No Nuts Please!

I hope airheads are safe. We have a little boy with peanut allergies in the class. Please dont say that we are uncaring. I picked airheads and not reeses for him. If i am wrong, then i expect the teacher or parent to take it away. This child is in 2nd grade, he should also know what he can have and cant. (i am not saying this in a mean way)

My daughter's 4th grade is ignoring Valentine's Day. I'm completely OK with that. Saves a lot of time/money/sugary candy...

I am always very respectful of the allergies, b/c there has ALWAYS been at least 1 kid with peanut allergies in all of my kids' classes. Like I said I am always respectful and follow the guidelines even though it is a BIG inconvenience for me and MY children, one of which LOVES everything PB and PB&J sammies are HER favorite and at 4yr old we all know how hard it is to feed some picky eaters, right? With that being said, I think *MOST* of the responsibility lies with the child and his/her parents. By 4y/o at least the child with the 'LIFE THREATENING' allergy needs to be aware enough to not just eat any old thing therefore removing most of the danger and cause for concern by you, the parent!

~We are sending Fun Dips and suckers this year!

A.:

We have a child in our school who has so many allergies - the family was trying to dictate to us what our children could eat for breakfast. Parents had had enough - we are sympathetic to allergies but they should not dictate what we eat in the privacy of our home - so at a PTA meeting - the family was told - enough. either home school or deal. We already make accommodations for your son - a special table, with a special wash cloth and cleanser. A "free" zone classroom - children must wash their hands prior to going into the classroom, etc. A certain section in the library is "free" to him as well. ENOUGH already.

Sorry - but if your son's allergies are that bad? He needs to be home schooled.

I am sympathetic to your child's allergies. I will watch and do what I can to prevent your child coming in contact with them. However, i will not stop buying stuff that my children like. It's your job as the parent to screen. Call me cold. Call me uncaring. But that's your job as a parent - to supervise and pay attention.

Ok - if you're upset that your DAUGHTERS classrooms sent home candy with peanuts in them because your SON who does not go to school has a peanut allergy... then you need something else to worry about. It's easy enough to just go through the candy and remove the stuff you don't want in your house. I do this each and every time my girls go to a birthday party or trick or treat.

I am sorry you have to live with this but it comes down to it. Your son is going to have to live with this his whole life. He is going to be exposed to the child next to him that had peanut butter on her pancakes at breakfast, a child at Walmart walking down the same isle who had a PB&J sandwich for lunch.

He cannot be protected enough, I understand this. But I am not going to change our lives for your family. My kids love peanut butter and I am not going to force them to never eat it again. I am sorry that offends you.

I thing the better choice is to educate the teachers and cafeteria people who are going to have your child in their care next year and make sure they understand the issue. They even serve PB&J sandwiches for lunches at most schools.

You are going to have to accept that we are not going to accommodate your child. I understand he could die. He is old enough to understand he has an allergy. I reacted to 74 out of 80 things I tested for at the allergists office. I understand. But I am not going to change the kids choices for you.

I am allergic to tree nuts, my throat and tongue both swell up. I am also allergic to cats and dogs and often will have swollen eyes, runny nose, a rash on my skin that is showing, and clogged nasal passages when I sit near someone who is a pet lover. But I would never tell them they cannot be in the same room with me. I carry a nebulizer with me everywhere I go, my hubby carries an epi pen. That is life for us.

You have a hard job to do. I agree it would be nice if you could make the world safe for him. I hope that some day soon they can figure out why the sudden onset of this particular allergy is happening. There was hardly anyone allergic to anything when I was growing up.

I know you are not going to home school him. That is fine but you have to understand you are his mom and it falls on you to be there and make sure his desk is separated from the others so they can't touch it, make sure he has his own soap and paper towels in his desk, that he has a separate place to sit in the classroom and library, plus the cafeteria, it all falls on you.

The only think my granddaughter eats at school, except on Wednesday when they have chicken with gravy, is a PB&J. She would starve and start puking if she had to skip lunch every day.

I am sorry for your hardship. I am not going to change to accommodate your child. I may perhaps try and remember to send something that does not have peanuts in it for treats but as for limiting what the kids eat and drink themselves, no, not going to happen.

We bought ring pops valentines this year. The kids both wanted them and I went ahead and agreed.

So let me get this straight. You want the school to care and look out for the welfare of a child that doesn't attend it yet?

Do not assume that others are uncaring. People are thinking about the children in the classrooms not the siblings of those who are not even attending the school.

We are not uncaring. We pay attention to the students in the school. Our school didn't have a Valentine's party - children were allowed to bring in Valetine's for Tuesday. No party. What did we attach to them? Lollipops.

I'm sure you know this by now...the only person that will care about your child as much as you is YOU. The only thing you can do is advocate for your child. When he starts school, you can meet with the teacher, nurse, counselor, principal, etc. I would also recommend that you volunteer to be the room-mom. I am the room-mom for my sons' classrooms and I plan the class parties. Even if you controlled all of the peanut products coming in with the students/teachers/parents, it is still possible your son would be exposed! What if another principal came to "visit" the school and was eating Peanut Butter Cups on his way over? Then, he opens the office door moments before your son opens the same office door. Or what about the FedEx guy eating a peanut butter sandwich before he visits the school and touches door knobs that your son has the potential to touch.

Homeschooling is not the answer, but neither is believing other parents are heartless because they send in peanut products. My middle son (almost 4) has a complex heart defect (he basically has 1/2 of a heart--2 chambers instead of 4). He will have severe restrictions when it comes to PE, recess, and extra-curricular sports--it could be life or death--but I'm not going to petition the school to ban such activities.

Did you say your son hasn't started school yet? If that is the case, why would a school he doesn't attend need to deal with his allergy?

I would never send out valentines that had peanuts, or nut butters. But I will always pack my daughters lunch according to our diet not other peoples. Peanuts remain one of the highest protein products and are very beneficial in our food supply. Especially given the fact that children so often like them and will actually eat it. Where will we draw the line? Gluten, casein, egg allergies? How much should I change my routine to accommodate everyone else's child?

