I really need some advice. I have 3 beautiful kids with my ex husband 13,10,9 and 2 beautiful girls with my husband. We live in Florida and my husband has been unemployed for 10 months and he just got a great job offer in North Georgia. My problem is that me and my ex have rotating custody. My boys want to stay with their dad but my 13 year old wants to go but he told me I can't take her. My heart is breaking, my husband needs to work and there is nothing in Florida. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be great. I love my kids more than anything.
my aunt and her husband lived in two different states. They kids (two girls)
wanted to trade each year and stay with the other parent for the year.
Do you have a family advocate at the court that could help your resolve this issue with your ex? The 13 year old is old enough to have some input in this situation, the judge will take her wishes into consideration when making a decision. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your ex...so many divorced people seem to use their children as battering rams to beat each other up with, unfortunately it is the children to suffer the consequences. As children grow, the rotating custody schedule is going to have to be adjusted no matter what the circumstances are. Their interests and desires need to be taken into consideration and constantly switching back and forth between their parents homes sometimes just isn't reasonable.
Does your ex provide a stable home for your children? Since it sounds like the 2 youngest children want to stay with him, that would be my main concern.
I would suggest that you contact the family court in your area and find out if they have someone that can help you come to a resolution to this issue with your exhusband. Good luck to you
You don't indicate where the ex-husband lives which may be helpful to add clarity.
Factually, the court order may state the visitation has to happen a certain way. So your ex-husband may be correct regarding the specifics of the order but you still may have some leverage here inspite of the order.
Your daughter is feeling pretty strongly about not going to be with her dad.
WHY?
Get to the bottom of this mystery. You still move with your husband but get to the bottom of why she doesn't want to go. When she is with her dad is she babysitting her younger brothers, handling all of the cooking, doing all of the cleaning after the four of them? If she is being the full time babysitter, chief cook, and housekeeper, the level of responsibiltites are way too much for her. When does she get to be a kid? Is there some other reason why she doesn't want to go?
Depending on her reasons for not wanting to go you may want to encourage her to have a conversation with her father. You will want to be on another line or have him on speaker phone when they talk if you decide that is the best route to take.
Once you get this mystery solved then you can know which way to go. She may have the ability to have a say about her fate now that she is 13. While not visiting dad at all may be a no go according to the courts depending what is going on. She may be permitted to have a different type of arrangement for her or her dad may be required to provide services for the children which will make her being there better for them all.
Make the arrangemets to move with your husband, get the mystery solved, try to come to some equiptable agreement with the ex or if he is just unreasonable, take this matter back to the courts and have them settle it in light of the mystery regarding your daughter. Since she is 13 they may request her presence. Call the courts and ask what age do judges generally let children speak on their own behalf? I hope this helps.
Since there is a custody order in place, you will need to read over it to see if there are any stipulations from moving out of the area. If so, you will have to petition the court for a modification due to relocating due to employment. Do it very soon so the court has time to hear your case b4 you plan on moving.
Good luck.
Hi A.,
How about letting your current husband move to Georgia to work and come home on weekends. It doesn't sound that far away. He could continue to look for work in Florida while he works in Georgia. And maybe in a few years, things will change anyway.
Good luck!
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA
You are going to have to get an attorney and go to court. Are you the custodial parent? While all states are different, it seems to me that if you are the custodial parent then the court will allow you to go, after all it is not that you are doing it just to do it, you are doing it so that your husband can provide for his family. Check your divorce papers and see if their is anything stating you can't move out of state, I know my cousin's ex had it put in their divorce papers that she has to live within a certain mile radius of him which is kind of funny seeing as she is from CT and they live in MI and she wants to move back here with the kids and her new husband.The other thing is how far is it for you to drive the kids either part way or all the way back on your ex-husbands weekends? If it isn't that far then maybe you could work out a deal where you can alternate transportation.
I second KansasMom's suggestion. Our courts, in Oregon, have mediators that would help the two of you work this out if you want to go to court. If you prefer to not use the court system you can pay for a mediator yourself. I don't know if the court's mediators do outside work but if not you should be able to find one in the private sector.
If your ex takes good care of the kids, I suggest that you let him keep the youngest since they're boys and that he accept that a girl is better off with her mother especially since she wants to go with you. Separating the children is very difficult. Perhaps they could live with you during the summer and visit during school holidays. Sometimes love does require letting go of the status quo. What is important is that your children are loved and well cared for and your husband have a job.
Which state is your visitation order out of? FL or NJ?? If you've already petitioned the court in NJ once and the order is still there, you might be able to move again without a problem. That is how it is for me coming from IN to SC. If your order is in FL, you'll have to petition the court in FL to move he kids out of state and either come up with a new visitation schedule (spring break, summers vacation, etc) for the kids to see their dad. I had to do this to move my daughter from IN to SC and all the court asked of me was to have a physical address that I was going to live at in SC. I didn't have to go to court, just filled out a form, the judge approved it and mailed a copy to her father and I. We were never married so there was never a visitation agreement so we just follow the state's minimum guidelines for the most part since he then moved to Michigan.
Good luck and don't let him get to you about the move and all. No court is going to tell you that you have to decided between where your child is and living where your husband is. Lawyers may be expensive, but I'm sure you could work something out if you have to go that route too.
S.
