School Problem

I would save my battles for something that was a bit more critical to her education, and not about her trying a new food. I know I struggle with getting my daughter to try new foods, so anytime someone else wants to join in, I'm all for it. But if she were to come home with a spelling list that had a mistake on it, that would be completely differently.

I don't think you are over-reacting AT ALL!! God forbid your daughter ended up being allergic or choking on the seeds. Also, it is dangerous when a child believes she must do an adults bidding (you can see where I am going with this...what if someone with deviant motives..well, you get the picture.) Let your sister know that you have a right to be upset!!! Children need to have some autonomy and have the right not to have a non-parent force them to put something in their body!
ps.Not that this means anything, but my BA is in Child Developmental Psychology....Hope this helps!!
pps. Call that teacher, or the office to complain!

Hi S. I totally agree with you. Cuz I would feel the same way about my daughter. A child should not be forced to eat something if they dont want to.

I guess for me its not a big deal. At my sons school they have to take a No Thank You bite. And I think that is a wonderful thing.As most children wont eat/try something new cause it looks weird. Now I am sure that they teacher did not say HAVE to most teachers dont talk like that.

Really? Upset over pumpkin seeds? I'm sorry I don't mean to be incredulous, but.. really? Are there really pumkin seed allergies?
In case you don't know, teachers are armed with student's allergen information along with contact info and medications and the like.
Aren't there more important things to be worried about?
If you are concerned, just place a call to the teacher, and keep in mind that you've heard a 7 year old and their description of events.
By reacting the way you did, I just think you're setting your child up to know that if they don't like something that their teacher wants them to do, that you will get them "out of it". Not a good precedent.

honestly - at my daugters school they are sort of pushy about trying new things - and i am very glad about it b/c her teachers have gotten her to try more things than i do - you have to look at the big picture too - take into consideration the teacher's personality and the way he/she handles other things - maybe he/she is just trying to encourage your daughter - not be mean or controlling. Plus you may just want to shoot the teacher an email just innocently asking what the "policy" is on trying new things - b/c you may get a different answer. I am not saying don't listen to your daughter, but as the mother of a seven year old - i know my daughter tends to exagerate to what she percieves sometimes.

Good luck - tell us what you've decided it and how it worked!

S. W.

If you are upset about this, it is a big deal. My suggestion would be to speak with this teacher and let her know how you feel about it. If your child doesn't want to try pumpkin seeds, she doesn't have to, and this teacher needs to understand that children are allowed to think for themselves when it comes to matters like eating things they don't want to. If you don't make her eat things she doesn't want to at home, then she shouldn't be made to do that elsewhere.

I think a simple conversation about this should be enough. However, if this teacher is irrational and is basing her decision to force children to eat pumpkin seeds due to an idealistic version of reality, then maybe a conversation with her boss is in order also.

Good luck!

Sorry S., but I do have to agree with your sister. Unless your child is allergic to punkin, what is the big deat about her having to try a new food? You are on dangerous ground if you start telling your child at age 6 that she has the right and ability to choose what she will and won't do when any teacher tells her to do something. Please, it was a punkin seed. You shouldn't turn it into a federal civil rights case. I am sure when you were in school you did things you didn't want to do and it didn't kill you or damange your self-esteem. It is VERY important that we support our teachers and school's.

I would not like it if my child's teacher tried to force her to eat anything. However, I would not be upset if she tried to gently entice her to eat something. Either way, I would politely make my feelings known to the teacher. Also, although I might insist that my daughter try a new food at home I don't feel that particular battle is appropriate for the classroom.

I don't see the problem in this. Let's give our teachers a little credit. Let's stop expecting them to please everyone and start allowing them to teach our children. Teachers are no longer only concerned with education, but with saftey, and political correctness, and everything else that does not belong in the classroom. I was going to go into education out of high school, but didn't. Now that I see what teachers have to go through, I don't think I could handle it.
Anyway, If you are truely upset by it, mention to the teacher that you would prefer that she not be given any additional foods with out your permission. If your daughter was given a pumpkin cookie, without your permission would you be upset? You would probably never have heard a thing about it because most children will willingly eat a cookie, while it might take some encouragement to try a new food (like pumpkin seeds.)