Bottom line: This is your responsibility, not the other parents.

You can't make everyone else accountable for your child's allergy. All you can do is make sure that your child's teachers are educated and know that he cannot have those items...but you can't take those items away from every other child.

The school will accomodate your child. You let the nurse know about the allergy and they already have protocols in place to ensure your child is safe. But your child's safety and well being are not in the hands of every other parent or child...they're in YOUR hands.

If you told me that I couldn't send a specific kind of candy because of allergies, I'd say...well, there are also milk, chocolate, food dye and fruit allergies. So I guess that means we can't send ANYTHING because one child might have a reaction.

You'll have to go through this with everything. When Halloween comes, you can't tell every person who is dropping candy into your child's bag "We don't want that! He has allergies!" You'll have to go through his candy yourself.

ETA: My oldest is allergic to pumpkin. I don't tell the school that they can't have pumpkin pie...I ask that they not give it to him. And my son also knows not to eat it. I know that your son is little, but this is something that you will have to teach him to be aware of for the rest of his life.

ETA 2: I was thinking...I'd be pleased as punch if schools didn't give my kids any candy at all. I'd also be pleased if schools didn't waste classtime on celebrations when our kids are collectively struggling in math and reading. I know that has nothing to do with your childs' allergy...just a thought.

Also, it might behoove your family to consider having your son undergo immunotherapy treatments to reduce the severity of his allergic reactions. Basically, it's a series of shots which slowly allow the body to reduce the sensitivity to the allergen. Something to discuss with your pediatrician...

Bug: I have an allergy to tree fruit (anything with a pit). You'd be surprised how many places you can find cherry and cherry extracts. I'm not selfish, I'm realistic. Nobody is responsible for MY allergy except for me.
ETA: You're right, we can agree to disagree. I think you're officious and pretty self-absorbed if you really think that everyone else needs to scramble around to accomodate your child when you could get them medical treatment. Perhaps it's selfish for that parent not to get their kid treatment to reduce the severity of the allergy so it's NOT life threatening. That is all.

Maybe I am missing something in this story. Your son doesn't go to the school but the school should be protecting him anyway?

There is a couple kids in my daughter school that have peanut allergies. Everyone is aware of it. Those classrooms have very specific guidelines to protect those children from exposure.

No one would consider such considerations for the child's sibs.

At lunch the teachers are made aware if any kids have peanut products in their lunches so they don't sit with those kids.

I think there are a few more rules but I consider her school's measures to be effective. They are not over the top but protect the child well.

What it appears you are speaking of is a bit over the top. I think over the top gets you the they should be home schooled reaction. I mean if you want a whole school to be peanut free that is asking too much. The child should be protected as in not exposed.

So since none of the allergic children are in my daughter's grade I do not think about what I am sending on Valentine's day.

If you don't think my children's school's protocol is enough consider that at least 10 kids have gone through this system and not one of them has ever been exposed or had a reaction.

I barely have time to keep up with my own kids and what gets at them, let alone what bothers your kid. It's not out of not caring, but with you chasing your kids and their peanut allergies around, can you keep up with the things that send my kids into allergy meltdowns?

The peanut thing is not new, and parents who have children with it need to learn how to cope. My daughter was allergic for the first 7 years of her life and she seems to have out grown it, I know how hard it can be. However, that does not make my kids allergies everyone else's problems.

If my kid LOVES Reese's, I will let him bring it to school. I feel it's the responsibiltiy of the parents to monitor what their own kids eat and don't eat, not mine. If his allergies are so bad that he can't be anywhere around peanuts, then maybe anywhere in public is not safe for him. Not trying to be rude, but I really can't stand when peanut allergy parents get all up in arms because the whole world doesn't stop for their kid. YOU need to teach YOUR son what he can and cannot eat. Just because he can't have a PB&J sandwich doesn't mean other kids can't. If he can't be around it, he may need to eat in another room. I know that is not fair, God knows how much I hated it when my daughter had to eat at another table, but it's what she had to do to keep herself safe. If we ban all things that all people are allergic to, we might as well put ourselves in a bubble.

It is your responsibility to educate your child and those around him about his own allergy. By the time he is old enough to go to school, he ought to be old enough to understand, "Only eat what mommy packs you for lunch. Do not eat any candy offered by anyone. You could die."

And don't think I'm not sympathetic...my youngest child has Celiac disease and there are TONS of things she can't have. Wherever we go, I make sure she has her own food, her own treats, etc...and even though she's only 21 months old, she already understands, "You can't eat that even though (so and so, including your sister) can, because it will make you owie."

If we block schools from having peanuts, then you also need to stop them from having most fruit, some veggies, bread, crackers, cookies, milk...what are they going to be left with? This is how I look at it. There are allergies to almost everything. Just in my family, between us all, we can't have milk, wheat, barley, rye, oats, peas, nuts, seeds. Do you realize how much that eliminates? Fortunately, that's between four people.

I understand how frustrating it is. For example, at our church nursery (of which I am the director, so it was my say) I banned all food except potato chips from the infant nursery to protect my daughter. The toddler nursery has all kinds of crackers, cookies, etc...and when she's old enough to transfer, I simply won't be transferring her because I'm not going to take away food from 30 other children just for her sake. There are only 3 babies in the infant nursery, and they (until a point) aren't eating solids anyhow.

And then you get into what parents just don't want their children to have. Some parents are so set against high fructose corn syrup, for example...so there go your starburst and skittles.

I homeschool, by the way. I feel it's my responsibility to protect my children and my responsibility to make sure they still get the education and socialization (far overrated) that they need.

