Seeking Advice on Birthday Party Etiquette

Hi S.,

I usually have birthday parties for my daughter @ the jumping places like "Let's Jump" or "Jump for Fun" and because they get limited jump time I request that they have less time in the "party" room so they can have more time in the jump area. Because of that there's usually no time left for opening the gifts so I just explain that to the parents @ the party and everyone seems very understanding. Plus, it makes it so much easier to get everything home that's still in bags and not all torn up and open.

Hi S.,

I have been to parties at Skatetown where they open presents there and where they don't. IMO, the guests are a little disappointed when they don't get to see their friend open the special gift they picked out for them. They also like to see all the cool stuff the b-day person received. They're young, so they'll get over it if you decide to open at home but I think young kids enjoy that part of the party. Plus, it lets the b-day girl be the center of attention for a bit longer.

Have fun either way!

M.
Millionaire Champion Recruiter

I get upset If I dont get to see the child open the gift I spent money on. My kids also like the joy of seeing there friends faces open them.

I heard lots of parents complain about gifts not being open. I understand whay some dont and it makes sense but I just dont like it.

Just my opinion but I consider it rude if my gift isnt acknowledged.

Hi S.,

This question has been asked on here many many times and always gets about half yes/half no. Me, personally, I think it is bad manners to not open the gifts. Just tell the kiddos when you start opening that if they prefer they can go back out on the floor but I bet most will stick around to see what your daughter got. Skating wears them out anyway so they may not be out there as long as you think plus they don't have to leave after the two hours is up, they can continue to skate as long as they want. I think it's better to play it on the safe side and open the gifts rather than leave someone feeling offended that they didn't get to see the gift they spent money and time on being opened by the birthday girl. Have a wonderful party...we were just at a skating party last weekend! (and the girl opened her gifts there!)

We didn't open gifts at my daughter's party this year. We just put a note in the invitation saying that the gifts would not be opened at the party due to time restraints, but please include a mailing address so we can send out Thank You notes. It was weird since this is the first time I've EVER done this, but it worked so much better. She was able to open gifts (for the next week) at her pace and enjoy every gift as she opened it. I made sure that Thank You notes did go out. I wrote thema and she signed her name.

I think the important part is doing was is best for you and your child. Someone will always disagree, but if it's in your child's best interest, that's what matters most.

The most effective solution I've seen, the birthday child was sitting near the door, she greeted everyone as they came in and immediately and politely opened their present. Each child got a minute of personal attention from the guest of honor, a thank you for coming to my party and thank you for the gift. There wasn't any pressure because your gift was different or "less" than someone else's, and if there were duplicate gifts the mother was there and taught her daughter how to handle it graciously.
The best part, once everyone was there the presents were already done.There was nothing left to do but have fun.

My daughter and son have been to about 25 parties in the last 3 years, of family and school pals. I have not yet gone to a birthday party where the kid actually opened the presents at the party, and it is wonderful that way.

Aside from the time factor, it makes the party about fun and not stuff. And, it allows mom time at home to help the birthday girl write down what all the presents are and who they are from so she can do her thank you notes promptly and easily...even if it is just drawing a picture to mail to the giver or a fill in the blank card. Finally, the kids in attendance don't feel like they are in the "best gift" contest if they are opened at home.

It is not bad manners and I highly recommend it.

Haven't read all responses but definitly ok to not open. What I've heard people doing that was awesome was when you do open, take a picture of your child opening their gift with the happy expression and send the pic along as the thank you or with the thank you card. That is a nice and special touch.

I would open the presents AT the party. You could even open them as the guest arrive instead of doing them all at once. I've never been to a skating rink party that made you leave at the end of the party... just give up the party room. Everyone should be able to continue having fun skating even after the 2 hour party table/room rental is up.

If you still decide to not open at the party, then you really can't forget to have her sign thank you notes and send them out.

I think, if you want to give the kids as much time to play as possible, you can do one of two things:

Have your daughter open the gifts as soon as all the guests have arrived.

OR

After the skating and pizza/cake is over, open the gifts in the area where people change shoes & skates. This wouldn't be a very private area but at least you are not paying for extra space or time.

Just an idea, hope it helps!

Why not have your daughter open the gifts as each child arrives? That way the guest gets to see their gift opened, but you don't have to schedule a time for just gift opening.

I don't know that it is bad manners but it takes the joy away from the child who brought the gift. One thing they are excited about is watching the birthday girl open the present they brought for her. I would not only make time for this but I would allow each guest to bring the gift they brought up to your daughter and present it to her to open. Let everyone skate for 30 minutes, come back for cake, skate for another 30 minutes, then come back for presents, then back to skate until tiem is up. They will probably welcome the break.

We rarely open gifts at the parties for this exact reason...we spent the money and want the kids to enjoy it. I have never had any problems with it. Plus my kids enjoy the gifts more when they can take their time and open them instead of rushing through.

No, not at all! My kids go to very few parties where they open gifts. Most people do not open gifts at their parties. That was much more popular to do when we were kids. Times have changed. You have nothing to worry about regarding presents etiquette!

My son just turned 7 and for the past few years we have not opened presents in front of everyone. It's just too hectic. I think for the ages of your children you are okay not opening presents. Just make sure you send thank you notes.

