Seeking Advice on Child That Cries Until He Throws Up.

Sounds like a control freak in the making! Time for the parents to get some backbone here and set some rules. The naughty seat's fine, but he's even using that against them.

If he's smart enough to pull power plays on them, he's smart enough to clean up his mess, change his pukey or poopy clothes. He's smart enough to run mum and dad ragged.
I'd also have him evaluated. But it seems to be more a behavioral problem. I wish them luck!

I do wonder if this child falls somewhere on the autistic spectrum. My son was right on the edge and my best friends children are both autistic and this is a behavior they all had in common. However there is a difference between when a child accidentally gets this upset and when they are using it as a control mechanism. When my son got to the point that it was clearly being used as a power play, we got tough. He'd puke up his dinner because he didn't want to eat dinner (no matter what - favorite food, etc. saying he "didn't like it" or didn't want to sit next to so-and-so and getting all upset) and I would simply get him a new plate, letting him know that we could go on like that all night. I made him clean up his own mess too. I even threatened a few times to make him eat the stuff he puked up since he was wasting food (he didn't like that idea!) He screamed at me for being mean, told me he hated me, cried, banged his head off things, and in the beginning, puked some more, but in the end he gave it up and it was back to life as normal. I know my friend took the same hard line in the end with her kids. Once they have gotten so upset they puke a time or two, puking is not a big deal and can become just another tool for a child to get what they want.

I worked in daycares,, preschools and was a nanny for years so I have some experience with kids like this. I'd first check to see if he is not sick, Or if there are any other family/life issues that might be causing him to feel insecure (marriage problems with parents, major changes, unpredictable routine, etc). Sticking to a predicatable routine and having him see mom and dad have pleasant interactions can change this if he is feeling insecure.
I have a friend who's daughter was very stubborn and would cry so violently she would vomit. It ended up being purely behavoral. She talked to some parenting experts and they basically told her - "Your will MUST be stonger than your child's will." For example, the child (three years old) refused to brush her teeth or to allow her mother to do it. For the first two days she was told not to make her do it but just sit in the bathroom and wait with her until she did. after a couple of hours she put her to bed without brushing. The next two days she was told to tell her that b/c she wasn't going to do it that mommy would do it and make her open her mouth and do it. That wasn't pretty and didn't last long. So it came down to telling her that if she wasn't going to clean her teeth she would be allowed to eat because eating food make teeth dirty and we must clean our teeth. Would you believe she went for 2 and a half days with out eating! STUBBORN! She wanted to win that battle!At each meal she was to sit and watch the rest of the family eat and she was not allowed anything but liquids.
I am telling you all of this because if it is behavoral it could be quite a fight. But it needs to be won by parents to what ever extremes. Otherwise that child will be the head of the home and could cause major problems and heart ache when he is older. Please hear me clearly. I think he is too young to be this extreme. And I am not saying don't feed him. That was the solution to my friends problem. But somehow they need to teach him to get himself under control. I would NOT be going in his room every 10 mins at night that would just work him up more - it is like a tease.
the first night let him cry for 20 mins then go in and try calming him without picking him up. Next night stretch it our to 30 min and next night 40 mins. You get the idea, and so will he. It may be a few nights of hell but in the long run it will pay off. When they lay him down for bed they should tell him "no crying" "no kicking" "Just sleeping" "if you need mommy say, Mommy! in a kind voice then I will come see you."
Have them teach him what to do to prevent losing control.
I strongly recommend the book Toddler Wise by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. They also have Baby Wise, Preschool Wise, Child Wise and Teen Wise.
I can not recommend any other parenting books more!!! These books have brought order and peace into many homes!