(And just another view...peanut butter is one of the few things my toddler can and will eat. Should I have her stop eating it because someone else can't? Fine. Then all the children also can't have bread, cake, cookies, muffins, crackers of any kind, any kind of sauce or condiment, any kind of cereal, any flavored water, and drink EXCEPT plain water. According to my child's diet, should I say that the whole school can only eat whole foods consisting of organic fruits and veggies, rice, and peanut butter? Because that makes up the bulk of MY child's diet.)

I hope that just helps you to understand the catch-22 of all this. Not that I don't sympathize...but like someone else said, where do you draw the line? As parents, it's OUR responsibility.

(I also see a few people going back and forth on the severity issue. Well, sure, my child won't die if she ingests gluten. But it can cause cancer. So yes, she could die as a direct result from consuming the foods she isn't supposed to. It also makes her intestines bleed...and that is an immediate result.)

Other parents aren't uncaring. They just don't think like you do. I truly understand food allergies -- we have them in our family. But not everyone does. So you have to let go of the anger and just learn to deal with this -- and especially teach your son to be aware! It will be a "battle" your whole life. But letting go of the anger and just learning to deal with it is your first step. Otherwise you're in for a long, disappointing, aggravating life.

I am a very caring, respectful, accommodating person. However I am a busy mom, barely keeping my head above water (most days), with a husband that is working more than he is home. Unless you are a person that is in my life on a constant basis, I am NOT thinking about your families allergies. My family of 6 are HUGE nut lovers. So it is going to have to be up to you and your family to make your son safe.

BUT I do not blame you for being upset. Maybe after reading your post this will help me to be more aware of others with this condition.

First, I have celieac disease and cannot eat anything that contains gluten or is cross contaminated. Second, I am a nurse and understand the dangers that some kids/adults face when exposed to allergens. With that said, this is my feeling regarding limiting foods, The child with the allergy needs to be thoroughly educated about their allergy and taught how to avoid it, yes even at a young age. You cannot control what other people do, it really has nothing to do with them "not caring". For example, my son would not eat anything except peanutbutter sandwiches when he was in pre-school/kindergarden, so what am I suppose to do, send my kid to school without food to eat during the day? That is not fair, he has just as much rights as a kid with allergies. My kid needs to eat too.

Our school system designates a classroom in each grade as the allergen free class, if you child happens to end up in this class the parents get a letter with the restrictions clearly spelled out and the teacher is responsible for enforcing the restrictions. My daughter, who does not have allergies to food has been placed in the allergy free room several years in a row and we have followed the rules and did not send food that would cause a problem, at the same time, this was not easy, it is more time consuming and a pain for a parent that does not have a kid with an allergy. Our school now has an allergy free lunch table as well.

So, I can see both sides of this and understand where each side is coming from, it is not easy.

I have a life threatening peanut allergy. (In fact, I had a reaction at my niece's elementary school, thank goodness for my epipen.) I trust myself to make good choices, but I can't rely on other people to clean off the peanut butter from their hands, mouth, desk, etc. (I got my reaction from peanut butter on a desk.) People think if YOUR kid doesn't bring peanut butter they should be fine, but it's really every other kid that's dangerous. People don't think about all that. Unfortunately, I don't think that sentiment will go away. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the home school argument. The sad truth is, so long as their kids aren't affected, most parents don't care. Instead of imagining their kid on the floor foaming and gasping for breath, they are mad, because of an "inconvenience." I couldn't live with myself, if my insistence on a peanut butter sandwich killed someone else.

It's MUCH more rare for other allergies to be anaphalactic. I also have a gluten allergy, but I won't instantly die from it without an epipen. I will just have intestinal discomfort. Same with milk. In addition other allergies that can cause an anaphylactic reaction (strawberries, milk in some cases) don't cause a reaction from EXPOSURE. They have to be ingested. Many people with peanut allergies can die from exposure from someone else, like me. It's sad that people like Christy down there, can't put themselves in others shoes...and see how very serious it is. I wish she could experience this allergy for a day, and she would have a very different tune. People can be very selfish.

My parents could NOT homeschool. They HAD to work, to pay the bills. Should I have just stayed at home, and not been schooled? I am a productive member of society, and I would not have been...if I had just been left out. My school made a simple accommodation for me...no peanuts. Big deal. No one died from no peanuts. I think ONLY a food (peanuts) that can cause death from EXPOSURE should be banned. If a child only has a reaction by ingesting the nut, then it should not be banned. If they have a deadly reaction by being near it, I think it should be banned. Gluten and other allergies can not cause instant death by exposure...so it would be stupid to ban them. NO ONE is asking for bans for ALL food allergies. Just the one that children can die by exposure. It seems petty and stupid for a parent to argue against that.

Christy-
If your kid ever had a reaction where they almost died at school, because of ANOTHER kid's product...I have a hard time believing you'd think it's only "your" problem. We can agree to disagree. I am allowed to find you selfish. Can you die, from a kid across the cafeteria eating something with a pit? Probably not. Your analogy is apples to oranges. It holds no weight.

Yeah for NO valentine's party at my kids schools this year!! I'm off the hook trying to get them to write silly little valentine cards to students they don't know very well. Such commercialism.

I have had kids in school for about 24 years now, with one still in Elementary School. A., it's going to take time to educate an entire generation of people about the severity of nut allergies. It's just a fact.

I am sorry that you are struggling with this. I'm sure it's not easy to teach your kids what is safe and what is not, especially at this age when kids are impulsive by nature.

Honestly, just stay on top of it. Keep educating the educators. We are now in a completely 'Nut Free' school. There are other posts here on Mamapedia about this issue. You are not the first to battle this mindset and seemingly disrespectful response from parents.

And, we don't even have nut allergies in our family. But I would not ever want to endanger a small, innocent child. So, please, carry on.

