What Would You Choose - a House, or Private School for Your Kid

I answered your previous post with much the same tone.....

Your husband won't decide anything until you have had a FEW YEARS of no arguing? What does that even mean? You cannot object or discuss anything for fear of an argument for the next 3 years of your life just so you can hold on to that tiny hope of escaping your trailer? Oh my. I just.....oh my....

If the public schools are good - send your kids there. It makes no sense not to.

If your husband wants a life free of worry, discussion and change, he should be single.

And as I said before....the whole "living next his parents" thing is just beyond me. I am a huge fan of Everybody Loves Raymond, but this happens in real life?

I really do wish you the best, you patient soul.

From your (many) previous posts about you leaving a podiatry practice in the UK and now finding yourself living in this ancient trailer next to your in-laws...I'd say this problem isn't about housing...
It's about your husband learning how to leave and cleave to his wife and children and provide a life for them without waiting for his parents to die. I'm sorry, but I don't think it would matter a BIT what you decide about the public/private school dilemma because I don't think your husband cares nor do I think he is intent on making a move until the last parent is dead and he is in that house like a vulture on a carcass!

Your whole situation sounds less than stable. I would take my son out of private school and put the $500/month in an account in just my name...for emergencies.

Your husband has set an impossible standard for your marriage to live up to and I believe he knows it. So what are you supposed to do? Mark the calendar with the date of your last fight/argument and start from scratch and go three years argument-free? Are you supposed to simply accept what he says as he makes unilateral decisions for your family without including you in the process?

That has to stop. The greater good of your family, not your husband's wants, has to start to take priority. If his parents are ever going to give you their house or if your husband is going to inherit the house upon their death then why do you have to "wait for them to die" living in a dingy trailer that you despise for an unspecified amount of time? Because he can't cut the cord?

I would take private school for your son out of the equation. Surely you can find a local school district that is good, and find an apartment in that district to rent that you can at least tolerate that has more space than your trailer. Something livable and comfortable and won't break the bank while you attend school, even if you only attend Saturday classes for a while. Your children are old enough that they need their own bed rooms. At least your son is. He's reaching an age where he needs privacy and is about to enter puberty.

It has nothing to do with your in-laws being good people or not appreciating their generosity. It has to do with making it on your own, living in decent conditions, and enjoying your life. I know how you feel. It DOES matter where you live and walls that surround you. It DOES matter how your spouse handles your concerns, your wants, your fears, your dreams. You ought to have JOINT wants and dreams, but his seems stuck in a 4 year old mind of wanting to be hanging by his mother's skirt forever.

I have a feeling that with his parents' advanced age, he's afraid that they could "die any day" and that's driving his need to be so close. And not only so close as to be in walking distance or the same town, but soclosehe'srightontopofthemandcanseethemfromhistoilet. Of course he's happy in that dirty little trailer. Any old time he pleases he can leave it and take three steps out of it and walk to his childhood home where his Mommy will make him whatever he wants and he can do whatever he wants. He has no motivation to do anything else right now.

He needs motivation.

As far as I'm concerned, if the public schools are good, then it's a waste of money to send your kids to a private school.

A lot of people in our area have pulled their kids from the private school and are sending them to public school to save money. I don't blame them.

I would put him in public school and find a nice rent house. You know your husband doesn't want to buy a house. You know yo uaren't happy where you are. The whole point of putting your son in private school is to benfit him and give him the best chance in life. Well, sister, this aint it. He would be happier and healthier and have a better start in life if you were happier and healthier. Go find a little spot of your own to raise your little family.

BTW, if money is tight, going to private school SUCKS!!! It's a giant spotlight on what you don't have vs what everybody else does. Have you thought about what it's like to be a low to middle income kid surounded by rich kids - no fun at all.

I would rather live in a nicer home. If you say your public schools are good, then put your kids there. I would feel cramped and of course be grouchy and fight living in such a tight space. No privacy! Also I think your son is of the age to not have to share a room with his little sister. He will also be needing his own space and privacy too.

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Eventually your kids are going to need separate rooms.
Your son has 9 years till he's 18.
If he's still sharing a room with little sis she'll be 12 and their peers will be merciless for both of them.
I honestly don't know what CPS would say about it but they do have rules about crowding.
Do the kids have duel citizenship?
Could you take them home to England and live with your folks for awhile?
(That might give you a few years of no arguing.)
Your husband has issues, and he's not thinking about the kids future.
What do your in laws think of your husbands plans to wait for them to die so he can inherit their house/property?

It is very important to feel at home where you live, no matter the size of the building. If you don't have a good feeling in your own home, then you have a right to change it. Otherwise, you can't be at peace, and that trickles into everything that you touch. You are NOT being selfish. It's not about putting up curtains. I never had to have the "finest" place to live, but I need to feel comfortable and clean in it, and that's not always resolved with just wiping it down.

I read your earlier post, and I was trying to give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Do you mean to tell me that you guys don't even pay rent, and he can't bring himself to entertain a conversation about moving to a place that feels good to you??? Sorry, Honey, but that ain't right. I have a feeling that when it's time for your daughter to go to school, he'll probably be fine with her going public. If the schools are good in your area, do something else with that money. Save it. Those two kids need separate spaces; if you can give them separate bedrooms, then you absoolutely should.

If you are paying no rent and can't afford to move, then that's a different story, but this doesn't sound like that's the case. It sounds more like he wants to be controlling...and that he never really grew up. He might be afraid to venture out on his own, away from his parents' shelter. If that's the case, then he should not have taken on wife and children.

I don't mean to disparage your husband; I'm sure that he's got plenty lovely characteristics. This seems pretty basic, though.