Hi M., I had this problem with my little cousin when I watched her(her mom did too). I don't remember how old she was(maybe 2 or 3) when I started telling her that if she made herself throw up that she was going to clean it up. When she started in crying or gagging on food she like but just didn't want to eat at the time, I would give her a warning " If you make yourself sick you will clean it up." When she did throw up I would hand her some paper towels and had her clean it up, I helped after she had cleaned up the most of it. It only took a couple of times of having to clean up the mess that she stopped. She didn't like having to clean up her messes. I know it sounds kind of mean but nothing else would work. J.

my son who is 26 months old did the same thing. Does this baby still sleep in a crib? My son is now is a big bed (fiull size with a arial) and it is working better for us. He refused to sleep in in crib anymore. He sleeps on a mat/cot at daycare. When we would put him in his crib he would just scream and he made himself throw up one when I let him cry for 1.5 hours. He kept pointing to our guest bedroom and asking to sleep in that bed which is a full-size bed. So we tired it and it has been working. My husband or I usually has to lay with him for a while, but we try to make it fun. We sing lullabyes and talk about what fun things we did that day. We are slowing trying to transition from laying in bed with him till he falls asleep. It might be something for these parents to try--maybe a change of scenery would be good since the child might be associating crying now with his regular bed. They could even get special kid sheets with characters on it that he likes.

good luck--its such a hard age!

Are we sure there is no behavioral issues here, like something on the Asperger's spectrum? He might be too young to diagnose, but he does sound like my nephew who has difficulty calming himself down when he gets upset. I don't think this child is being manipulative, he is being desperate. I think the parents need to consider why he is so high maintenance? Do they spend enough time with him? When they are with him, are they connecting with him? Maybe they need to try a radically different approach, like the ideas expressed in the book, Connection Parenting by Pam Leo. The child is probably being coercive because that is what is being modeled for him. The naughty chair and threats are examples of coercive treatment and some kids (like my daughter) will push back against that with all their might. More than anything, children want to be close to Mom and Dad. Why not just lay with him until he falls asleep? It might take 30 minutes or 2 hours but after the first night or two, he will probably go right to sleep and then mom and dad can sneak out.

There are some great calming remedies to help a child who gets this upset. One of them is Bach Flower Essences Rescue Remedy. It comes in a spray or drops that you put on the child's tongue. Works good for animals, too. There are also some homeopathic remedies like Hyland's Calms for nervous tension and sleeplessness. If they don't want to start their kid on some pharmaceuticals they could try some alternative medicine; I would suggest taking the child to a licensed Homeopath. The one that I've seen is very good, she is in Brighton.

OH yes! I have one that did the same thing. Instead of fighting it I rolled with the punches and did everthing they tell you not to and He is just fine today. He would not sleep on his back or side so I put him on his stomach. When he was old enough to pull himself up in his crib he would wake up and scream till till he made himself sick. I put a full size bed in his room and let him sleep in that before his first birthday. This also gave me enough room to lay with him if need to be. Keeping him out of my room and yet comforting when he needed to be. If I tried to lay him down for a nap or at night and he would fight real hard, I let him fall a sleep at the location of his choosing and placed him in the room when he was in a deep sleep. I am a chronic migraine sufferer and lack of sleep will trigger them for me. I spent about a year and a half that we were up with a drink and then back down in the smae bed. Then one day it just stopped and began sleeping better. For us the boys would listen to reaseon around 4-5years and life got a little better. Both of my boys are very high strung and strong willed. It was nothing for them to throw such a fit that they would go till they got sick in the car seat at that age. It is a bit of a control thing and very frustrating. This to will come to pass. Age 3, We were in much of the same situation. Now at age of 5 & 10 they choose to sleep together. They both just need to know someone is with them and they feel better. Both of my boys have really always been that way. To date, my 5 year old has a very tender stomach and takes very little for him to get sick. I feel for you. WE have moved on to the food control issues. What fun.

DE

I would make sure there is nothing going on (health-wise) with the pediatrician). There could be something going on - such as a ear infection that is hurting him when he lays down or a stomach issue? If this is something new, then there is a cause. Or it could just possibly be a phase.

For my son, I typically give him a very nice and gentle tummy massage (to help make sure he expels all BM's and gas- but you need to make sure you are doing this correctly so if anyone has questions on this one, please email me before you do it or you can actually cause more harm.). I also give him a session of reflexology (a really good foot rub!) as I focus on his sinuses as he really gets stuffy at night due to his allergies. This is something that will make him wake up and run to our room all the time.

