Relocation and Becoming a Stay-at-home Mom?

If you have the opportunity to be a SAHM in the future run, don't walk to that opportunity. There are so, so, so many volunteer opportunities at school church, local hospitals & other non-profits, etc - expecially for an accountant - that you would still be able to keep your hand in your career and maintain your identity. And you can be doing something that adds value to society.

Here's the thing - as your kids grow up and get to be school aged there's sports, music, clubs like girl/boy scouts, activities at church, etc. You will want to be involved and you'll want them to be involved. You'll also want them to be closer to extended family. Having grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins close by is a wonderful thing for kids - it give them this extra level of love & secuity. It provides depth in their relationships and learning about life. It's such a benefit not only for your kids, but for you and your extended family. What a blessing.

Ultimatley, you have one shot at raising your kids. The years go by so very fast. My kids are almost 12 & almost 15. I don't know what happened becuase they were in kindergarten and preschool last time I looked. I've been able to work part-time since my oldest was in 1st grade - so for the most part when they're in school I'm at the office. It has been wonderful to be the one who picks them up after school and hears about their day - instead of a babysitter. It's great to be the one who makes it to every game, to volunteer at youth group, to help coach soccer (I had to go online and learn about soccer...!).

If you continue to work full time you may get to a point in your life where you'll regret spending so much time at work (you may not - some moms don't). But chances are you wouldn't regret being there at the end of the school day and watch your dear child skip down the sidewalk with the pixar backpack - which, as the years go by turns into a camo backpack and eventually a string backpack and an attitude - and they're not skipping (but that's kind of expected too). :o)

Now that my kids are in middle & high school they need me more than ever before. They may disappear to their room or finished basement after school / practice - but when they resurface and sit at the kitchen table to talk I want to be there. I want to be the one instilling values in their lives, and I want to be the one hearing about their friend's problems. In a few short years they'll be out of the house and any influence I've had in their lives is nearly done. 90% of it has been deposited, hopefully, into their hearts and minds. And then, if I want to go back to the rat race on a full time basis I can (but seriously - I doubt I'll want to). ;o) Then it'll be time to get buy a trailer and a truck and hit the road. ;o)

Good luck making this decision mama. Go with your heart.

It certainly sounds like circumstances are leading you to Chicago!

O. thing I have found, if you are smart with your money--you can live well on whatever you make, so I wouldn't worry about that.

I worked FT for over 18 years before switching to PT after having my son--which works best for me.

I say, give it a whirl. You can always find something if you'd like to return to work. But I'll bet you're going to love it.

Aside from some part-time work, I stopped working about 10-11 years ago, when my kids were about 6 & 3. I am a professional and still maintain my license.

I have never, ever regretted it. If anything I regret not being there more during their earliest years (though even then I yearned to be with them). If you do stay home, you will become acutely aware of how much you actually have missed.

Is there a risk to the decision? Absolutely. I willingly took the risk and would do the same thing all over again, except a heck of alot sooner.

Good luck to you.

being a SAHM is not for everyone, but it sounds as if it's something you would like to try. i'd go for it.
you're not wrong to worry about losing your sense of identity. it's a big switch, even if you're a family that pools all funds. when you need a new purse or want a large caramel latte, it just feels different and takes some time to adjust. you're used to your own income being part of that and there's often some feelings of guilt.
but that's just adjustment. it sounds in your case as if the potential benefits trump the possible psychological challenges. and there really are so many upsides to having mom at home.
khairete
S.

We moved cross country and I left my career at 4 months pregnant. Granted, technically, we moved back home because we came back to the city my husband was raised in, etc. And family was all around once we moved.

I had always planned to stay home when we had a child, but it still was a shock. The sadness of leaving a home and place I loved, the doctor that I had worked through the process of getting pregnant with, the life I had envisioned for us as a family was very difficult. We had the added stress of having to live with family for over a year while we waited for our house to sell.

It's a huge transition, financially (even if you don't think it will be) and mentally. I've been through some serious bouts of depression because of the changes in not having the social aspect of work and starting over in another city. It's so worth it and you won't regret it, the time spent with your children is precious! But I would make a few suggestions that will help you get through better than I did at first:

-discuss a budget and figure out what changes and cuts you will need to make BEFORE hand
-start finding a support network in your new city ASAP, be it a church, meetup groups, playgroups, neighbors, whatever. It's SO important for a SAHM
-retain something for yourself, even if you aren't working outside the home, you need something that is yours and you can find your identity it, a gym membership, a hobby, a volunteer opportunity, something to keep you feeling like You.

I hope it all works out wonderfully for you and that great things happen in your new city and home!

I always struggle whether or not to keep working and that pull may become stronger for you too as your kids get older as it has for me. Having things work out this way seems to be a bit of fate coaxing you to at least try staying home. My original background is in accounting and it's a real skill for you that likely will always make it reasonably easy to find another job. So if you take some time, you probably can get back into the workforce if you decide you don't like staying at home. So it doesn't seem like it's a big risk to relocate with your current company and when that ends, stay at home and see how it goes. I haven't gone through the process but like I said, want to. My job situation is just different than yours as is my husband's. It sounds like you've already had a successful career and no one can take that away from you. And accounting is flexible in a way that you may be able to do something part-time at a lower level. Are you already a CPA? If so, you'll have to do some educational maintenance so that'll keep you a bit involved. And what about teaching?... I've always thought about teaching accounting part time. If you're not a CPA, you could slowly tackle the exam and it'd be a great long-term investment. Like you said, this is a good problem to have. I'd go for staying at home!

I don't think being a stay at home mom means losing your identity. I have an identity. Of course much of it is centered around my daughter and her interests. But I also volunteer and have my own interests. I don't feel this is a bad identity. It sure is different from my workaholic pre-kid identity. But I do like this one a LOT better. I feel like I have a purpose and just because that purpose is bringing up and educating my daughter rather than working on my own career, I don't think it's a lesser identity.

The financial thing is trickier. I think we can underestimate the amount of money we are forced to spend when we work, that we no longer need to do when home. Work clothes, eating out, convenience foods, commuting costs, those things can really add up. If you are home you actually have time to spend on being more frugal. So the budget can change a lot. I think it does make a HUGE difference depending on how you and DH look at finances. If he thinks it's his money and he's doing you a favor by supporting the family while you stay home, then there will be lots of problems. We don't have that. We always planned for me to stay home and his money is my money. It works out well for us.

Another thing to consider is, if you decide to stay home, it doesn't have to be forever if it doesn't work for you. Especially with a skill like accounting, you can find work later if this is what you decide to do. Good luck! Relocating is a challenge but it can be so rewarding. I've done it twice and am thankful for the experience.