Sahm's, Do You Feel It Is Your Responsibility to Keep Your Children Entertained?

Great question. Sometimes I do, but I find that my 5 year old gets bored with me trying to do things with him too. I do try to do at least three things a day with my kids like go for walks, play a game, set up the sprinkler, arrange a playdate, teach them to read or write, etc. I engage my 5 year old in doing chores too like cleaning and cooking. I tend not to do too many outside sports like soccer or baseball since I have a very fussy 10 month old who acts up frequently. My 5 year old will be starting summer camp next week to break up the monotony and keep him entertained. I know what you mean--it's hard to keep kids entertained ALL THE TIME.

Part of the problem I feel, is that we live in a much scarier world now compared to when I was growing up 30 plus years ago. Parents are more hypersensitive to stranger danger, so we are placed in a position where we have to do more with the kids and supervise more.

M.

I feel that there has to be a balance. I understand the pressure you feel to be the "activities director" for your kids. We moms are roped into a lot of those mommy & me activities these days. And we do feel somewhat obligated by society to conform and do all these contrived things to entertain our kids. But like you said, I spent much of my childhood entertaining myself. Playing with my dolls and with my school supplies, and my office supplies, riding my bike, playing with my neighbors, make believe play, etc. And my parents didn't get involved much, and that was OK! I never felt neglected or unloved. Quite the contrary. I feel I had a wonderful upbringing.

I am kind of in the middle on this, walking the fence, if you will. I do some of the shuttling, playdates, classes, as it interests my son. And I DO enjoy doing these things with him. But I also love to see him in his room, actually PLAYING with his toys, or building a fort on his bed with all his stuffed animals, or in his sandbox with all his diggers. And sometimes I even feel a twinge of "go in and play with him!" But I digress. I know this is very good for him. I know he needs to know how to entertain himself, to use his imagination, and not always have his time 'structured' by some class that is 'supposed to be good for him.'

I guess am just saying that I totally feel where you are coming from, and I think the answer is probably somewhere in the middle. I treasure the time I spend with my son, be it through structured playdates and activities, or playing with him on his bedroom floor with his toys. We have a deep bond and I cherish our time together. But I also truly enjoy the time I see him growing and developing on his own, learning through his own trials and errors, and thinking and playing all on his own accord. It's so healthy. So as I said in the beginning, I think there's a balance.

T.,
Here's my opinion:
Read the book "Last Child in the Woods".

Turn off the TV and get them out of the habit of watching it at all. Once or twice a month, have a "movie night" (or afternoon) and let them watch an appropriate movie. But remember, when they are watching a movie, eg. Snow White, they are no longer using their own imagination, but borrowing someone else's (Disney, in this case). When you read the story Snow White to them, they can create their own image of her in their imaginations, but watching the movie, the image is given TO them, thus preventing them from using and expanding their imaginations.

Schedule into your day at least 1 but not more than 2 hours of playtime with your children - giving them your undivided attention. Other than that, they're on their own! But be ready with suggestions when your daughter comes looking for you to play with her.

Provide them with open ended toys to play with - things they can use their imaginations with to play many different things. (my children LOVE their Bilibos, and never cease to amaze me with how many different ways they can play with them)

Sand and/or water tables are wonderful inventions!

Make them (yes I said make them!) play outdoors at LEAST two hours each day. Dress them for the weather, and ship them outside. Of course, you'll want to babyproof your yard, just like you do your house.

Research the Waldorf philosophy, and see if you would like to incorporate it in your home. Basically, it's letting the children play a lot, and help you with household chores a little, so they are learning good work ethics and handy skills - this includes cooking and baking. And art and music and storytelling are a big part of it, also. But mostly, letting the children play freely and use their imaginations. You can get lots of ideas from Waldorf homeschool books.

So that is what I think! : )

Blessings,
J.

I think you are on the right track. Playing with them and organizing outings todayso that they are engaged and passively learning how to entertain themselves tomorrow. We are raising a generation of kids that don't know how to race around their own backyard making up their own games as they go along. They need immediate, exiciting, overly-tactile stimulation at all times but that is simply not the pace I want my kids to think the world runs at.

