Self Soothing to Sleep

C.,

This is probably not what you want to hear....but my pediatrian told me around 8-12 weeks to put my son (now 3) to bed awake so he would learn to fall asleep. He was usually pretty good about going to sleep-- just didn't stay asleep. I could not stand (and still have this problem) to hear him cry. It broke my heart. I was up the second I heard this little voice. My doctor also told me that up until 4mos old I could not "spoil" him by doing this. After 4 mos-- suppossedly we need to let them fuss a bit more. My advice, do what works for you. If you can stand to hear her cry, ok. If not, pick her up, bounce her on a ball--- whatever it takes:)

Hi C.,
In my opinion 11 weeks is to young to be in any schedule. Both of my sons were about 6 months before they were in a schedule. We didn't let them cry themselves to sleep until around then. I guess I was lucky in the fact that after I fed them and layed them down in their crib they just went to sleep. I really liked the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. I still refer to it with both of my sons. Good luck and don't let her cry that long at this age.
Chris

She is to young to let her cry it out. She doesn't know how to sooth herself back to sleep. My daughter is 4 months and also a breast fed only baby. She has the same problem, but instead of bouncing I have to rock/nurse her to sleep. It's not likely to put a breast fed baby on a schedule cause they nurse on demand. You never know how much the eat unless your putting it in a bottle which my daughter also refuses. I figure Im a stay at home mom so why not just go with the flow.If a little rocking helps her get to sleep and to sleep thru the night I rather do that, then let her cry. I found giving her a bath before bed and a little nursing session put her out fast and thru out the night. Im a little jealous of you though, at least your husband help getting her to sleep. You should read the artice:
http://www.babycenter.com/expert/2644.html
Watch this video:
Baby sleep: Seven tips

Question: My husband and I are attempting to teach our five-month-old boy to put himself to sleep. We lay him down and let him cry, but we go in every five and seven minutes and tell him we love him. What kind of damage are we doing when we let him cry?"

Answer: You're so right to be alarmed about the negative side effects of letting a baby cry himself to sleep! There is a popular but unrealistic and, ultimately, harmful notion that infants should not bother their parents at night and that responding positively to babies who are having trouble sleeping teaches them to take advantage of their parents' caring and deprives parents of sleep on a regular basis.

Anyone who advises you to let your baby cry until he gives up and falls asleep is focusing on the baby's behavior (going to sleep all alone) and not on how the baby feels in the process.


The problem is that when infants are left to cry themselves to sleep, they are forced to conclude that they are not lovable enough to engage their parents' desires to comfort them. If they actually stop crying, it is because they have abandoned all hope that help will come. The meaningful question, then, is not, "What will make my baby go to sleep with the least attention?" but "What will enable my baby to put himself to sleep with the self-confidence that comes from feeling happy and cared about?"

The answer is that if you offer your baby relationship pleasure rather than relationship deprivation, you will help him go to sleep secure in the conviction that you love him and want him to be happy. You can put him down when you think he's sleepy, sing to him, rub his back, or find other ways to comfort him, and then leave the room. If he cries, you can return and calm him and then leave again.

Although in the first year you may have to return many times to your baby's crib to rock him, give him the breast or bottle, or stroke him, your baby will learn both that you can be relied on to respond to his needs and also that he can put himself to sleep in a contented manner (and not out of despair). Over time, as your baby learns that his cries will be responded to, he will need less input from you to feel comforted and sleep.

A baby who is responded to in this way will become a child who is a sound and reliable sleeper; and you will be rewarded with many peaceful nights as the result of your efforts in your baby's first year. Sleep-deprived parents of crying babies often feel very tempted to let their infants cry themselves to sleep so that they, themselves, will be able to get some rest. We ourselves know from experience how exhausted parents of infants can become. But we also know that you will be repaid later for the extra effort you make for your baby now. Your baby cannot perceive that you are tired and need peace and quiet, so when he is left to cry himself to sleep he has to think that you are choosing to leave him feeling helpless and miserable.

Once you see that you were right to worry about leaving your baby to cry and that the interruptions to your sleep caused by tending to him are both beneficial to him and time-limited, then, even though you are tired, you will have more reason to make the effort to go to your baby and try to help him to sleep comfortably.