The benefits of massaging my son: it is a great bonding time while dad reads his story and he calms down as his body relaxes. (and massage is so good for him anyway!)

I hope this helps!

My niece recently started doing this, just about the same age, but only doing it at bedtime when she didn't want to sleep. She would scream and scream until she finally threw up. Then my sister in law would get her out, bathe her, change sheets, shampoo the carpet, and my niece would go back to bed and to sleep without a problem. She did take her to the pediatrician who did exam and assured nothing was wrong physically. The solution for them: let her throw up, and let her go to sleep. It was pretty obvious she just wanted the attention she knew it would bring. After sleeping one or two nights in vomit (I know, not pleasant, but it didn't hurt her either) she decided this wasn't such a good idea and stopped throwing up.
It sounds like he does this for the attention it brings, so maybe getting less attention, or, even better, having to be involved in cleaning it up, may help curb the behavior.

One: It is spelled 'throw' up.
Second: It seems perhaps they should just let him sit in his throw up and let him scream if he is in a safe environment, like his crib bed. Even if the mom doesn't want to , and , ew that is gross , but it would certainly teach him a lesson without harm besides smell.
Tell him what will happen first so the consiquences are known, and then follow though.
Otherwise, sounds like he needs to be seen by a psych.
He learned this behaivior early it seems and has taken it to an extreame.
Those poor parents and you! That is ridiculous.

I am not sure I would do this, but I did see something on TV last night (I think it was Jon and Kate plus 8) that she let her daughter that I think has the same issue, stay in her messed up clothes all day and she didn't do it anymore.

could he be getting his 2 year molars? otherwise, it sounds like he's sick. i'd recommend they take him to the doctor.

We have had the same issue with my little guy only mine is only 9 months old. We went through three months of him beign up all night or making himself throw up. What finally worked for us is this: I follow a strict bedtime routine with him so he knows it is time to wind down. I put him in bed and tell him good night and we love him and I rub his back for a few minutes. Then I leave the room. If he cries, I go in and rub his back or just put my hand on him so he knows I am there. I do not look at him and I do not talk to him. I rub his back until he settles again and leave.

When we first started this, it took an hour or two to get him down without the extreme crying that cases him to get sick. In a few days, it took 30 minutes, then 15 and now, I put him in bed and he usually sings himself to sleep within 10 minutes. This method was recommended by our Pediatrician. She said some children can "cry themselves tired". Others, like my son, cry and they get more and more agitated- not worn out.

Stick with whatever works for you. I know how frustrating it can be. Hang in there!

For what it is worth, I am VERY glad that some of you are NOT my mother. Spanking a child for throwing up? Perhaps I am a bleeding heart. Perhaps it is because my sister in law let my niece "cry it out" even when she threw up and didn't check on her when she stopped. My niece died at 14 months from suffocating in her own vomit because of her mother. Bitter? I sure am. But maybe some of you can learn something from that...

Have they taken the toddler to the doctor. He sounds like he is sick (I'm thinking ear infection) and doesn't want to lie down because it makes him feel worse. Is there anything else going on in his life (recent seperation, a friend moved away, death, illness, potty training, new sib/cousin) that would make him think people leave and don't come back? Either/both could be sparking this new pattern of behavior.

I know this is going to sound cruel, however they have to stand firm and let him cry it out. Eventually it will stop. I had a 2 year old who would cry so hard he would pass out. I would tell him I am walking away and be out of view until he passed out, then I would check on him, when he came to I walked away. It is very hard and emotional draining. I know not everyone will agree with me.

Sounds to me for one thing that he is in the night terrors stage, and now he has realized if he continues the behaviour he will get his way. Even though I am sure throwing up is not pleasent for him, he has begun to see this as a payoff. I would have the parents relax on the bedtime until he falls asleep on his own. Eventually this will settle down and they will be able to get him back into a more normal routine. We have to remember that kids walk to the beat of a different drummer lol and we have to adjust our schedules to meet their demands and needs. I think the only way to stop this process is to simply remove the power struggle. She might also want to discuss this behavior with her Ped... They might have some good suggestions as well. But I think she needs to remember to pick her battles wisely.

