Separation Anxiety - How Can I Let My Sister Know to Let Go?

There's no easy way to address it without just coming out and saying it. But maybe one day when she lingers, when she comes to pick him up say, "Oh, Tommy had the worst morning. I've noticed that when you are quick to say 'goodbye and I'll see you later' that he is always so much happier. I think that when you linger to say goodbye, that it worries him that you might not be coming back. And when you are quick, he realizes you'll be back soon and has a great day." Then if she thinks she should linger, say, "You know, I've read a lot of articles that state that kids honestly do better when their parents are upfront about where they are going and when they'll be back instead of making a big deal about it." And then have a couple of articles to back you up.

I think it's a hard thing for mother's to learn, but it's really in the best interest of the child. Good luck!

You know I just went through this with my son at school. He just started preschool and I would walk him to his class and the first two weeks he did great, then he would start clinging to me like glue, I kept reassuring him, hugs and kisses and after 5 minutes would have to bolt listening to him scream and cry!
Finally, I started the kiss sticker system, where I got a ton of stickers, kissed and hugged one and put it on his shirt before we left the house. That way there was no drawn out goodbye at school. His attitude changed immediately with the new system. He could look down at his sticker anytime while he was in class and be comforted.
It was so hard when he was crying to walk out of that building but I did, I did it for HIM!
Please just nicely suggest to your sister to try and do it one day to just leave quickly and give her kisses and hugs in the car before you get to your door.
Also her telling her son she will miss him will give him anxiety as children worry about us as parents when they are not with us. If she says this it puts bad thoughts in his head.
Have a nice talk with her one day, out of the blue talk to her and you know her best not to put her on the defensive.

I agree with the suggestion on how to tell her that was already posted sounds like a nice yet direct way to address it. Also, I'm not sure how you would work it into your wording but when I used to leave my babies at daycare the babysitter wouldn't let us do the drag out goodbye thing for that very reason. It really is better for the kids just to do the quick love you see you later goodbye. It makes it less important less of a big deal. They get feelings of anxiety from long goodbyes because they feel that you don't want to go and worry why... Anyway hope there was something in that jumble that helps a little.
Good Luck and Best Wishes!
S.

Hi B.
I would be honest with her that he seems more upset when you take longer saying byes then when you drop him off and leave. You could also get info on the subject of separation anxiety an d let her know what can cause it and the effects of it. If you want to be more subtle leave the papers somewhere with the info in a place where she won't miss them and let her bring the topic up. I hope this helps and gl

Instead of coming from the angle of how it affects him, how about telling her the truth about how it affects you? Let her know that when she leaves faster, he deals with it so much better which is better and more relieving for you. Let her know you are happy to help out, but she could help you help her if she would leave faster! I worked at a preschool and it is common that the longer the parent stays, the worse it is for everyone other than the parent! Just tell her the truth. She may still get upset, but nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck!

B.,
I would talk to your sister either when she picks her kids up or later on the phone and just say something like "I have noticed that Johnny(but use his name) does so much better when you just drop him off and go. I think he doesn't realize that you are going and it is so much easier for him to just drop him at the door and then you can get to work faster. Just a thought, your his Mom and you obviously know him much better than I do, but I just thought it would make it easier for him. I love you visiting though- maybe when you pick him up you can stay and chat then?"

Anyway- hope this helps- it is always hard when it comes to family to know what & how to say things. I often stick my foot in my mouth without meaning to. Good luck :)

B. is not a common name- you didn't happen to live in Utah before did you?