School Age Lying.

Hi J.,
Yea, fibbing's a big deal, but luckily, she's doing it over something you can control.

Just as a suggestion: instead of asking "if" she has homework randomly, sit her down at her work station at home, have her open her backpack and look through her papers, and tell you if she has homework or not.

If she really doesn't not have homework one day, and tries to talk her way out of this routine, tell her, "Hey, you've been fibbing to us about if you have it or not, so we *have* to do this until we know you won't fib to us any more."

Keep it up through the end of the school year, and start up at the beginning of the next for the first 30 days or so, then maybe see if she "gets it."

Good luck!
t

i went and bought a little notebook just for the teachers to write down my childs homework,so she couldn't lie to me about it anymore.First ask if there's homework and if she lies, u check her notebook.If she continues to lie, u need to take away what she likes best for a period of time w/o giving in early,and when she starts telling the truth, u need to praise her for being honest.Unfortunatly,w/lying it continues w/a small one then gets bigger as they grow up.Hopefully she stops the lies and starts being honest w/u. the best of luck to u.

Hi, J.:

At this age children are asking themselves, "Can I measure up to my own expectations? or Can I be accepted by my peers?"

Either way, there is no need to punish her. Give her a choice: Ask her if she would rather show you the homework that needs to be done, or does she want you to call her teacher every day to see what she has to do each night? If she improves, good. If not, call the teacher to know what homework needs to be done each night.

There is something going on with her at school. Take time to ask her what happens at school each day.

Good luck. D.

Positive reinforcement with rewards usually helps but not cures. Instead of taking things away or grounding, find something she loves to collect or favorite food, etc and every time she tells the truth she gets extra of it (make sure its something feasible and doesnt break your bank). Take her to Toy store and have her pick something out that she reaaallly wants and take a picture of it. Then use a calendar or something big to put the picture of it next to the blocks of days of the week or the whole month and explain every time or every 5 times she tells the truth the closer she gets to getting what she reaaallly wants. But when she does lie show how disappointed and sad you are. When she does lie and she says she doesnt know, her subconscious can not put it words so the reaction is I dont know. The truth is they know what they want and like to do and they are very moody. They could love school and homework one day and hate it the next. It depends on what is happenning around them that day, so we have to figure out whats going on inside their brain and try to figure out the why's and explain it to them so they can be comfortable telling the truth and not lying.
VH (mom of 2 boys 7 and 5yrs old)

Grounding and toy removal is often a little too vague and drawn out at 6 years old, which may be why it's not working. She needs something much firmer and more immediate. When my daughter started trying to fib at 3 1/2 (which didn't last more than 2 fibs), I explained to her what lying was and that it was absolutely not allowed, and that she would have a consequence if she said something that was not true. Once I was sure she absolutely knew what I meant, I began say to her when I saw her struggling to decide to tell the truth or not, "If you tell the truth, everything will be OK, if you tell a lie, you will have a consequence." And she knew from consistency in other areas, we meant it. So far at age 4 all we've had to do is praise her for telling the truth and she hasn't fibbed, but if and when she does, she will get a firm consequence. She already understands what lying is and that it's REALLY bad.
You're right, lying has to be nipped at the very beginning or it will get totally out of hand. Use your firmest and most unpleasant consequence that she wants to avoid in the moment when she has a choice of whether to fib or not, not a delayed one she doesn't mind too much.
Ask her about her homework, warn her what will happen if she lies (always call it lying, dont' downplay it by calling it fibbing or she wont' get why it's so bad) and follow through. Be equally rewarding when she tells the truth. Good luck!

This is a normal age to start experimenting with lying. If you over react you can actually make it an unsafe environment for her to be honest. We have made this mistake with our first child and he actually admitted he is afraid to tell the truth.

First, where behavior is concerned, prevention is always best. You may want to open her folder and get her homework out as soon as she gets home from school.

Next if lying becomes a chronic problem and she starts lying about everything, the best thing you can do is let her know how lying hurts you and ask her if she knows why its important in a relationship to be honest. The more talking she does the more you'll know what she knows!! It also avoids it being a lecture which turns kids ears to off!

Tell her that every night you and her will have an honesty check and she has to tell you everything she lied about that day. Reassure her there will be no punishments. This has been a powerful deterrent to our 10 yr old son and it has usually turned into a wonderful conversation where he shares other things with me too.

HI J., This is not just a little problem that will go away on it's own...it is a habit that will only get worse if you let it go. One of the best ways to correct this is to be proactive. Every school day (no exceptions) as soon as you get home with your daughter go straight to the dinning table and pull out her folder. Go over the contents with her, if there's no homework then talk about the papers she brings home, if there's homework get her started on it then you can start dinner while you supervise (or help). Good study habits last a lifetime and are cruical if college is in your plans for her future and now is the time to start. It is kinda late in the school year, but it's better to start a new routine now that you can follow for years to come. We did this with all three of our girls...and now that they are old enough to make their own study schedule on their own and they have been very successful. Best wishes.

Hi J.,
If nothing is working is it possible she is not lying but just forgetting? My son is 14 an excellent student but still forgets about some HW until I remind him. When my son was 6 I would go thru his bags when he got home and question him and see what has to be done and help him organize. At that age they need alot of organization help from parents. Rather than think of her as lying do not give her the opportunity . Check the back pack together and see foryourself what HW there is.Then discuss what and when she will work on.

Good luck,
L.

My older daughter lied all the time. In retrospect, I think I put a lot of pressure on her and made her grow up a bit before her time (too pushy). This is their time to learn and our time to teach and guide them. Rather than ~ Do you have homework Y/N? Try a routine of everyday you review homework and or schoolwork. Make this is a time that if there is no homework, she take a glance at her weekly spelling words or addition problems for review. This should give everyone a better feeling, than spend time worrying about lies. When my little one lies now, I just hush her immediately and say that is not true and carry on.

Best of luck!

Remember, young children need a snack, and play time (this is their down time). Then they will be ready to face the homework.. Make a schedule so that every day when she gets home, you have snack, playtime and homework time. Let her decide in what order. Let her know the quicker she finishes homework, the more time to play. Have a special place that she always works on her homework.

We were told at the beginning of the school year that every week there was a spelling test, reading every night and a math work sheet for our daughter all through 1st grade. Then special projects would also be expected. We knew our daughter always had homework. Instead of asking "have you finished your homework", we always said, "bring your completed home work over here so we can see what you are learning" For the practice of the spelling words, some days , I would have her call them out to me.. I would make some mistakes so she could grade me. Sometimes, I would have a pan with rice for her to "write with her finger in the rice". In the car we would try to remember the word list "by heart""and try to remember how to spell the words..

She is testing you guys. Make her responsible for her homework, but remind her, it is becoming hard to believe her since she has started lying.

I am not suggesting this is the problem but, when I was in elementary school, I would also lie about homework. The reason? My father was scary about home work.. He would push and push, make me redo the things that did not look right and get frustrated when I did not remember the correct spelling of the words on the spelling list.

Also both of my parents worked, so by the time we all got home, everybody was tired, hungry and stressed. Homework was always "why do they have to give you homework? Why didn't you finish this earlier? What do you mean you do not remember what the teacher said about how to do this? " I was just trying to avoid the whole thing. I would rather lie to my parents than have to be stressed by all of this.