I have a daughter in highschool and 2 boys in elementary. I know what you mean when your child seems to be forced to do something that is not necessary. I have wanted to in the past, go to the school and say something but I haven't. The reason for this is that I used to be a teacher myself and sometimes the information that comes home from your child can be confused. Teachers also lack support from parents these days and are on the defense. The best thing you can do is to become the teacher's best friend. If you support most teachers 100% and give them the benefit of the doubt they in return will treat your child like gold and will be willing to make exceptions for your child. If you go in there and get upset with her, she will be on the defense and probably get annoyed with your child. Your child will be the one who gets hurt in the long run.

Personally, that is crossing the line. It may seem small to some, but the child does have choices in some matters at school, and that should be one of them. Suppose she was allergic and didn't know it. That teacher needs to be talked to.

Ask the teacher to tell you about it. Share your concerns and desires.

No way would I make this into a big deal with the teacher. Tell your daughter that she should simply say "No, thank you." I'm willing to lay money down that there's some exaggeration to your daughter's side of the story, unintended though it may be. To be sure, teachers can overstep their bounds now and then. But, all of my kids have graduated from high school and have gone on to college. The first few years that I had kids in school, I went in guns a-blazing two or three times over something my kids told me happened, only to find that my kid had exaggerated, or didn't understand a situation, or even flat out lied about something. After some embarrassing confrontations, I learned to be calm and side with the teacher until I knew better.
Now if the pumpkin seed thing is really a big deal to you, then talk to the teacher, and just ask her nicely what went on. But if it were me, I wouldn't even bother with it. In fact, I might get some pumpkin seeds at home and have a little snack!

I believe it would have been appropriate for your daughter to say "no thank you" and just leave it at that. I would probably contact the administrators at the school because you never know if a child has an allergy to nuts or anything other food item and should not "have" to taste something in class. Please keep the lesson in mind that we MUST have our children obey authority.

I think you should talk to your daughter about her reasoning for why she doesn't want to try the pumpkin seeds. If she has good reason,and the teacher won't listen, then maybe you should contact the teacher. However, if she just doesnt want to try it b/c she isn't interested, maybe you should encourage her to just try a little bit. You don't want her to get in the habit of picking and choosing what she will and won't do when her teachers instruct her to. Good luck!

I was just wondering if she tried it, and if she liked it. My daughter loves them. I know that is not the point, but I make my daughter try things no matter what. 90% of the time she loves them. All allergies have to be listed at the beginning of the year, so that shouldn't be an issue.

I don't think it requires bringing in the calvery but if someone doesn't want to do something then they shouldn't have to. It is unfair of a teacher to make such a request especially when I am sure that she is not aware of every child's allergies and what not. I think you should calmly ask the teacher what was said and if it was what your daughter and niece say it was you have to let her know that is unacceptable. This situation has nothing to do with behavior or education. It sounds more like arts and cragfts or recess.

I agree that you should approach the teacher diplomatically about this and get her side of the story. Then gently remind her that the children are NOT required to eat anything that is given to them by someone other than a parent. After all, most teachers tell children that they are to ask a parent before eating anything that is given to them by a "stranger". And as a member of the school health office, I have a real problem with a teacher "introducing" ANY new food item to a child until it is understood about alleric reactions.

By the way, teachers are NOT always given info on who in the class has allergies and are CERTAINLY not always given allergy emergency medications---it falls under privacy acts and only the parent is allowed to share this info. If a parent chooses to maintain privacy, it is their right to do so. I'm not saying I agree with that decision but none the less a parent has the right and a teacher is SUPPOSED to get permission to introduce food items to an entire class.
Due to the new wellness policies that schools in PA have been forced to adopt, we are all struggling to get even a cookie given out in class let alone something that the child doesn't want to eat.
Also, having a child in the elementary school system, there is a difference between seemingly "allowing" your child to be disrespectful by rejecting a teachers encouragement to try new food versus allowing your child to defy authority. Children ARE allowed to defy authority when it goes against what they are taught at home...i.e. inapproriate touching. I'm not saying that making a child try new food is the same as inappropriate touching but lets face it, not all authority figures have a child's best interest in mind and it is still our job as parents to teach our children that it is o.k. to say NO in certain situations!

