Hi Ladies
Our family is going to sell and make a significant move away. Due to expense and time it is unlikely that we will make many trips back to visit friends and the move will be permanent.
I'd like your advice or tips on the best way to handle the move with our 5yr old son. He has grown up with the same kids since birth and will understandably miss them. New school, new home, new people, new routine. I'm hoping that at 5yrs it will be easier than at say 8yrs.
Thanks!
Chances are he will adjust. But it would be nice to keep friendships like these. I suggest doing a letter exchange, like pen pals. At this age maybe just a post card or a short note. It can be something for him to look forward too.
He will take his cues from you. As long as ou are upbeat, he will be too. Ith Skype and FaceTime, tell him he will be able to talk to his friends.
Your question is very timely. We just did the same type of move ourselves. My son is 5, and daughters are 10 and 14 (in two weeks). We, too, lived in the same house their entire lives and had the same friends pretty much as long. My son has never been an overly-sensitive child who would get upset or sad easily. He has taken the move very well (we were surprised at HOW well, actually). We have been in our new place now 2 months. He mentions his old friends a couple times a day, but in passing ways, like, "I wonder how tall Page is now?" or "Joe taught me how to draw people like that". For the first two weeks, he'd get a little teary and I would ask if was okay and he'd claim his eyes were itchy! But nothing else than that.
Luckily, we live in the age we do with Skype, FB, telephones, etc... so all the kids will go online and Skype with the old gang. You may want to try that if he misses them greatly.
I wouldn't bring up the old neighborhood too much. Drawing attention out of blue onto what's going on may be upsetting. We talked about the zoos, parks and schools that the kids would be going to, bringing out the positives. My son asks if we can visit, and though we know we probably never will, we generally say that we will try, but it is very far away.
Good luck on the move! Hopefully you'll have the same luck as we did with our little guy. If he does want to talk about it, I'd let him and hold him, etc...
Make sure you get addresses and phone numbers of all the kids parents and ask them if the kids can "keep in touch". A few phone calls here and there, Christmas cards, written letters, will all help. Then when the kids are older, of course there is facebook and other social media options to still keep friendships alive. I went through this when I was about 8. I knew my friends address and would mail her my own Christmas card every year, she would send one back. We have been doing this for almost 40 years now and we are friends on facebook too. Good luck!
With the resources we have at our disposal today with phones and the internet you don't have to lose contact with these people.
You can be FB friends with them and let the little guy chat with his friends while you and the other mom type the words for them, use gmail and use the free phone program. I call my family and friends all the time using my computer.
There is no need for them to lose total contact. They will grow apart and at some point in the future they will barely remember each other.
We moved from GA to CO when our boys were 3 and 5. What I did was take pictures of them with their friends and made a mini album that they had as a keepsake to hold on to and look at of all their friends including teachers, classmates, etc. We also did a going away party so they could see all their friends one last time. My 5 y/o actually adjusted very quickly to the move and new friends. It was my 3 y/o that said for two years that he wanted to move back and missed his friends! Now he is 16 and we were just talking about it the other day and he said he can barely remember anyone from his first home in GA. So your son will adapt and adjust in his own time!
At five get a few phone numbers for friends he really likes. Let him call them at a given date and time.
Remember, over time, these friends will fade away and new friends will be made in the new location. It is just a part of life. He is young and it is not like he is in junior high or high school were friendships and in cement.
Don't go overboard about the old friends just be there and let if all play out. I say this as a military mom who lived in the "civilian" world (downtown not on base) and we moved about 5 times. We stayed in Europe for the older one to graduate and stayed in New Mexico for the other one to graduate. We now have to figure out where we want to move for our retirement if we don't stay put.
Good luck with the move.
the other S.