Especially during the summer (tho on frigid winter days too), my SAHMom more or less kicked us out the door and told us not to come back until the bell rang (we had a big LOUD bell mounted at the back door). And I had a great childhood.

So what's wrong with a 50:50 approach? You are their personal Julie McCoy in the morning and then they are sent off to find their own adventure in the afternoon?

My son is 14 months old. I do take him out to do things, but not every day. I think it's important for him to see the world, be outdoors, and meet other children. I also think it's him important to be content being at home and playing here. From the beginning, I didn't take him out every day. It just wasn't an option, so he's just kind of used to playing on his own. (with my supervision, of course!) I wouldn't consider a 19 month old a baby, personally. He can do all kinds of things. He can make things out of everyday craft items, mold with clay, finger paint, color, help you cook to an extent. My 14 month old "helps" me do lots of things around the house. I would say, just don't give them the option to go everywhere all the time. Eventually, they'll get used to it and find ways to entertain themselves.

Good question. Some if it is just a maturity thing with the kids. my son is almost 7 and he enjoys playing by himself now, and ti's only in the last year that that has happened my daughter is younger and still wants to be right next to me or him. Wish ihad time to write more, but i would say try to find a balance. at that age my goal was that he had an hour of "quiet time" a day. away from ME.

My parents never felt the need to entertain me. If I said I was bored, they would say - go clean your room! :) We did occupy ourselves, but looking back, I shudder to think! We would rip and run up down the block, just so we were home before the street lights came on. We played in alleys, parking lots, spent 12 hours a day at the swimming pool. I don't want my kids doing any of that! We also didn't have car seats and moms smoked while pregnant. So, it's a miracle I'm still here!
I think balance is important in all things. You shouldn't feel pressured to overstimulate and overbook your kids with activities. That being said, they can't be sat in front of the tv or sent to play 8 hours a day either. I try to keep an eye out for free or cheap family fun. I might plan 1 thing a week and maybe a couple more might pop up. Family bowling night, a trip to the park, playing out back on the slip and slide. I try to do more for family fun than things to occupy the kids. I want us to have great memories together.
I don't stay home. But I'm still raising kids. I spend 9 hours away from them a day. Sometimes I need a little time to myself, but I feel guilty for being gone all day. And the house work is piling up and dinner needs to be made and clothes need to be washed and ready for the next day and I'm out of milk and need to run to the store and my husband is feeling neglected and I haven't painted my toenails in a month.... So, I don't add the pressure of kids activities. I add the joy of it. We sign my little boy up for basketball. 1 Practice and 1 game a week. It's a fun thing that we look forward to as a family. It's not overwhelming or expensive. When my daughter is ready, we'll add 1 activity for her. That's our limit for organized activities. Other than that, we just look for every growth opportunity or family fun time that comes along. As parents we do have obligations to challenge and nurture them. But if we overstimulate, I think it can have a negative effect on thier imagination.

Short answer - No I do not think I should be my child's source for entertainment. Long ago a read a quote; something like - "You are the mom, not the playmate" and I firmly believe that. But in reality? My daughter is 2 and she doesn't entertain herself well, and in actual fact I do entertain her for most of the day. I don't agree with setting kids up with constant activities - playdates, little gym, etc. I think they should learn to play on their own. I remember sitting outside painting rocks (?!) for hours while my mom did her own thing, and I think that's healthy. Something I need to work on with my daughter!

I recommend free range parenting by lenore skenazy. She has a website too: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

It's very interesting to see that America is the only country that schedules their kids the way we do. Don't feel guilty for not being a helicopter mom, let your kids learn to entertain themselves and do things for themselves.