Both of my son's had notes sent home last week saying that there was a peanut allergy in the class. One teacher said that we can send in candy as long as it doesn't have peanut product and gave us a list of "safe" candy. That son is giving out pixie stix. My other son's teacher sent a note saying that the kids are not to bring any candy (maybe the kid is younger, kindergarten, so they are more concerned that he will eat something) and that son is giving out valentines with tattoos.
My children don't have allergies but I am good friends with a mama who has a son with a peanut allergy and I take it very seriously. I will do my part and not send in the candy and make sure my kids understand the seriousness, but I would assume that the parents of a child with allergies would not trust that and do their own checking as well (which you obviously did). Your child deserves an education just as much as mine, and candy is not a necessity at all. neither are peanut butter sandwiches.
L.

I really like LivTokyo's suggestion about including a list of common candies that have nuts (I'm sure that the tree-nut allergy parents would appreciate not seeing an Almond Joy in their children's candy bags).

I do think that in this day and age there's really no excuse for people sending peanut and tree nuts into school though. That's pretty ignorant - my kids' classrooms have always pretty-much been peanut and tree nut free so to me that obviously applies to special occasions and not just lunch and snack time but apparently some people out there are truly clueless and need frequent and specific reminders.

@ChristyLee tree nut and peanut allergies are NOT like other food allergies. Some kid eating a pumpkin muffin in the vicinity of your child would probably not cause anaphylaxis. If the other kids open up and eat their peanut butter and other nut containing candies, it is very likely that simply touching or being near and allergic child could cause a reaction. I think that a ban on peanut and tree nut candies is totally reasonable and should be spelled out.

I'm sorry your son has this allergy and you will spend your life teaching him how to avoid it. That's going to be your best line of defense.

At least, a child can be educated not to eat peanuts and not to put their hands in their mouth randomly, and to wash their hands before eating. I can't keep from breathing. My reactions to chemicals and perfumes are getting stronger all the time. In fact, they are moving into my tongue and throat. I don't know what anephalactic shock feels like. But I know that when my tongue is tingling, I can taste the perfume for hours after, and I'm clearing my throat, in addition to feeling faint, needing to vomit and having a headache...I know I am in trouble. I walked into a bank the other day and was instantly hit with a horrible response. It was a great day and I felt wonderful until I went into the bank. They had some kind of air freshener machine going and I can't just turn around and walk out. One second in a place like that and my symptoms will last for hours.

I have talked about my problems on here and have been told unequivocally that it's my problem and I'm the rude one expecting the world to change. It doesn't really matter to me what people think. The #'s of chemically sensitive people walking around the world are increasing so fast and the reactions are so strong, it's just a matter of time before the world takes notice as people are dropping like flies around us.

My son is in 5th grade. He has a nut allergy. He knows to read labels. Since the items you mentioned were individually wrapped, he would know not to accept them. When he was younger K-2, he would ask the teacher to check the ingredients for him.

There is one girl that is airborne allergic. At lunch she sits at a table by herself.

There is another child that is deathly allergic to oranges. I know this, but the room mom didn't. For the Christmas party, they were doing a craft with oranges. His mom didn't say anything because she was attending the party and was attending and was just going to ask that he not participate. When we got to the room, the room mom had already passed out the oranges to everyone's desk. The kid's mom started freaking out. Luckily, I had some lysol wipes with me and sanitized the desk before he came back. I had also thought to bring some apples so that he could participate in the activity.

For me, its not just about showing the kids with allergies that you care enough about them to acknowledge the allergy, but to help find an alternative to that so that they can have the same happy school experience and not always be left out.... :)

We also kept a box of safe juice boxes and snacks in the classroom so that if something was brought in for a party that they couldn't have, they could go to the box for something and still participate.

For Valentine's we are sending in lollipops, pencils and tattoos.

I reread your post and I am glad I did. You wanted an entire school to ban peanut products for your child that is not even attending yet? Wow. My son is allergic to tree nuts(not peanuts) since the age of 3 so I have dealt with severe allergies for 8 years now so I am not unsympathetic but you need to be realistic. It is going to be mainly up to you to protect your son. My son is in middle school and he still gets candy sent home with him(sometimes by his teachers!) that is not safe. He wore an allergy bracelet in PreK and through most of elementary school. I check his bags, his pockets, I make phone calls, I send letters. His sister is very aware of the situation as are his close friends. If you think Valentine's Day is a battle try Easter and Halloween. Toughen up and be proactive and do what you can because you can't control other people who simply don't care or don't have a clue about the seriousness of the situation.

Hi A.! I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that there are people out there who care and who feel like it's not just the parent's responsibility to protect their child! There are people who care, there are people who don't care or just remain unaware of the problem, and there are people who simply think that life threatening allergies are a whole bunch of hype. It takes all kinds, I guess.

Keeping your child alive is a huge concern and I completely understand! The people criticizing you don't know what it's like to have that fear burning in you 24/7 that your child might die from something so unassuming as a peanut. My kids don't have an allergy, but we are extremely considerate of those who do, because if we can help a parent rest at ease for even a while, we are willing to accomodate.

Today our children's church group did a birdfeeder craft that called for peanut butter in the supply list. My husband and I bought sunbutter as an alternative and when I was turning in my receipt to the church office, I apologized for the expense (sunbutter is EXPENSIVE, lol!!!) and the office manager said, "You can't put a price on the safety of our kids! They are worth the expense!" I was touched by the compassion of that person and I hope you are encouraged that there are many people out there who care and I HOPE that you and your son encounter them as you continue to care for and protect your son.

HUGS!!!

A.,

I am sooo sorry you are having to deal with this!!! I personally take allergies very seriously and if we had any students in my son's class with allergies, I would be very mindful of making sure that nothing we brought would make them ill or threaten them in any way.

I would speak with principal again and ask that they specifically send out a sheet of information about peanut allergies and other allergies and what can and will happen when children come in contact etc. They should make it a policy across the board to have a peanut-free classroom especially because your child could die from being exposed~ Don't let this slide----keep educating others until they listen. You have to be your child's best advocate. Best wishes, M

Maybe you need to readdress this with the principal? Probably, parents really don't get it. I'll admit, when I think about candy with peanuts in it, I don't think of Butterfingers. The Reeces Pieces are obvious, but not everything is. Perhaps instead of just sending out a letter reminding people about allergies, the school could send out a reminder about allergies and include a list of common candies that contain peanuts? If you were willing to supply the list, they might be willing to include it. Teachers also need to step in to let parents know when forbidden candy shows up.

