My brother and SIL found out last night they lost their baby girl at 37weeks, and she will be delivering her sometime this week. I will be flying back home this evening with my son and daughter. My question is would this be the right time for my SIL and brother to meet my 6m old daughter for the first time? Ive made arrangements with a close friend to watch her during the services and while Im at the hospital with family. Should I bring her around them or wait til i go back next year? Im so heartbroken for them, and i cant imagine what they are going through. TIA
added i will be staying for about 2 weeks, and my son will be attending the service and will be at the hospital because my brother has his son from his first marriage in town.
Thanks for all the kind words. My brother has told me they would like Harlee at the hospital too, so she will
Be in the waiting room with my friend waiting if they want to see her when they are ready. @rev ruby I have a friend who offered to come do some professional pics of the baby and my brother and SIL, at their request. My mother has made arrangements with the hospital she's delivered at to allow a private family room where we can all spend as much time as needed with them.
I would play it by ear. See if they bring it up. They may ask where the baby is. I would not decide now.
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our nephew (2) two years ago and the heartbreak is absolutely indescribable. Having gone through this, I would suggest...
Stick with your babysitting arrangements with the idea that if they want to meet the baby, she's not far away. Your brother is going to need you to be there for him. If your little one is there, your attention will be divided. People are highly emotional at a child's funeral and you may need to be the one insisting that your brother and SIL "take a break" from the mourners, eat something, go to the bathroom, go for a walk, etc... at least that is what my SIL needed from me when my nephew passed.
They WILL want to meet your baby, but not at the services. Find a quiet time the day after to bring the baby around. My SIL and her husband "needed" to see our little one (same age as my nephew) because a child will make you smile, but the day after. He walked in an hugged my SIL and snuggled into her lap... and didn't expect her to do a thing other than hug him back. Kids are amazing like that, but not during the services!
Take care of yourself too. This is going to be harder than you can imagine.
Talk to them. Express your concern for their well being and sympathy for their situation. Tell them simply that she's in town, but let them tell you when they want to meet your daughter. It varies for everybody and it may be too hard right after the birth and services. If any other family member asks to see her, tell them that they are welcome to, but you won't bring her to any gathering with the grieving parents unless they ask for her. Again, the grands may want to see her, but others may not.
One of my friends kept losing babies in the 2nd trimester and I wasn't sure how to handle my baby around her. One day we were at the same event with our families (she has older kids) and she asked to hold DD. She just held DD and hugged her and I could see that while she was sad, she needed to hold a baby. Shortly after that she was properly diagnosed and now has a healthy toddler. I think DD gave her comfort and hope. But it was on her terms.
I don't think I would want to see someone (even someone I love dearly) else's happy/healthy/living baby right now, I would not voice my pain at meeting the new neice as I would want to love her & be ever so happy for my SIL...BUT...my pain (I think) would be heightened times 10 as I held her in my arms & thought about how wonderful it would be if she were my child whom I lost.
This is only MY opinion but my heart is telling me to give you this answer.
Blessed Be...Prayers for your brother, SIL & your family at this sad time.
There is no right or wrong answer, it all depends on the people and how they are dealing. The best you can do is have all your bases covered and then play it by ear.
I would find an appropriate time to simply ask them what they would prefer. On one hand, you don't want to impose or take over their time, but on the other hand, your beautiful little girl may be the perfect distraction from their grief.
Possibly I would send a quick email to them. "Hey there, I will be arriving on Friday with the two kids and won't be leaving until Tuesday. I am coming for you, but please know that if at any time you want to meet/see my kiddos, we will bend over backwards to make sure that happens." something to that effect. then when you arrive, they may want to set up time to hang out and meet your daughter. I also think it depends how long you plan on staying. If it is a quick turn around, it will be harder for them to fit in a visit with all the htings they have to do, but a longer visit is easier for them to do what is needed for themselves and find time for other visiting.
So sad:( Precious little family.
I would ask them if they can handle it right now. Your SIL may be feeling the empty arms syndrom. She may feel the need to hold and snuggle a baby --- any baby. She may also feel embarrassed to ask. Many times when a mother loses her baby either due to pregnancy complications or stillborn or SIDS she may simply need to hold a baby.
When you think about how happy an expentant Mom is and how much we can't wait to hold our newborn --- then the baby dies that need to hold the baby doesn't go away. Go by the cues she gives you, she may want to hold your baby a lot.
It's possible that the best gift you could give her is to ask her to hold your baby.
I sincerely hope the hospital staff allows your brother and Sister-in-law to spend time, take pictures and hold their baby before she is removed to a funeral home.
I am so sorry for your loss.
ask your brother, its not like your daughter is BRAND NEW (under 3 months) she has been here and they probably WANT to meet her so ask him what he thinks will be best if meeting her now or waiting