While our approach to helping babies learn to put themselves to sleep is more time-consuming than the popular prescription to let infants cry, it will make your baby happier now and will also lay the foundation for his future well-being. Just as parents rarely balk when they are told they have to get up in the middle of the night to give children medicine or take their temperatures, we have found that when parents understand the healing they cause by responding to their infants' cries, they usually will accept the interruptions to their sleep as reasonable and necessary. We applaud your wish to help your baby put himself to sleep in a happier way and wish you well.

I, too, tried the BabyWIse method with my first child, and found it to be the worst book that I ever bought! It was horrible listening to my helpless baby cry. After 2 days of this, I couldn't handle it - it just didn't "feel" right. Young babies do not have the ability to soothe themselves. (No matter what the book says! - You will find that some advice does not work, and you need to find what feels right to you.)
The time goes by so quickly, so get all the snuggle time you can get! Once your baby is older, you can teach her to sleep on her own by introducing a pacifier, or a special bedtime blanky and a bedtime/naptime routine. I have 3 children all of whom are great sleepers now, and I spent their first months snuggling, rocking, bouncing to sleep.
Good luck, and enjoy this special time with your little one!

Hi C.! Congrats on the baby! :-) We have two boys (13 mos and 3 years). We've followed a different book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child". I can tell you that both boys are amazing sleepers - beyond amazing. I think letting her cry for 3 hours is too much...something must be up. Is she sleeping a lot during the day? Is she up for more than 2 hours in a row during the day in between naps? Is she a good napper during the day? Is this behavior (crying) only occuring at night?

Our pediatrician said to let babies cry for no more than an hour. Try this book...

Sleeping is sooo hard...I think it's the hardest thing, C....no one ever tells you or warns you!

Hang in there. You guys will get it.

At this age I wouldn't let her cry for more than 20 min. There is something wrong that won't let her sleep if she cries for more than that. Maybe it is too hot or cold or maybe she maybe still hungry or a burp. But in my experience a baby at this age only knows it is not happy and you need to fix it. The only other thing I could guess is maybe she is overtired. Try getting her to bed at an earlier nap, cause if she is overtired she will act cranky fussy and all around not happy. I was able to get my son to sleep at that age by putting him face down across my lap a patting his back until he fell asleep. And my son was 4 and a half months before we got him on any sort of fixed schedule. At this age if you want a happy baby the only shedule to follow is the baby's. Good luck.

when my daughter was a baby if she cryed for more than 5 min i went to her. she sleeps on her own now (9yrsold) and has for sometime. if this is working to be honest stick with it. each child is diff they learn diff they act diff they do diff, you seem to have found what works for your child really just dont worry so much and do what is working. she will soon be crawling and wearing herself out lol. much sooner than you think.

Not to be mean, but you waited how long to have a baby and then are expecting her at 11 weeks to adhere to a schedule and go to sleep alone with no one? She spent 10 months being rocked to sleep snug and warm in a womb. Take advantage of the fact she wants the company now. Love her, cuddle her all she wants as long as she wants. Involve her in everything even though she is still little and doesn't understand much yet. With you being a SAHM this will be incredibly easy since you don't have to be anywhere on a schedule. Develop a routine. Remember that a ROUTINE is much different than a SCHEDULE. With my son I breastfed him to sleep in a rocking chair at night and then put him in his crib. Some nights we rocked 5 minutes, other nights it was 2 hours. He is almost two and is on a routine that is good for him now and he doesn't require rocking or bottle before bed. He stopped that himself. It is not possible to spoil a baby especially at 11 weeks..
I have never heard of babywise, but they are saying now that Ferberizing is not as good as it once was thought and definately not for every child. Never let her cry for more than 15-20 minutes at this age.
If you need help with teaching her soothing and stopping crying, check out http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/
I wish my hospital showed that to every new mom, it would save you a lot of stress and tears.
Good Luck!
C.
PS-Look what I dug up on Babywise http://ezzo.info/feeding.htm
Apparently the American Association Of Pediatrics isn't too fond of the method.

First of all, a breastfeeding babies can not and should not be on a specific schedule. There are many experts that believe that when you let an infant cry themselves to sleep that you are teaching them that you will not be there for them when they need you. If you look at it this way: They spend nine months with you in the womb and then our society expects them to sleep in a "wide open" space all by themselves, I would cry too.