I am very sorry about the uncaring parents. I have never understood it, either. Although neither of my children have food allergies, my mindset is basically that the safety of a child overrides the wills and desires of a child. Peanut allergies are different from other food allergies in that in some cases, just having contact with the food can send the child into shock (this is rare in the cases of other food allergies, from what I understand). Many parents may not know that just by having peanuts in the classroom, they put your child at risk.

There was a recent book published about how Americans are raising our children to think only of themselves, while parents in other countries (like France, apparently) try to raise their children to be consistently aware of the thoughts and feelings of others. I hate to think this is true. I would prefer to think the candy came out of ignorance, not the disregard for the safety of others.

UPDATED: However, I did not catch a specific - are you saying that your son does not attend this school yet, or that he just hasn't had his V-Day party yet? If it is the former, I'm afraid I retract my advice. You cannot dictate to parents that they take measures to protect a child who is not a student at the school. That is going too far, I'm afraid. If it is the latter, then my previous statements stand.

you cant hold the school accountable when your son isnt attending school. if there isnt children with nut allergies in the school why would you think that they would not allow the candies. i wouldnt think anything of sending peanut candy. my daughter is in pre k and we would get a letter if a child in her class had allergies like that.
also how do you know that the children with nut allergies got the same candy. they may not have let the kids open the peanut candy. i know as a parent if i bought that candy (unless the child was allergic) i wouldnt think hmmm i wonder if their brother/sister is allergic at home...
now i have a friend whos daughter has nut allergies. when we have parties i do not put nut candies out. when i give her a valentine i will put a nut free candy on it.
please dont take me as being insensitive because i understand how dangerous it could be.

I get it -- you're not angry about what just came home, you are nervous about your son's future.

In my experience, it seems the responsibility falls (as it should) on both the allergic child and the teacher. Classrooms have nut free signs posted on the door and teachers have specific instructions for that classroom during holidays and celebrations. There will most likely be a nut free table for lunch time, but beyond having a nut free school (which DO exist) then that's the most that can happen. I have served treats to kids who have issues -- the girl allergic to dairy asked for dry toast or a non-frosted cupcake. The boy with celiacs asked about the ingredients to the rice krispie treats. They need to know to ask if the food is safe for them.

When it comes to all-school activities, it gets harder but not impossible. At our ice cream social, the mom of a peanut allergy child asked if peanuts would be there, which we planned on. She said she couldn't come if so (although she did, so I still don't get it) and I felt bad but we'd already advertised them and purchased them. Next year, I will make it a point to remove nuts from the menu. Parents don't mean to be thoughtless, but it can be hard to keep straight if you're not familiar with it. Maybe the PTA could circulate a list of items that are overlooked as nut filled, like Butterfinger candy bars?

I was in charge of my son's classroom holiday party. We made "gingerbread" houses out of graham crackers and icing.

We have a child in the class with a nut allergy...it was never specified if it was peanut or not...but the teacher and I read every label twice on each box and can and bag of stuff that came in...

I specifically in bold print on the letter going home asked parents to read the fine print and not send anything containing or processed in a facility with nuts. About one third of the items that arrived had to be put aside and not used...it was shameful.

It would be the same if someone brought me a bag of bees...here you go, hope you don't get stung. Gee thanks...hope my epi-pen is in date.

I think it is common curiosity to think of other children as well as your own.

I am sorry you are having a hard time with people understanding about the seriousness of the condition.

Hope the end of the year party goes better!!

I fortunately don't have a specific peanut allergy but my son has all of these: Gluten, Casein, egg whites, almonds, oyster, garlic, cranberries, oranges, yeast, soy and artificial colors.

So, although my son can technically have a peanut, I totally feel your pain as many products contain hidden ingredients that make the product not good for my son. After I learned of all his allergies, I stopped sending in candy for holidays. I find alternate little toys (which kids love!). This year for valentines my son is giving glow bracelets (Target had packs of 15 for a buck!) and my daughter chose to melt down crayons into hearts. It is frustrating when parents send in fuschia pink and black frosted cupcakes for birthdays because they scream "full of gluten, casein, eggs and artificial coloring" which leaves my son out.

So, onto birthdays, I HATE leaving kids out, every kid needs to feel like they belong so I found a woman in my neck of the woods that makes the most amazing allergy friendly cakes (although, expensive-but worth it). On birthday invites I've started asking if their child has any food allergies so there child won't be left out at all. I don't put any candy or food in goody bags, just fun little toys and such.

It's a different world we live in, so I hope more and more parents will start realizing the real danger of ignoring another childs allergy. Who knows how long that will take though:( I'm just trying to lead by example I guess.

Hugs to you!!!

I don't see anything wrong with what was sent home.

"remembering the allergy policy and not to send things that aren't labeled, etc. The letter didn't specifically mention PEANUT allergies-(I wish it would have)"

If the things that were sent home was clearly marked then the parents didn't do anything wrong. You were able to get rid of anything that will harm your son. As parents with children who have allergies to anything ( not just peanut) can clearly see/ read what is in the products and also get rid of it.

I think it was responsible of the school to send the letter home not just making sure it was about peanuts but that covered everything.

Are the other two students in your daughters classroom? Does the school have a no peanut policy? I am not sure what the policy is from what you wrote except the food/candy needed to be labeled. So I am assuming the food was not labeled?! I don't agree that your son's allergy is my problem but I would for sure be respectful of another child's allergy. That is not saying that I may sometimes forget that your child has an allergy. Do you know all the children's allergies at your daughter's school? I know many people did not remember my daughter was allergic to milk. I was never upset because we all have our own important things to remember. I did spend a great amount of time teaching her to never eat what someone else brought into the classroom and the teacher always had treats we brought in for her for those special days. She knew there would be times she could not eat her Halloween candy or Valentine's day candy. I would just let her trade it in when she got home for a nickle a piece and then she could buy whatever she wanted. She was always happy about it. I am not sure whats the answer. There are so many children with allergies. I have known children who were highly allergic to peanut butter, milk, and kiwi. These children had a special table in the lunchroom for their safety and their individual rooms had special allergy rules not the whole school. Best of Luck!

