Seeking Moms - Rialto, CA

Kynda:

In a not judgemental way, I think you should wait until you are married. Adding another father to the situation could be tricky...

Good luck!

My guess is that if you're asking other people about this very personal choice, you need to wait longer.

Many ladies have commented that you should be married first. I'm in complete agreement. If you can't get a solid marriage going, why bring another child into the mix? A child is a longer term commitment than marriage (although there should be NO difference... a marriage should be seen above the child in terms of priority). If he's not ready to commit or you aren't ready to commit, you aren't ready for the commtiment of another child.

Children need balance and appropriateness and strong parents who work together. You have come to us instead of to him in regard to this matter. That tells me that you and he need a much stronger relationship and you don't completely trust him or his judgement.

Hi, I waited 5 years between my two beautifull daughters. They don't share friends or toys. I have seen friends that have children 18 months apart and there is so much arguing over Friends, Boyfriends and personal items and clothes. My mother told me stories of her younger sister (17 months apart) and that was back in the 1940's. My sister and i were 7 years apart and aside from her having to baby sit me from time to time. I thought that was a great time frame. J.

If you're not currently married, you shouldn't be considering having ANY other children. You need to consider the lessons you are teaching your existing daughters by your behavior. When they get older, would you suggest that they go and have children out of wedlock? If you wouldn't want your own daughters to do this, you shouldn't do it either. We owe it to our kids to do what is BEST for them. And children do best when they have a stable, two parent family. I understand that you want another child, but what we want is secondary. We must think of the children first.

K.,
You say that you are in a relationship? Are you saying that you are not married? If you are thinking about when to have another child shouldn't your partner be the one you ask the question to? Having children is a huge committment, not one to take lightly. You already know this because you have 2 girls. If you are going to have another one, at least make sure the father is 100% on board with it. You want him around to be a good father.
If I have misunderstood your situation I apologize. If you are in fact married then is daddy on the same page with you? Talk with him about it. Good Luck

Since you are "currently" in a relationship, is it permanent? Do these children have a permanent father? Are you totally able to support these children? It is my suggestion, since you are asking, to not have any more children, and devote your time and energy to being a mom who is devoted to her children. Read a little Dr. Laura.

Children need a stable relationship, not a mom who is currently in a relationshp, which means it could end any minute and then they will feel abandoned again by a man, which is not good for them as they become women. You need to teach your children the values of a what is a proper man and most important, what is a proper woman, who values herself and not just gives herself to a current relationship.

Unless you are fabulously wealthy and can be a stay at home mome, you don't know what it is like for girls to not have a father...and a mom who is focused on someone else's needs and not theirs.

As a single mom of kids who are now 25...and life was hard..please dump the guy and be a mom -- this is most important thing to your lovely little girls. Kristin

Why have another child when you have 2 already and sounds like no father in the picture? Focus on being their great mom, not on starting a new family, again.

Not sure what you mean by you are in a relationship? Are you married? Is this man your daughters' father? If you are not married to this man and he is not your daughter's father, you should not have a baby until you are married and stable. This is for the sake of your daughters. You want to send a message to your daughters that having children is a BIG decision and should only be done by the man you LOVE and are COMMITTED to. There are so many influences on girls these days in the media with teen pregnancies, that you should think about how your actions are perceived by your two girls.

If you are married... then my advice would be... go for it right now!

Have another baby when you are married. I know you are getting advice to do this when "you" want to, but lets get out of ourselves and do things the right way, the way best for the child. Children need a father & an intact home.

You'll also be setting a wonderful example for your daughters!

It depends what you are talking about..if it having a third child ...on how old you are....but right now my advice is to wait until you are married if you are talking about bringing another precious child into the world. Children deserve a stable home and it sounds like you are in transition.

If you are talking about getting married again...Dr. Laura would tell you that you should concentrate on your children. However, since you are in a relationship, it would depend how long you have been in it, if your "X" or the girls father is involved with them (if he is really involved, that is when Dr. Laura definitely advises against a second marriage while the children are still at home). You should know the person at least 2 years and he should have a good relationship with your children,especially if the other father is not involved.
H.

Hi K.,
You say you are currently in a relationship. Are you Married?
I feel that before you think of having more children your focus should be on your two girls you have now and if and when you decide to get serious in this current relationship then and only then should you think about having more children.

Hi K.,

What do you mean by "in a relationship"? Are you married? Is this other person the father of your two girls? Unless you're married, I don't think you should even think about having another child and focus in on and love your daughters with everything you've got.