I am sorry, but the Ezzo thing is just soooo scary, here is a link on it: http://www.nospank.net/granju.htm .

My children slept with me, ate when they wanted, played when they wanted and are two very happy and well mannered 7 and 4 year olds. They are happy, healthy and confident.

Doesn't the BabyWise method teach this to be only after 6 months old? Maybe I'm thinking of Ferber. In any case, I would never, ever let a baby that young cry it out under any circumstances. Three hours? How could you stand it? I tried Ferber at 7mo, and my baby cried 7 minutes. Seven minutes of torture. She finally passed out, not soothing herself to sleep. I never ever did that again. I nursed her to sleep for 8 months, rocked her to sleep for many months later, then laid down with her in her bed for several years after that. Maybe I'm crazy, but now she's 9 and I wish I could snuggle like that with her more often. Your sweet Caroline will only be little for a short time. Don't rush the training on sleep. She's only been out of the comfort of your womb and in the cruel world for less than 3 months. Some babies are just wired differently. My second child was able to be put down awake and would fall asleep on her own. Never cried it out.

I didn't intend to sound mean or anything, but I feel very strongly about the crying it out methods.

As a mom who's kids are almost all grown up....hold that little one as much as she wants. You are not going to spoil her and she will grow up to be a self-confident, secure young lady if you meet these needs now. And I can guarantee that she won't need you to help her sleep forever. They really do grow fast and these years when they are little and need so much from you will be a dim fleeting memory.

Oh my gosh, how are you staying sane? Your little darling was crying for 3 hours??? I definately wouldn't listen to whatever advice you were trying. Breastfed babies, in my opinion, cannot adhere to much of a schedule. The lack of thick substance in their tummies allows them to wake up more frequently. When she was tiny, I let Annabelle fall asleep at the breast. Whatever you need todo to get her to sleep, bouncing, etc....just go ahead and give her what she needs for a while. Until 6 or 7 months old, the little baby won't be able to fall asleep without mommy or daddy's cuddles.
Keep breastfeeding. Yay for you and baby! good luck:)

i would suggest reading secrets of a baby whisperer and goodnight, sleep tight. both have excellent suggestions for how to help our child sleep that dont require the cry it out method.

Hi C., I had a son who didn't sleep through the night until he was over 1 1/2, and that was after having a daughter who slept through the night from the night I had her. Anyway, One thing that worked wonders for him, was after I nursed him, I'd put him in the crib with the nightgown I was wearing, he had my scent with him, and he would sleep. After many, many nights of this, he ended up using my nightgown as his blanket. But It was the only thing that worked. I tried many other things, the whole 'letting him cry', never worked, just made him sick. It may have for some, but never did for him. He is now 22, and in the Army, but its still very fresh in my mind like it was yesterday. Its just something that worked for him, so its worth a try. You'll get more advise you can handle from people about everything, listen to it all, but don't use it all, is the best advice I'll give you. One thing I tried that I am still upset about is, my daughter was a thumb sucker, after trying alot of things, mittens on hands type stuff, I was told to put tobasco sauce on her thumb, which I did, she ended up with blisters on her thumb and in her mouth, it was awful. That was 25 years ago, and it still haunts me. Your daughter is still very young, don't rush it, she'll grow up faster than you want her to. But then you'll be a grandma, and thats even more fun:) Good luck, Sue

Hi C.,
Have you tryed putting her in a swing. That worked well with our first child. The thing about baby's is at first they need help in some way to be soothed to sleep ( like being bounced on an exercise ball). They do eventually go to sleep on thier own as they get older and learn how to sooth themselves. It's a learning process for both child and parents I know what your going through believe me. My 2 month old insists on crying herself to sleep whether we have her in our arms or in her bed or swing. It's kind of cute she's crying one minute and out the next. It's almost like that is what she wants to do to go to sleep is cry! Take it from me it will get better!! L.

You shouldn't let an 11 week old baby cry herself to sleep, no matter what the books say. That is far too young. Bounce her until she is almost asleep and put her down. Let her know you are there until she falls asleep. Eventually, crying it out could be an option, but if a baby that young is crying, she needs you, even if it's just for comfort. I think it's very rare for a breast-fed baby to put him/herself to sleep because they nurse when they are hungry and for comfort as well. Getting a baby to sleep, breast or bottle fed is a process and a book or method or system can't make it magically work faster. Good luck! I know my sis-in-law bounced her breast-fed baby on an exercise ball until she was 6 months old!!!!

