Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy

I was taught to believe in Santa, Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. I don't remember when I found out they weren't real but i don't remember feeling crushed or lied to about it. In fact, at the age of 38 I still get presents from my dad every years that say "from Santa" :0)

I have never felt bad or like I was telling a lie about them. We have a 6 year old and 13 year old.

I know the 13 year old knows but have said that when you stop believing they will stop coming. So she understands -

My brother is older than I am - he is in his 50's and my mom ( 70 )will some years still make my brother a stocking from Santa - it is just a fun thing for them :)

What is so wrong with letting kids be kids? What is wrong with fantasy and fun that is age appropriate? I've never met a single person that was twisted or hated their parents for telling them about Santa. I think we as parents these days look to deep into some of the most simple things in life.

Creativity and imagination are essential to a growing child. Kids are smarter than we give them credit sometimes. Kids just naturally figure it out and when they do that's when it's time to explain that it's a very special thing that the grown ups and big kids know about and not to spoil it for the little ones.

I haven't ever heard of any child who was mad at their parents for lying to them about santa. The magic of these mythical creatures is worth the white lie. When we got a bit older and were questioning my mom about the truth, she told us she was really santa's helper because he couldn't do all that work by himself. Even though we all knew she was full of it, we loved the fact that she did all that work for us and we got surprises from santa in the morning.

My daughter is only one and a half, but we told her about santa last xmas, and will keep it going for as long as possible.

I always thought they were real until around 3rd grade. I never had an 'epiphany' moment where I thought that my whole life was a lie because they were not real. My parents explained that if you believe in your parents, then you believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. Therefore I believe and will keep telling my kids they are real until they get to the age where they ask (I won't lie) but will tell them the same thing!

As a parent, it is just so much fun to make life magical for those who are young and gullible enough to believe anything we tell them. But, I think we underestimate our children's ability to have just as much fun even if they know that we are all 'pretending' together. I truly believe that if we take advantage of our children's eagerness to believe us when they are younger we are weakening their willingness to trust us when they are older, even if they completely understand the so-called innocence of our intentions.

We played Tooth Fairy with our son and he loved it. We also let him learn the real magic of prayer by praying with him when he faced challenges. He learned that prayer has tangible results when he was young. Today he is a remarkable young man who relies on prayer, trusts his parents, and still believes in the real magic. He seems to know that life is a love story and he means to live it that way.

After all, when it comes down to it, the One Who created us demands that we not 'bear false witness'. I don't think there is any fine print that says 'unless you are doing it to make your children happy'. If we tell our children that there are invisible beings that judge their behavior, knows when they lose a tooth, etc. and then rewards or deprives them accordingly and then they discover it was all imaginary, how can we expect them to have any faith in what we tell them we have learned about God?

Honestly, don't you think we can be creative and playful and still be honest with our children? I just don't think we have to give up the fun and magic of life in order to be honest. We were honest with our son and life was not at all boring!

I allowed my kids to believe in all these things. To me, it's just a fun and happy part of childhood. My kids are 23 and 14. They know mommy was the force behind it all these years but they never, ever were like, "How could you lie to me?" Even when they knew better, they never spoiled it for other kids. We just never looked at it as perpetuating a lie. Little kids only get to be little kids for so long. And, both of my children know that every holiday, there is something from Santa or the Easter Bunny. They've never once said they don't believe in it because that would spoil some of the fun.
It's something I will always do for them and I'm sure they will do for their own children.
I've written about this before. My son has a friend whose parents have never colored eggs with him. Never a Santa or Easter bunny or tooth fairy thing. He gets jealous. He's old enough to know it's not real but he's also told his parents he didn't think it was fair they never did any of that for him. They celebrate Easter and Christmas, but they don't even buy the kids presents. They give them money to get what they want. There's no presents under the tree, no Easter baskets. He kind of feels like it's a rip off.
No hate mail, please...everyone has a right to do what they want.
Of course we should be honest with our kids. We want them to be honest, but, sometimes a lie isn't really a lie. Sometimes if someone says, "Does this dress make me look fat?" we don't always need to tell the truth.
If someone makes a lopsided cake, we don't need to point that out for the sake of honesty.
When it comes to Santa, etc, I think kids figure it out for themselves but if you want to tell your children that none of it is real and it's just a game for fun, then tell them that.
I would have been upset if my parents said that to me, but that's just my opinion.
I played right along. We had our traditions of having to go to bed early and the anticipation of what would be there in the morning and I did the same with my children.
If you feel like you're being dishonest, then just tell them.

I will be interested to see your other responses.

Best wishes!

We also have the candy fairy. The day after Halloween our daughter goes through all of her candy and splits it in two. One pile for her and one for the candy fairy. The candy fairy picks up that pile that night while we are sleeping and delivers it to Santa. If Santa gets a lot of candy he give a lot of presents. When Christmas comes around she only gets one present from us and the rest are from Santa. Great way to get rid of all that candy without the arguments.