Hi A.-

Every year (before a holiday) i drop an e mail to the teacher to ask about allergies...and IF there are any, I ask the teacher to ask the parent to let me know what a suitable item would be!

This year, I crocheted little hearts and hot glued a safety pin on...along with a V day pencil, eraser and a little note pad. Pretty simple really...OH...I also took leftover candy canes...warmed them in a 225 degree oven and formed them into hearts!! TOO CUTE!

Some people just don't have an awareness I guess...

Best luck!
michele/cat

I have no answers on where to draw the line. I understand the position many have written saying they do not want to have to restrict their own childs choices with PNB. And the thoughts on the delivery guy touching the door handle...the dangers of that if the allergy is that extreme, etc. How do you make a policy?

Personally I like the clear and simple (for parties anyway) NO FOOD idea. Sounds simple anyway!

I have a friend whose daughter is severly allergic to Red Dye. Consider all the OTHER candies all of you are mentioning (the candy canes melted into hearts, fun dip candies, coversation hearts, etc). All with Red dye. Did you know even Cresent rolls have red dye in them (to make them golden colored as they bake)?. Most of that companies products do have red dye. This child ends up in the hospital with "normal consumption" of red dye products (hers is consumption of it, not touch or air, luckily as I know PNB allergies can be). But no one but her Family is REALLY policing and educating the child and what she eats. They are not relying on anyone else to do it. The risk is great.

Food allergies have increased so much in recent years. I think at some point across the board policies will need to be made to address everyones needs, whether they like it or not.

I developed an allergy to chocolate when I was 8. My Mom just made sure that she sent a letter in to the teacher at the beginning of the year along with the office to have on file. On V-day and other holidays my Mom sent in a reminder note.

Some children have allergies or reactions to red dye, gluten, dairy etc. It should be up to the parents. It is scary as the parent. You need to do your very best to teach your child early on how severe eating nuts can be.

I'm pretty shocked at some of the responses. For these kids it isn't just an inconvenience but a matter of life and death. At my kids' school if there is a child in the classroom with a particular allergy it is designated a "non peanut" or "non dairy" room. However, that is only for parties and for snacks that are consumed in the classroom. Also, parents of those children send in safe snacks for their children to replace what is sent in for parties or birthdays. At lunch there is a peanut free table and the children can chose who sits with him or her and the teacher checks to make sure that whoever is eating at the table does not have any peanut in their lunches. I would say sending a blanket letter to the whole school for 2 kids was not the best idea. If they make the policy room by room then that makes the kids with problems more personal to the other parents. Who wants to be the person who sent it something unsafe that caused a child to suffer a terrible reaction and have to go to the hospital...or worse? I don't have a child with severe allergies, but I know for those who do this is a constant balancing act and struggle. Education is the key.

The candy was wrapped/labeled, they followed the rules. You're being overly sensitive, which is normal, but you can't let it control you. Why are you getting upset about this when your child isn't even attending the school yet? Now it is ridiculous that some stupid adults say a child should be home-schooled, but it's also ridiculous to get upset about wrapped candy and try to control things that much. It's something you'll be dealing with forever so you have to find balance and educate your son as much as possible so he can be part of his allergy management as early as possible.

You say your son isn't attending yet. I do understand the concern -- and I do get that this is a life-threatening allergy. But it's hard to expect other parents at the school to take it seriously if your allergic child isn't there yet. If the parents of the other two children with the allergy already at the school are not protesting the presence of peanut items, then talk to them; get organized; go as a group to the PTA or school administration or wherever you need to go to get the school declared a peanut-free zone before your son starts. In other words -- take this anger and turn it into action rather than steaming over it.

It may be that this is done classroom by classroom as it is at our (much larger) school. If a child in a class has a peanut allergy, a red sign goes up outside the classroom: "SEVERE peanut allergy student in this room/NO peanuts or peanut products in student lunches etc." And letters go home to the parents. If your daughters do not have the allergic kids IN their classrooms, then in a school like ours, peanut products would be allowed in those classrooms.

There are some schools that are entirely peanut-free zones. If that's what you want, research and it find an approach that you can use to present that idea. The best overall plan is a total ban on candy at Valentine's/Christmas/Easter/ all other times, plus a ban on all treats brought iin by parents for whole classes, period. You likely will get a revolt over that because parents want to send treats for birthdays etc. But see what you can work with if you want to make this a cause you pursue. If you get the other allergic kids' parents working with you, you have a better shot at some form of change or at least stronger restrictions on foods for holidays and treats.

My nephew also has a life-threatening peanut allergy and he will be starting kindergarten in the fall...because my sister is a teacher, she is well aware of what she needs to do. My advice to you (and to her) is to make sure you have a good line of communication w/ his teacher and that she/he KNOWS that your son can not have anything w/ nuts. Also, make sure your son knows to always ask if something has nuts...my nephew will ask me if I checked labels before I give him something (and I don't mind at all...it's good for him to be aware.) It's also important for your son to know never to take food if he isn't sure... a child gave my nephew a cookie at a party once (he was 3, I think) and they had to call 911 because the cookie had nuts in it! Very scary.

Having a dialogue w/ the teacher will help...teachers are supposed to help watch this, but I have seen first hand where there are a few that don't and will even blame their students "well, I wasn't handing out the treats, so it's not my fault."

See what the policy is for your school district too...some will allow you to get an IEP if you feel that your son may be exposed to nuts (even at lunch...kids bring peanut butter, that's just how it is.)

