Must I Yell So Much???

I too have a 9 month old and I have noticed that if I redirect his attention it seems to work a lot better than anything else. What I do when he wants something he can't have I simply tell him "No you can't have that its mommies" (calmly) and I give him something he can have. Usually he becomes interested in whatever I give him. I think this is also a time when babies really want to express themselves and can't so they get frustrated and by you stressing, yelling etc. about it only adds to their frustration as well.

Hope it helps and good luck.

How about getting rid off this one and getting a new one..!!!??
That work for me.
Good luck with this one :(

Before I answer your question I have to tell you that I have been training obedience dogs for over 20 years. Having said that, get rid of the puppy. Unless you are able to invent more than 24 hours in a day, there is no way you can find the time to train a puppy given that you are probably already juggling your time trying to be an effective student, parent and partner.

Regarding your daughter's behavior. Part of it's age appropriate, part of it may be jealousy of the new "baby". Whatever you do stop yelling. You'll get a sore throat and kids and dogs that stop listening. Good luck.

Hi S.:
It could have something to do with teething, but I tend to believe,its more shes mocking you.You getting frustrated,to the point of yelling,is teaching her,that is the best way for her to get anothers attention.Shes very young,but she certainly senses when your upset.This will only make her feel your not happy with her,or (her new found friend)Pick your battles. Take a deep breath,and ask yourself( Is this incident worth getting all riled up about? Believe me,you want to save your energies,and those moments of tug of wars, for the important stuff.You still have several years till she reaches the stage,when you may (truely) have reason to YELL. I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.

try to make a certain room or area for your dog... then use a baby gate to gate the area off... or, use a doggy "door" so that the dog can go in and out at will....keeping the dogs food/water in this room area, so your baby can't get to it. AND so that the dog ALSO has a place he/she can go to, to get away from the baby...if the dog gets too overwhelmed as well.

9 months is much too young to know how to handle a dog properly... as you can see :)

I understand your stress about it.. and the irritation. We are only human. Having a puppy is like having another child. Your girl is getting provoked in her abilities by the puppy and her excitement or annoyance with it. With babies and children, these moods with animals will go up and down.

Yes, she could be teething. Check her mouth. In reality, it is probably ALL these things combined, that is getting her upset. ALSO, at this age they cannot communicate. So, they yell. Not until she gets much older, can you "reason" with her.... like you would with an older child. No matter what method you use, it HAS to be age appropriate.

Perhaps, also when appropriate, get your dog some dog training. Hopefully the pup is "good" around young children?

But also, don't "expect" too much from your baby at this age... they do NOT have impulse control at this age. So even if you tell her 'not' to do something, she WILL do it again. It's purely developmental and has nothing to do with their intelligence. It's just pure development.. .and ages and stages. They ALL do this. "FULL" impulse control is NOT developed until at least 3+ years old. So there is a long way to go yet, with this "learning" and reactions. A baby this age is mainly "reactive." So, it will be hard sometimes. At this age, it's also that they are learning everything, and good or bad, it will be full of storms or rain showers.

Redirection and distraction is best at this age. They are NOT going to understand "wordy" explanations like that of a much older child. 9 months old is much too young, to be expected "how" to interact or handle a dog. She's acting out because she is frustrated and this is the only way she knows how to get her point across. ALL kids do this... some even bite and pull hair and pinch. Don't feel it's only your child.

I'm afraid the dog and baby combined can't be totally copacetic at that same time. It's a hard dynamic... I really feel for you. You'll need to teach her boundaries... about everyday things... plus, about in relation to pets/animals. Hopefully the puppy isn't the type that will bite either?

Sorry I don't have any magic answers...but obviously, the pup is a larger issue than she is able to understand now.. .given her age, and it causes and triggers frustrations in her.
In time, as she gets older, it will normalize... and she will get used to it. And the dog too.