Karin,
My conscience has run away with these thoughts too, but I've recently discovered a new (to me) philosophy/pedagogy that claims that creative and fictive and imaginative endeavors are all very healthy to a child's development. Fostering curiosity and wonder are actually very intellectually and emotionally stimulating for a child (in a healthy way). In case you're wanted to know, the pedagogy is Waldorf. I'm still learning a lot about this educational philosophy.

Fostering critical thinking skills can happen in many different ways: like reading to your child and then pausing to ask her/him what he would do or how he might go about solving the problem if he were the protagonist/main character. Or you do your own critical thinking "out loud" and model what that looks like. Or you could invite her to help you figure out solutions to your own daily logic and reasoning (for example, ask her what she thinks about things that you need help in deciding, like, "how do you think we should reorganize your closet today?").

Of course all that being said, there comes a time when the fantasy of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy wanes into the realm of that place where wonder confronts the real world, and our children inevitably grow up. It all depends on your children, their ages (emotionally and chronologically), and what you deem right for them. Take care, and sorry so lengthy, but I've thought about this before too...
K.

I have the same problem you do -- I don't like feeling like I am lying to my five year old when he looks me straight in the eye and asks, "Is Santa REAL?" I have three kids - 1, 3, and 5 - the others don't ask yet.. but my 5 year old is a very curious child. I don't look down on parents that "lie".. I think calling it lying is a bit harsh, even. But.. when cornered I feel guilty if I am not honest. So that is how I address it. What I told him is that Santa is an idea -- the general feeling of taking care of others. The spirit of Christmas is the idea of helping people, giving to those that don't have, appreciating what you do have and enjoying your family.

Every year we adopt an "Angel" off the angel tree -- one for each child, the same age as they are. We talk about how these kids don't have simple things like winter coats that fit them, socks, underwear, etc. Each child helps shop for their aged Angel. I've done this since my son was 6 months old. Basically showing him that people, keep Santa alive. We make it very real. He seems very happy with this, and enjoys it more each year.

Also this year we started going a new tradition. A few days before Christmas morning, we also go through old toys. 1/3 of current toys get put aside as a "Donate" for Goodwill/Salvation army/Shelter house. I talk to the kids about how much they have, and the waste of having toys around they don't even play with anymore. It's really nice, I've been pretty impressed with how giving they were. Plus it helps keep the clutter down.

We still put toys out at night, hang the stockings, and let the kids still enjoy the wonder of waking up to toys they didn't know would be there. We also do easter egg hunts and baskets when they wake up in the morning. We just enjoy the fun time as family time.

Good luck, I'm sure you will find something that works for you.

I let my kids believe in Santa , it's all part of the fun , my eldest is 7 so I don't think it will be much longer until he works it out. As for tooth fairy , Easter bunny etc we don't do those , it all get's too much.

We have pretty much chosen to not foster the belief of Santa, etc. As a matter of fact, we don't talk to our daughter about them at all so she really doesn't know who they are. It shocks people when they try to talk to her on the subjects that she just looks at them. At this time she's only 3 and, although we are very involved with MOMS Club & other activites with other kids, she is home schooled so she's been a little more sheltered from all the talk of Santa, etc. When she gives the blank stares then I just pipe up and tell them that she doesn't know who they are and that at Christmas, Hanukkah & Easter we talk about the reason for those seasons nothing else. She doesn't miss out at all, especially with her getting a little gift every night of Hanukkah. The one thing that I will have to handle with kid gloves is helping her to honor other families who live the fairytale once she gets older.

we don't buy gifts that say from santa but have stockings and never told the kids they were from santa. They can think what they want but we didn't promote santa, the easter bunny, or the tooth fairy. We put 1.00 under the pillow for a tooth but they also figured out right away that it was us doing it and not some fairy so if we forget the dollar they will come and tell us that we forgot. We also make special easter baskets for the kids for easter but never told them they were from an easter bunny. We do allow them to watch santa movies as they are fun to watch. We just treated them like all other fairy tales and just didn't get it started so we never had to explain why we lied because we didn't lie. When they ask questions about it from kids at school I just tell them that some kids believe and not to make a big issue out of who is right or wrong and just let those kids believe if they want to but they knew all along that they were not real and liked to pretend sometimes that maybe they were real just as they do any other fairytale when playing. They never had to go through that devastation when they find out that what they knew all their lives is not real and can affect other issues later in life.

