School Problems with 9 Year Old Daughter

Is she struggling to keep up academically? Things start to get much harder in third grade, not just the level of work, but the amount of it and expectations to be more responsible for herself and her assignments.
I would schedule a meeting with her teacher. She MAY have a learning disability that is just showing up now, or she may be having anxiety for another reason. Her teacher can give you some insight into what may be going on.
Good luck, I know how hard it can be! My youngest has always been anxious but wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until 5th grade. School has gotten much better for her since then, she's getting lots of support and is still (knock on wood) not on medication :)

I would take her to your pediatrician and ask for a referral for a behavioral specialist who will put the focus and effort into to getting her the help she deserves. If she is fine once she gets to school, or is able to hold it all in or all together at school and function normally, the teachers and school personnel won't see it as a priority issue. There could be a big root cause or incident for this that she just hasn't yet been able to share with anyone.

This is a hard age for girls socially. They really can start using relational aggression against one another. 3rd grade was the year for my older that some girls would sit under a tree crying at recess because another girl was playing with someone else, which gets instant attention from crowd at recess. The crowd then decides that girl not playing with crying girl is "mean" and start snubbing her. When really the crying girl would have been welcomed to play but just wanted that one girls attention all to herself and not play in a group. A lot of manipulation goes on. A lot of girls who do NOT like to share their BFFs with anyone. BFFs one day, mortal enemies the next, and back to BFFs again the next week. Lots of drama.

Is she struggling academically? If so, is the teacher understanding and caring, or not so patient with her? Be her advocate for the work that is "too hard" Be super communicative with the teacher and help her get to the point she grasps the material and is more confident with it. I also firmly believe kids get more positive help and interaction from teachers when the teachers know the parents are paying close attention.

There is a shift in third grade where they stop using a lot of pictures and start using words. It is "reading to learn" instead of "learning to read."

It's possible she got lost somewhere and hasn't been able to find her way. Once a child gets "lost" in school, it's hard to find their way back. She needs someone to pinpoint where she got lost and to help her fix it.

I would talk to her teacher about her schoolwork and try to pinpoint what it is she is having problems with. Then you can look into peer tutoring or getting her a professional tutor.

My daughter got lost in first grade. She couldn't read, and then instead of trying she "gave up" and started causing trouble in class. She was in the principal's office a lot and one time she even tried to run away from school! In our situation we started tutoring her over the summer after first grade (in my opinion she should have never passed first grade to begin with) and it turned into permanent homeschooling.

She had trouble with our third grade curriculum because of all the reading and reading comprehension. They really do start expecting more out of kids when they reach third grade!

I have read that every child's brain develops at a different rate, but that schools usually treat kids like they are all developing at the same rate. I have noticed that six months makes a huge difference! My daughter was born in July, and she is really working one grade level below what she technically should be. Had we held her back and started first grade a year later, she'd still be the same age as the other kids in the class but she'd have had extra time for her brain to develop. I'm pretty sure if we stuck her in public school at this point, she'd be in 4th grade, not 5th. And there's nothing wrong with that since a lot of 4th graders are 10.

My daughter had trouble learning how to tell time. I gave up and dropped it, and then picked it up 3 months later. She understood it instantly! So there really is something to children's brains "developing."

Basically what I'm saying is your daughter needs help in school (not mental help and I'm sure her "depression" has a real cause) and it may just be that third grade is moving too fast for her. Talk to a teacher, and talk to a professional tutoring service. They may be able to help your sort it out!

Good luck!

Could it be anxiety or depression? It might be worth talking to her pediatrician at this point to see if there's perhaps a medical reason for her behavior.

My impression is that she is having difficulty in school and it's making it a nightmare for her. Like Cheerful M said, there is a big difference in the work from 2nd grade to 3rd grade.

I would suggest contacting a Kumon Learning Center if there are any in your area. Kumon starts from a point prior to what they are doing in school and makes sure that there are no "gaps." So it starts out really easy for the kids because they start with things the kid knows and then build from there. It gives the kids real sense of accomplishment and pride because they start out doing stuff they know. Then they build very slowly on top of that so it's much easier than trying to grasp the concepts in a classroom.

Is it possible she has a learning disability? Third grade is when it can rear its ugly head . . . the kids stop learning to read and instead read to learn. It can place alot of pressure on a student who has an issue.

Third grade is when the SHTF for my son. We started homeschooling and have had great success. And he is very social and happy.

Good luck - hope you can get this figured out.

My son started doing this when he started being bullied at school. Not just from other kids, but his teacher too. He also had dylexia and the work was just harder for him.

Do they have a social worker at school? If yes, maybe request a visit. Sometimes kids will open up to a neutral party before they will share with a parent. The "school is to hard" might be code for something else that is going on. My daughter was having problems with a girl in her class this year, and we had no idea for a long time. Somehow she thought she'd be in trouble if she told us. After she was sent to the social worker, she finally began sharing what was going on at school.

I am a teacher and this is not normal. There is something going on. Wonder if it is all the stress and pressure around the STAAR test? I hate the way it stresses everyone out. It was the same way with TAKS. The highest schools in the world are in Finland and they do not test kids below 5th grade because they know it is bad for them. When are we going to wake up?

Things like ADD, ADHD, and learning disabilities often start to show up around 3rd grade. Often they are harder to diagnose in girls because girls tend to be more reserved about it than boys. Inside, though, thier little self-esteems start to really suffer so it's something you need to address. I would definitely have a converstation with the pediatrician about what has been going on, as well as the school counselor. It could be something else entirely, but I would explore ALL options and try to get to the bottom of it as quickly as possible. Something is definitely going on and it sounds like she is really hurting inside.

My two questions are:
Is she getting enough sleep?
Is she being bullied?

Remember that before and during a growth spurt kids will need more sleep, but might not seem sleepy (how you and I feel sleepy).

And at 3rd grade age she is likely not to even recognize bullying for what it is. She'll more likely internallize it and see it as something that is wrong with her....essentially believing the bully. Even though you have a good, open, communicative relationship, she doesn't have adult language yet to convey to you what is happening, if this is the case.

it almost sounds like she is depressed. this does seem like odd behavior every day. is she still upset after school or just the going part. another friend of mine finally figured out this year (daughter is nine ) that her monster child just needed a shower in the morning. she is a completley different kid, gets dressed on her own, allows her hair to be styled with out scratching fit, eats her food and gets her things ready to go . a totally happy child. i would first get some books on development for preteens or her age group. I found the books what to expect when your expecting / the first year to be great helps with there behaviors. I currently have a book that goes up to the age five. I would hope there were more guide lines for older children . " 2 yr olds dont realize that its not there world and were here to please them...struggle between objects even a rock can be difficult for two 2 year olds to understand its not either of there rocks" I had no idea little ones thought this way.

Sounds like my daughter who is now 12 and in 6th. She was tested by a neuropsych and found to have dyslexia. The school tested her and told me this skipping, laughing, outgoing child (outside of school) had an anxiety disorder! The neuropsych saw the same test results from the school and immediately thought it was something else, but did some additional testing.
I would send a letter to the principal outlining your concerns and ask for your child to be tested. Here in Massachusetts it is called the "full core" of testing, but basically it is testing to determine her strengths and weaknesses with respect to learning. In our state, once the principal gets your letter, a clock start ticking and they have 45 school days to respond to you with a written report. Not sure about Texas.

Does she stop crying after she actually gets to school? How are her grades? What does the teacher say her behavior is? I mean, is she acting like this ONLY at home and is ok durning the day? Knowing these things may help us answer better. Good luck.