All the best,
Susan

wow....did you actually WANT a puppy??? Puppies are a lot of work - and you have a little pre-verbal child, too! That is almost more work than having twins. You are yelling because you have a lot on your plate. Try to separate the dog and the child at times when you cannot keep your eyes on them. Get a kennel for the dog and feed her inside of it. We kennel trained our dog and it was a HUGE blessing. Our neighbors gave us a crate and said "use this - you won't regret it." When needed, just throw a treat inside the kennel and say "Kennel!" and close the dog inside. This will allow you to deal with only one at a time! You will also need to find a way to train the dog when it is about 6 months old so that the dog will be well behaved and listen to you. The behavior of your child is another thing, but if you are feeling more in control, it is always easier to deal with behavioral issues! Good luck - and get that kennel!!

I've been there. We made the "great" decison to get two puppies when our second was 4 months old. What a mistake. We got rid of one because he tried to bite our older daughter. Then eventually, and sadly, adopted out our other because he was so big and just knocked over the kids-they wouldn't play with him as much as they loved him.

What kind of dog is it? Make sure it is good for little kids as some breeds aren't (temperment, size, etc.) Invest in some serious dog training. This will take time and probably money but is so worth it to have a dog that is a great canine companion for your family.

When you get feeling stressed, grab the stroller and the leash and head out for a walk to calm everyone down. Puppies are a bundle of energy. Wear him out so then when you get home he'll be more docile and you can spend time teaching your daughter the right way to be around the pup and hopefully ease her fears and stress.

Good luck...

sounds like maybe you need to eat a little dog food too :)

The best possible way to raise a child is to get in to their viewpoint...try to see and experience this world like she is...it is pretty easy..when you can do this you can understand her, and your tolerance will be laced with sweetness... because you get it :) and then you wont resist it so much...now the yelling can stop .

In parenting ( and puppies) always ask your self " is this important?" don't just react...have a look first, cut the world some slack...we are not all made of the same fabric :)

besides that i recomend a daily dose of B-1 ( helps with stress)

love H. ( mother of five)

hi S. - if you are in glendale or surrounding areas, i can at least help you out with the dog situation. i was a dog trainer for 12 yrs, then became a 911 operator for 5 yrs, & now i am back at home w/my 2 kids (11yr old boy & 9 month old girl). i am starting back up with my dog training business (flexible scedule for the kids & hubby!). email me at ____@____.com & hopefully we can get together, or i may be able to just give you some tips online.... good luck, mama!

Have you seen Dog Whisperer? I notice I yell more when I'm PMS'ing. My husband says it's all in my mind but I know it isn't. I think it's just consciously reminding yourself not to do it or realizing when you are in the moment to take control of your actions.

I also notice there are cycles in my life where I've been the most patient and the least. When there's more stress in your life it's so much easier to let that stress out by yelling. You're both in college with a baby and a dog! that can be stressful, you may want to let go of some things to make your days less stressful.

Good luck.

As with babaies Dont respond well to yelling say no in a firm voice . and praise her profusly when she dose good with food is nice. YOuare very brave to take on 2 infants and school aat the same time . GOOD LUCK I would never have been so brave at your age A. 85

Hi S., no you must not yell so much. Forst of all sweetie, as you can see a 9 month old can misbehave, she does not realize she is misbehaving because she is only nine months. With our kids we started tapping their hands as soon as they started touching things they were not supossed to, and by one year we could take our kids any where and they would not touch anything they were not supossed to. But if you don't like that idea then put her in a playpen, each time you feel her behavior is unacceptible put her in the play pen, when she grabs at your face, grab her hand gently squeeze it tell her no, if you keeps it up put her down or put her in the playpen, I think sometimes moms today are having such a hards time, is becasue soceity tells them you can't disapline your kids, except for time out, and I amj sure most of you would agree that for the most part it does not work, you don't have to yell or beat your kids to have well behaved kids, you just have to learn to discipline with firmness,and love, my kids are 25, almost 22 and 19 and they have thanked my husband and i si many times for they way we raised them, they tribute their sucess as young men and women to the up bringing that we did, so contary to what alot believe disciplining your kids is really the way to go. J.

