How to Deal with the Gifted 6 Y/o Fibber

I'd say you might need to start rewarding honesty until he gets into the habit of being truthful rather than a prevaricator. If there is a pay off for his fibs (attention maybe?) he will continue with what is working for him. Hopefully it's just a kookie stage he's in, but definitely keep an eye on it, you know we all can't really stand liars and you dont want him to be that.

Oh boy! I LOVE gifted liars :) :) :)

Gifted liars make GREAT:

- Writers
- Actors
- Spies
- Investigative anything (from journalism to law inforcement to insurance ... because in order to lie well, one has to understand social cues and nuances of facial and body expression that allow them to "intuit" when others are being honest or not)

Personally... I cultivate it like any other strength... while also teaching trust and honesty.

With little kids, one way to go about this is to turn it into a game. Have them do THREE lies for every ONE lie. One that is believable, one that is OUTRAGEOUS, and one that is half truth or lie by omission. And ALSO have them then tell the truth.

Lies are very useful in life, when put to good use, the trick is really to show a child how something that they have discovered can be put to good use, and the fallout from putting it to bad use.

((Hitting is a more "simple" example of the same concept. We teach no hitting in everyday life. But what about when a bully attacks, or to protect someone else, or to escape a kidnapper? We WANT our kids to defend themselves, or be able to stand up for someone being hurt by someone else. So there are times and places to put hitting to good use. Taken one step further: in martial arts (a sport), or in the military (a career) hitting is a mainstay. Those are two more times/ places when hitting is put to good use. But we teach not to hit out of anger or pique.))

Is it a fib in which you know he’s actually fibbing? My son was like that and would fib about something that I actually saw him do. He would even go as far as to say “The cat did it”. When I KNEW it was a fib I would say “I’m going to give you 5 seconds to tell me the truth or else there will be a consequence. I’ll leave it up to you to make the right choice here.” and I would stare him down. Never failed. Now if he tells a fib I just have to stare him down and he’ll tell me the truth. The fibs are few and far between now.

Also, he saw an episode of Wow Wow Wubbzy wherein there is a song that goes “Don’t lie, Don’t lie, Don’t you blame it on the other guy…” and anytime he would fib, my daughter would start singing that song. That worked too!

It’s also a good idea to talk about fibbing at a time that he didn’t actually fib to prompt the lecture. Sometime when you are tucking him into bed just sweetly talk with him about it and how important it is to always tell the truth because he never wants to be known as a liar by anyone.

I know it can be daunting but don't give up!

You will LOVE the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Not only for this problem, but just about any of the classic child-rearing monsters that will arrive over the next ten years or so. Practical, wise, and respectful of both your needs and your son's.

The authors will teach you how to present your concerns to your kid in a voice he can hear. And how to get his participation in addressing the problem. He's old enough to come up with some really creative ways to pin himself to the wall – but the process will be so gentle and positive, he's not even likely to say "ouch."

I have an 21 yr old who has always had an very active imagination. I didn't stop it for the fact a gut instinct told me not too. He wants to be a fictional writer and If I had tamed this at a young age to be politically correct he wouldnt want to be a fiction writer. now the fibbing to get out of trouble I did punish. I say never tame the active imagination all kids do it some out grow it and some like mine learn to use it to thier advantage when they are older. you cant write about trolls and dragons without an active imagination.

I took him down to see a personal interview with one of his favorite writers one day and what he told the kids was ,my imagination ALWAYS got him in trouble in school. but now he is a very rich writer he wrote the redwall series. I seen it like this is pretending to be batman fibbing. in a way yes in a way no. as long as the fibs stay appropriate "active imagination" they dont hurt anything. if for purposes of staying out of trouble bite it in the bud before it gets out of control.

My oldest used to lie about a lot of stuff. We try to teach him that he will get in much less trouble is he tells the truth. And praise him a lot when he is truthful. I honestly don't know where they learn all that from cause we don't go around lying to people. Sounds like you are doing what you can. Don't stop addressing each issue as it arises.

Good luck and God bless

If the lie stems from an overactive imagination, you might want to ask him, "Are you sure that is what really happened?" And if he is trying to get out of trouble, you might want to just be straight with him, as in, "Look, buddy, I was not born yesterday. How about you tell me the truth?" And I would start enforcing some kind of consequence when he does lie, if you are not already. Tell him that if he is honest, he won't be in nearly as much trouble as he will be if he lies.

I know you have gotten a lot of good advice, but here is my two cents. We just went though a lieing spell with my 9 y/o son. We took away something he loves (playing the Wii) & he had to earn the Wii & our trust back. With our situation he was not giving me his school papers, not doing his homework & lieing to me about both. We put a system in place that he earned 'Wii dollars'. One for not lieing & one for giving me all the papers in his back pack (plus I have to check his backpack).
With both of my boys they go through 'seasons' that one discipline works then another 'season' that I have to change discipline styles. You need to try different disciplines until you find one that works. I really like what some of the mamas said: having him make books about his stories & the questionare that is insanely detailed. The book idea would probly be the best for a 6 y/o. It will be a positive use of his imagination & hopefully will curb his lieing.
Just to let you know I was a compulsive lier for a large part of my life & childhood. I was afraid of making my mom mad (she was a yeller). So to keep the peace I would lie. I would also lie to keep myself out of trouble & to keep everyone happy by telling them what they wanted to hear (wether it was the truth or not). It has taken me many years to learn to control my compulsive lieing. It was really hard especially when someone would ask me a question I would automatically tell them what they wanted to hear.