Also, be careful with the talk of waiting for his parents to die. He should not put you in a position to start fantasizing.... Besides that, you two don't seem to be so terribly young. By the time they go, you'll probably be not too, too far behind. You want to live your life now. You want to lay your foundation NOW...and enjoy it while your children are young and you can do so as a family. Twenty years from now is when you should be enjoying the fruits of your years of labor. Not that you'll be retired--sorry if I'm making you sound O-L-D. He is essentially asking you to put your life on hold--not even asking but demanding--and there's nothing healthy in that. By the time 20 years have passed, you won't feel like building or restoring a home. In fact, if you're still with him (which probably won't be the case), you'll be ready to hit him in the head with a cast iron skillet. The whole thing is a lose-lose.

my home and hearth are what i create for my family. i could do it with a tent in the woods, but i tell you serious and true, it's better to do it in a place you love. it's very hard to create safe, sacred, family space in a dump that you hate.
if the public school stunk it would be worse, but since they're okay i'd use them. better yet, homeschool, but it doesn't sound as if your family life is stable enough for that.
i haven't read your previous posts, but from what the other posters are saying, there's way more going on here.
but taking this question as it stands, i'd go with a better house. it's very hard to create a great family atmosphere when you hate where you live.
khairete
S.

I made that decision a few years ago (with a slight variation).

Either buy a house (and continue my OWN education), or put my son in the local private gifted school (15k per year) where at least half the pop is ADHD or Aspies (both of whom are usually gifted to profoundly gifted) and the school would be PERFECT for him (tons and tons of playtime, off the wall questions are encouraged, etc.). Public school (the 1 year we did it with the BEST teacher, YAY! Mrs. S!) was a nightmare, pure and simple. We couldn't continue on with it. The private school was too expensive to either buy a house, or continue on with my education.

I chose to buy a house/continue my own education and homeschool our son.

I'm REALLY happy with my decision to buy a house and homeschool.

I'm familiar with the Kingwood area and schools. If I am correct, you are in the Humble ISD. Not a bad school district at all!! If you are sending him to a private school for religious reasons okay but if you are sending him to a private school just to send him to a private school, the public schools are very good in your area. What did you plan to do when you daughter got to school age?

As far as the moving and no arguing. Are you arguing because of your unhappiness in your housing situation? You need to sit down and discuss this with your husband.

After reading both of your post I can just say that living rent free is nothing great if you dislike the arrangements. you might want to explain this to him...not every person can live on their inlaws property or in there home and be happy. You pay the price for free. In your case it is your sanity and feelings that are paying the price! Let him know this...nothing is free :(

I honestly believe in living on campus while going to school. Married student housing was the best I ever lived. They maintenance was top notch, the housing was sturdy and very affordable, it was so easy, I had very minimal stress. I got more financial aid due to my living expenses coming out of the financial aid packet. I also got low income housing while on campus. I paid about $45 dollars per month for a 2 bedroom large apartment. They also have larger ones and smaller ones too.

Going to school full time is and awesome job to have. Make sure you treat it like a job and do it well. Make an effort to take care of yourself too.

My only serious thought about mobile home verses house is of course storms and tornadoes. Hands down house wins.

Send your son to public school. Its fine. You say it has great reviews, so why spend money on private when you need it for the nice new larger moble home you are going to go look at today? You have a wonderful oportunity to move a new home in. You have the land, you have the hookups, and they will be your best bet for cost effective housing. Keep in mind the money it will cost in a year or so to send your daughter to private school too and plan to save that also. I am curious, just how small is the trailer you are in now? I commented to your other post that I lived in a trailer 8x30 when I was young along with my parents and 3 siblings. Yes it was crowded. I then had a 12x65 ft trailer when I we had our first child. It was fine. My daughter and grand daughter now have a 20x40 mobile home and its plenty nice. Old but nice and roomy enough. So, how small is this trailer of yours?

Stop wasting time focusing on what you don't have. Fix the place up. Paint. Get rid of unneeded stuff/furniture to make it feel roomier. A building doesn't bring happiness. My mom grew up in a shack on an oil lease and her family was very happy. My grandma hated it but she didn't let it get her down and my mom has very happy memories of her childhood. My dad lived in a HUGE house. It was like a southern mansion with huge pillars in the front and fireplaces in many of the bedrooms. His childhood was miserable and unhappy. It just goes to show that a bigger house doesn't guarantee a happier home.

Added:
If the schools are good, then your son will get a good education in the public schools. If you do change schools, could you afford to go to school full time and finish sooner? I would focus on that as well as seeking counseling for your marriage, if you feel you and your husband need it.

I live in an area where the schools are FABULOUS, but houses are super expensive, so I'd take the house for sure. It really does depend on where you live. If your public schools are good, I don't see why you're spending the extra $$ for private school. Send your son to the good public school and save that cash to get out of your current living situation.

If you can get a bigger trailer but stay on the same property so that you are still rent-free and have access to the land, lake, pool etc. then to me it would be a no-brainer. If you're living rent-free so that your current housing costs are nothing (if I read your question right) then I can't imagine that $500 would be enough to pay a mortgage anywhere but real estate may be a lot less expensive where you live ($500 up here would get you a studio apartment). Basically where I live you can live in a nice town, pay a lot of money for a smaller house, high taxes and go to excellent public schools or save money on housing, live in a cheaper area and send your kids to private school. We opted for public school in a nice town - good schools are important, but so are good living conditions.

If the schools in your area are OK, then I think it's kind of foolish to have housing that does not meet your basic needs just so you can send your kid to a private school. And having a boy and a girl share a room in a small trailer is NOT adequate housing. You have a very small window of time before you need to change that sleeping situation. It will not be fair to have an adolescent boy share a room with his much younger sister.

Good luck whatever you decide!

hands down i would keep my kids in privite school. It's worth everything to me at this point.