T. (by the way beautiful name) I believe that your stance is excellent and you shouldn't feel guilty at all about allowing your children to find there own way. This is how kids develop independence, creativity, imagination.........I feel like there seems to be a whole generation of kids between the ages of 7-18 that should be called "generation entitlement". This generation of kids feel that they are "entitled" to everything. The few kids that are not that way in that age group are being raised be parents like you.....My girlfriend has a eight year old son and when her friends are over and we are talking about husbands, periods, sex; he has to go to his room...THIS CONVERSATION IS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS! and she makes sure he knows that. On the other hand my husband's aunt allows her kids (6 & 10) to sit through all kinds of conversation and even give there 2 cents....they know about sex, pregnancy, yeast infections, sex toys IT'S DISGUSTING!.....grrr this makes me upset because when adults are speaking children should not be involved....when I am over and I am speaking and they attempt to give me there opinions I tell them that I was NOT speaking to them.......
There is nothing wrong with what you are trying to do.......we went through that and we are OK......sounds like your babies are off to a great start with a great mommy!

I think we all have that conflict. I know I do. I have O. child, 7 years old. I know it's a little different for an "only" so I do allow a lot of play dates. And I do spend a good deal of my time with him and plan my chores, hobbies, etc around his schedule.

That said, I think there is entirely too much peer pressure on families to be in ALL activities, ALL sports, ALL lessons ALL of the time. There are always those families that join and do everything--and that's fine for them, but it doesn't have to be your choice too.
Now that my son is older, we are observing what he really likes to do and is good at and nudging him toward those specific sports and activities. I wish he was better at keeping himself entertained, but some days he surprises me. And I think that as my son gets older and can be outside independently playing with neighborhood friends more, this will change.

I was not an only child but my older brothers were 7 and 9 years ahead of me and they weren't exactly "playmates" but my friends and I played outside a lot. With a swing set and a sandbox, trees and a few games and a handful of neighborhood kids, we filled our summer days easily. Just "playing" and hanging out together. My mom was not my "playmate" either so I know what you're saying about that. Nor would I have wanted her to be!

I guess the trick is to find the balance. A few play dates, a few chosen group activities, and some self entertainment skills and interests and hobbies they can grow on their own. It does get better as they get older, but only you can decide how much is too much. I know there are days my son is pretty happy entertaining himself and getting into stuff he hasn't seen/done in awhile and other days he seems to want me with him more.

Amen sista! HAHA Now only if I could do it!

I played with my first daughter constantly, always being her playmate and now that baby sister is here and I'm either caring for her or ready to pass out from exhaustion, she can't play on her own. She would rather lay on the ground in the kitchen complaining that I won't play with her (even though she has a room, basement, garage, etc full of toys). We too have the swim class, the dance class, play dates, etc. Unfortunately we don't have a fenced yard and we're the youngest people on our street by about 30 years!

I too was left to either play with my sibblings or play/read/lay and do nothing by myself. I remember riding my bike across 2 towns to go to the park. I know with the way the world is today, that's a slim possibility of that happening. However, the lesson of entertaining themselves is one I will need to work on with my kids.

Best of luck!
Kristal

Hell no. From day one, my kids get left to entertain themselves. I spend a little time every day reading/playing with them, but the rest of the time, they play by themselves. I have an old fashion play pen I use, and then our family room is a playroom and totally child-proof. Every morning my daughter takes herself off to play and leaves me alone, while my son plays in the play pen, or crawls around in the room I'm in. We have activities about 4 mornings a week, where we are gone for 2 hours.

But when we are home, they have to fend for themselves. In fact, we just fenced in our yard, and my 2 year old daughter now plays outside alone while I make dinner. I'd say I spend a few hours a day with them, the rest of time, I'm around but not "directing."

We don't watch TV in this house either, which I think helps. My daughter has a very active imagination, and she is perfectly content to play by herself. My son is following nicely in her footsteps. He only wants me when he's hungry.

Now is the time for them to just run around and let their imagination roam, and I really think it's best if us parents stay out of it. Are you familiar with the research that shows that organized sports actual inhibit development? Because they are so directed by strict rules and controls, kids don't get to develop their critical thinking skills. My hubby and I have decided to keep our kids out of organized sports, and hopefully just find them a group of kids they can "imagine and create' with --without us adults telling them what to do!