Unfortunately, like you said, parent's who do not have to deal w/ this may not realize how serious it can be. Be proactive in teaching your son how to deal w/ this...Best of luck!!!

I luckily do not have this problem, however, there is a child at my daughter's school with that severe of a peanut allergy. The school has decided to be peanut free. Maybe you can talk to the school board or principal and see if this is an option since it is a small school. Make sure you have letters from your doctor testifying the severity of the allergy. No matter what I wish you luck because I know people can be difficult in things like this.

I understand that you are upset, but really the other parents did what they were supposed to. The intent of the letter was to avoid the homemade treats and boxes of heart-shaped bakery cookies with no labels. Plus, if your daughters are not themselves allergic to nuts, the teacher would not think a thing about sending them home. I don't know about your daughter's teachers, but if a child in my classroom brings in M&Ms or a similar nut-warning treat, I don't let the allergic child have them. I substitute skittles or similar usually. But I would not do anything for a child you has an allergic sibling at home. That is the parent's job. Which is why you should be grateful for all those labelled things.

Yes, your son has the right to enjoy every experience at school...when he starts. But he hasn't, and you cannot think the other parents are uncaring. You can rest assured they would if their child was allergic. But if no one in your household was allergic, you wouldn't think about it. It's like when you are pregnant and suddenly you see pregnant women everywhere. When it doesn't affect you, you don't notice.

It will be a struggle for many years to come. Holidays will be the worst. And I'll bet that when your son starts school, his teachers will take extra precautions as far as treats and stuff. I guarantee he/she does not want your child to have a reaction on his/her watch.

I sent my daughter (9) with cards, and goodie bags with cute pencils and such. no candy.

That being said, my 14 month old has terrible allergies. With the ever growing list of things he can't have (dairy, citrus, eggs, tomato, to name a few) I am horrified of peanuts. BUT that doesn't mean my other kids can't enjoy the things they like. I can't put my son in a bubble, and I can't expect anyone else to give up their entire diet simply because my son may grab something. it's my job, I'm the mom, I expect others to be considerate, and not give my son things, but it sounds like your son isn't even in school yet, simply that your daughters brought home peanut foods, so teach your girls not to bring it home, and teach your son what is and isn't safe to eat when the time comes. You can't always be there, not when he's 5 or 15, and sooner or alter you are going to have to help him be responsible for his health as well, it's not to early to start.

My son's school has a strict NO NUT policy - the week one of our fundraiser's candies included nuts the parents of the students were informed that they would be on campus that week and we would do our best to contain them. In addition the students were exused from campus that week (pre k). Both parents allowed their children on campus and we maintained a "nut free" class room zone. We had no issues and all were respectful. For just about every fundraiser that our school does (mostly candy) there are nuts involved, hard to get around. Honestly, for most schools there are strict policies but I bet those same schools have had allergen issues in the past involving medical personell on campus.

As unfair as it may seem, this is something your son will have to learn to deal with. These parents did follow policy by sending wrapped and labeled candy. Also, it was your daughters who came home with the candy, not your son. I am going to assume that neither of those 2 students with the nut allergy are in either of their classes.

I would suggest a talk with the principle about your concerns. In addition, arm your son with the knowledge of how to protect himself. Teach him how he should handle these kinds of situations. It is something he HAS to learn to deal with. Hey, life is not always fair.

A little something to think about... If 1 or 2 kids in the school have a dairy allergy, do you ban all dairy? What if a few kids have a wheat or gluten allergy? How about those kids with juvenile diabetes? Where should we draw the line on food restrictions in the schools?

Have you spoken to the school nurse about this? Maybe you should set up a meeting with her, and the principal, before your son gets into school, and get a policy on this going. I have a child with a nut allergy, but not life threatening. They went nuts with this to the point where I was almost tired of them being so diligent about it. No one was allowed to bring in anything homemade, or anything that was store-bought that was made at the bakery. Everything coming in had to be packaged with the ingredients fully listed, and everything also had to be individually wrapped too so no one could touch anything. I would see if you could get the school nurse to help you out on this because if it is not implemented she could have a big deal on her hands. good luck to you.

To be honest, I never really gave it much thought until I read a post about it on the mamapedia site. Now i sit at work and wonder if I should be eating a peanut butter sandwich at my desk. I would send in individual chip bags for holiday parties because thats what the kids preferred.
If a letter was sent out, then yes I would have listened and not sent in those types of foods if someone was allergic. In fact, I have asked the teacher if she knew of students who had food allergies.
People who say things like its not my problem that your kids have food allergies are stupid. If it was there kid, I'm sure they would be taking action. I don't understand some people.

First, let me say that I really do have sympathy for your situation...it must be very hard to manage. However, I don't see how any parents were uncaring here. They complied with the note that was sent home. How in the world are they supposed to know that you have another child that hasn't even started school yet that has a peanut allergy? I think that is a very unrealistic expectation. It sounds as though you expect everyone to be peanut free eventhough there is not an affected child in the class. You really can't expect everyone to forgo all peanut products.

For another viewpoint... My daughter is 4 and my pediatrician is concerned that she is not gaining enough weight. One of things that she likes is peanut butter. You can bet that I am giving this to her at home to try to get her to gain weight. OBVIOUSLY, I would not knowingly send peanut butter to school if I knew of an allergic child there. However, what I give to my child in my own home is free game. I'll do the best I can to accomodate your child for sure, but don't expect me to change my child's entire diet.

I feel your pain. My son has a non-life threatening peanut allergy (we feel lucky it's isn't - at least at this point).

My kids are having their parties tomorrow. My preschooler's classroom has a "NO FOOD" policy - hopefully it will be obeyed.

My 1st grader's teacher has sent at least 3 reminders that there are dairy and nut allergies in the classroom, and requested people "be sensitive". I'd prefer they just said "NO FOOD". I made these cute little cards with my boys today for them to take tomorrow.

http://www.designmom.com/2010/02/im-wild-for-you-valentine/

I think they will be a fun change from pencils.