All I know is when my first was a baby, my father-in-law made a comment about how people teach their kids not to lie but lie to them about Santa and that stuck with me and we decided not to lie to our kids and not have gifts from santa or anything else and when they were 5 or 6 in Kindergarten and started asking questions about it we told them the truth and didn't make a big deal about it. No one got upset and they weren't disappointed, we just said that a lot of people can be santas in life if they give to people in need and we do help people so they see that in our lives and hopefully will impact them to live that way when they are adults.

they will outgrow it in time. i told my kids when they tell me they dont believe in santa, he will no longer bring presents to the house. lol

K.,
I have four children. My oldest was a very curious child and asked lots of questions. I never told him Santa was real, but we did read the books and play along a little, although we never made him a big part of Christmas. However, by the time he was three, he already doubted and asked me point blank if Santa was real. I told him the truth. When our next son came along, I never had time to think about it. His older brother told him Santa was just a fun pretend thing. When my second son was five, he told me he thought we should go along with the Santa thing for his two younger siblings. He said he felt he missed out on his childhoold because we didn't perpetuate the Santa myth. That broke my heart! So, we played up Santa for the younger two. However, a few years later, he got mad at his brother and in order to get back at him, he told him Santa wasn't real! His brother was crushed! Then, I began to wonder if maybe my first course of action was the better plan. My daughter, however, happily believed in Santa until she was seven or eight, and wasn't the least bit upset to find out he wasn't real. I don't know if this helps you or not! I do think it depends somewhat on the child's personality. One child was upset to find out the truth, the other wasn't. I do think if I was doing it all over again though I would just do what I did in the beginning. Let them watch the Christmas shows, let them read the books, but don't stress Santa. I also, when they were a little older, read them books about Saint Nicholas and explained how Santa got started. I probably should have kept to that course.

My folks told me that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were real. When I found out that they weren't real (I was bout 6), I was really upset about it. Honesty was seriously emphasized and highly encouraged in my childhood. One of my Mom's favorite sayings was "I hate a liar worse than a thief." If I was caught in a lie I was in far worse trouble that I would have been for whatever offense I'd committed in the first place. When I found out that they had lied it messed with my head in ways I could have never imagined. I mean if they lied about something so inconsequential what else had they lied about? In my mind, there as no reason to lie about these myths-nothing was at stake. They wouldn't have been in any kind of trouble if they'd just told me that they bought and put the presents under the tree or in the basket or that they put 50 cents under my pillow. And when I realized the scope of the lie, that not only the people I trusted most in the world, but the whole world itself, was in on the lie, I was just stunned. I assure you that if my parents had other children after me, they would not have told them that these myths were true! It took quite a while for me to get over it. Once trust is broken it takes quite a while to earn/build it back. I can only imagine how they must have felt when they would tell me something and I would ask, "is this true or is it just another Santa Clause tale?" I remember waiting with my mother at the bust stop with my mother when a sweet little old lady asked me if I was looking forward to the Easter Bunny visiting me. I asked her if she was intentionally lying to me or if she'd been fooled too. Talk about a conversation stopper! My mother turned as red as a can of coke.

Much to my husband's chagrin, I do not perpetrate these myths to my child. One reason is religious, the other is moral. I've told her who these characters are and the myths surrounding them, but she knows that they are imaginary. I value honesty and I want my daughter to value it also. My husband hates to hear it, but we are all leading by example whether we intend to or even want to. Our children are watching and learning from us.

It's kind of funny you ask because it's very hypocritical that we tell kids not to lie and then we blatantly do it for the sake of their childhood and innocence.

We choose to indulge in the hype for now for the sake of not depriving them of the fun in believing in something imaginative Our kids are young, though (2 and almost 4), so they wouldn't really understand why adults would want to make these things up.

I was in 3rd grade when the gig was finally up - until then, it gave me something fun to look forward to for special occasions.

Hi K.,

We never told our kids that these characters were real. We told them that they were make believe and we never had any problem enjoying the make believe. We did tell them about the real St. Nicolas and what he did with the toys and where the legend came from. I did always wonder why people teach their children not to talk to strangers and then place them on a strangers lap at Christmas and tell them to have fun. My kids (14 and 17) are honest, well adjusted and don't feel deprived at all.

Your question was why and we simply did it for the sake of being honest and not sending mixed signals. My two cents!

M.

I always just told my kids (before they found out from someone else) that these are just fun games that we play. Then we proceeded to go through the motions. Any time they started to slip into actually believing, I gently reminded them it is just a fun game. They all seemed good with that, and had a lot of fun.

It's so much fun, believing in those characters.

My five year old daughter is so excited about the tooth fairy, she just tied a piece of dental floss to her loose tooth, the other end to a doorknob, and slammed the door. So excited, not a word about fear, pain or blood. The whole family cheered her on and we got it all on video. Then, she insisted on sleeping in her older brother's room so that they can share the thrill of seeing what the tooth fairy brought at the crack of dawn.

They shrieked with delight at the two-dollar bill (for a performance like THAT, the TF pays well!).

How boring would life be without these little moments!

When they ask if they are real, I say, they are if you believe in them, and that they don't like to waste their time and effort on people who don't want them to be real. This explanation satisfies their need to know why Santa and the Bunny doesn't come for some of their friends.

I am not bothered in the slightest. I think there is a difference between lying to kids and perpetuating fantasies that allow for entertainment and laughter. If ever it should stop being fun, I would open the kimono.