Self Wean - I Feel Rejected

The same thing happened to me. I think my supply started declining around 6 months and we had to begin supplementing. We just made it to 12 months, but at that point, she was only nursing once or twice per day and I couldn't pump more than 1-2 ounces all day long, both sides combined. It was rough. I remember how it felt. It's the end of an era and a sign that your baby is growing up, but that's a good thing! Your baby thanks you for all that you did and is now ready to for the next step. You did your job. It's still emotional, though - I do remember feeling so sad. Emma started playing with "it" and biting so it was a big easier for me to let go. Try not to stress too much - there are many more fun stages to come. Congratulate yourself for making it this far!

Hi N.! My daughter self-weaned at only 8 months old and I felt rejected at first too. But then I realized that there's actually a bit more freedom when not having to stop and nurse whenever your baby needs to. I know you're sad now but try to see some of the positive in the situation. Get out some of your fun summer clothes that maybe didn't work well for nursing! Hang in there!!

My guess is that he is not weaning but rather going through a nursing strike. Since he just started solids, this may be why he is having a nursing strike.
As far as you not producing enough, what are your indications of this? Many women start feeling like they are not producing enough because they no longer feel full or feel a letdown. It is normal after several months of breastfeeding to no longer feel full or feel a letdown. It just means that your body has adjusted to breastfeeding. Pumping is NOT an indication of your supply. Many women make plenty of milk to nurse their babies, but they cannot pump anything. It is common to be able to get plenty out through pumping and then all of a sudden stop being able to get a good amount through pumping. The best way to keep your supply is to keep nursing. Just keep offering the breast to your son. If you keep offering it enough times, he should go back to it. It is rare for a child to self-wean before the age of 18 months which is why I feel that this is a nursing strike.

Hope this helps! Feel free to contact me with any questions.

S.

I remember the rejection feeling, almost right away and it was very sad. I still feel it. I had already nursed my first son, it was wonderful so I assumed no problem with my second son. But I had a particularly harrowing c section surgery and they gave a bottle to my son right away instead of me nursing him. Well, he was pretty hooked on how easy the bottle was. I had my breasts out for weeks, pumping to ease the discomfort and called LaLeche league for advice, went to the doctor who was a rather snotty human being who told me my breasts were too big and difficult for the baby to latch onto, and finally after about six weeks trying to force this issue off and on and crying probably about half my day away (probably the baby blues mixed in there,) well, I gave up. I felt devastated.
I don't know what it is, why we would feel so sad but it is very sad thinking about it at this moment that didn't get to bond in that manner with him. NO advice, just my story. Sorry this is happening to you...

I could have written your letter years ago! My daughter self-weaned at nine months old. She would not stop biting me. Loved her new, two bottom front teeth. My husband would change the morning diaper and would have a little conversation with her (for my benefit) ..."Please don't bite Mommy anymore! It's makes her sad!" I would just cry. I was very touched by that but it just got to the point that, my daughter was done! She no longer wanted to breast-feed-it felt like a personal rejection. We switched her to a bottle....she promptly bit the nipple off the bottle (my husband pointed out..."Don't take it so personally...that could have been you!") She went straight to a cup. It took me a couple weeks but....I got to the point that....she was done with breastfeeding - she was not done with needing me and that's the mentality that I had to adopt. I had my son, second, and it was very different - 18 months he stopped and I had to stop it - I was starting on a new asthma medication. But...I was still sad that it had to end because, I too, was concerned that he would be my last child (and he was) because my husband was done and happy to move to the next phase of child-rearing. My heart goes out to you....it was hard. Time will heal...your son will continue to need you for a very long time. All the best.

Ditto Ditto Ditto - you have great posts already. I also felt really sad when my son decided to wean "early" - I just kept telling myself it was ME that was having the hard time and he was fine so I needed to focus on that. He was also my last baby and my first weaned the week of her first bday all by herself - I thought he would just do the same, but we have all learned EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT and our plans are not always going to flow the way we want. I'm rambling - just remember you are having normal blue feelings but are not alone! Focus on the fact that he is healthy and happy and you have new freedom - I was even excited when I realized I could wear clothes that weren't nursing friendly - little things. Hang in there!

I know it doesn't feel good, my first self-weaned at 6 months. Look at it this way, you gave him 10 months of breastfeeding, that's huge! Plus, as they tell you when they're newborns, the baby is the boss. He knows what's right for him. Maybe it's a good way to get used to not getting what we want, it is all about them now, right? Plus, what is the ultimate reason we nurse anyway? It's to give them the best, not us.
Hang in there, and remember you did a wonderful thing by giving him 10 months of your milk and you.
Oh, and by the way, never say never about more kids who knows what will happen down the line!

N.,

I am going to have to agree with Jenny.

I will also add that, it was better that he did it than having it be all your decision, because then perhaps you would have 2nd guessed yourself if it was the right time.

I went through some sadness when my 2nd son weaned a few months ago. He self-weaned a couple of times and I equated it to a bad break-up . .. he wants me, he doesn't want me . . .
When he finally did for the last time, I was more prepared.

You will still get to snuggle and have your time with him. I really thought that I would lose that, but you don't lose it, its just different.

Congrats on making it this far. You've done a great job!

Hugs,
B.

Hi N.,

I completely understand your sadness! I could've written your post word-for-word when my son was about 10 months old and decided he was done breastfeeding as well. I wasn't ready to stop was so sad! And it's a kind of sadness that not everyone understands - I know my mom didn't understand why I was so emotional about it. All I can say is that it's okay to give yourself a few days to be sad about it (that's normal!) and I can assure you that you will feel better soon. You could maybe try to have one last "peaceful" nusing session. That is what I did...and thankfully, my son cooperated for the most part. Just know that even though it feels like rejection, your baby isn't rejecting you - he's just growing and excited to learn new things, including other ways to eat. Overall, I just wanted you to know you are not alone & it's okay to feel sad, but mostly you should give yourself a big hug & pat on the back for doing such a great job!

I also can sympathize with you as my son self-weaned at 22 months. *We're* planning (not necessarily God's plan ;) ) on him being our last baby so I was in no hurry to wean. Our other daughters nursed until we were a couple months pregnant with the next one (which was about 27 months) and I was always the initiator. When DS weaned himself, I felt rejected and sad but soon realized that it was just his time and I had done what I could...and I started to enjoy my new found independence after being pregnant or nursing the last 8 years! He also started sleeping through the night after weaning which was very nice also! You've done GREAT - don't beat yourself up over this!

Nursing strike seems more likely I agree. I have also heard of this happening if the child has an ear ache. You may want to have that checked out. I would continue to offer the breast.

N.,
I have a 3 year old daughter and a 14 week old son.
I totally understand the sadness that comes when the baby decides. My daughter decided at 4 months. My son is in his 4th month now and I can see he is a better eater than my daughter was but as I read your email it reminded me of the feelings and I have to be prepared if he decides he is done sooner than my one year goal. My hubby, the doll he is, bought me a coach diaper bag to congratulate me on the 4 months and to help me feel better about carrying all the bottle gear to feed her. It helped (not saying that is for everyone) me get over the failure feeling I had. (I wasn't exclusively bf since it was my first one and didn't understand that whole supply demand concept as well as a thyroid condition so that added to my disappointment of failing). Any way, I agree with all the moms...you have done this for a long time and now you can have a little more freedom since others can feed him now. I know my spouse knows the benefits and is supportive of BF but enjoys that time with the babies too.
Happy mothering !
C.