I personally feel that encouraging our kids to try different foods at school is a good thing. I tend to think that parents sometimes overreact to so many things in school. Teachers have to walk on egg shells anymore. Instead of focusing on educating the kids, they have to worry about not "offending" any of the kids or parents. Of course, we must be mindful of what goes on with our kids, but I feel like we need to save our comments or complaints for serious issues.
Just my opinion, please don't take offense, each person parents differently. That's what makes the world go round...

I think you are reading too much into this.More important things will come along while your children are in school.Trust me i have older children,we cant always go "crying" to the teathers.Maybe cause your daughter is only 6,she misunderstood something.I would'nt worry about it.Like i said bigger things will come,i'd drop it.

I'm not prone to overreacting and I generally try to keep in mind that there are 3 sides to every story (yours, mine and the truth - per Dr. Phil LOL), but in this instance, I believe it is worth a phone call and chat with the teacher.

I'd carefully approach it from the concerned parent rather than accusatory parent point of view so you don't put her on the defensive. No need to go off on her as perhaps it was intended in a spirit other than the 'worst case scenario' of being mean to your little girl.

I definitely believe it's worth pursuing, though. I couldn't agree with you more on teaching our children that an adult's position (teacher) does not give them the right to force our kids into an uncomfortable position. No matter how hard the schools try to force our children into being mindless little followers, it's our duty as parents to reinforce a system of self-believe and reliance to help them become independent adults someday.

I don't know you seem to be like me! I at the drop of the hat if i here something isn't right or feel something isn't right you better be straight i would find out. Go straight to the source "teacher" sometimes i know my child will say things that don't make sense. Sometimes she's right and other times totally out of context. On the other hand times have changed and i am all for getting kids to try something we couldn't wait to eat when we were children. Good luck

If your daughter didn't want to try it then she doesn't have to. The teacher had no right to force her to do it. I'd talk to the teacher but make sure you're not attacking her. Just explain how your daughter explained it and see what her story is.

Personally to me i don't think it's a big deal that they are having kids try something new.I'm sure she could've said it differently or sent something home for the parents due to allergy reasons but other than that i wouldn't worry about it too much...

J.

***"had" to try roasted pumpkin seed, "no matter what"***

Go with your gut. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with a teacher telling my child that he/she "had" to try anything that he/she didn't want to try. This teacher doesn't know if your child is allergic or not! And like you said, it has nothing to do with behavior or academics.

I would be furious. I agree with you 100%. I think you should talk to the teacher, or even the principal.

I'd go and have a chat with the teacher. A friendly, PERSONAL (not the telephone) chat. Not to impune the integrety ofyour daughter and niece BUT it is possible that the teacher may have a different story to tell. It is perfectly acceptable to tell that teacher that you do not want anyone forcing your daughter to eat food for any reason. You do not owe your teacher an explanation as to "why".
The fact is there are many very good reasons why a child should not be forced to eat food. Some experts feels that certain eating disorders such as obesity has its roots in early learned eating patterns such as being forced to "clean one's plate" and being forced to eat certain foods. I would not bring this up with the teacher. Just tell her that you would prefer that she not force food on your daughter and this is important to you, because it is.
- 53 year old Mommy with three charming children: 1 adult and two teenagers.

My thought on this subject is what message your daughter will perceive. I feel that the teacher was probably encouraging your daughter to try something new---not a bad thing. Children steer clear of veggies and healthy snacks. I know for our family it is very important to try one bite of something new. What are your rules at home? Some families do not put as much emphasis on variety of foods.

But back to the message...what did your daughter hear YOU say about the situation? Did she hear you talk bad about the teacher, did she hear anger or concern in your voice? Will this prompt her to take other stands against her teacher if she knows that you will automatically react with her side of the story? Teachers are trained to teach children in academics and the real world. Trying new things and not being afraid to try new things is conditioning a child for the real world in small steps.

On the other hand, this is your daughter and as a parent you want to instinctively protect her. I just caution that you choose your battles wisely. Speaking to your child's teacher may ease your mind about the situation so I do not discourage that. Good luck.