Seeking Moms with Ideas on High Behavioral Difficulty Children

I would look into getting a more thorough evaluation of them and maybe look into getting some medication to help control their anger. Also look into natural methods. I know you didn't mention ADHD but I recently read some articles about the fact that most kids with ADHD are deficient in magnesium. Giving them a magnesium and B6 supplement had a calming effect and reduced hyperactivity. It can't hurt to try. Click on this link and go down to causes:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adhd and it talks about it.
I have a foster child that's been with us for almost a year now and he's got a lot of challenging behavoiral challenges as well. I find that the more one on one time he gets, the better his behavior. I know it's hard with 3 kids (I have 4), but it might help.
Good luck and keep your chin up. Hopefully you'll get them figured out soon, keep at it and don't give up. It's better to get it under control while they are still young instead of waiting until they are old enough to kick you butt :o) Then it's impossible.
J.

Wow, sounds like you have your hands full! I used to teach elementary children (quit to be with my son f.t.). Whenever parents were really at their wits end with a child, I always suggested two things. 1. How to Talk so Kids Can Listen--great book excellent strategies. I had lots of luck using the strategies in my classroom and so did lots of parents at home. Also, it's easy to read and fun! 2. A behavioral psychologist. Okay, I know it's hard to take your child to a "psych" doc, but if you haven't done it already, they can be really helpful in identifying the root of the behavior in the child and helping parents and teachers with strategies for dealing with it.
Hope this is helpful and best of luck!
M.

Hi,
My daughter who is 7 had tantrums and we removed her door to her room. She has a beaded door that is much more kid friendly. Also if she is sent to her room for punishment I "unplug" her making sure she does not have access to the tv or radio.
For finding friends with children with developmental needs I would check on myspace around your area. I have several friends with autistic children and it is a good place for them to share their experiences and connect.

If your children have been diagnosed, I suggest you seek some support from your pediatrician. If these diagnoses include that your child(ren) may harm themselves, I wouldn't leave the doctor's office without a referral to a psychologist or other in my hand!!

Behavior proof your home take bedroom doors off if needed. I know of teenagers who slam their bedroom doors and have them removed and they absolutely hate it, they have no privacy then. Have certain rooms to the bare minimum so there is nothing to pick up or break.

I had a friend who did this punishment and it worked really well for her. She made her children over the age of about 7 or 8 stare at the hallway wall. They would have to stand with their noses to the wall, if they talked or moved the timer started over. They had to do this for atleast 10 minutes sometimes a hour. I've never tried this but it worked wonder's for her. She had a son with ADHD and a very chaotic house.

I worked at a homedaycare where we were limited to what we could for children and we had a few with major behavioral problems. Sometimes we strapped them into a highchair so they were safe and couldn't hurt anyone else or themselves.

Hi S.! It sounds as though you are an extremely busy mom... both to your kids and the neighborhood! I don't know if my suggestion will make any difference, but have you tried soothing music (like classical music) as a "therapy"? Getting kids out into nature is important too... and might help if you haven't had them in the woods/park/prairie, etc. I've heard and read so many things about people being more calm and "centered" just by having time in a natural setting (not a playground or just the back yard... unless the back yard is really wild).

Talking with a child psychologist might help, too, to figure out how to deal with the behavioral/developmental issues. I have a special needs "nephew" who needs re-direction when he is very upset. He has been violent to his brothers and others around him when angry. The best method we've found is to separate him from the others and give him a new focus... but he's still little enough to do that with (6 years old, but the size of a 3 - 4 year old).

Good luck! And... try to ask family and friends to help out... they are probably willing and able to help, but just don't know how to broach the subject with you. You need time for yourself, too!!

Hi

my son was kind of the same, when he started a tantrum, sending him to his room meant complete distruction of everything in it...pulling blinds down, throwing books, breaking things...out of control...holding him wasn't effective either. What did work for us was, I took all the break able stuff out of the bathroom and set up a little stool. Then when a tantrum happened, I walked him into the bathroom, closed and locked the door, and then sat down on the stool watched him freak out and scream. I never touched him unless he made a move to do something to me (and even then - I would warn him before he made his move). In the bath room he did all the screaming and yelling, I talked calmly through his screaming..."why are you so angry?" and "we are not leaving here until you get control of yourself and tell me what's going on" athat is pretty much all I said until he told me in what was going on. it was all silly stuff that was setting him off, but it was important to him. The bathroom time allowed him to vent and have my undivided attention (in a loving way) for as long as it would take. At first we would be in there for half an hour. each time it took less and less time. and suprisingly his tempertantrums which had been taking place on a daily basis (multiple times a day) slowed to never occuring.

I have four children, and he was #2. I had to do something because he was teaching #3 some bad habits. Taking care of him, also took care of her.

We also modified his diet using the Feingold Diet. we learned that he was allergic to milk...you may be suprised at what research is out there. I know in my house, cheddar cheese goldfish crackers for snack, will result in physical fighting shortly after. Feingold was a big help for behavior issues.

cg

Hi S.!

Wow, you have some interesting challenges ahead. I used to work with mentally challenged adults. A lot of them were destructive in various ways. The best way we could "contain" them was to go behind them and hug them. You hold them until they calm down. In your case I would whisper that you love them also. Man, I give you a lot of credit because that must be so difficult.

Another thing you may want to try is to eliminate sugar, processed foods and flour from their diet. I know it's hard but there was a study done in the early 70's that found this really helped a lot of challenges at a hospital. The book is called Sugar Blues.

Good luck and HUGE HUGS!!

have you had them evaluation for sensory processing issues? my son has an autism disorder but he has behavioural issues beyond that. We know his sensory needs are high - he chews things (he is 5), has issues with fabrics, smells, sounds etc. We are finding some success with solutions like mini tramopolines, crashing onto bean bags, wearing a sensory vest and doing all of these at times he is starting to head towards a tantrum or is being generally unco-operative or destructive. Obviously nothing works all of the time but its definitely helping.
We are also looking at diet - he is definitely super reactive to articifical colour in foods and drinks so we cut all out. We can now tell if he has had candy or pop at a friends house or school because of his behaviour.

Hi S.!

Bless you for all that you do to try to take care of everyone-your children, all the pets, and the neighborhood children. My family has been hosting a close friend and her family since October in our home. I have two boys, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 and I am expecting in August. What I see with my boys, even with just a small addition of our friends (two adults and one 2 year old) is that they get overstimulated and act out in unusual ways when they haven't had enough of our home to themselves. I also start to feel a little irritated when there is constant activity (no down time)even when there is no fighting or misbehaving. I'm wondering if as fun as your home sounds, if your children are sensitive to all the activity and would respond positively to a less stimulating environment? When it happens to any of us, my friend and I make a point to have more separateness and it seems to help. Hope this helps! S.

1) Since you a diagnosis, you should really be utilizing specialists for these ideas because the average person reading this site will not know how to accomodate for your children's unique challenges.

2) Are you receiving respite care or PCA money through the county? If not, look into it TODAY! You need someone to come in and take your life for a few hours each week (day?) so you can relax, have lunch with a girlfriend without kids or take up a hobby that will help you get some adult interaction too. You will only be the best mommy you can be if you are the best YOU you can be. Nobody could take care of all the people/animals that you are and not wear out!

Utilize the professionals as much as possible. It's worth the homework and legwork. And, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST (I know "first" is really hard for alot of women but how about at least putting yourself toward the top? Before the snake :)?)