It's funny why do we all think oh we have a new baby lets get a puppy. We did the same thing and it felt like I had twins. It was so stressful trying to keep up with the puppy and a baby. We finally had to give the dog to someone who had the time to properly train & care for her. It was very hard but so worth your sanity. I would suggest waiting until your daughter is old enough to help care & train the dog or find an older dog a lad or retriever are great that has already been trained so you don't have to do all the hard work right now. Your life is already crazy enough try and get rid of what ever stress you can. As for the yelling I find when I have too much on my plate I resort to yelling it's faster and easier take a good look and find areas you can cut back in. Also, see if you can find someone to take your daughter once or twice so you can have some "down" time its hard to do but everyone is happier if mamma is happy. Also, laundry, dishes & other house work aren't really as important as we think the baby years go fast focus on your daughter the other stuff will all still be there. Good luck!!

I am the mother of a 21 year ol and a 23 year. What gets people's attention is speaking very very softly. t makes the listener make an effort to listen.Think of how you react when someone yells at you. How do you feel? It sounds like you need support I don't know where you leave, but there is a great program called Redirecting Children's Behavior. It is taught in Encinitas by Peggy Olsen. Also, a puppy training class is in order. There is also a great show on Sat. nitghts on Animal planet called Me or the Dog. The fact that you realize that yelling is not working and your daughter is telling you that as well. Seek support. Take time for yourself too. It sounds like you are overwhelmed with school and motherhood. Find other parents that you can trade childcare with so you can take a hot bath or go out to dinner. Good luck.

try whispering sometimes.
this has worked for me.
it is so opposite from the norm that it surprises them
and can capture their attention for a change.

Don't let her eat the dog food. Shes only 9 months old and she WILL choke on it.

Please find another home for the puppy. A dog at this stage of the game will take far too much of your time and effort to train properly; and an untrained dog, especially a puppy, especially if it will grow into a large dog, is a danger to small children. And down the line your baby could be a danger to the puppy. (My cousin's one-year-old accidentally squeezed thier cat too hard, causing damage to the animal's internal organs, eventually leading to its death.)

Also, getting rid of the puppy - for now - will allow you and your boyfriend to focus better on learning how to be parents to Tori. Babies are turn us all into fast learners if we give them the chance!

If you must keep the dog, I suggest scheduled feedings once or twice a day - perhaps during a naptime and after Tori has gone to bed for the night. This will eliminate the temptation for her to explore the food.

I would say do the best you can keeping her away from the food, reinforce no and warn her she will receive a time out the next time and then start giving her time outs when she throws a tantrum to remove her from the situation and give you a some cool down time. I do think yelling will encourage her to yell back; I would talk to her in a firm yet normal voice so she has to stop and hear what you are saying if she doesn't listen then it's time out. I have a 22 1/2 & a 6 1/2 mth old and have not experienced much issue with my youngest but experienced plenty with my oldest, especially lately. I've given my oldest time outs in her crib for just a miniute but it has helped to remove her from the situation, give myself a second to regroup and then bring her back to the situation to discuss why she got the time out. At this point she knows that I'm very unhappy with her if she's in time out and after we discuss issue she apologizes and does obstain from the behavior at least for the rest of the day.
An example on how to deal with your daughter could be, your daughter gets into dog food you tell her "no, no, yucky" once maybe twice and a time out warning o nthe 2nd time then by the 3rd time you repeat "no, no, yucky you get a time out now because I told you to stay away from the dog food"(tell her this as you are taking her to crib for time out) and once you've returned you talk to her again and "say you are not allowed to play or eat dog food it's for the dogs not people" while making sure you have firm eye contact with her (do your best by following her eyes if she avoids you). If she does not listen or becomes irrate again then say I guess your not done with time out and walk away for another minute and return with the same intentions as before. The key is consistency and quick response. If you get a system much like I've given you here in my example you will nip that behavior in the bud.
Your child may be more irritable if she's teething but hitting you and yelling back is not acceptable behavior and is a behavior issue regardless of teething. Most kids touch their cheek or faces when in pain from teething or drool or even bite so I wouldn't say this is necessarily inconjunction. Good luck and keep at it!

