My husband will be accepting a new job opportunity that will be great for his career and us as a family. I have three children...ages 6 (first grade), 4 (pre-K) and a 2 years old. I also have my 84 year old mother living with us. My question is this....Has anyone relocated having their husband start and move first and then the family when the kids finish school? My husband and I were talking and due to the nature of the job (vp position) and the dedication needed from him plus the fact that 2 kids are stable in school here + my mother who is somewhat frail (hip issues etc), we think it would be better to not create more stress (a move is stressful enough already) and have the children stay in a known environment while in the meantime we look for a town/schools/house in California at a more relaxed pace.
Is this wise? My husband travels alot so we are accustomed to him being away for a week or so. I know this would be more extensive although he would be able to come home often.
PS...We have moved twice with children and know the stress on a family, but this is the first time it would be with having kids that are old enough to be in school and with an elderly woman.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
Just to inform everyone...I'm encouraging this more because I want to eliminate the stress to my children and myself!
I thank everyone for your feedback! My husband and I read all the responses and smiled because it's so reassuring to know that so many have gone through this and have the same thought patterns. As of right now we are thinking to have the family stay while he can negotiate visits out to us while he settles in the new job and scopes out areas for us to live. Although we are also aware the family should stay together we think the more calmer pace may be better for all involved. He will be travelling a lot initially to US and international locations so he will be away anyway while he establishes himself in different offices around world.
The area he will be working is in Mountainview, Ca. We are looking at family oriented communities around the area. We used to live in Hudson, OH and would love a quaint community like that. He says he is willing to commute even for an hour if we find a great community for our family....I told him to hang tight while I post THAT question to my Mamapedia Mommas!
Thank you again!
Go as a family. The kids are so little. They adapt very easily. If this was April, I would say husband goes first but really it is Oct. flying back and forth looking for houses and schools is much more stressful. One kid in first grade is much different than having middle schoolers and high schoolers. That would be harder. Pack up the gang and sing California Here We Come!
We have never moved but kids have moved into their grades. Seemed like Christmas was the easiest. There were a couple where the move was over the summer and the kids had no friends until school started back.
Your question brings back memories of when my family did that. It was long ago, but it was the same sort of situation. My father's company transferred him to another state when I was in eighth grade. He moved there right away to start his new job. My mother held down the fort (and I didn't appreciate then how much she did!). My dad would fly home for a weekend every two or three weeks. This was before e-mail or Skype, and long-distance phone calls were expensive, so we really felt separated. Of course, we sent letters back and forth (anybody remember letters?).
But everything went fine. A major part of the fineness of it was that my mom and dad had good, positive attitudes about the whole thing.
My parents hoped they could sell our house about the time school ended for the summer. If it had sold right away, we would have moved at Easter break, but it didn't, and we got to finish out the school year. By the time my parents were ready to buy a house, my dad had scouted the neighborhoods and the schools. I remember my mother flying out for a few days, and it didn't take them long to buy the right home.
Keep the family communication as close as you can. Call in favors from neighbors and friends if you need to. You all can do this.
When I was 10 and my sister was 12, my parents decided to move from Pennsylvania to California. My dad moved ahead of time, found a house, etc while we stayed behind and finished out the school year. My dad also traveled a lot before that so we were used to him gone. It was not a big deal. And since he did all the leg work before we got there, it was an easy transition. I'm sure it was hard for my mom not living with my dad for awhile, but it worked out. They are still happily married 25 years later. Good luck!
If there were only a few months of school left I would say yes. But your kids are young, they'll adapt and adjust (better than teenagers would) and you're going to have to move anyway so you may as well get it done and over with.
If your husband seems to be encouraging this? I wouldn't like that at all. He may like the idea of coming home every night to a quiet house with no wife, kids and MIL, but that's not fair to YOU. Trust me, that will get old quick and is in no way good for your marriage and family. Unless he's being deployed he needs to come home to his family, not live on his own in a distant city.
I'm a military brat. So I've moved a lot in my life. I would do what I needed to do to keep my family together.
At your kids ages? I would not be worried about a mid-year change.
I would NOT buy immediately. I would rent until I knew the area better. Check out http://www.greatschools.net and find where schools are that meet your criteria.
If your husband travels a lot - why move? wait. One week a month will be his travel? Or he's home once a week? Either way? Your kids are young enough for this not to affect them too much. Yes, they'll be sad and miss their friends, but overall? They'll adjust. If you are stressing over it. THEY will stress over it. Kids are pretty good receptors!! :)
Housing in Northern California can be expensive. Be prepared for the sticker shock.
I would not sell my current home if I didn't have to. I would rent it out.
Good luck!
Does his company not have, resources per homes where you can live?
My friend has a Husband, who travels a ton, internationally. He is hardly home. Less than your Husband.
They move often.
He is in charge of international regions. Whenever they have had to move due to his job, both in the USA and in other countries, they always find a home & school first, then move. All of them. At the same time. And she has 3 school aged children. The Husband's corporation also, helps them.
Having kids in 1st grade and PreK, that is not an academic hardship. And socially, because they are younger, they can adapt and go to a new school, and adjust, easier. To me. Versus an older kid.
Then you have your elderly and frail Mom. Is she going to move with you all, too?
I would think so.
When exactly is your Husband expected to move?
Now?
Or can he also tell them, a time frame per when you all find a place to live? Or is the company going to put him up in a house or apartment, UNTIL you/his family, finds a place to live?
Then, once it is time to move... I hope it is not just you, who will be doing that and getting everything into place and the kids and your Mom and trekking to that other State? Husband also has to take time off to do that.
