Seeking Advice About 4-Year Old with Behavioral Issues

That sounds a lot like my 6 year old. He's never been tested for ADD, but his dad has it so we know some of the coping mechanisms.

We really didn't want to do any type of medication. We decided to start by modifying his diet. Basically we will be eliminating dairy, fried food, and red dye from his diet for a couple weeks to see if there is any improvement. Then we will slowly reintroduce foods - if he has problems we'll know it's the food.

One thing we've done this week that seems to have helped a lot is to give him a small (2oz or so) cup of sweetened iced coffee every morning. For kids with ADD caffeine has the opposite effect as on a 'normal' brain, it calms them. Last week he got yellows and reds (very poor behavior) all week at school; this week he's had all greens and a cup of coffee every morning.

Sounds EXACTLY what I went through (and am still going through). My son was expelled from 3 pre-school/daycare centers by the time he was 4. I too was desperate, frustrated and guilty (I actually had a teacher tell me that she thought the reason my son acted out was because I didn't hug him enough). Get with your school district and insist that she be tested. I'd also suggest finding another doctor that will listen to your concerns, instead of brushing them off. There is help out there, but you have to fight to get the services that suit your daughter. Good luck and stay strong.

A., we have a son who will turn 21 this week. When he was much younger he was assessed as being very intelligent. But
like your daughter, he would behave badly even when he knew the consequences would be negative. After praying about this, the Lord led me to a book which helped very much : Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer by Dr. Dana Spears and Dr. Ron Braund. THese authors are child psychologists who have been in practice for years helping lots of "dreamer children" and their parents.
When we started following their suggestions, we saw immediate improvement in our son's behavior. You may want to get this
book.

My niece's little boy (3yrs old)is going through the same thing. In fact, her symptoms sound just like him. My niece is having him tested for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Although I am a nurse, I must admit I'd never heard much about it, but when I researched it, I realized that pretty much every symptom my little nephew displays is on the list of symptoms for ODD. He is now currently enrolled in his 3rd daycare. He is a very intelligent sweet little boy, but does have behavioral issues and like you, my niece has tried all the disciplines and nothing seems to work. They are having his tested next week and the good news is, if he does have this, it is treatable with medication. Her hubby is opposed to labeling and taking medicine the rest of his life, but my question was, what if he had a heart, kidney, or stomach condition and had to take meds the rest of his life. This is no different. The important thing is the welfare of the child and their place in society. I hope this at least gives you an option to look into and good luck.

Your daughter sounds like my son. I would look into Opposition Defiance Disorder. Another thing to do is to read up on highly intelligent children. They don't think the same as other kids. Therefore what we see as "bad" behavior is "correct" behavior to them. They just view things different. It took alot of hard work with my son but I finally have him on track. Don't get me wrong he still has his not so great days!! I just had to learn to adjust to how to help him. One thing I did was to cut out anything that showed bad behavior. Even Sponge Bob was cut out!! Also I put him in a small home daycare. That way his day was more structured and one on one. That helped so much! My son is also very sensitive to being called bad. He acts out more when he is called bad or thinks you are mad at him. I have learned to tell him you are a good boy but you are making bad choices. Lots of praise and letting him know he is safe helps him alot! Plus an end of the week, you made it through school, reward if you behaved. I you want to talk let me know. I know right now you are probably very stressed but it will all work out.

You may need help from the schools they have a program called no child left behind and they can help you get resourses for her my sugestion is she needs more testing to rule out physical things before you concentrate on mential and emotional things. Have you ever thought that it could be a hearing situation, how is her speech or an eye problem how is her vision or even something like Autism, witch comes in many forms. Get her checked out thoughly her brain waves may need to be tested to see how they functions and if she may have any chemical inbalences, she could even be alergic to something and its messing with her. Children don't usally act like the way your discribeing on purpose. Really get her seen by a doctor and have things ruled out oh and if they try just saying its ADD or ADHD with out ruleing other things out or getting an MRI to study her brain waves then get another opion you don't want someone to just stick her on meds with out really finding out what is going on with her. Best of luck.

