Ovulation & Hormones!
I am a 42 years old mom with 2 young children (age 1 year & 3 years) and thought I would be done wanting more children but I realize I am not. When I ovulate each month, I feel the urge to want to conceive again or at least see what happens. With both of my children it took me each 1 year to conceive so I had been trying as of age 38 (it has literally been my job). I am perfectly fine with just having 2 kids but would like to have the chance to see if we were meant for more (a bigger family). Since the birth of my daughter last September (a year ago) I am extremely hormonal around my ovulation I literally have ovulation pain and feel the egg drop, and my heart is racing for 2 days straight (wake up at night) and feel the need to conceive again. It drives my husband nuts when I ask him for sex. At first he liked the idea of a third child but now he seems too exhausted and worries about supporting a third child. I, on the other hand, rationally understand where he comes from and would like to see his point ( wishing I would have mental closure) but I can't help it. My hormones go through the roof and I become very emotionally upset when we don't try. I realize that I need help to control my angst every month but I can't manage, it's hormonal. Does anyone have suggestions how to handle this?
See your doc and talk about birth control pills, or whatever she recommends. That should even you out a bit. Don't let your hormones rule your life.
sounds like you are treating your husband as a stallion... you should try to enjoy the sexual act as sex, and stay quietly focused to your self) on having a third. he already approved right? stop badgering him about making babies..it is not sexy :)
you are not nuts, just able to handle more than 2. go for it...I have five but I keep things sexy when it comes to my man. and stop that nonsence about feeling the egg drop..you are just completely ready to have a bigger family, no need to blame such a nice spiritual thing on some hormones. if you need to calm things down a bit mentally take a bunch of B-1 vitamins and drink cal-mag . Other wise I advise you to ignore those who are trying to convince you that 2 is enough.. your old age ect, they are pessimists who cannot think BIG :)
Hi, A.,
I sympathize with you. I am 42 and have two sons ages two and almost one. I feel extremely fortunate to have any kids but sometimes wish to have another that I will not have for biological and financial reasons. (Before I had even one, a few medical professionals told me that I would not have any.) Based on what you've written, you might have hormonal issues, but I think that emotional issues are much more likely the source of your angst. I encourage to try counseling/psychotherapy to help you understand why you so long for another baby. Just understanding why you feel this way may set your mind at ease or at least make you feel a bit more peaceful. I also recommend reading books by or consulting psychologists Jaffe and Diamond. They are in San Diego. They have a website--sorry I don't recall the URL. Just google Jaffe and Diamond. Their book on infertility really helped me when I went through miscarriages and infertility treatment to conceive and carry to term my first child.
No one outside your family can decide what's right for you in terms of family size.
Good luck,
Lynne E
Dear Annie,
I can certainly empathize with you. I had my first child at age 36, and my husband and I decided (before I even got pregnant) that we were only going to have one. I just celebrated my 39th birthday and let me tell you, the urge to have another is so strong I cannot believe it. It hit me like a frieght train and it is on my mind EVERY DAY. I really cannot get rid of the urge. Others have asked, well can you accept just having ONE? We have to go through IVF again to do it. My husband has much older kids from a previous marriage. I. OTOH, want another one badly. It does not matter that IVF is a drag and a pain. I feel very strongly and I have heard that sometimes the third wanting is just as strong as the first and second. I am NOT from the mindset of, will your husband resent you, oh you must miss being pregnant, etc. I think you only have ONE LIFE and as we know, women get to a certain age where they cannot reproduce anymore and men usually don't have that issue. They don't have that option taken away. So, should you do it? If you feel you have ENOUGH energy for three, and even if you don't, do you have enough finances for hired help should you need it? These are questions you can answer. I will say this, a friend of mine told me, if I were to have another baby, I would have to be the one MORE hands on that baby from age 0-2. She wanted another and her husband did not and was "distant" from the baby until the baby turned 2 (Course they are so much more interactive at that age).
Think it out, talk to your husband, and if he is still reluctant, I would take him to therapy.
I do not agree with the other response here. I do think something happens in the body where it is just screaming for another baby since it knows it is the last call for fertility wise. I don't think you are being a pessimist. I have done enough fertility drugs and have read up enough on things to know what happens the female body at 37-45. It is pretty
unreal and quite common to feel that urge. My sister went through it and I know others as well. My husband worries about having another financially and his age (he is 50). Please let me know how it goes. Please send me a message!
Much luck to you!!!
A.,
I relate to where you are. I'm 41 with one child and activly trying for a second. It consumes a lot of my thoughts, but I'm trying very hard to get involved with other things (I'm starting a business) so that conception is not my primary focus. One, because I think it adds stress and is counterproductive and secondly because I want to give my son and my husband my very best. If I get pregnant again, my marriage will be in good shape, my son will be emotionally content and so will I.
Good luck to you,
M.
How about you and your husband seeing a therapist about the third child issue? You might still have some time yet for the third one. I had my daughter at 45 years old.