ETA:
Prolonging the move for you/your children will not eliminate stress of moving.
It just keeps it, prolonged.
You can do it that way.
Lot's of people do.
But this is first grade - not his senior year in high school.
People do sometimes move during the school year and if you are going to do this then first grade and pre-k are not a bad years to do it in.
Meeting and making new friends in school might make the summer go easier - you could move over Spring break.
This is only October and June is 9 whole months away.
6 months is plenty of time to find a new place with a good school system and senior services/support.
Find a good realtor in the area you are looking in and work closely with him.
Either way - just look at this as a grand adventure and find the positives about it and you'll go a long way to minimizing the stress.
I agree that having him go to the new site and look for housing first. Then move. That would be less stressful. I think waiting until the end of the school year would not be helpfull. Move when you have a home to move to.waiting unnecessarily will cause stress. The family needs to be together.
Your children are very young and not attached to friends or involved in important academics. They still rely on family for their security and sense of security. Keep your family together. Stay in old place long enough to find a home in new place.y
Just a thought: Maybe move during a school break but before the school year ends. This will give the kids a chance to make friends and get to know the school before summer. Moving after school is out could cause a lot of stress, new home, new school but no one to play with until they get into school and get to know the other kids.
I'd plan on moving over Christmas break to be honest. That way you have a couple of months where you can take a few days and look at housing. You can get the kids through a couple of semesters and then transfer them. They will still have time to make good friends in their new schools for next summer.
Then if the need to go back to Florida over spring break to do anything with the old house, if it doesn't sell or has to have work done, etc...then the kids will get to have a vacation where they see their old friends.
If it were me I'd start packing up stuff and putting it in storage so the house could get painted, repairs done, hire a Realtor, etc....then get the house on the market. By the time you get all this done hopefully the house would sell quickly. When it sells you can set the signing date for December so you can get moved during the break time.
However, I do have some friends that are doing something similar, not cross country but several states away. She teaches so they are not planning on moving the family until May/June. BUT they are putting their house up for sale as soon as possible. This way they can take their time and wait for the best offer.
The mom and kids can rent an apartment for a few months and take time to find the perfect house in their new town. Dad is moving this month to the new town. He's going to rent a small apartment until they sell the old house and find a new one. Then he'll live in the new place. Since it's not as far as your move they'll be able to get together more often. Mom and kids will go to dad when the new house is purchased so they can make it their home and move their stuff into it, out of storage.
I don't think the mid school year move is as big a stress creator at this age... HOWEVER, I would TOTALLY support having your husband make the transition first and then you guys join him later... end of the school year makes sense to me for several reasons.
Since you're moving to a new area, you will need time to scope it all out and make a wise decision about where you want to live long term. You don't want to be bouncing kids from one place to the next as you figure that out. Your husband can probably live in corporate housing for six months (talk to HR), which buys time AND should make it easier for him to fly home every couple of weekends.
If you move at the beginning of summer, you'll have a couple of relaxed months to get settled in, find your favorite donut shop, and meet local kids a the playground.
By the time school starts up for your 2nd and Kindergarteners, they'll be ready to go!
All that being said, living apart isn't fun. Whatever you decide to do will certainly be what's best for your family.
I agree with waiting while hubs finds a home, but the school year just started. I am quite sure the kids are much more attached to dad than anything or anyone else left behind in Florida.
When does hubby need to leave? If it's now...how about you move over Christmas break? When school resumes, you can be in place?
I think sending hubby first makes sense. It also makes sense to finish the school year but not if you are talking 6 months or more.
If you can afford it you want to look at Los Gatos and Saratoga. We just got back from a weekend softball tournament in those communites. They are at the base of the Santa Cruz Mountains, beautiful scenery and great schools. We were impressed by the neighborhoods and while they're very near the action of silicon valley there is a small town feel surrounded by nature.
Hang onto your wallet though, it's some of the most expensive real estate in the country.
I know families who have done it both ways and each can work well for a given situation. Because your kids are so young, moving them mid-year isn't that big of a deal. They will adjust and make new friends quickly. But, if you want to keep things stable for them, waiting until June is perfectly fine.
It is nice not to have to rush to find a place to live. If your husband moves first, he can rent somewhere (maybe the company will put him up?) and explore different neighborhoods and schools.
Are you moving tot he bay area or So Cal?
Yes, I've done that several times in our careers. It's better for the kids and gives your husband a chance to get used to the job and really concentrate on it before you join him. I know it's hard to be separated. Make sure that he can come home at least once a month or more often.
We did a cross country move (from California) and my husband left a couple weeks early because the job started in June. Not a big deal. However, we couldn't seriously start looking for a home until I arrived. And home prices (suburbs of Chicago) were higher than we expected.
I hope you understand that home prices in Silicon Valley are through the roof and a 1 hour commute won't get you far because the traffic is so bad. For a 4-5 bedroom house you are looking at $1.5 - 2 million, minimum in Mountain View. We lived in Pleasant Hill, CA (East Bay) and had a 4 bedroom for $850,000 with marginal schools. You might try Morgan Hill which has cheaper and newer homes. Another nice neighborhood is Walnut Creek (in the East Bay) but you'd be looking at $1million for a 4 bedroom. It would be 45mins to 1 hour. There are small mountain towns on Hwy 17 (towards Santa Cruz) but I imagine it is expensive there too. Hopefully the comp package will allow you spend the big bucks for a house.
Someone on here just did this recently. I can't remember her screen name though! I hope she reads your question and gives you her thoughts because they JUST went through this...