Hi A.,

This sounds so much like my now 9 year old that I had to respond. I'm a stay at home mom, so his behavior issues never really camr up until he started Kindergarten. We always put it down to him being clever, stubborn, determined, single-minded etc. At school though it was classed as disobedient, disruptive, etc. For a year and a half we tried everything, much the way you have. We had so much support from his teachers, but nothing seemed to help. His grades got worse and worse, and we were getting calls home almost every day. In the end we took him to the pediatrician because we had run out of ideas. He told us it sounded like ADD. We were horrified at the prospect of having our bright boy medicated all the time, but agreed to proceed with the diagnostic process, which involved counselling over a period of months. In the end the counsellor told us that our son was highly intelligent, but showed classic signs of ADD. Over the Christmas vacation he was put on the minimum dose of Ritalin. When he went back to school (in 1st grade now) his teacher called me to ask what we had done to him over the holidays! He was well behaved, completed his work on time, and was just generally happier. It was like a miracle. He is now in 3rd grade, and we have had to up his dose a bit. He is only medicated while at school, and never during the school vacations. He is just the same bright sparky boy, he's just able to let it shine through so others can see it now. We thought this would never be any better, but it is. Don't give up. I hope this helps.

S.

I would contact your doctor let him/her know what is going on. The doctor can give you a referral to have her tested. You cannot just keep changing schools you need to find out what is wrong so she can change her behavior.

Hi A.,

I am not suggesting your daughter has any sort of condition -- I just want to share with you that I worked with a four year old boy who truly matched your child's description. He was VERY intelligent, and presented with the other characteristics you shared. He was diagnosed with a condition called Opposition Defiance Disorder. He qualified for PPCD (the free preschool program for children with disabilities) under the label of OHI (Other Health Impaired). There, we were able to work with him on his behavioral needs, and challenge him academically.

If you would like some names of child psychologists who have been described as ones whom "look at the whole child," please contact me (____@____.com) and I would be happy to give you a few names.

Your child is very fortunate that you are acting upon your concerns. Parents know their children best, and your child will only benefit from your actions.

Good luck!
S.

I can certainly relate. I would get the advice of a different doctor. Be careful some will just want to put your daughter on meds there are other options. I have also been told food allergies can cause this kind of behavior, a food journal may help.

There are all kinds of reasons for her behavior, I have been trying to figure out my son's behavior for over a year with more testing to come this summer.

Good Luck

She sounds just like my girlfriends daughter. What they found out with her is that she is slight ADHD so she needed to be placed on medication. She noticed a change in her in about a month. I am not saying this is what is going on with your daughter. My friends girl is VERY smart but just needed to be taught differently. She is very over stimulated by the TV so they read books and play games. Good Luck!

This might be a good place to start....

http://www.nagc.org/

I too would ask another professionals opinion, but I am also wondering if a school setting is just too stimulating for her right now. I read a book about my little girl, with similar strong will, and I remeber it talking about how even a triip to the grocery store can cause her mind to run crazy sort of. Does she seem to do better at home?? I might consider a nanny or an in home care provider too. I am also wondering if some positive reinforcement would work here. And maybe giving her control over things that dont matter, like what she wears each day, where her toys go, what days she cleans her room etc. Maybe giving her as much control as is reasonable, she wont feel so in need of controlling other things. She might also enjoy participating in helping you cook dinner and even having more chores/responsibilities at home. My daughter just turned 5 and I am a SAHM so I am ready for her to head to school in the fall, but she seems to be perfect for others, so I cant really relate to the behavior at school, but for me she is relentless!!! I wish I had more, but changing the focus in our home has really helped. We have also been more careful about labeling her, or even letting her overhear us saying anything but positive things, no matter how rough she has been. Good luck ~A.~

I know ADHD is a taboo subject for some people but that is what it sounds like to me. My daughter was exactly the same way and was diagnosed in first grade. Kindegarten was a nightmare!! She got in trouble on a daily basis because she was so disruptive. Medication did help though I am not an advocate for it. I didn't like how it made her a "zombie" for the first couple of hours after taking it. And I believe it has stunted her growth a little bit. She is now 18 and been off the medication for about 3 yrs I just say hang in there. It will probably be a challenge for some time. But as my daughter got older and matured she was better able to handle her impulses. She does still have trouble concentrating.

Have you had her tested for ADHD? Just wondering because my 11yo son has ADHD, and alot of the things you are experiencing with her sound like the things we experienced with him. There are many many great things out there for the treatment of it, and prescription meds aren't the only alternative anymore, there are many all natural remedies for ADHD that really work. My son is on a non-stimulant drug for the treatment of his that he only takes when he is at school, and only on the days when they are actually doing school work, not the days when they do fun stuff like the field day or a trip or party days. He is doing very well now, still has an off day every once in a while, but for the most part, can get along better with his teachers, the other students and everyone in general, and his grades have improved a bunch (he is also very very intellegent, just can't focus when he needs to). I would seek the advice of another physician, psychologist, and see what they can do for her, she is very young, and may not be ready for all the stimulation she's getting, it may just be that she is frustrated with it all and it's too much for her to handle.