Hi S.,
I come from a long line of yellers in my family - all women of course. It's not easy to control or change when it's been "the norm" your whole life. The key is finding a new way to deal with the stress. You being aware of the behavior is great because then every time you become conscious of the fact you're doing it, you can replace it with a different response (take a deep breath, count to ten, put baby in safe place and sit down for a few minutes). Your daughter will learn from what you do not what you say so this is the most important time to make this change in yourself and I'm so proud of you for realizing it. I can say that because I've been where you are! It takes repetition but you can literally retrain your brain and eventually the new method will be the more natural way for you to handle things. It's also important to remember that if YOU remain calm (even when the baby and the dog are not), you will get much better results. When you are stressed or out of control, everyone else follows and it becomes pure chaos. Here are some tips that helped me:

-As soon as you realize you need to stop yelling, stop doing it, tell your daughter you're sorry you were yelling (even though she doesn't literally understand, it's teaching her how to recognize your own behavior and that it's ok to make mistakes and how to rectify it). This is an important habit to get into so she will learn it as well. Then handle the situation rationally. Tell her "no, you can't get into this" and put her in a safe place. If she cries, oh well, she'll get over it quickly once she learns you won't give in or yell. If you go about your day as though everything is fine, she will be fine too, just be patient during the transition. Everyone has a bad day and resorts to yelling and that's ok so long as it's not the norm.

-Try to have a schedule throughout the day so you, your daughter, and the dog know exactly what to expect. Then their behavior will become habit as well. If you're not already, crate train the dog. You wouldn't let a baby have run of the house unattended so think of the puppy as a baby. She needs security in small areas (crate, kitchen, etc.) And just like a baby, she needs love and attention and exercise. When your daughter is napping, spend at least 15 minutes training and playing with puppy. Enroll the dog in training to socialize her as soon as possible. Take daily walks with baby and dog once or twice a day - everyone will benefit from it.

- Do you know anyone in the neighborhood you could pay a nominal fee to walk the dog once a day? This in addition to you walking the dog once a day will give the dog lots of needed exercise and attention. And/or hire a young teenager to be a Mommy's Helper for an hour or two a day to allow you to get some things done while she plays with baby or vice versa?

-Make sure YOU are getting a break too. At least one hour to yourself a day (this is where Dad has to step in and is a great way for him and his daughter to bond). Spend the time on YOURSELF (not chores) - shopping, walking, take a bath, read a book, get a pedicure, call a friend, go out to eat, etc.

-Have a Date Night once a week with your boyfriend (if you have family or someone you trust to watch your daughter). This is so healthy for your relationship and your daughter's.

-Be sure to have family time (dinner time works well) too. Or take a family evening walk with the dog.

I know these are all easier said than done, but it really works. It needs to be a flexible schedule because life is just that, life. And it always helps to talk about day to day stresses with girlfriends (other moms) who have been there or are there now so you don't feel so alone. Maybe join a local Moms group. Hang in there, you are a good mom and it's a learning process. There are lots of good self help books on the subject and also baby books that tell you month by month what to expect in your child and what is normal and solutions to problems. What to Expect the First Year and What to Expect in the Toddler Years are great easy reference books. It's important baby and puppy learn that you are in charge and make the decisions. They might whine about it, but will quickly learn what is ok and what is not. It's your job to teach them how to behave and how to be healthy. If the puppy is too much, you might have to find someone to adopt him/her. And don't feel like a failure. It's not an easy job to be a Mom and it takes practice. Hang in there...

All my best, K.

I got a puppy when my son was 7 months old and it was the biggest mistake. It was like having twins most of the time and way too much work to take on for me. I would suggest taking the dog to training class and removing the dog food from your child's reach-even if it means the dog dishes go outside for the dog to eat. When I removed the dishes and food from the baby's reach-things got much easier for me. No water was spilled and played in, no food was accidentally eaten, etc. As far as the yelling goes-it has a lot to do with stress. I bought the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block and it has a lot of communication tricks to use on small children that really work. It won't work on the dog though. We started taking our dog to a local dog park. It changed everything. He runs and socializes and gets super tired. He's a good dog the rest of the day or evening when we go there. Good luck. The show Dog Whisperer is really good too. Train the pup while he's young. Both dogs and kids listen better when you're not yelling. Now that you recognize you are, that is the 1st step to fixing it.

