My four month old will not let other people hold her let alone babysit her. She will smile and play with relatives(people she sees often) but if they hold her or she is left alone with them, she screams. We tried to leave her with her grandparents for a couple hours and she screamed the whole time, refused to eat and would not nap. Is is possible for her to have separation anxiety this young? What can I do to help her??
Oh it's very possible, my daughter has the same problem!! She'll smile and play with her grandparents but the second you leave her with them, she freaks out! She's almost 6 months now and has gotten a little better but all I can really tell you is let her get a little older. If you stay home with her like I do mine, I know exactly how you feel. GOOD LUCK!
N., try visiting the grandparents or sitters for an hour or so with her staying the entire time. Then try leaving her with them for half an hour at a time. I did this with my children and it really helped. This does seem a big young for separation anxiety so perhaps it wasn't that. Leaving for her for short periods of time will let her know you will be coming back and always do. Be sure and say good-bye to her everytime you leave even if she cries. Good-luck.
Young children react to their parents tone and sense anxiety in their voices. Try showing affection and caring toward outsiders and see if your baby reacts differntly to them afterwards. Spending time with others and allowing them to bond with the baby will also help.
From what I've heard, separation anxiety doesn't typically happen until closer to 8mos. It's too early for her to understand Object Permanence yet. Right now when something or someone disappears she thinks it's gone for good - we know differently - but try to see it from her POV. My 13mos old still doesn't care to be left with anyone but his daddy. My dd was the same until she was about 2yrs old. At that point she was fine with my leaving. I never snuck out - but I know opinions vary on that, too. At this point in time, my now 4yr-old daughter is willing to be left with almost anyone. She's one of the few in her MDO class that didn't have hysterics at the start of school.
IMHO, I would enjoy this time when your dd wants to be with you and won't accept substitutes. This time will pass all too quickly and can never be retrieved.
hth
K. H, mama to
Catherine, 4yrs
Samuel, 13mos
J. L, I have three children and my middle and my youngest were exactly how you describe yours. They eventually just grew out of it. The more they were around people that they did'nt know, that we knew ofcourse, the better it got. My kids were always momma's kids. They are alot better now.
Good luck!
If I remember correctly, separation anxiety normally kicks in at around 6-8 months, and it could be that she was just having a bad afternoon. But it could be that your baby is developmentally ahead of the timetable. If you keep her secure with lots of contact while you are with her, and exude total confidence in her well-being as you leave her with someone, it shouldn't last too long. If she reaches for you as you leave, as if the world is going to end, don't you believe it, or she will too. Just wave bye-bye one more time, say "I love you, sweetie" (confindently, not longingly), and get out of there fast. I know lots of parents have success with the sneak-out approach, but I found that when I took a direct, confident approach to saying goodbye and leaving while they could see me, then they never had to look around and wonder and get anxious about whether I had left or not. They knew, and they could cry for a couple minutes and then get down to the business of finding something else to do. I felt like I was being honest with them, and they would almost always be happy until I returned.
All the other advice you have gotten is good. The only thing I would add is leaving a t-shirt or blanket that has your smell on it. When the "sitter" is taking care of her have them put the shirt right next to her face so she can smell it. My son would always want it right under his nose. I hope this helps.
Lots of good advice already but I want to reaffirm your first response. I used to take care of the church nursery-approx 10 at a time. Drop them, give them their lovey with your smell on it, tell them confidently you're leaving and then get out of their sight. Even if they cry the whole time they learn that you come back and each time it gets less traumatic for both of you.
My now 8 year old daughter did the EXACT same thing with of all people my husband!!! When he would hold her she would scream and then when he would hand her to me she would stop instantly! We couldn't figure it out. And she did it for a long time. Over the years I have just figured out that as tiny as those beautiful little creatures are --she just was not ready for the separation. I think people are just hard wired from the beginning. My daughter is still a very sensitive child, and I and learned to honor and respect that in her. I wish you luck on that but my guess is she is just not ready for you to leave her yet.
D. H
52 year old mother of 2
