Relationship Issue

I pretty much agree with the others. I would be as supportive as possible at this point. She is post-partum and probably very self-conscious at this time. She is also still adjusting to a new location and role in life. Probably not a whole lot of support and it's easy to be persuaded by a parent that you miss a lot. Time will most likely help her comfort level, but she will need support and patience from others. Her mom is probably giving a lot of that and life looks easier. Maybe even suggesting a counselor for a few months to just process the adjustment period and her decision to move back or stay here...

She is only 19 and just had a baby, relax and support them. They need someone to help with all the ups and downs of a new baby. She is not being inconsiderate. We're all overstressed and need a "comfort" zone when we've just had a baby. If they know you support whatever decision they make, you may be surprised. Not all of our parents had jobs, homes, etc when we were babies but they still managed.

It sounds like you should take a step back and know things will work out for the best. We all have to work through this stuff on our own and learn from it, the good and bad. If I lived away from my mom with my first child at 22 I would have freaked out. She needs the help and support of her own family no offense. At least she's welcoming your brother and not taking off, especially since they aren't married and she's so young. My best advice would be to support them and their decision, or hers that is, and if you don't to keep it to yourself. She will only resent you and it can cause bad blood and that's never worth it in the long run. Its possible they may move back here in the future, but for now, she definitely needs and wants to be close to her mother.

I am a few(+13) years older than the couple you are talking about and moved from out of state and anytime I spend anytime with my parents I want to move home. You really can't fault her for that- it means that she has a good relationship with her parents.

This is your brother's relationship and while it is nice that you are a responsible older sister, this is his life to live and he gets to make the choices. They are like the rest of us- they will get to figure out who will take care of the baby. They will get to figure out where to live. Maybe she could go down first and find a job and then your brother could go live with her. Are they married? Can they share insurance? If so, then they'll figure it out.

hi Brenda,

I agree with the others on cautioning you not to get too involved. This 'girlfriend' might be part of your life for a very long time, and you will want to be on good terms.

If it was my family, I would speak with my brother directly and tell him you are concerned, and that you understand about how young Moms at this age have a real need for their own mothers. But then be sure to give equal time communicating with his girlfriend (you don't want her to feel you're all talking behind her back). Be available and sympathetic to what she WANTS, not what you think she should do - even if you have to bite your tongue. I realize finances are tight, but perhaps they could agree for her to go and visit her Mom on a somewhat regular basis with the baby - maybe everyone could chip in a little for this to happen - this would give everyone the best of both worlds until she matures a little more and figures out what she really wants.

You are a good "Aunt" to be so concerned.

Good luck,

W.

Honestly, I think you are being inconsiderate of her feelings. I may be a little partial here because I was in the vary same situation myself. Husband moved me out of state away from my family at 18 with a new baby, no work, no friends, it was a very lonesome time that got worse as it went on eventually leading to major depression.

I'm sure you love your brother very much and don't want him to leave, but try to put yourself in her shoes. If being closer to her family is what makes her happy, she should do it.

I've been there. I moved to another state, 12 hours away. I know what it's like to be homesick and it's hard enough without a baby. There are times when you feel that you need your mom and nobody else will do. She's got nobody here, except for your brother and the baby. Sorry hun, your family doesn't qualify quite yet.

I agree that moving back home and nobody having a job isn't the best laid plan, but be glad she wants your brother to go with her. She still wants her 'new' family, but she needs her own at the same time. Since she's not working now, she can take the baby and spend some quality time with her family and friends. If she does and decides she just doesn't want to stay here, then it might be worth moving "home".

I know my husband would have been willing to give up his job, apt. etc. and move to Kansas just to be with me. If I had asked him to, even still today after he's finially got a foot in the door at his dream employment location he'd still pack up and move. Keep in mind his family is here and if we moved back to KS, we'd have nowhere to live *except with family* and no job.

I would focus on being her friend, helping with baby/around the house anything to make her life less stressful. You can let her know that you know it must be hard being so far from family and friends. But from what you've been led to believe, it gets easier when you've made new friends and let others be part of 'you/your family'.

There is nothing you can, or should try to do to change her mind. All you can do is help her enjoy her time here. Most of all, if you're a parent you know it's not easy. You also know it's not easy leaving your little ones with people you haven't known long enough to call family.

It actually makes sense to me. She is not married, she is very young and just had a baby. She wants to be by her family. Maybe she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, which would be very good for the baby and her family may be able to help out. Anyway, try not to be overly involved as this is their decision, and you want to be able to have a loving relationship with the parents and the new baby! Congratulations on being an Aunt!