First let me commend you for even recognizing that you are yelling too much. That is a first step in correcting the action.

A 9 month old is curious. Your going to have to learn patience and that's probably the hardest thing to have with a young one, college and life.

When you feel that way take a moment, you don't have to react at that time.

Even at 9 months she can have a consequence. A time out, in the playpen, something that fits for you.

Just remember don't sweat the small stuff, pick your battles, even with a baby. Set her boundries too and she'll know what is right and wrong by your example.

Good luck.

You might want to start by getting your dog proper training. If it was trained, then you wouldn't have to yell, he would be more obediant.
I think your baby is not getting the attention she wants from you because you are involved with the dog. I'm not saying you are not giving her enough attention, my 18 month old constantly wants to be in my lap,(I'm with her 24-7) and is very demanding. The times where I can't sit or color with her, she will have a mini tantrum. I can usually talk her down and explain why. I also distract her from whatever she is whining about. I bet if you fix the problem with the dog, your other will problems will subside tramendously.
Good luck!

Dear S. you have a lot going on while trying to study. Let's start with the puppy because when you learn to manage the puppy you will learn a LOT about managing the baby and people in general. First, the puppy is imitating the general choas in your home by trying its best to get YOUR attention. So, everytime the puppy is QUIET give it ALL THE ATTENTION. When it yells, put it in the laundry room or garage or isolation. When it quits, go get it and give it ALL THE ATTENTION. As for your baby, the acting out is simply a reflection of a NEED FOR ATTENTION -- does the baby see you hit the puppy or your boyfriend hit you??? The baby does not want to share with the puppy but sharing is a normal part of life. With all this said, how about the three of you trying going to a nice friendly church where PEACE reins supreme. John 3:16 L.

S., don't worry so much about your daughter eating dog food, I mean I can bet almost any mom on here with dogs when their children were young, they ate the dogs food, my daughter certainly loved to get into our dogs food and eat it! :) And she is 3 now and is fine, babies just love cat and dog food for some reason, but I am not saying let her eat it all day but she will be ok so relax if she gets a few bites. We did finally baby gate off our dog food and water area and just let the dogs in there 3 or 4 times a day to eat and drink. Same with dog bones or treats that take awhile for him to eat maybe find a special area for him to eat them so she doesn't get tempted to try and take that from him as well since I think it's the smell of the food and treats that babies like about it. With kids and dogs we have to learn to try to not sweat the small stuff and just enjoy them and laugh about little things that really are not a big deal. :)

And as far as a puppy goes trust me they have to have exercise and training. They have a lot of energy and can not be pinned up all day. Remember just as your baby needs to be cared for and shown how to do things,and played with and is too young to really understand things, the same with your puppy. He is a baby too and will need at least 2 walks daily, and toys to chew on and play with (and your daughter will want to play with his toys too) :). Plus toys are good for teething which he will do. Kongs are awesome and you can put treats and peanut butter in them and pups work on them all day, I got these for our dogs and they loved them. Get him potty pads to help potty train him, and rule of thumb is after he eats or drinks take him outside to potty. He may not go right away but let him have a little while to sniff around then they usually go. Also you can't yell and hit the puppy it will discourage the dog or it will make him nervous and he will have a hard time settling down or bonding with the family de to being scared. I am not a fan of Petsmart training normally, but if money is tight it is a good place to take him now while he is young, they have like a 6-8 week program once or twice a week for dog training of different ages and stages. It's good for both you and the puppy to get a good idea of how to work with him. You must train him and exercise him daily, or you will get overwhelmed and when people get overwhelmed they dump the dogs off at shelters where the future is not so good. Dogs that are well trained p had owners who had to make the time to work with them and teach them how to be well trained, they were not born that way, and this takes time. Puppy's/dogs are like children they need guideance, schedules, structure, love and attention. Dogs do not really mature until 2 to 4 yrs old depending on the breed. And get your puppy spayed or neutered at 6 months this helps them to be healthy and to also settle down a bit.