Seeking Someone to Talk to About Sids and Anything.

Updated on January 29, 2007
L.R. asks from Phoenix, AZ
6 answers

Well Here it goes, On December 19,2006 My ex husband called me and told me he had Child endangerment Charges on himself and that i have to go pick up our daughters, So i dropped everything, I have 2 sons as well borrowed 400 dollars from my mom and took the greyhound bus to toledo ohio it was the worst trip of my life but it was all worth it to see my girls, When i called phoenix from El Paso TX My aunts told me their was bad news but noone would tell me what, I assumed it was about my stolen car.... When I got to Phoenix My Mother and Sister Stepped out of the car, both of whom live in different states, I was just so happy to see them I did not think there was anything wrong Tears of Joy shall i say. We were a couple miles from the Greyhound and i turned and looked to my mother and said "Momma did you get to see my baby?" She said "Thats why i am here, There was an accident, Your baby died" of course I thought it was a cruel joke it still feels like a joke. Well We got to my aunts house and it set in my baby Died and I wasn't here. They think it was Sids He died December 23rd,2006 He was 6 months 18 days old, Healthy as a horse or so i thought, the autopsy is still pending. But it is so weird it feels as if everything went into place just like that like there was no Baby Trent I feel helpless, I don't cry or grieve that much because of my children i have 3 other children and I am pregnant with my 5th. I just need someone to talk to to see if i explained death correctly to my other children if i am grieving properly, I don't know Someone anyone please help.

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So What Happened?

Well, It has Been a Month since the death of my son, I am close to five months pregnant Its a Girl. My prenatal doctor is the best, He diagnosed me with depression (I have lost 20 pounds since my son dying). I am on Prozac. I have talked with other parents that lost a child to SIDS. I still won't get the autopsy results for another 9 weeks. I am grateful to have all you loving women out there for support. As for my children here is what I explained to my 5,4,and 2 yr old.

Baby Trent died, He won't be here anymore.
"How did baby trent die?"
God came down with his angels and decided it was time for him to go over the rainbow.
"Is that where heaven is?"
Yes, Remember when grandpas dog died and he went over the rainbow?
"Yes"
Well baby trent is with grandpas dog and they are both waiting at the gate of heaven for all of us to be together again.
"Well how did trent get up there?"
God came down and put baby trents soul is his hand and threw it high high up in the air and bam he was over the rainbow.
"Oh will god do that to be one day?"
Yes.

When I was younger i read a book that was called something to the sort of "When a pet dies" He goes over the rainbow.

I knew my children would associate death with the doggy they had just lost at their grandfathers.
My 2 year old doesn't quite understand still but i have gotten him into a playmate group with other children that have lost a sibling. The reason why i did not get my girls any counseling is because they only knew trent until he was about 2 months old then they went back to Ohio. I have kept my 4 year old and she plays with my 2 year old. I am very glad she is here, because i am not sure how he would react seeing as he has never been alone. I have also found a great website where i can tell my sons story. www.sidsfamilies.com. Thank all you wonderful women for everything! If you would like to know anything more feel free to email me. I will keep you all posted.

More Answers

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J.H.

answers from Phoenix on

My heart goes out to you. Every mothers worse nightmare. I cried when I read your letter . I always tell my husband that babys are angels that god has plucked their wings off and sent them to earth, maybe god needed him back. That is what I would tell my child till they were old enough to understand.I am happy that you are having a baby it is a blessing. Being strong for your kids is hard when your heart hurts but in time it will get better. I lost a child when I was preagnant at age 22 I never saw or held him, I heard his heart beat and felt him but he was dying inside and I was helpless. I swore i would never have kids. And then at age 34 I did. He would have been @12yrs old now. I still think about it and sometimes I do cry. You never can replace them but you can keep your heart open for the others and remember the good.i hope it helps to know that I genuinly care. Take care.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Phoenix on

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have not experienced a loss such as you have. I don't think there is a right and wrong way to grieve. However, counseling may help the process along. My heart breaks for you. Nothing will ever make the pain of your loss go away but hopefully you will be able to find some joy in your days.

If you feel you need to talk to somebody that will just listen, feel free to e-mail me.

____@____.com

S.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.S.

answers from Denver on

Hi L.-
I am so sorry for your loss and I do not know how this would feel to lose a child, but my very close friend lost a child at 23 weeks and right after found this wonderful online site that is designed for infant and pregnancy loss..She found a lot of comfort through this website..If you would like me to get you in contact with her or if you need to talk please email.
____@____.com

http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.shtml

Good luck,
M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.C.

answers from Phoenix on

L., cal the MISS foundation. They specialize in this. ###-###-####. It is for women by women who have had a similar loss. They're a wonderful group and recommend them to many of my clients. They also have a website www.missfoundation.org
Be kind to yourself and call.

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H.B.

answers from Phoenix on

My heart goes out to you - I will pray for you and your family. I lost a baby too - he died during delivery. My mom found a book for me called, "Mommy, please don't cry". It's a short kids- type book written from the perspective of a young child that has moved on to heaven. I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but I do recommend this book not just for you but for your other children as well. It's a book that I still take out from time to time and read. It's kind of soothing to think about all that he's experiencing and that he misses me too. God Bless you and yours - H.

G.M.

answers from Phoenix on

OH my gosh L., I am so sorry to hear about your baby. I cried while reading this. It will also be good for you to let out your feelings and let your children know that you have these feelings. It's ok to cry. You don't have to be strong. Children are intelligent and they need to know its ok to cry. Death is something tricky to explain to your kids. Even though I haven't experienced that, I do know one thing for certain, please don't tell your children that the baby is sleeping. They will relate death to sleeping and will be afraid of going to bed at night. One thing you can tell your kids, is that the baby died, and her/his body don't work any more. I heard this a long time ago, and it was one way to help kids understand what happens when people die. I am so sorry again for your loss. Feel free to email ____@____.com name is G.. It also might help if you find a minister to help you explain what happened to your children. God Bless. Take care.

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