I recently posted about "school issues" and during the first IEP meeting I was made aware of the extent of my sons "touching" problems in school. I knew he had gotten into a fight with another boy because he was trying to be "friendly" but only managed to annoy the kid. Now they expressed that parents have been calling the school asking for my son to be moved away from thier children, etc. He touches thier things and them-as expressed by teachers none of it is harmful (besides the fight) or inappropriate touching. He's just trying to be friendly or make them laugh. The kids are 7th graders now and don't really care for the behavior. In 6th grade the teachers expressed concern in passing him on even if he did pass summer school because of his "maturity." I wasn't aware this is what they meant, as I went along with the principal to pass him after he hit puberty this summer.
I know there are cases where boys (young boys) having to register as sex offenders because they touched a girl and not even inappropriately, just in a way she "didn't want to be touched." So now I'm very concerned for his future and for the other kids as I wouldn't want to be on the recieving end. (I was groped by a boy in school but because I was developed and he was mentally challenged the school made me feel it was my fault and did nothing. I never even told my parents because of the school making me feel like it was my fault for being developed)
So has anyone else had this problem? How do you deal with it? The school has spoken to him in depth about this and nothing seemed to help. Now we have also and I tried to get him to see the extent someone can drag this on him. I don't feel the new medicine will help as he's been taking it for a month now. The school is calling it impulsivity. I see his DR on the 18th and will hopefully get some input from her. How do you help boys mature and grow in basic knowledge and keep their hands to themselves-even if it's not inappropriate touching?
Thanks!
Hi G.,
Maybe you should try some type of counselling, either psychological or psychiatric. It sounds like this could be an issue that needs professional help.
Good luck.
We have a term called 'Bubble Space'. Bubble Space is the air around your body. We constantly tell our kids about not getting in someone's bubble space, i.e. too close to them. It seems to work about 98% of the time. Its great for stopping fights too.
M.
I agree with several of the other posters that you need a more comprehensive evaluation. There may be something else going on than ADHD and maybe other ways of helping him. And I think you are right that the medication probably won't help this issue - he doesn't seem to "get" that it's inappropriate. Or if he does understand that it is, he may not be able to control himself from doing it. Good luck G., I hope it all works out for you and your son can get the help he needs. I have a child with similar issues, but he is only 8.
Hi G.. Having read both of your posts, I think the best suggestion I'd have now is to seek professional help for your son as soon as possible. I know you said you have an upcoming doctor appointment, but it sounds to me like he may need more than his pediatrician -- a therapist might be more in order. I do believe his school should have been doing something about this all along (providing a therapist/aide to him in school, for example) rather than just passing information to you from other concerned parents, but at this point, I think it's in your best interest to take matters into your own hands. The human body and brain are very complex and a professional can help you determine what is going on and how to take the right steps to correct it before it really does cause an irreversible issue in class. I wish you the best of luck!
I guess I dont understand. By 7th Grade, cant you just explain to him to keep his hands to himself? Has he had the sex talk, because one of my friends explained to all her boys (5th and 11th grade) about sex offenders, and how boys can become them just for sending certain texts, let alone touching someone in a way they feel is inappropriate, and that follows you your whole life, affecting whether or not you go to college or get a job or a house or anything. I feel that by 7th grade they're old enough to hear the facts and be told that while you dont mind the hugs and stuff at home, it's not appropriate for school.
Hi I totally agree with Podycat.
It sounds like he needs to be placed on a sensory diet tailored for him. I've heard only the best things about such a regimen. In fact, I'm thinking of doing it for my kids.
There is a place in wilimington/wafefiled. I'mn not sure. I'll see if I can find out the name and amend this response to let you know.
S.
Hi G.! It sounds like your little guy could use a full neuropsychological evaluation that should include a sensory evaluation (SIPT) and a social/emotional evaluation. These evaluations are done at hospitals such as Bradley and Hasbro Childrens. (There are other places that do these too.)
You could ask that the school do a neurospych eval, but since they just did a re-eval I'm not sure how they will react to that. Ask anyway. But if you have insurance, you can get one independently. The issue sometimes with the neuropsychs is the long waiting lists. You'll have to do some homework figuring out where you can get him in relatively soon (like 2 months instead of 18 months). This evaluation will show any co-morbid disabilities or issues along with the ADHD that might be contributing to this kind of behavior and give you (and the school) suggestions on how to help.
In the mean-time, it sounds like you should also look into social skills groups (see example http://www.socialthinking.com/) (also often run at hospitals, the May Institute, etc.) that practically teach children these types of social skills (body language, reading others reactions, etc.) These are most commonly used for children with Aspergers, etc. but I was able to get my son into one without that diagnosis. This is also something the school can do if they have a good school counselor. Worth asking about.
Some other suggestions (I think the sensory suggestion is also a good one) are social stories. You can make these up at home - comic book style - but here is the theory- http://www.thegraycenter.org/
Also
Collaborative Problem Solving http://www.livesinthebalance.org/ (book available at the library)
Your son doesn't mean to be annoying people - Impulsivity is difficult to fix in a 7th grader and your right to be concerned. I'm not sure that an aid hovering over him in the middle school environment will help - he probably needs practical and repetitive practice and positive feedback.
Best, K.
Has anyone spoken to you that this could be an obsessive/compulsive disorder? he cannot control this? does he do it at home (touch certain books, toys walls) and you are use to it? I think you need to have a sensory specialist meet with you both, get s referral from your doctor as this is going way beyond him touching stuff because he is trying to be funny, he is alienating his classmates and could be facing many other problems in school. Plus HE is getting rejected by his peers and that is painful for him also..this has many sides and should not just be spoken about but you need to find out what this issue is and get some work done. I think this is hurting him much more than others and he is your main concern but if more parents make complaints things could be taken out fo your hands..look into this ASAP Good Luck
I guess I too can not fully answer without having all the details. I assume that your son has some sort of diagnosis which is why you were having an IEP in that case I would suggest perhaps he could talk to an Occupational Therapist/Counselor through the school district so that he could learn appropriate social context/behavior. Otherwise you may want to move up your appt with your MD to discuss the issue. I'm not sure what kind of touching is going on, but it should seem pretty basic. You don't touch someone else for any reason.
I have read this and your previous post, and I have to tell you, your poor kid is well past the point of being spoken to. He has impulse control issues and no amount of "reasoning" with him can help at this point. I don't think he is in control of his actions. You can medicate the heck out of him, but that can cause other behavioral problems. I have dozens of friends whose children had a variety of behavioral issues - rages, impulse control, sensory issues (some like touching, others hate touching - 2 sides of same coin), socialization problems. They have ALL addressed these problems through nutritional solutions, with amazing and life-changing results. I would be happy to help you with this if you want more info.
How about a simple, "Keep your hands to yourself. No touching others." And I have to say that all unwanted touching is inappropriate.
He has an IEP, but does he have his own aide? There are two kids in my 3rd grader's class that behave inappropriately at times (they touch other children, shout, jump around). They have an aide that documents all of their behaviors and corrects their actions if necessary and also helps them with their work. Just a thought - maybe he needs more assistance in class.