Do you have a Section 504 plan? Section 504 is a federal civil rights law preventing disabiltiy discrimination. Life threatening food allergy is a disability under ADA and Section 504 law. You can get a Section 504 plan for just medical accommodations, it doesn't have to involve educational accommodations. They CANNOT allow your child's allergens in the learning environment (classroom). If they do, they are discriminating against your child. In Ohio, there's a state law that every school have a food allergy policy now. I would ask the school to let you view their policy, because it would seem that they're violating it. Then pursue a Section 504 plan. We've been through that process and it has helped to keep our daughter safe. Contact me for more information.

I was a classroom mom for many years - my experience was that it was a "classroom" issue, not a school wide issue. The teacher would send home a note saying specifically what allergies were in her class and the parents knew what not to send in. Most the time everyone was very cooperative.

As for your daughters bringing things home, it sounds like the rules WERE adhered to - labels, etc. And if there are not children with allergies in their specific classroom then maybe the parents don't even think/know about it. Unfortunately, you are going to have to deal with this for a very long time and you'll just have to take a different approach. And unfortunately, there are ALWAYS going to be people that just don't care. Also, it is possible the notes never even reached the parents!!

Good luck!!!!

I don't send candy to school with my daughter. For Valentines she makes or brings cards, a few years she included pencils.

At her school whether or not to bring peanuts into the classroom is handled on a room by room basis. They don't ban nuts completely, I don't think they could as there are a number of vegeatarians at our school.

They do have one or two tables in the lunch area that are nut free.

I have noticed more of the store brand breads state they "may contain peanuts and tree nuts" not just that they were processed on the same equipment. I'm allergic to walnuts but wasn't as a little kid so never went through what your family is going through as a kid.

I understand you being upset and concerned. I get it even though my kids don't have allergies. My first question when a child will be in my care is always to inquire about allergies.

It can be tricky when your own kids didn't have allergies because you aren't used to checking labels. I know when I had my daughter's birthday party, I was surprised to realize some of the things that are contaminated by peanut or tree nuts because of the machines that they are processed on (even though it isn't actually in the product).

For parents who don't have to be concerned with allergies, I suspect they just don't think about it and possibly just purchase either what is most convenient or what their child wants/their favorites. My daughter usually wants to take M&Ms (her favorite) but because they are processed on the same equipment that processes nuts, they are not ok for her class. The letter that the school sent out stated not to send in foods that aren't labeled. That is their fault...it should have said "No food with labels and they must all be peanut/tree nut free".

I don't mean this to lessen the fact that people should pay attention but rather just in the interest of your child's safety. Because ultimately their safety is their responsibility (and yours), you must teach them to not eat anything that they are not completely positive is safe unless/until they are able to verify. You could also always ask at the beginning of each year if you could have an informational session at your school. Explain the severity of these allergies (some have to come in contact whereas some can't be near the allergen) and hand out information that is clear about items that are ok vs some that aren't even if they don't contain nuts. Then before party time, you compose the reminders to insure they are sufficient.

I am one who understands and follows rules. However. I think you and your kids are going to deal with this forever. And your kid is going to bve the allergy as they grow and I'm sure you educate them and prepare them the most to handle what goes in their mouths. But I think the teacher could have helped sort things out in her bag.

It sounds like everyone did follow the school policies... individually wrapped candies are labeled.... if the school does not have a no peanut/no milk/egg/glueten rule .....then saying other parents are not caring is really not fair.
I do get the seriousness of allergies. I do not think that kids with allergies need to be home schooled... but . other posters have mentioned... not every parent is going to know every kids allergy (and there are many more than just peanut) so they rely on school and the school policy.
With my daughters pediatricians permission and after talking to allergiest, we introduced out daughter to peanut butter early. We have no family hx of allergies, and she loved it. It is now one of the only things she will eat. We spoke to her day care before we ever sent anything in, we talked to her teacher, the director... there is no policy and they said they had no kids with peanut allergy right now Her teacher was worried (although said nothing to us) that it was still a risk as other kids may not have been exposed yet. And apparently she was then telling the other parents her concerns .... so again we are were not uncaring... we were told no policy... no kids with allergies right now. At the end what happened was we keep some crackers there for her, but send in other food. if she will not eat the food we send... they have her sit at table alone and eat her crackers... just in case. But again, all could have been solved earlier with communication with the school.

My son is in a special needs classroom and peanut butter sandwiches is one of the only things he regularly eats. One of the peer models is allergic but thankfully for their sake and my child is allowed to have his lunch, they just don't sit together and her parents know my child eats peanut butter and have personally given me the okay to continue sending it in, according to them the allergy is not severe or life threatening so long as she does not eat or handle it. We all understand each others positions and situations which is great.

For their valentine party I'm sending in peanut-free(nut-free actually), gluten-free, casein-free cookies. My child has of course brought home tons of peanut-laden cookies and candies and I only hope in those cases that the one child with the peanut allergy is given alternatives. I see no reason why everyone cannot enjoy school together I would never think of saying a child should stay home due to allergies. That to me is the same as people saying my son should not attend public school due to him being autistic/nonverbal. I do not ever support exclusion of any child for any reason.

The problem is often policing this. In addition to the school teacher knowing, do you have a room mom? She should be made aware of his allergy. I am so sorry to hear of your sons allergy, but he will need to learn to live in a nut world. Does he know to check labels? What he can and can and can not have. Does he know to talk to a teacher to ask to leave the room if HE see's they are present?
If he is young you should work on him to NOT eat anything that you have not provided. It doesn't have to be fair to him, you already know it isn't fair. But it is his reality. I know one of the kids at our school simply was kept home during times when her risk to exposure was likely to be an issue because her alleriges were so severe .

Or school's have been really good at dealing with allergies in kids, but the holiday parties are always a struggle to try and monitor each and every thing that comes in, especially valentines day.