Hello M., This is a very smart child. His emotions are not equal to his intellect. If he continues to get attention for the behavior then he will never stop. It will actually get much worst before it gets better. When the mother cannot allow herself to ingor the mess so that the child learns not to throw up on himself then she is as much the problem and the child is. Until this behavior has a negitive effect directly on the child he will never learn a more positive way to deal with his emotions. It's called cause and effect. Lets say that a child is infatuated with the stove. He is constantly trying to touch the burners. But how do we explain that it will burn? He must experience some kind of heat to be able to instictivly know that touching it will come back to hurt him. Children are very self centered. It must benifit themselves or hurt themselves for them to "get it". So until this behavior comes back to "burn" him, he will never stop. The adults must all be on the same page and work together for consistancy and routine. He sould be ingored completely during his fits. There should be no talking, looking, touching him period while the bad behavior is happening. Walk away. Allow him to sit in his own vomit for a while. Make him clean up his own mess (with someones else cleaning better when he is not watching). Put the resposibility in his corner. He is not too young for this. It is the way the real world works, so he might as well learn this now. His intellegence is the main reason he is behaving this way. He needs to learn more positive ways of getting the attention he craves. Remember, say what you mean and mean what you say so that a child will always beleive it. My oldest would hold her breath until she passed out!! Talk about control! Good luck.

Well... When was the last time they had his ears checked? There could very well be something actually wrong with him. I would seek out some medical intervention to see if there is a problem with him laying down. Children can't always tell you what is wrong, ESPECIALLY at 2 yrs of age. I would set up a drs. appt. to have them look at his ears.

Hi,
I am a midwife who has worked extensively with children and their needs. Mainly - Children deeply need to be listened to. This child is NOT just making a scene, he needs comforted and is desperate. WHAT is so wrong about meeting his needs and letting him sleep with his sole comforting adults in the face of his world (which obviously, to him, is very scary right now?) Two year olds do not have the cognitive development to think this one out or reason it away. Best to meet his needs at the most primal level (from which he is acting), and secure his picture of the world. Things WILL sort themselves out over time, and no, our children do not end up sleeping with us forever. But they do take with them forever their view of whether they feel safe and that their needs are attended to into the rest of their life, their relationships and marriage...

B., mother of two boys, 6 & 8.

It sounds like there's a lot going on here. I certainly wouldn't see any of this as something that needs punishment at this age. This mom might want to talk to her pediatrician about all this. Also, if there are changes or stressors that have occurred recently, he may be trying to work these out, especially because you say he is smart. Smart children often have behavior problems when they can't verbalize what's bothering them.

Awesome sleep book:
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child...I forget the author, sorry, & mine is being lent out at the moment.

It touches on this topic and how to handle it. The book was recommended to me and I've found it to be magic.

Many may disagree, but it sounds like someone needs an old fashioned spanking. I hope I don't sound cold hearted, but this child is manipulating his parents and anyone else who will let him. Yikes. Good luck to them.

Have to wonder - is he getting enough time with his folks? Has something changed that needs to be addressed? There has to be a reason for his behavior, you know?

Since it seems to be an I want my way act, my husband and I would ignore it. If he pukes in his bed, wait til he's asleep to strip that sheet off. Having 2 or 3 sheets on the bed will make this easier, just pull the top one off.
It's also our advice that the visits to check on him and any getting out of bed STOP! That's just helping his thought that he's successful with the screaming. We know it's hard to listen to and to not rush in when he's thrown up, but if he's doing it to get attention, and it gets him attention, then he's going to continue it. Closing the bedroom door will help muffle the sound. It will also let you check on him without him seeing you-but if he's still screaming-he's breathing. So there isn't any need to worry until he's quiet.
If he throws up somewhere else, let him sit in it. It's not something that will hurt him. And making him a little uncomfortable might help speed up the stopping process. You don't have to reward his horrible behavior with fresh, comfortable clothes and your undivided attention.
If he's as smart as you say, it shouldn't take him long to realize that these tactics aren't working anymore.

Best of luck
M. (and Jim) parents to 4 girls ages 5 to 10