I have seen it done both ways - my kids really like it when the present opening is part of the party - I think it gives kids a chance to reinforce manners and gratitude... thanking each child for their thoughtfulness to get them a gift! We usually play a present game for younger kids. I totally get not doing it because of the venue and not wanting to focus on gifts - I just know that my kids get really excited to find their friend a great gift and love to see them open it.

My daughter is 13. She has had a party most every year. We started out in the earlier years opening gifts. Bur belieave me,especially the younger kids, they get restless with this. Epsecially at a party that is so fun and active as the skating rink. I'd just say, around cake time that in order to let the kids play as long as possible mo gift opening unless anyone especially would like go see their gift opened. Then,what I've done is snap and print a pic of my daughter with the gift. With a big parry like skting it would usually take ages to open all the gifts.

Yes, it is very bad manners not to open the gifts at the party. Maybe you should put on the invitations, "No Gifts, please!" (then you will not have to worry about it. Just a suggestion.)

I know there's a lot of opinions either way, but I think it is bad manners to not open the gifts at the party. My kids spend time picking out the gift and often hand-make a card. They want to know the effort was appreciated. Five-year-olds are old enough to begin learning how to graciously open a gift and thank the giver. Coach ahead of time if you need to. It's part of the learning process.

We've done the skating rink in the past and there is plenty of time to open gifts. If you have some extra hands, you have one person to write down what everyone gave, and one to help with handing the gifts and throwing away trash. You could also start opening gifts while the cake is being served; we've done that and it actually works quite well.

And don't forget the thank-you notes! Even if your child can't write them, you can write them and have them sign their names. This makes it much easier when they get older and can do it themselves, because they know what is expected.

No, it's not bad manners as all. But be sure your daughter sends thank you cards!

I absolutely agree with the ones that advised you to open at the party. It seems the trend lately is to open them later and I think it is terribly rude to your guests. Yes we do have to teach our kids not to focus on the gifts but I don't think this is the way to do it. We always open the gifts and it helps the birthday child learn to be grateful and personally thank each guest. When we do the thank yous I always encourage my kiddo to thank the guest for coming to the party and helping make her birthday special. I think the children are proud to see their gift opened at the party. The benefits far outweigh the 'inconvenience' and time issues. Godd luck!

open at the party! my boy wants to watch the birthday boy/girl open his present. it's not about competition. it's about the kids' enjoyment. open at the party!

Open the gifts. The problem I found with skating parties is that the DJ at the rink has no common sense when it comes to the music he plays for the kids. I have found myself flying across the rink to get him to stop playing some songs with really vulgar lyrics. Beware!!!

My "kids" are 22 and 18 and we have always opened at the party. Several reasons...1. the person giving the gift wants to see my child open their present; 2. Sometimes there is no card attached or inside the gift, therefore if we waited to open it later, we would have no clue who it came from and 3. the person took the time to purchase the gift so I feel it's common courtesy for my kids to open their gift and "personally" thank them (but they ALSO send thank you cards as well). I personally have never been to a party where the gifts were not opened and believe me..I have been to hundreds and hundreds of parties...my husband is a youth minister and has been for 25 years and we get invited to ALL parties! ha

I love parties where the gifts are not opened! You don't have anyone comparing who spent what, or kids screaming & not getting that it's not theirs, it's the birthday kids. Just my thought - my preschool age kids would much rather run & play than have to sit still & watch gifts opened. Hope you guys have a great party!

While it seems to be in vogue to leave the presents unopened, I find this very offensive and inconsiderate. If people can bother to go purchase a present and show up for the party, certainly the recipient can be gracious enough to acknowledge the gift by opening it. Maybe the gifts could be opened as each child arrives rather than taking time away later in the party.

Of coures not! I would take a picture of your daughter opening each gift at home, or wearing the gift, or playing with the gift to include in the thank you note. If you just can't take pictures to include, then you just need to make sure you send a thank you note that mentions specifily what the child received. I will mention that when my son had his party at the rink, the "party table" was reserved for 1 hour for cake/ice cream & presents, but the kids could stay for as long as they wanted.

I know there are more and more that are starting to open their gifts later. But I know when my kids go to a party they want to see the person open it as they usually are the ones that have picked out the gift themselves for that child. I have had skating parties and two hours of skating for 5 year olds is way too long. They will want the break. Maybe if you are going to give your child gifts don't open those at the party. What ever you decide to do I am sure it will be fine! Good luck and God bless!

No it isn't rude at all. In fact I think it is polite and better modern ettiquite to open later. It isn't really fun for the other kids, just the one receiving. It is pretty old school to open at the party. No one will think anything of it. Just me sure to send a thank you note so they will know your child is enjoying what they got her.

Not sure how they do it now but when my daughter was young and had a skating party, it included the party room for 30 min plenty of time for cake punch & gifts
they usually open them so fast they don't use the whole 30 min so its gets them back on the floor in plenty of time to skate some more

First of all, hooray for you for keeping roller skating alive! I have been trying for years to get my sister to have a skating party for either of her two daughters with no success. I will have to relive my youth vicariously through you. As for your question, I vote to open presents. The only way I would waiver is that if there were 20+ kids which would take a long time. I think that with extra help the skating, eating, cake/ice cream and then presents can be accomplished in 2 hours. I think extra help is a good idea so time isn't wasted during the transition from one activity to another. What about eating, cake, presents and then skating? Then the kids could skate until closing time.