Seeing Moms Who Have Lost a Child.

I am so sorry. While I do not know exactly what you are going through I am no stranger to infant death. My first child Tandalyn passed away during our labor. I found attending a support group for those who had lost babies was helpful. I know there is a sub set group within this org. for parents who have chosen to end pregnancies because of similar circumstances. I think you may find talking to one of them helpful. I am cutting and pasting the info from the website.
About Us

Brief Encounters is a nonprofit, nonsectarian group for parents whose babies have died before, during, or after birth. Brief Encounters provides meetings in the greater Portland, Oregon area and local phone support. At informal, mutually supportive meetings, bereaved parents and their families share their stories, discuss issues that arise around pregnancy and infant loss, and remember their children. Through talking or just listening, we learn what grief is and how, through understanding and caring, we heal.

Need to talk?

Call ###-###-####. Please recognize that this is a message phone only. Our volunteers will attempt to return your phone call within 24 hours. Our volunteer will help you access the resources you need. This Web Site is available to parents around the world. We may not be able to return calls outside of the greater Portland, Oregon area, although other resources, including newsletters, are available to you.

J.

I'm so sorry to hear of your painful situation. What a difficult decision to have to make.
Many hospitals hold regular support groups for families that have experienced the loss of an infant.
Share provides pregnancy and infant loss support:
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
There is also a program available that does remembrance photography for parents who are or may be facing the loss of a baby:
http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/
You may also want to seek out a doula in your community who is familiar with grief issues.
I hope you find much support and love in making your decision, and that whatever time you have left with your son is beautiful.

Dear God, this is for A. and her family. No one really can understand the loss of a child unless they've been through it themselves. We pray for and miss Kyle everyday. I know what A. is going through and I pray that You keep her strong and hold her little boy Tyler in Your arms. Rock him softly God, so he will feel no pain. Place a kiss upon the foreheads of her whole family so their pain may be lessened. Dear Lord God Jesus, keep the whole family by Your side and give them your miracle of life. I pray to You, Lord..

A., I understand your pain and hurt and suffering...please email me if you want to talk more..
____@____.com

Pray that God will give you the strength and the wisdom to do what is right.
The bible says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
I will pray for you and your family.

Hi A., I am so...glad that you have this tool to reach out to us. I wish there was something that I could say to ease the pain. I will not shove my faith on you but I will pray for you and both of your lil boys. You became an actual mom when you conceived! :) If you need a friend or just a pen pal or pep talk please feel free to call or email me.
Hugs,
G.
____@____.com
###-###-####

I lost my sara at almost 7 weeks old to Sids. It doesn't get any easier except with the help of the lord, my lost today is still as strong emotionally as it was then, except my extreme grief didn't kick in for 2 yrs. They say their is delayed grief. Keep the faith that it will be ok, and with a miracle it will. God is good, I have a true testimony to this, shortly after I was blessed with another daughter, my mom told me how lucky Sara was, to come here only to claim her body then return home to Heavenly Father, then he gave her back, soo always, always keep your faith, God Bless You

A., I want you to know that four years ago I lost a child he was stillborn I never got to know my son, but I know the pain you are going through. the first two years after we lost our son I wasn't sure where my life was going Depression set in and I didn't really care any more. I don't know if you are a religious type, but I will honestly say that finding the Lord has brought me a long way and I wouldn't have it any other way. I will have to say though I had expreniced what it was like to be a mother before we lost him, but after we lost him it was a little harder to connect with our now six year old daughter (she wasn't quite three at the time of our loss), but God then blessed us with another bueatiful baby girl 23 months after losing our son. I'm starting to believe God needed a special little angel and My son just happened to be that angel and I believe that someday we will all be united again. Best of luck on your decision I know it is a hard one and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. My God bless you.

Although my children didn't get the chance to live, I do understand that loss of a child. My son never got to take his first breath in this world which was very hard for me even after close to 21 years. All I can really say is love him for the time that you have him and remember every cherished moment you have with him and he will always be in your heart even when it is time to let him go. You will know when that time is right for you.

A.,

I send you my strenght and all my positive thoughts, you can get through this, you will be ok.

Try to sleep/eat, do not neglect yourself, take care, and call me if you want to ###-###-####

Vicky.

Hello A., I am so sorry to hear of your family situation. These decisions can be difficult, but unfortunatley they happen. My niece had to make a similar decision for her second child and in time she got through it. Greggory is no longer with us and we did not get the chance to know him, but she had the support of her boyfriend and her family. I hope that your husband and you talk this over and make a joint decision that you can both live with. Are you here in the Las Vegas area? Why don't you send me an email: ____@____.com, maybe there is something I can do for you.

Oh my gosh what a sad experience to have to be going through. I know I would not want to have anything happen to my children, but the knowledge I am about to share might help you deal with what might come.

I know that there is a Heavenly Father that is the Father of us all. I know that we each have a purpose in his Kingdom, either here on earth or in heaven. Sometimes the 'choice' spirits are needed right away to start serving in heaven and they are taken early from the earth. This is an honor to be chosen. I know we don't look at it that way on earth, but the spirits up there do.

I know that Heavenly Father will be with you each and every step of the way. He loves you and each and every one of us. You must be a very strong woman to have been chosen for such an honor...to have a 'choice' spirit child and be willing to possibly give him/her up to the duties and blessings of heaven. You are a choice spirit yourself!

I don't know if it helps you to know any of this, but I know that we will all see each other again and I know that if it were a choice for me to have my child here on earth, but in pain or vegetation, I think I would choose the route of less pain for him and an opportunity for glorious duties. That is just me. I am soo glad that I am not in your shoes and I hope to never be. I will DEFINITELY keep you and your family in my prayers!!!!!

So sorry you are going through this. Hugs.

T.

I am so sorry you are going through this! Losing a child is the hardest thing to go through. I have never lost a living child, and I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. But I did go through a stillbirth, a different, yet similar loss. At 7 1/2 months pregnant, I discovered that my third child, a son, had died because his umbilical cord was twisted. Basically, he starved to death. And I had to give birth to him, knowing that he was already dead. The experiece was awful and shocking, one of these things that just doesn't happen to me, but in stories of other people far away and not known by me. But it did happen to me. And I walked around that first year like a zombie. I hardly even remember that year. The next year wasn't much better. Our financial situation plummeted due to my husband just losing it. Our marriage broke up (though it was headed there on it's own). My two surviving children were basically ignored for I could barely take care of myself. I went on anti-depressants, but that was just a medicated fix and never helped me to get over my loss, just mask it.

I am writing of my horrible situation to let you know what actually DID work for me when things began to change. Church helped a lot, though it will always be hard to relate with people who have NOT gone through this. But the pastors really helped me pull through, as did many women in the church. Counseling, when I finally did seek it after my divorce, helped immensely. And though I never did it, I think that I would have benefited greatly had I sought out a group of moms who had experienced what I had and were in different spaces in that grieving process. It really would have helped with being supported, and also seeing that it was possible to survive this.

It has been 4 1/2 years since we buried my son. I still think of him, but not in the way I did before where my whole focus was on him and my living children were left behind. I do not cry over him or feel sad over him. I know he is in a good place. Who knows, he may have even been reincarnated, who's to say? But it took a lot of hard work to get to the place I am now.

This will not be easy for you or your husband, and I will pray for you two and for your precious son who is fighting so hard right now. Please, at the very least, seek out counseling for the two of you, for the grieving process is done in many ways, and you two could benefit with tools for still being able to communicate over this as each other's support. And join a support group, I know it could help. Your hospital would have pamphlets on this, or the nearest Hospice. I'm praying for you, honey!