A family thrives best when there is both a loving father and mother team, working together. The best we can offer our children is a nurturing home where it is safe and secure. A place where they are taught how to grow up to be caring, responsible, independent and secure adults. It's a sacrifice but I believe this is how God designed it and He will bless you tenfold for your obedience!

First I have to say I am sorry that people are being so judgmental about your family situation. Sometimes as moms we forget we are here to offer support and advice not judge others situations.

The right time to have another baby is when you are ready. You, your partner, your kids, finances, ect. If you are set, ready and willing then go for it! =)

I can tell you from my own experience that being 11 years younger then my older brother sucks hard. We have no real relationship. I am only 6 years younger then my next brother and we are really close.

I always swore that my kids would be no more then 3-4 years apart. Well my son is 5 and my husband and I are dealing with infertility this time around so looks like I don't get to make the decision lol! I do like my baby will get one on one time with me since my son is in school so that helps. It really just depends on your family situation and what works for you.

The spacing of your children is not really the issue here. It is interesting that you say you are currently in a relationship. Does this mean that you do not consider it permanent? If your significant other is possibly temporary, I would highly advise against another child at this point. Your children need as much security as possible, and even if you are up to the task, they would experience more stress if your relationship is unstable. Growing up is difficult enough for a child, without their wondering who will be there for them tomorrow.
Only you and your partner understand your situation and I hope that together you make a responsible decision.

I got this from your "a little about me"

The hardest thing about being a Mom is:

the dads are dead beat..but they have a good step-dad.

So, from that I'm getting that the two girls you already have, are from seperate fathers? And the current Step Dad (the person you are in a relationship with?) is a "good" step Dad.

Based on the info you provided. I say, no. Concentrate on your two girls. They come first, even before the person you are in a relationship with. Having another child will not make things better - for anyone.

Best wishes,
M.

If you are asking if you should have another baby, I think you should wait until you are married and see how your spouse adjusts to the children you already have before deciding TOGETHER to have another child. It is ultimately your decision. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Work on having a committed relationship, preferably married before you try to figure out having another child. My youngest were 11 before I remarried and was blessed with another child. Having the security of a great relationship between your husband and yourself will be of more importance than the age span of your children.

Evelyn

Don't wait too long, or they will not have anyone to play with. My kids are in groups of two, and they play really well together.

J.

If you really want to have another child, it would probably be best to have one right away.

I have only one sibling. We're almost 6 years apart. We didn't really enjoy each other because of the gap. When I was graduating from elementary, he was just getting to the first grade. When I graduated from high school, he was in the 5th grade. When I left home for college, that was it! We seldom see each other.

Now that I'm here in the states, my brother, who is in asia, communicate via email. In a sense, he seems like a distant friend and I, still feel alone.

Just something for you to think about. I hope this helps.

M.

being married doesn't mean your are going to be happy or your husband is going to be there for you or they wont molested your kids. the time is now good luck

I would start now if you can. your two girls will be close but this last child may feel a little out of the loop since they will be over 5 year apart

Wait until you're married.

This is a decision only you and your husband can make. You and hubby will be the ones to raise the child, not others that you don't even know! Have a conversation with your dear husband and figure it out!

Dear K.:

The spacing between children really doesn't matter. They learn to get along from the example of their parents. My husband raised two children by himself. They are now 37 and 33. He thought he'd never be married or enjoy family life again and then he met me. He proposed, we married and we had our two 18 months apart (our youngest when he was 50 years old!). All these "children" get along fabulously. Obviously, the relationships are DIFFERENT but they are very FULFILLING: The older two adore each other, the younger two adore each other and both groups are very close as well, not as "friends" but as true siblings.

I guess my advice to you is to do as my husband did. He devoted himself to the children he had until the perfect person for him showed up. He married and was blessed with another family and now ALL of us are enriched as a result!

God bless you, K., and your daughters too!

M.

Hi K.~
I would think that question would all depend on how many children you are looking to have. If it's like 5 or 6. Then you don't want to wait more than two years in between. The usual time for 3 or so is 4 years between your second and last. That gives you enough time to get into a routine. And get the others in school. Good luck. And I hope I help at least a little.

How long should you wait? What are you waiting for or referring to? Your other two are 2 years apart? My oldest two are 3 years apart, but my younger two are seven years apart. It doesn't matter. Just make sure you and your husband are both ready financially and emotionally to bring a little one into the world.

being married does not guarantee that the father will stick around or be a good father to your children.

only you and your partner can answer your question.

talk about it, think about it. you will know the right choice for you.

~ L.