God bless!

Is he fibbing or just using his imagination and everything in his world is exaggerated? Does he repeat the same stories?

What do you know, I have a 6 year old gifted son who is really good at fibbing! Although he did get a note home from school saying he'd lied to his teacher.

I don't quite know how to handle it, either, except that I emphasize honesty and try to understand his reason behind doing it. I generally attribute all of his misbehavior to boredom. Oh my, does he get in trouble when he's bored! He pokes his brother in the car, makes obnoxious sounds (also reported at school) and makes up words. He's been changing the beginning sounds of words for years (i.e. "Mom, look at me" becomes "Bom, book bat bee!") because it's just more interesting. I really think that he's testing boundaries, seeing what he can get away with, and he's just bored. I also think it's a phase for all kids this age, and if you keep up with it, it will pass.

I skimmed thru the rest of the responses. Sorry if this is repetitive!

With my son, the lying got out of hand to the point that his friends didn't believe anything he said anymore. In 2nd grade, his class was doing a "thankful" project & he told the teacher he was "thankful" for not having cancer anymore. I was horrified when I got the call that day....thank goodness I knew the teacher!

From that point on, I knew we had to address each & every lie. I use the "stop sign" analogy a lot in my responses.....usually in discipline settings. But with my son, we also used it for lying. As soon as he started in on a story, I held up my hand & said, "truth or lie". Sometimes he would he smile & verbally respond with an enthusiastic "truth".....sometimes he would hang his head & say "lie". After a few months, he finally was able to identify his own personal triggers & was able to tell the truth on a regular basis.

& there were a few times when he said, "lie. But it would make a really good story....just listen" or he'd say, "lie. But I wish it were true!". & these were his honest thoughts.

The tendency to lie cropped back up when teenhood hit. One day I was so frustrated that I created a "lying" packet. It was 5 pages long & addressed every aspect I could think of! I gave it to my son & he was horrified. He said several times, "you mean I have to write answers to these questions? No way!" I stood firm, he buckled down to the project.....& enjoyed it! By the time he got thru the questions, he was laughing at himself. He said that he'd acted really stupid in thinking that anyone would actually believe what he'd said!

The ?s in the packet were intensive. I addressed "why" he'd made the choice to lie, "how" it impacted - not only himself- but others, "how" other people felt, "how" it created distrust & disbelief, short & long-term effects, career options, life choices, & lots more. I really hit him hard!

I still have the packet in my Documents. I've threatened him with it only once or twice in the past 2 years. Both times he said, "nope, I'm good. I'll watch my mouth next time." ...........Soooo, my hope for you is that you find something long-lasting which will teach your child to identify the triggers & will teach him to make a better choice. For me the "stop sign" worked until teen years!

Yes, you are creating a serial liar if your discipline isn't effective. I have lots of friend with teens who lie their a___s off all the time and were not disciplined for it when they were younger. They think it's hilarious that their parents expect the truth.

Let the imagination flourish, unless the imaginative stories contain misleading facts that matter. You don't want to suppress that.

But as for lying to get out of trouble? NOPE! If a serious offense was committed, in our house it's one consequence (stingin' butt) for the truth, and two for lie.

Our kids are so young, and they know we mean what we say, so we haven't had to do more than praise for choosing to tell the truth so far, which has sufficed, but they know that once they start telling lies, there will be worse consequences for lying than the trouble that comes form truth.

The purpose of firm discipline is to absolutely deter the behavior so your child learns impulse control and THEN it naturally follows with habit that the right action is what they WANT to do so much less discipline is needed later. If you're ineffective in the early years, their own conscience fails to take over-notice the bully epidemic currently amongst privileged kids? It used to be a few abused or neglected or spoiled kids in a school bullying when I was a kid. Now it's literally 50 % of kids who never had any hardship doing it after years of this "don't give negative consequences for wrong actions" trend imo. They weren't forced to respect their parents as toddlers and kids, and grew to respect no one.

Don't let the habit go unchecked, the lies are silly now, but if you don't treat them VERY seriously so he knows it's very wrong, then the lies will continue and his conscience won't stop him later.

The fact you are calling it "little fibs" sounds like you may be taking it lightly, if it was addressed appropriately (firmly enough) it would stop. 6 years old is mature. Nip it!

Perhaps have a special "Let's Write Stories" activity together.
Today we're going to write a story about something that never happened.
The next day we're going to write a story about something that did happen.
Work on the stories together.
Make sure you're explaining the difference between the two kinds of stories so that DS understands what you're telling him.
If/when he watches TV, do you point out the differences
between fiction and fact?
When you read books together, does he know the difference
between a story and a book with facts?