Hi, I have an unusual request. My 35 year old brother is still living at home with my 60-some year old parents and he doesn't want to move out.
It's a long story, so I would try to shorten it. When my brother was younger he had dyslexia and he was a little babied, so now he really has no social skills and no motivation to move on. He is not impaired in any way and is smart in other ways, I just don't know if he could live by himself. He has a job and can drive wherever he wants to go. (he drove our family friend who is sight impaired to Minnesota, Las Vegas, etc...
When anyone talks to him about moving, etc..he gets very stubborn and thinks of every excuse in the book, usually how everything is everyone else's problem and that none of it is his fault.
Don't know what else to do, any advice?
Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes it helps to get a different perspective. I will pass it on.
My parents say they want him out, but he does give my mom rent money(she doesn't work) and she doesn't drive, so he does that, too.
Are your parents trying to get him out of the house? If they don't care..so be it. I have come across a few grown people who have no inclination to live on their own. Maybe he doesn't want to live by himself...
If your parents don't mind him living there, why do you?
As your parents age, he may be a great source of help and comfort to them. It may also give you less cause for concern as your parent age and are not all alone.
My youngest sister was perfectly normal and had a job and car, and she chose to live at home with our parents all her life. I was so glad she was there take care of them. It took a great burden off of me and my siblings.
My parents passed away about two years ago, and now my sister is living by herself and getting along just fine. You just can't live someone else's life for them. Hope this helps.
Do your parents want him to move out? If so, then it is up to them to discuss it with him and tell your brother it is time to go. It sounds like since he always has an excuse and was babied early on, that nobody has made him be accountable for certain things, and therefore he has no motivation to leave. If your parents have never said to him, you need to get your own place, then of course he has no motivation.
Perhaps you could encourage your parents to talk to him if that is what they really want. I don't know if he helps with the bills, chores, etc., but if he doesn't, they aren't really helping him at all as you know. What about when they are gone? He'll not be able to be on his own possibly b/c he has never had to learn how.
Best of luck.
We must be long lost sisters! My brother in law is the same way, except he isn't working or driving. I don't have any advice for you because he is stubborn as well. The only thing I can say, is it may take tough love from your parents to give him the boot! My in-laws would never do it, and I'm guessing your parents won't. Maybe start sending him subtle hints about house prices in the same neighborhood as your parents, or look for duplexes they could buy together (him on one side, your parents on the other). Good luck! Let me know if you figure out how to do it!