There are so many schools of thought on this one!! I have a 10 month old son who I have breastfed all along and he woke up every 2-3 hours for the first 6 months of his life. I would feed him and he would fall asleep and back in his crib he went. I do allow him to self sooth now and have been for a few months but I think he was too young to sooth himself before about 7 months old. He now wakes up twice a night. Some people will say that is bad, but all babies are different and have different needs so you really have to see what is right and what will be normal for your little one. As for the time to let them cry, I don't think you should let them go longer than 45 minutes...and that is only if they are fed, clean diapers, have gas medicine on board and you are sure they aren't hot or cold or have any pains ( teething...). Feel free to e-mail me if you want to chat more about this!

Hi C..
I would not let her cry for long. The first 6 months you can not spoil a baby. My ped. told me that babies learn secutity during the first few months of life. This is the time when they know you will be there right when they need you. I would say about 6 months, try to slowly let he sooth herself. But really until then she will olny make herself mrore upset, and in turn will more than likely, take you longer to get her down.

I have a 13 month old. She was exclusively breastfed for 10 months. I never let her cry to sleep. I did begin sleep training at about 4 weeks.. I started putting her in the crib/bassinet when she was tired but awake. I stayed with her patting backs, rubbing heads, replacing the pacifier- whatever it took to help her to sleep.

My daughter is a great sleeper now. she goes in her crib awake - for naps and bedtime she soothes herself to sleep- if she wakes in the middle of the night- she can put herself back to sleep.

Your child is too young to do this... You are right to start working on getting her to self soothe... but she is too young to accomplish the task. In the future she will be able to put herself to sleep- but not now. Does she have a pacifier. That might help if she has a paci- she might be able to suck the paci until she falls asleep. But you have to be nearby to put the paci back in her mouth cause she cant do it herself yet.

Give it time..

My son is about to be 8 months old and he has been breastfed as well. I went against just about everything the doctors told me. They said dont let baby sleep with you. I tried that and I was a zombie (even being a stay at home mom). So for his night time feedings I would feed him and rock him to sleep, put him in his crib and when he would wake in tne middle of the night I would bring him into bed with me and he would stay with me for the rest of the night. Then when he was sleeping through the night I started leaving him in his crib all night. And now that he is so mobile I never bring him to bed with me because our bed is high off the floor and I dont want him falling. For a few weeks he started waking in the middle of the night again I asked the doctor what was going on, they suggest I allow him to fall asleep on his own and let him cry himself to sleep and within a week he would be going to sleep without the crying. I tried that and the crying lasted for hours. I hated it, so I stopped that and I actually figured out on my own that he was waking up because he was cold. I figured out that he started having problems sleeping through the night about the time when it started getting cold. So I tested my theory and put a portable heater in his room. And low and behold he started sleeping through the night again :). I still hear him wake up a few times throughout the night but he puts himself right back to sleep and I still allow him to fall asleep in my arms rocking and eating. So you dont have to let your baby cry herself to sleep. I am also a first time stay at home mom and I am learning that sometimes it is best just to take some things the doctors say with a grain of salt because they dont know everything. No disrespect to them meant by that. So just try different things think about what could be bothering her. I found when my son woke in the middle of the night sometimes he would be going through a growth spurt. Sometimes he would be teething. Sometimes he had a stuffy nose. Sometimes he wanted a diaper change. And also a good thing to remember is if your feeling tired and overwhelmed sleep when she sleeps. Forget the housework or cooking or whatever else and get some rest and enjoy this time with your little girl. Good luck and hey if you live in the Lansing area mayby we could get together sometime. Being a stay at home mom can get a little boring sometimes.

Sounds like the exercise ball habit is going to be a little tough to break. Give it a few days of "breaking the habit". When we broke the binky habit it was like that. 3hrs of crying sounds tough for you. The baby books suggest your soothing voice, rubbing her. I would even pick her up. Maybe try a lullabye or a book. Then put her down awake with words of "night night" (or whatever) Once they learn to put themselves to sleep it is much better for them and YOU! Good Luck!