were leaving. There are too many instances of "bye bye"accidents when the kiddies run out to the car and mom or dad has no idea they are out there.

C.-- I think it's a really good idea that someone mentioned for your daughter to bring a picture of you and your husband to school with her in her backpack. When I was teaching elementary school, one of my duties was to assist with a pre-K class, and I remember a very sweet little girl who really missed her mommy during the day. Her mom sent her to school with a family picture in her backpack, and when she was really having a hard time, she would pull out the picture and it reassured her. Her mom would tell her that by having the picture, it was like having her family along with her at school, and it was a great comfort to her. Maybe it's worth a try?

Like so many working moms your heart breaks everytime your child cries because you have to leave them. Take turns with your husband going out of the house with her,leaving the other parent at home, showing her whoever stays is not crying. Go to a neighbor's,the drugstore, even the backyard for short periods of time so she sees you do come back.

Hi C.,

I feel your pain. My little girl went through the same thing. She started up again especially at school when she turned 3. As long as the school says she is settling down once you leave there really isn't much you can do but hope the phase ends soon. Continue to reassure her you will be back. At my daughters school they had a big window she could look out to wave good-bye as I drove away so that became our routine. Try not to worry too much, as they say "this too shall pass". Good Luck!!!

My twins just turned 4, and we go through these phases regularly. I cant figure out anything that triggers it, but sometimes I can leave them at daycare with no problems, then sometimes they (mostly my little girl) cling and cry. I have the book "I'll Always Come Back", and they understand I'll always be back, but I dont know, I guess they go through moods like we do.

Any chance she has seen something or overheard something that scares her? Maybe seen something on the news about a missing or kidnapped child (Haleigh Cummings story)? She may not think consciously about it, or remember the specifics, but it could trigger her to be afraid to be separated from you and your husband.

Any loss in the family? (family pet, relative, neighbor) or loss by one of her classmates that might have talked to her about losing someone?

Of course, there is always the concern that something has happened at school. Have you asked her teachers about any changes at the school, particularly anything that might have changed or happened about 3 days ago? Or spoken to any of the other parents from your daughter's class?

Maybe you could let her take a photo of you and your husband with her in her backpack or snack bag when she goes to school. Or a "lovey" that she could keep in her backpack that she could take out to hold if she is upset. Just knowing her "friend" is with her might help.
I hope you are able to figure it out soon, so she can get back to enjoying school and you can get back to enjoying her instead of being stressed out.
Perhaps you could monitor her discreetly at school one day? Don't announce it to the school, either. Just drop her off.. drive off, then come back and go to the office, telling them you want to "secretly" watch her today without her knowledge... So you can try to figure out what has caused her to change her behavior at drop off. If it becomes an issue, as that the teacher also not know you are watching... or she might unwittingly change her behavior as well... - not that you are trying to "catch" her at anything, but if she is not behaving normally/naturally, you will not see how she interacts with your daughter daily...